For the Birds

If I had more time, I'd go into detail about the hypocrisy of President Bush's statement to the press regarding his commuting of Scooter Libby's prison sentence. After all, I don't think he had much concern for the families of all those death row inmates he killed while governor of Texas.

Instead I'll just point out that our kind president has now commuted the sentences of exactly six turkeys and one shitbird.

Lewis "Shitbird" Libby

That's right, B&E readers! No longer just "Scooter," Dick(head) Cheney's former Chief of Staff was sentenced to 30 months in prison! Judge and jury didn't buy his "bad memory" defense even though he put it on sale for cheap cheap cheap. See you in two-and-a-half years. Two-and-a-half years or a presidential pardon: whichever happens first.

There's also a $250,000 fine. And while that might seem like a lot of money to an everyday person, everyday people don't have political action committees raising money for them quite like Shitbird Libby does.

Ah, to be a crooked fat cat in Washington.

Official Shitbird - Bob Ney

That'll be 30 months, Bob.

The first of the Abramoff trials has come to an end, and former congressman Bob Ney will be the inaugural Shitbird. His decision to check into rehab didn't cut his sentence to nothing. In fact, the judge, in her infinite wisdom, gave Ney a tougher sentence than the justice department asked for.

What gives, DoJ? You're not famous for your leniency. Why be so nice to Shitbird Ney and request the minimum sentence?

Ney, for his part, hasn't stopped blaming his "demons of addiction" and implied that it was because of the drinking that he made such enormous mistakes.

Excuse me, Shitbird Ney. Back in college, I did some stupid shit while drunk. And all the drink did was allow me to know that I had an excuse for my stupid actions. So sell your "the drink made me do it" elsewhere. I'm not buying. I did stupid shit and I'm completely responsible for being stupid.

Thirty months in prison. Forever a shitbird.

Universal Jurisdiction

It's the weekend, so I'm finally able to do a little browsing on my regular news sites while the missus does a little sleeping in. I see that Time.com is claiming an "exclusive report" about a German court filing charges against Rumsfeld, Gonzalez, Tenet, and other Bush administration officials for "crimes against humanity."

Since I read about this very thing last weekend in the ever-reliable The Nation magazine, I fail to see how Time.com can claim an exclusive. But I'm not going to pretend to understand journalism any more than I'm going to pretend that I understand the law.

But keep your eye on the legal phrase "universal jurisdiction." It is under this premise that the German court is filing its charges. The Nation introduced me to this concept back in October, as it relates to former Chilean dictatorship Augusto Pinochet and former Guatemalan president Efraín Ríos Montt.

It is through universal jurisdiction that domestic courts can prosecute criminals outside their own countries. (In that way, the words "universal jurisdiction" mean exactly what they say. Amazing how language can do that, even in the legal system.)

So you know that torture bill that President Bush just signed into law? There's a silver lining among the waterboarding and beatings. It appears that the unconscionable passing of the bill has become evidence itself in the German case against the Bush administration. Why does the US need to protect itself from war crimes prosecution if they're not committing war crimes?

While the sentences from these trials are hard to enforce, the possibility of prosecution is kept open. And let's face it: the political victory is in some ways as important as the actual prosecution. Half of the Bush administration will be seen by the world as the torturers they are.

I guess Germany has become (through experience?) experts on war crimes.

Add a Shitbird to the List

ney
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

I could be wrong, but I don't think Representative Bob Ney has won the Dickhead of the Week award here at B&E. Terrible oversight on my part, dear readers, and for that I apologize. Especially since Bob Ney will be going to prison.

The New York Times is reporting that Bob "Shot In The" Ney will be the first elected official to plead guilty to crimes stemming from the Jack Abramoff investigation. Ney was one of the golfers on that infamous Scotland trip, and he is not running for re-election this fall due to stress related to the Abramoff "ordeal."

Meanwhile, Ney has checked himself into an alcohol rehabilitation program. You see, he's not rotten to the core. No, no. His corruption goes only as far as his disease.

My favorite tidbit from the investigation that continues is that in financial disclosure statements he claimed to have won $34,000 at a private London casino. Coincidentally, Ney had about $34,000 in outstanding credit card debt. A lucky day, indeed!

And now I'll get petty, because it's fun to do that. I'm looking at this photo of Ney, and I can't help but feel the man wears a rug. Either that, or he's got some fucked up hair. Either way, I hope it's removed for his mug shot, which will inevitably appear on The Smoking Gun.

The Fuck Are You Smiling At?

delaymug
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Tom "The Trial I Must" DeLay is asking for a new judge because the current guy's a Democrat. You see, Democrats can't be impartial.

Meanwhile, to keep his enemies from having any political fodder, The Hammer smiled for his mugshot. I don't really understand why this offers less fodder. The mugshot's hilarious. And he looks as happy as I feel about his indictment.

Maybe they call him The Hammer because he's a fucking tool.

A Year In Prison

And I for one will miss her.

Bald and Once Effective

kozlowski
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

L. Dennis Kozlowski was convicted of stealing $150 million from Tyco. He was also found guilty of selling off inflated stock to the tune of an additional $430 million. As CEO, he was very effective at the stealing part. The getting away with it part? Not so much.

If greed is one of the deadly sins, how come Dennis doesn't get the death penalty?

Not Guilty!

Michael Jackson is not guilty of conspiracy and abduction, not guilty of child molestation, and not guilty of plying children with alcohol. He's also certainly not guilty of being strange or behaving at all strangely.

Nothing to see here, folks.