Oh, We're SOOOOOOO Offended

It's outrageous! Egregious!

Terrorist Obamas--terrorist Michelle dressed like a militant and terrorist Barack dressed like a "Muslim"--doing a terrorist fist-jab in a terrorist Oval Office with a terrorist's portrait on the wall while the terrorists burn an American flag.

A couple days later, and I'm still trying to figure out why anyone cares. People who think it's serious won't be voting for Obama anyway, and people who realize it's satire (and debate whether it's "good satire" or not) think that the people who think it's serious are idiots.

So really: what's the fucking problem?

I'm an Adolescent

Because it's a rainy day, making it difficult to do any work, I'm going to share with you the BBC headline causing my afternoon giggle:

Great tits cope well with warming

It's about birds. Grow up, dear B&E readers.

The BBC lobs it in; feel free to hit it out of the park. As for me, I'm enjoying the wheels churning inside my head more than any of the particular comments I have on the tips of my fingers.

CNN: Bringing God and Dog Together Through Poopie

A most generous bald fella, knowing my fascination and love of all things God- and weenie-dog-related, was kind enough to send me this most fantastic news report from CNN.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Leavings is my new favorite word.

TimesDeselect

I got a bit upset when the New York Times introduced TimesSelect back in 2005. Turns out it wasn't such a good business decision after all. After two years, as of midnight tonight, all the features and op-eds will once again be free. And here's a little link because the Times will no longer charge you for it.

Apparently, there's more money to be made from advertising than from charging readers.

Oh, sweet advertising, you make the world go 'round.

Boy, That's Some Good Shit

Obviously, the departure of Donald Rumsfeld is good news, although I can't help but think that the President is just finally changing out of his Cosby sweater.

Occasionally, when I stop into my local bodega to buy some milk, I take note of the tabloid headlines. They're always good for a giggle or comforting word. For example, after the Mets lost, I think it was New York Newsday (the ugly stepsister of tabloids) that had the best headline: "Ya Gotta Bereave."

This morning, though, it was the usual suspects covering the Rumsfeld ouster with their usual sensitivity. The New York Daily News went with Bush showing Donny the door with the thought bubble, "Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out," a sentiment many of us can relate to.

But it's the New York Post, famous for its Rupert Murdoch right-wing reactionary nature, that wins today's headline war. They kept it simple and to the point. "Rums Felled." On the inside, they're discussing the Midterm Massacre and feature another quality headline: "Cut-n-Rum."

With the AP declaring Webb the winner in Virginia, it's a pretty good week to be a Democrat.

Of course, I still don't feel comfortable calling myself a Dem, so let's just say that it's a good day to be a voter who caucuses with the Democrats.

Edward R. Olbermann

good night good luck
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

As someone without cable, I don't get the MSNBC network, and because of that, Keith Olbermann has remained in my peripheral awareness as a pundit and commentator. Some of you may have noticed my fascination with baseball, and Keith Olbermann used to be a sportscaster. So my association with Keith goes back to the time that Yankee second baseman, Chuck Knoblauch, suffering from a serious case of the yips, hit Keith's mother in the stands with his errant throw. Keith handled it like a true professional: "I'm going to step out of the booth for a moment. Chuck's throw just hit my mother."

Anyway, Titivil links to Keith's blog and has a well-voiced opinion on the man, and recently, Virgil linked to Keith's 9/11 comment, which Olbermann empassioned directly through the president's thick head.

So while I'm late to the Olbermann political commentary party, I'd like to add my own little link. This tirade, like most of Keith's ending pieces, runs about eight minutes, but it's got all the juice of a Grecian peach.

Some commentary on his commentary...

He calls Bush the worst president since James Buchanan. Keith skips right over Herbert Hoover and Warren G. Harding, two men widely regarded as truly terrible presidents, and goes right back to the man who was personally responsible for fucking up Kansas in the 1850s. Keith's decision to compare Bush to Buchanan pleases me greatly.

Hoover and Harding were inept and corrupt, perhaps, but Buchanan was inept, corrupt, and destructive on a massive scale. Granted, Buchanan's policies affected primarily only our own still-growing country, but he was enormously divisive, and appropriately enough, Karl Rove was Buchanan's Deputy Chief of Staff.

Anyway, it's about time that President Buchanan stops getting his free pass. Except for history geeks, no one knows the awesome power of Buchanan's terribleness. And while Keith didn't explain why the Bush Administration is the worst since Buchanan's, I'm a fan of getting Buchanan's name back in the popular consciousness.

In fact, I think maybe President James Buchanan is, posthumously of course, Dickhead of the Week. (Especially since I don't know how many more postings I'll get to this week.)

One minor complaint about Olbermann's commentary. He ends his tirade with Edward R. Murrow's iconic, "Good night, and good luck." He's great, that Keith, but he's not Edward R. Murrow, and he should consider getting his own tagline. If it's good and catchy, and if Keith can continue to stand up for all that is good and right in this country, then perhaps whatever his tagline is will become iconic in its own right.

One suggestion: "Chuck's throw just hit my mother."

Headline Madness

The venerable New York Times has a headline that reads as follows:

Highway Chief Resigns After Death in Tunnel

If he was dead, how did he resign?
Buddy, a letter would've been good enough!
Walk away from the light at the end of the tunnel!

ZANG! ZZP-POW! WOCKA-WOCKA-WOCKA!

Where's the Colbert?

I ran into Virgil at Sunnyside's new daytime coffee hangout, The Grind (the name's still stupid, but I can work there, as long as I listen to my own music), and he remarked at how little press coverage Anti-Dickhead of the Week Stephen Colbert's speech has gotten. For a full-frontal blistering assault less than ten feet from the president's face, it's shocking that the only buzz on the speech has been left to what is commonly (and sillily) called "the blogosphere."

Well, Virgil, you and I aren't alone in our dismay at the lack of coverage. I guess the press doesn't much like being mocked by a comedian. Stupid, hypersensitive, whiny press.

Brian Williams of NBC Nightly News has been on The Daily Show. He's even been moderately funny. Hey, Brian! Cover Colbert! Or does NBC not let pretty boys decide what's on the news?

Thank You, Guardian UK

camelove512
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

It's the way they raise the level of discourse that I particularly appreciate.

Plus, camel-fuckin' is funny.

Stupid Sport Similes

frednbarney
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

I really enjoy reading the sports pages. As I've said before, jocks are stupid assholes, so a dumb quote or a ridiculous anecdote can make me feel superior, since I can't hit a ball over the centerfield fence or throw a split-fingered fastball.

Every once in a while I'm amazed by idiotic sports writing, although I guess I shouldn't be, since many sports writers are really just failed or wannabe jocks. Still, one would think that from the New York Times, generally considered to be the Best Newspaper in the World, one could count on superior sports writing. But Jack Curry wrote something in today's paper that I flat-out don't get. It either makes no sense or proves that I'm a fucking idiot. Here's the quote...

"In some ways, Clemens, a bigger-than-Texas right-hander, and Pettitte, a spiritual left-hander, are like... Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble. But unlike those comedic characters, Clemens and Pettitte have not been stumbling along to the accompaniment of a 30-minute laugh track."

And that's it. No explanation for the comparison. OK, so Fred Flintstone was a big guy. But was he right-handed? And was Barney spiritual? And left-handed? If this does actually make sense, and I'm a fucking idiot, could someone please explain the simile? Thanks.

Anyone Remember Judith Miller?

Yeah, me neither.

TimesSelect

My primary source of news, The New York Times, began a pay subscription service today for a portion of their online presence. Called TimesSelect, no longer can we read for free Op-Ed pieces or feature articles in most categories (including anything about the Mets not directly related to a game).

Fuck you, too, New York Times.

Get the Padded Room Ready

I think we've lost David Brooks.

Corn? I Don't Remember Eating Any Corn!

Two years ago David Corn, Washington editor of The Nation magazine, was the first journalist to raise the possibility that the White House may have committed a crime with this whole Valerie Plame outing.

As a good lefty, he may be more obsessed with the Rove Scandal than I am, and as a reporter who gets paid to write about such things (and as a Phi Beta Kappa graduate of Brown University), he's much better at it than I am. (But I bet I'm better at hitting a curve ball.) I'm sure I'll keep discussing the Mother Dickhead here on B&E, but for much more detailed information, you can follow the ongoing Corn commentary.

Feel the outrage. Fight the Power. I'd like fries with that.

Avril Levigne Could Sing a Song About It

Turns out Matt Cooper didn't actually speak with his source about being allowed to testify.

And with Karl Rove now being known officially by his hip-hop name, "the Source," this whole story gets so complicated -- not to mention dirty, sleazy, and evil -- that my head's about to explode. Surely, someone somewhere can find a reason to send Rove to prison for several decades, no?

Incredible, Indeed

Sarah Vowell, the voice of Violet Parr in "The Incredibles," has an editorial in The New York Times today.

First of all, I'm pleased to see the Times get a woman to replace, at least occasionally and temporarily, Maureen Dowd, who's currently on leave. As I've stated before, there's an embarrassing dearth of women on the Op-Ed pages over there.

Secondly, Sarah Vowell's tone, usually heard in her sardonic stories on NPR, is rare for the hoity-toity Times, so that's nice.

Thirdly, her subject matter surprised me. She's shocked that Pat Robertson could stir admiration in her, and frankly, I'm right there with her. I've always put Pat on par with Jerry Falwell and Pat Buchanan, who are two of the biggest douchebags on the planet. But Pat Robertson says that he supports teaching proper condom use, along with abstinence, in the fight against AIDS in Africa. Until today, I considered this as unlikely as Bush nominating a gay loving abortionist to the Supreme Court.

So, today, I say, "Right on, Pat." Violet Incredible thinks you're incredible, and I couldn't agree more. Now just don't go fuck it up tomorrow by saying the homosexuals are bringing the wrath of God on, well, anywhere, simply because they, say, exist.

Complete Badassedness

The New York Times should be ashamed of itself. Out of eight or ten regular Op-Ed writers, Maureen "Snarkier Than Thou" Dowd is the only woman, and she's on leave right now. Oh, and Barbara Ehrenreich once did a guest stint. But the male domination of the Op-Ed pages at the Times should be a bigger embarrassment to them than it is.

Meanwhile, over at The Nation (my subway reading), about half of the regular column writers, as well as the journal's editor, are women. Katha Pollitt is consistently my favorite -- she's got eloquence, passion, and intelligence surpassed by few writing in the opinion/editorial world. Take her most recent, for example.

Fucking A right, Ms. Pollitt. Testify.

Mr. Throat

I've been reading up on all this Deep Throat/W. Mark Felt stuff, as it's, well, interesting. And with all the different reactions and denials and further conspiracy theories (some of which sound perfectly plausible to me, including that Felt isn't in fact Deep Throat), the thing I'm finding most amusing about it all is that proper journalists, once they call him Deep Throat the first time, simply refer to him as "Throat." As in: first name, Deep; last name: Throat.

Oh, yes, it does please me so.

I Love a Good Scapegoat

Report: Newsweek is now more dangerous to America's reputation abroad than Bush administration policy.

Fuck you, guys. Seriously. Fuck you.