Let's Not Overstate the Case

Like most Americans, particularly the non-communist ones, I watched the Super Bowl last night.

I've fallen out of love with football (of the American sort) in recent years. Mostly, I just don't want to spend that much time watching sports. And as my six readers well know, I'm a baseball man.

Still, I have to admit that it was a damn fine game. I wasn't terribly invested in the outcome but had a slight leaning toward the Saints, so that felt satisfying.

And oh, the trickery! The Saints led off the second half with an onside kick, which was exciting and unexpected and momentum-shifting. A great play call.

One announcer described it as "courageous." A headline I saw this morning called it "valiant."

Okay, look... I'm all for adding juice to headlines to suck in a reader, but really? Courageous? Valiant? I can get behind bold, gutsy, even ballsy, but I'm not sure that it takes courage to call for an unexpected onside kick. I could get behind imaginative, creative, or exhilarating. But no, that play call was not valiant.

Anyway, somehow I missed the Tim Tebow ad. I don't know when it aired, but I plum missed it. And no, it doesn't take courage for Tim to be publicly pro-life (thanks again, David Zirin).

Back in September, Zirin wrote about homophobia in the NFL. Kudos, David, for using the word gutsy to describe a couple of players' stance in favor of gay marriage, rather than courageous or valiant.

Off To a Great Start, Dickhead

Hey, remember Rick Santorum? Reach back into the bowels of your brain and you might find him lurking there. "Consensual sex between gay people should be illegal." He's that guy.

Anyway, Rick's trying to prove that he's unpopular on a national level and not just in his home state of Pennsylvania. In other words, he's considering a run for the presidency. Go, Rick!

He's showing his brilliance already. He says that Sarah Palin has some explaining to do.

Yeah, no shit, Rick. That's why people run for president. To explain themselves. You'll have to explain yourself, too, you fucking idiot.

Dickhead of the (Time Frame) - NY State Senate

I've always been proud to live in New York - the gayest city in the gayest state in the gayest country in the gayest world. OK, so maybe we're second to Des Moines.

Either way, like most left-leaning New Yorkers, I find today's vote by the New York State Senate to deny marriage to same-sex couples bass-ackwards and offensive.

The New York State Senate has really been on a roll lately, particularly efficient at accomplishing almost nothing, unless it's destructive. They're like the bastard child of the United States Senate, which is particularly efficient at accomplishing almost nothing, unless it's destructive.

If there are any Queens activists out there who are angry enough to want to put up a challenge in the primary to our Dickhead State Senator George Onorato, I promise you'll get my support.

I never thought that I'd want to be from Staten Island, but I wish this woman was my Senator...

Kohlschreiber's Got a Bit of a Muffin Top

The missus and I made our annual trek out to the U.S. Open Tennis Extravaganza yesterday. As is our usual custom, we got out there early, and as soon as the gates open, we ran to the front row in the Grandstand. Or, rather, I should say that the missus ran to the front row in the Grandstand.

I was actually doing a slight jog, much slower than just about everyone else, and for some reason, one of the U.S. Open Safety Patrol Officers decided she would get in my face with both hands held up in front of her, shouting, "SLOW DOWN! SLOW DOWN!"

To be fair to the Safety Patrol Officer, there really is quite the mad rush to seats, sure to cause injury at some point, and tennis fans are a particularly douchey bunch. There's something about the entitlement of the rich that doesn't go well with the democratic/anarchic first-come-first-served methods of the daytime U.S. Open passes.

Still, the Safety Patrol Officer didn't have to single me out just because I was the only person she actually had time to get in front of.

The missus had long sprinted by the Safety Patrol Officers by this point and claimed two prime seats right on the court behind the deuce service line.

The daytime passes get you into four matches in the Grandstand. It usually goes boy-girl-boy-girl. And we sat in that hot sun, lathered in sunscreen all freakin' day. We saw Radek Stepanek beat Philipp Kohlschreiber, Nadia Petrova beat Zheng Jie, Robin Soderling beat Sam Querrey, and Svetlana Kuznetsova beat Shehar Peer.

That, B&E readers, is a lot of tennis. Here's what stands out from a day of sun stroke...

I didn't expect to see the lovehandles.
During our first match of the day, at one point, Kohlschreiber lifted his shirt slightly. This 25-year-old trains for tennis, and yet, somehow he's still got a little overlap on his shorts. Genetics can be very unkind. Of course, he also lost, so maybe it's a fitness issue.

The psychotic coach wasn't around.
When we saw Nadia Petrova play two years ago, she was being coached from the sidelines by a scary, crazy woman. Nadia lost anyway. This year, the psycho lady didn't hunker down next to us, even though we were in the same seats. Nadia won. Coincidence? I think not.

I caught a ball.
During the Stepanek/Muffin Top match, I caught an errant ball. I've always wanted to catch a ball at a baseball game, and this is the second time I've caught one at a tennis match. It's a bit of a thrill. You're supposed to give them back. I decided I'd hold onto it until someone asked for its return. During the changeover, a ball boy traded me a used ball for a game ball. I totally should've tried to get the ball boy's autograph. I caught another ball later in the day, but gave that one right back.

138 mph is really fucking fast.
Soderling has a hell of a powerful serve, and when you're sitting behind the service line on the deuce court and he puts the full force of his strength behind a bullet heading down the center line and right for your face, you have a very strong impulse to duck the hell out of the way. Thank god for Querrey's racket, which saved my face at least three times.

Israelis and Asians cheer best.
The tennis crowd is in general a polite bunch of uptight ninnies. So when you get the occasional rabid fan or a block of fans all clearly supporting one player, it seems shockingly out of place. The Chinese supporters of Zheng Jie had an exciting call and response thing going on. When we saw Andy Murray lose to a Korean player a couple years ago, the Korean supporters, too, had some fun, wacky cheers they all seemed to know. And although a lot less organized, the vocal supporters of Shahar Peer in her match against Kuznetsova were very loud and having a great time amongst the uptight WASPs in the crowd.

Painting S-A-M on your chests is a little gay.
Sam Querrey is an up-and-coming American player, some say the future of American tennis. So he was much more supported than Robin Soderling, the surly Swede. There was a trio of men who watched the entire match while standing in the sun. Each man had a letter on his chest, spelling out SAM. You don't see that much at a tennis match.

The food is crap.
I had a crappy egg sandwich and a crappy Italian sausage. I think there were some better options there (the missus said her crepe was good, if salty), but I couldn't afford to buy anything else after the crappy sausage. And I know it's not fair to compare, but the food at New Shea (a game at which we attended the night before) is so goddamned outstanding, it's raised my expectations at all sporting events. Serve the rich preppies better, U.S. Open.

Some of those ball boys are ball men.
I've never seen an older bunch of ball boys in my life. Some were downright huge. The spazziest ball boy of the day was a ball man with a wedding ring. Not quite as unobtrusive as the best ball boys. He was uncoordinated. And about 40 years old.

I didn't take any photos.
Alas, my dead camera is still dead. Otherwise, I could show you the view from our amazing seats and help you understand why the missus has a little thing for Robin Soderling.

Those of you in the New York City area really need to make a point of going to the U.S. Open. It's a perfectly civilized way to spend the day. Aside from the misbehavior of preppies, of course.

It's So Obvious!

Look, Jillian, I totally know why you've chosen Ed. It's so obvious. After all, he rejected you not once but twice! And how often do you get to choose the guy who doesn't even like you.

First, you give Ed a rose, which he accepts before leaving the show for his job (i.e. "You'll always be #2, Jillian"), and second, on your overnight date, he can't even get it up (i.e. "I don't think I want you, Jillian"). If you think that's a one-night problem, you're fooling yourself, girlie.

Your chemistry with several of those dudes, even some of the total jackasses, was way hotter than it ever was with Ed.

I think the missus is really hoping that Jillian turns up at "After the Rose Ceremony" with Reid later. She's got a lot to say about Jillian's body language with Reid in comparison to her body language with Ed. I'll let the missus be the expert on that one.

But Ed repeatedly rejects Jillian, so Jillian "loves" Ed. I keep saying that Ed's gay, mostly because it really ruffles the missus' feathers. No, I don't know that Ed is gay, but I sure think he is. But really, Ed just doesn't seem terribly hot for Jillian.

I'm telling you, lady. You only want Ed because you will never actually have Ed.

So get over your idiocy, stop being such a stereotype, and run off with Reid already.

We Poor, Oppressed White People

Because I'm a straight, white man, there are things I can say to my fellow straight, white men that, for example, a lesbian Latina can't. From people outside my ethnic and sexual identity majority, it would be condescending and inappropriate. So please, allow me to speak frankly to the other straight, white men out there.

Dudes... We are not oppressed.

In fact, because we are white and straight and male, we have just about every advantage that birth can offer. Yes, some of us have seen hardship. Class boundaries, too, are real, and upward mobility is a challenge that runs across ethnic, gender, and sexual identity lines.

But seriously, dudes... We are not oppressed.

Allow me to use a baseball metaphor (since we are straight, white men). When we are born, it's like our lives have a guy on third base with nobody out. Being male puts a runner on first; being white lets that runner steal second standing up; and being straight causes the pitcher to stop paying attention, allowing the runner to sneak into third.

The odds of our success are therefore much higher. If I get a hit, that runner scores a point for my life. Hell, I can fly out, and the chances are pretty good that the runner scores. Jesus, there's even a chance that I can ground out, and if the infield is playing back, the runner scores. And get this: If the pitcher throws me a nasty split-fingered fastball in the dirt, it's possible that I will strike out, and yet that ball will scurry away from the catcher, allowing that runner to score. I call that "the George W. Bush run."

It's possible that I'll fucking blow it. It happens. If you're a Mets fan, you know. You see that guy on third and know the chances are pretty good he won't score. But if I'm the one batting, it's on me. Only if I were a real bitch would I blame the crowd or the umpire or the opposing players for my own personal failings.

So get it together, dudes. We are not oppressed.

I mean, racism? Really? Racism is an institutional problem in this country stemming from hundreds of years of historical oppression. I reject by definition that members of minority groups are racist. Your group has to be in power to be racist. I accept that there are bigots within ethnic minority groups. But until one of those ethnic minority groups becomes a majority that institutionally oppresses white people because they're white people, I will not call them racist.

In other words, "reverse racism" is a concept that doesn't exist in reality.

So come on, dudes. We are not oppressed. Seriously, fellow straight, white men: there is oppressed, and there is us. Oppressed is not us.

And to all of you straight, white men in positions of power currently making the argument that you are oppressed... It just doesn't quite hold water, seeing as you're senators, representatives, talk-show hosts, TV personalities, etc., etc.

Honkies, please...

Stay Classy, Staten Island

We had a bit of a work outing last night, taking in a game at the Ballpark at St. George on Staten Island. The Yankees' independent single-A affiliate, cleverly called the Staten Island Yankees, play there. And I do love a minor league baseball game.

Local news (NY1!) has occasional reports of the rising obesity problem in New York City. I think maybe those studies are all taking place at the Ballpark at St. George. But that's not really what I want to share with you, my dear B&E readers.

These Single-A players are pursuing a dream. It's possible, but unlikely, that one of the players we saw last night will work his way through the minor league system and make it the pros. These guys have a long way to go, and the odds are stacked against them.

At this level, I root for individuals. I have absolutely no loyalty to the Staten Island Yankees or the Aberdeen Ironbirds. But I'm pulling for these players. So when an Aberdeen Ironbird player smacked the ball into the corner and sped his way to a triple, I just said, "Nice!"

The father in the family sitting in front of us gave me a pretty good glare. He had some long hairs coming out of the tip of his nose.

He'd already sort of annoyed the colleague sitting next to me by sticking his elbow in her beer, and after I got the glare, she told me that she was reading his text messages over his shoulder earlier in the game. One said:

FUCK U COCKSUCKER U GAY MOTHERFUCKER

I didn't see the message, so I'm not sure if it actually used the texting vernacular or caps or punctuation, but that's what I imagined when she shared that with me.

The gay slur is still ubiquitous, isn't it?

But this one just doesn't make sense. I mean, if Hairy Nose is fucking his mother, he's not gay. He's got issues, but he's not gay.

Now, if the mother in the family had gotten that text message, it'd be closer to accurate, I suppose, although the cocksucker part would perhaps imply that she's not gay.

I just don't think that text message was very well thought out.

Turning the Frown Upside-Down

Oh, Fred Phelps... Your hatred knows no bounds. Well, maybe some bounds. Most of the bounds seem to be gays and Jews.

Yes, I've written about dear Fred before, he of the God Hates Fags movement. Well, recently, Fred and the Westboro Baptist Church (a.k.a. the Phelps Family Singers) have recently been saving some of their vitriol for the Jews as well.

Why the Jews are suddenly in the Phelps' cross-hairs, I don't really know. I suppose I could read about it on their website, but I can say with some confidence that any rationale wouldn't actually make sense. I'm sure it's hateful, stupid, and dangerous, like all of their other spewings.

So this past weekend, the Phelps' came to New York, where we have lots of Jews and lots of gays, sometimes in the same place. One of their protest locations was Congregation Beth Simchat Torah, a synagogue founded by a group of gay Jews in the 70s. I suppose you could call them the gay temple in town, although they're certainly more than just that.

Well, the gay Jews didn't take it lying down [insert offensive gay joke here!]. In fact, they asked for pledges: donate per minute of the Phelps' protest.

Fred and the Phelps Family Singers raised $10,000 for CBST over 50 minutes.

Thanks, Fred! Your protests really bring people together, buddy.

What Part of "Queens" Don't You Understand, Senator?

Gay Marriage Week continues here on B&E!

I was one of many who contacted his state senator to drum up support for the same sex marriage bill the New York Senate will be voting on soon. My state senator is Senator George Onorato, and this was his reply:

Thank you for your recent email expressing your support for same sex marriage. As you may be aware, although I have met with a number of marriage equality advocates in Albany as well as the district, I am not in support of the same sex marriage bill that has been proposed. Throughout my career in the Senate, I have supported many initiatives of importance to the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community, including the Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act (SONDA) and New York's hate crimes law. I am also in favor of the Dignity for All Students Act and the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act (GENDA). In addition, I have secured fudning for groups in my district serving the LGBT community and providing assistance for people with HIV and AIDS. I sincerely respect your views, and I appreciate the time you took to express your opinion on this issue. Thank you agian for contacting me.

Not good enough, Senator Onorato.

You understand this is Queens, right? You're going to deny equality to the queens of Queens? Shame on you, Senator.

Those other things are fine, but they're off topic. I contacted you about same sex marriage, Senator, not SONDA or GENDA or any of your other activities that are friendly to the LGBT, etc. community.

And you never even say why it is you don't support the bill. Explain your position, for crying out loud, if it's your goddamned position. Don't change the subject as if to say, "But don't hate me; some of my best friends are gay!"

Let's say for a minute that will "agree to disagree" on this issue, Senator Onorato. What's with the typos in your reply? They're completely unacceptable. Since the missus got the same exact email from you, it's obviously an auto-reply. Proofread your correspondence, for crying out loud. Really? "Fudning"? "Agian"? Get it together, Senator!

Look, maybe some intern is taking care of this piddly shit for you. I really hope this isn't indicative of our borough's public education efforts.

You're on the wrong side of history, Senator. You're on the wrong side of equality. You're on the wrong side of spelling.

I expect better from a Democrat who represents a district, which leans so far to the left, we sometimes don't even have a Republican candidate on the ballot.

Maybe Queens needs a queen in the State Senate.

As Bon Jovi Once Said, "Oh, We're Halfway There"

Apparently, it's Gay Marriage Week here on B&E. Not only did Curt (Bald Bro) and I have a little call and response on Saturday's post, but also, yesterday the New York State Assembly has passed the Gay Marriage Bill.

Naturally, there were still a few Assemblyfolks who called it a moral outrage and a slippery slope toward polygamy.

And I do like the sentiment behind the quote from one Democrat: "We do nothing revolutionary or extraordinary today."

After all, it really shouldn't be so difficult to give all Americans equality under the law.

Next stop: Senate. It's by no means certain that the bill will pass there. In fact, it's not looking very good for those of us who support gay marriage.

Still, there's a clear shift happening. Gay marriage was almost unthinkable a couple of years ago. It took courts (that's "activist judges" in code) to give equal protection under the law.

I think it was a short little posting I read over at TPM a few days ago, in which Josh Marshall posited that it's becoming easier for politicians to support gay marriage because gay marriage has been legal in a few places for a couple of years now, and the straight majority is realizing, "Wow, this really affects me not at all."

Pat and The Scotsman

Pat Robertson has once again done something offensive. I know! I KNOW! Shocking!

In reference to gay marriage, he said that from here it's just a hop, skip, and a jump to pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia, and indoor-plumbiphilia.

Equating the LGBTQCI (and any other letters that may or may not encompass what has generally been known as the "gay community") with pedophiles is something I've known was wrong since... oh, I don't know... I was nine? I grew up near the park in Topeka known for gay cruising.

When we moved into our house within walking distance of Gage Park (or Gay Park, as it was sometimes called), members of our church congregation (of which my dad was a leader) warned, "Just make sure you don't let your kids walk around there by themselves."

My dad was quite the progressive among our particular Lutheran community (we were Missouri Synod, if any of you readers out there happen to be "in the know" about Lutheranism), and he had a knack for playing innocent and, dare I say, stupid as a way of being challenging and non-threatening at the same time.

"But if they're gay, won't they be more interested in me than my children?" My dad was also a fairly handsome man, and this was invariably true.

But for some of the Lutherans he knew, this was perhaps the first time they'd been faced with a church leader who said, well, anything about gay people. And his innocent question actually got some closed-minded people thinking about gay people differently.

So now, these fathers were more fearful for themselves than their children when in Gage Park.

Alas, the awareness of my own father (who may not have even known any gay people at that time in his life) has not found its way to Dickhead Robertson.

Now bear with me here, as this might seem like a tangent, and it sort of is...

Pat Robertson has links to Scotland. He once said that Scotland is a dark land where homosexuals are unbelievably strong. So it was surprising about ten years ago when he formed a partnership with the Bank of Scotland. He was expected to get that 700 Club flock of his to support the bank. The Scots, knowing what a Dickhead Pat is, were not pleased, and the deal eventually fell through. But you know, apparently if you're Pat Robertson, money is more important than your morality.

Money, it turns out, isn't Pat's only link to Scotland. And the distaste for Pat doesn't necessarily extend to other conclusions. There seems to be an intrinsic link between homosexuality and pedophilia in Scotland. Or at least that's true in Scotland's leading newspaper, The Scotsman.

My brother-in-law was recently sitting on the jury of one of the most horrific criminal cases I've ever heard about. It was the prosecution of a big child pornography and child sexual abuse/assault ring. The details of the case were so shocking that, for the first time ever, the Scottish court kept psychologists on call for the jurors, should they need immediate counseling.

Due to a previous commitment, my brother-in-law had to be released early from his duty as juror, but the case has now come to a close with guilty verdicts across the board on all counts. The Scotsman had the story. (If you are at all squeamish about child abuse, I wouldn't recommend following that link.)

Within the story was this sentence:

Two of the men – convicted sex offender Neil Strachan and gay rights campaigner James Rennie – were convicted of sex attacks on children.

Come on, The Scotsman. You should know better than that. His gay rights activism is completely separate from his role in sex attacks on children. And to link homosexuality and pedophilia is irresponsible and homophobic. It's also totally irrelevant to the story.

You're making an implication that furthers discriminatory stereotypes about gay people that I've known were stupid since 1982. Shame on you, The Scotsman.

Oh, and fuck you, Pat Robertson, you colossal Dickhead.

Hey, As Long As You Don't Hurt Anyone

This Middle-Name-Joe The Not-Even-a-Licensed Plumber doesn't seem to go away, and I gotta say, the media on the left is even more fascinated by this tool than the right. Christ! Look at me! I'm wasting valuable space on the Dickhead, too.

I guess we can file him under the "bald" part of B&E. But let's not start thinking that all bald people are alike now. Easy there, baldists.

Anyway, I'm not gonna bother to link to any stories about "Joe the Plumber," but he apparently told Time Magazine that he's leaving the Republican Party.

Marketing people will often create a user profile for their archetypal consumer. So, for example, Victoria's Secret has created "Nicky." Nicky isn't a real person, but she personifies everything that the Victoria's Secret brand sells to. The idea is that the more specific you get with a user profile, the better you can sell to your target customer.

Joe the Plumber is that archetypal consumer for the Republican Party. And he just happened to come to life during the last election. So what are you left with, then, when your archetypal consumer rejects you? Well, you're sort of fucked.

And as the Republican Party is deserted in droves by all the Joe-the-Plumbers, Tito-the-Builders, and Chad-the-Douches, they're left with no one to sell to. Companies with no one to sell to end up bankrupt. The Republican Party has been morally bankrupt for a long time, and now they're actually losing the people smack-dab in the middle of their target audience. They are morally and physically bankrupt.

Joe-the-Archetype isn't going to turn to the Democratic Party. And why would he? Hell, I'm not being given any major reasons from the Democratic leadership to support them either, and I agree with the official stance of the Party on a fair number of issues facing our nation today.

So what happens to these Joe-the-Whackjobs? Who cares? As long as they don't hurt anybody.

Which, frankly, seems pretty unlikely. After all, look at Joe-the-Homophobe's views on gay people. Apparently, yesterday he said that he wouldn't let any queers near his children. And like most bigots, he was quick to point out that he was friends with actual homosexuals. I'm sure most of you have heard (or perhaps even said) something along the lines of "I'm not prejudice! Some of my best friends are black/gay/Jewish/women/Ewoks/children!"

Anyway, it's a downright dangerous point-of-view. It's not any sort of giant leap to go from "stay away from my kids" to "I fucking told you I'd fucking kill you if you didn't stay away from my kids!" if the gay person in question suddenly finds himself within Joe's unacceptable circle of proximity to his children.

But Joe-the-Dickhead claims that these actual homosexual friends know where he stands about having them nowhere near his children.

I'm going to go out on a real limb here: if Joe-the-Plumber actually knows any gay people well (which I doubt) and these actual gay people actually know that he won't let them near his kids, these gay people don't consider Joe-the-Plumber a friend. Unless these are some seriously self-loathing gay people.

That Hump is a Burger

It's Wednesday, or Hump Day as the kids like to call it, which can only mean one thing, B&E readers! It's Burger Day!

(That's right, it's the only thing Wednesday can mean.)

My Wednesday is thus far meatless, but my media is carnivorous as ever. I'm not talking about the "red meat" of attacking one's political opponents, although that's surely happening somewhere, too. No, indeed, I'm talking about actual red meat in the media.

First of all, this fine feature in the New York Times, which some of you may have heard of. Click on a burger to see a bit of info about it and hear a little audio review. Donovan's Pub (home of the #2 ranked burger on this list) is just up the road from my apartment in Queens, and I can vouch for that particular burger's tastiness. The missus calls it greasy; I call it juicy. Tomato, tomato. Hm... That comparison doesn't work at all in writing.

Looks like our President also appreciates a burger, and when he and Vice President Biden had a hankering, they headed over to the strip mall home of Ray's Hell Burger in DC.

If you watch the video, you may catch that President Obama orders his burger medium-well. What the hell is that all about? I grew up in the red meat belt, and you just don't order a burger medium-well. Medium is OK; medium-rare is better. If the beef's really good, take it rare. It's gotta be at least a little pink. This is one time when pink doesn't equal gay.

(Speaking of gay, shout-out to Maine!)

Anyway, medium-well... That's not beef I can believe in, Mr. President.

With my share of complaints (of course), I'm much more in sync with the views and positions of this President over the last one, certainly. But this really takes the cake. Medium-well? Oh, Mr. President, how could you?

You might as well order a hockey puck on a roll and call yourself Canadian.

The Mets' New Archbishop

Catholics aren't generally known for their flexible stances on positions. They're remarkably consistent, which is something I both admire and admonish. I agree sometimes (no war and no death penalty), and I disagree sometimes (no choice and no gay marriage). But the positions themselves are longstanding and immovable.

Not so, it seems, with baseball loyalties.

From what I can gather, through some Googling, New York's new Archbishop Timothy Dolan is a giant baseball fan. He's a Cardinals fan by birth, apparently, but for the past seven or eight years that he's been in Milwaukee, he enthusiastically supported the Brewers.

Prior to his appointment, he apparently expressed his intention of rooting for the Yankees. But it was the Mets who got him to their stadium first.

And, naturally, in his first game at Bailout Ballpark, the Mets were playing the Milwaukee Brewers. Way to go, Mets! Challenge his loyalties immediately!

Archbishop Dolan shows flexibility not normally seen in the belief system of the Catholic Church, which tends to turn around more slowly than a super tanker.

I wish this demonstrated a flexibility on other issues, such as the gay marriage debate grinding its way through the New York State Legislature. Come on, state government, let's put it to the floor and get an on-record vote instead of getting thing stuck in back-room dealing.

Anyway, Dolan's already stated in no uncertain terms that gay people aren't people. They are sinners. Sinners don't get rights.

"Back-room dealing"? Maybe that is the best way to get gay marriage passed!

New York Announces... HEY, TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE!

So Governor Paterson, annoyed that New York has somehow become less gay than other states, has announced legislation to legalize gay marriage. At the announcement, Paterson was joined by a coalition of New Yorkers who support the measure, including Mayor Mike Bloomberg, who was once a Democrat, became a Republican to run for mayor, became an Independent while in office, and now may run as a Republican again.

He's as fickle as an experimental lesbian at Sarah Lawrence College! (I can say that because I went there. Or maybe I can't because I'm not a lesbian. Any lesbians out there want to confirm whether or not I can make that joke? You wacky lesbians.)

Anyway, during the press conference, Mayor Mike stopped everything to humiliate a reporter who had an electronic device of some sort going off. (I just saw this on NY1, of course.) Mayor Mike said something about this whole thing being way too important for interruptions, and he put the presser on hold for about a minute until the reporter could get it to stop making noise.

Well, it turns out that the reporter is a disability rights advocate everyone at City Hall knows well and, especially since it was actually another reporter who caused the problem, Mayor Mike now looks like a complete prick for bullying a dude in a wheelchair.

The most obnoxious part of the whole thing, however, is that when NY1 played the clip of Governor Paterson making his part of the announcement, Mayor Mike was sending a message on his fucking Blackberry. Too important for interruptions indeed.

Mayor Mike, you hypocritical, bullying douchebag. Shame on you.

How Fucking Awesome Is Vermont?

Today, Vermont legalized gay marriage. It's a little hard to believe that the Socialist Republic of Vermont was actually behind Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Iowa (Iowa??) when it comes to equal rights for the LGBT crowd, but there's an important difference between Vermont and those other states.

Vermont's legislative branch made it happen.

In all the other states, it's taken a judge to look at the Constitution and see, why yes, discriminating against someone based on sexual orientation goes against, well, just about everything that the US Constitution stands for. Then the right starts shouting their accusations of "activist" judges, when really the judges are just doing their jobs.

But in Vermont, it's a different story. The state senate and legislature voted in favor of gay marriage. The Republican governor vetoed it. How the hell did Vermont get a Republican governor? Well, he ran against three people on the left who split each others' votes.

To override a veto in Vermont, it takes a two-thirds majority. The Senate overrode that shit soundly, 23-5. In the legislature, it was a squeaker, 100-49 - exactly what was needed and no more.

And now gays can marry in Vermont. No courts, just a equal-minded state government, governor notwithstanding.

Well done, Vermont, you Green Mountain living hippies.

So what the hell is wrong with New York that we're getting out-gayed and out-pinkoed? Next thing we know we'll be getting out-abortioned!

Gee, That's Too Bad

Because the missus hails from Scotland, we're having a constant discussion about when we might move there. It's a "when" conversation, not an "if" conversation, but the "when" does a lot of shifting about depending on our lives here, the economy, her family, my family, etc. And even though winding up there seems inevitable, we often speak of the pros and cons in general of the move across the Atlantic.

Fred Phelps has been a topic here on B&E before, and as someone who formerly lived in Topeka, I try to do as the Topekans do and ignore him as much as possible. There could be, and I'd guess that there is somewhere, a daily report on the evildoings of Fred.

Those of you not in the know, Fred Phelps is the pastor of Westboro Baptist Church, a.k.a. God Hates Fags. You've probably heard about them protesting military funerals, funerals for gay people, and just about any funeral in Topeka.

So I always like a bit of good news about Fred, and it appears that he and his daughter Sheila (and God Hates Fags spokesperson) got themselves barred from entering the United Kingdom. Apparently, they were on their way to protest/harass a college production of The Laramie Project (about the murder of Matthew Shephard) in Hampshire.

Alas, the Phelpses announced their plans on their website, and the Border Police decided that the Wesboro Baptist Church is an extremist hate group that doesn't deserve entry. Well done, Border Police. That I'd never have to see Fred Phelps and his cultish family again is a major "pro" for moving to Scotland.

But think about it, Fred. If you're not being granted access to protest this particular play, maybe God's telling you you're wrong. Maybe God hates you, you Dickheaded asshat.

[Thanks to my lesbian ex-girlfriend for the link.]

So That's How It'll Be in This Administration

The Chronicle of Philanthropy is taking a page out of the New York Post's playbook and tossing off suggestive headlines:

Obama reportedly taps young pastor to lead 'faith-based' efforts.

And why shouldn't Obama tap that pastor? He's a hot 26-year-old, Pentecostal thing. He speaks in tongues, baby. Rowr...

I Guess If It's the Only Way...

Some of you may have heard that here in the United States of America we just elected our first African-American president. His name is Barack Obama.

So once President Obama's term is up after four or eight years, will we go right back to white men? How about a woman? Maybe an Asian or Latino? How about an openly gay president? We've never had one of those.

(Obviously, we've had closeted gay presidents: James K. Polk was a particular flamer; William Howard Taft was a charter member of the Bear Club; and Andrew Jackson was overcompensating.)

What will it take? Well, if Iceland is any indication, it'll take a massive financial meltdown and full-on governmental collapse before an openly gay person will become the leader of a whole country.

From what I can understand (and let's face it: I don't really), Iceland's problems are like our problems in the United States on a healthy dose of steroids. George Mitchell worked on Major League Baseball's steroid report, and now he's the special envoy to the Middle East. And that has nothing to do with anything!

Heathens Is Fine

Even with our constitutional division of church and state, we get a lot of God talk in these pompous, circumstantial, governmental events. If a politician didn't end a major speech with, "...and God bless the United States of America," it would probably be politically sacrilegious, or sacrepoligious, as the kids call it today.

So it wasn't surprising that Jesus got a lot of mention, particularly during the Rick Warren invocation, when he hit us with Jesus in several languages, just to make sure that even the immigrant population understood just whom he was invoking.

Our new president (who is black!) is a Christian, so I'm not going to hold it against Reverend Rick (the friendly face of hate!) for calling upon the Christ (the King of the Jews!) in front of the diverse crowd (more than million!).

But our new president (who is black!) also speaks highly of inclusion, and as he hit the part in his speech that listed off the major religious groups (Christian! Jewish! Muslim! Hindu!), it was both surprising and refreshing to hear our new president (who is black!) include "non-believers."

I prefer the term heathens, but many older non-believers aren't ready to embrace that term, sort of like how many older members of the LGBT, etc. community don't care much for embracing queer as a catch-all for a very diverse population.

The fact is we don't have a good term for the heathen crowd, something that can include atheists and agnostics, humanists and moral relativists, ethicists and the anti-religious. Although non-believers is a good try, it's very difficult to define a group by what is not; non-belief implies there are no beliefs, which just isn't the case.

Heathens is inclusive of all those groups, and hell, it can even include anyone who's deemed to be "religiously other" in the eyes of exclusive religions.

I figure that over time we'd have nothing but a nation of heathens. We are one!

Je Suis American!

On our drive back to the gay commune sometimes referred to as New York City, the missus and I stopped off at a Walmart just outside of Wheeling, West Virginia. I'm fairly certain we were still in Ohio, but in the West Virginia part of Ohio.

But not only did we stop off at (and go inside of) Walmart to purchase inexpensive goods, but just to prove our patriotism, we also had McDonald's for lunch.

In case the implication is not clear, the McDonald's was located inside the Walmart. I ate my sodium-enriched sustenance while sitting in my American-made vehicle, you communist-leaning B&E readers, so it doesn't get any more Freedom & Liberty than that.

Not to worry: once back in Pennsylvania (the New Jersey part of Pennsylvania, not the West Virginia part) we were sure to gay ourselves up with a liberal stop-off at the elite turnpike Starbucks. The missus even had soy milk in her pantywaist latte.

It was a good holiday.

Hate It, Hate It, Don't Care... LOVE IT!

So the liberal masses are angry at Barack Obama because he chose a gay-bashing bigot to give the invocation at his inauguration. Meanwhile, the bigoted masses are angry at Rick Warren because he's agreed to do the invocation at the inauguration of an infanticidal queer lover. Everyone in the middle couldn't care less.

Who, then, is happy about this?

Oh! Elizabeth Hasselback!

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade - Final Thoughts

So the Parade is still on in the background while we get ready to go to the movies, and we just caught "Nothin' Like a Dame." One of these days, I'd like to see a rendition of that song that isn't sung by raging queens.

OK, now I'm really done.

The Amiable Wackjob

Mike Huckabee is so affable. He's friendly and funny and he made funny commercials with Chuck Norris.

Earlier this week, on my favorite TV show of all time (The View, of course), the Huckster was talking about gay marriage. And what he said at one point was totally true: some people will never see eye-to-eye on the issue.

But he went on to say that the reason gays don't qualify for individual civil rights protection is because they haven't been the victims of violence the way that black people were during the civil rights movement.

First of all, it's apples and oranges (or rather, blacks and gays). You start getting into sticky territory when you compare one oppressed group with another oppressed group, or one mass genocide to another mass genocide, or any current leader to Hitler.

And anyway, Reverend Governor Huckabee, you affable bigot, gay people get beaten and killed all the time. Matthew Shepard? Harvey Milk? And those are just a couple of famous ones.

So tell us, Mr. Pro-Life: how many gay people need to die before they're finally oppressed enough to need protection under the law? What level of violence is acceptable to you, Christian Leader, before gay people reach the threshold you're looking for?

Beware the amiable wackjob!

It's September: the Mets Suck

We all remember what happened to the Mets last year. (If you don't, just Google "biggest meltdown in baseball history.")

In general, the Mets haven't looked as listless this year as they did last. There have been major chunks of the season in which they appeared to care, and at times they've even been having some fun.

The biggest frustration of the Mets over the past three seasons is that they so clearly have the talent. In 2006, they really felt like a team that would go all the way, and they almost did. In 2007, they squandered their massive talent in spectacular fashion.

Obviously this year's final results haven't yet been determined. They had a three-game lead in the division toward the end of last week, and now they're down two games. So that's a huge five-game shift over about six games. And they still have a one-game lead in the wild card, over the only team floundering just as badly: the Brewers.

But here's the thing about this year... The Mets bullpen just isn't good. Closer Billy Wagner is out with an injury for the rest of this year and next, and the rest of those guys are just fucking tired. Four of them pitch every day.

They might yet make it to the playoffs. But I can't see the Mets making any real run at things. They just don't have the relief pitching. And Johan Santana can't pitch nine innings every day.

So as they go through their mini-collapse, I'm emotionally prepared this year. No need to worry about me, dear B&E readers.

For you non-baseball fans, I offer you Mets centerfielder Carlos Beltran. Check out those pecs! And check out B&E: now 40% gayer!

Please Allow For Some Narcissism

(Although, let's face it: blogging is in general an exercise in narcissism.)

It had been quite some time since I reviewed the stats around B&E, and my kind host friend (and occasional troubleshooter) was good enough to link me to a summary. I won't go on and on about this, but there were a few things I found curious.

What are people Googling when they find my humble website? Six of the top seven query results are related to tattoos, with some variation of "bad ass tattoos" taking the top three spots on the list. In fact, if you do a Google image search for "badass tattoos," it is a photo of the missus' tattoo on B&E that is the first search result. I can't say that I expected that. But it sure does please me.

Slightly more predictable is that some people are still finding B&E by searching for "Rex Tillerson" or "Rex Tillerson salary." I was happy to see "dachshunds" on the list and a bit disconcerted by seeing "huge dick" on there.

Perhaps the best news of all though is that a fair number of people found this humble site by searching for "bald lesbians." I'm proud to be a friendly place for the lesbian community, particularly the bald lesbian (or bald Lesbian) community.

And since I was just the other day accused of writing about lesbians (or Lesbians) every fourth or fifth post, I thought I would try not to disappoint that particular reader by ignoring the l/Lesbians this week.

Lesbians Hate Lesbians II: Rise of the Lesbians

A couple of months ago, some Lesbians brought suit against the lesbians in an attempt to get them to stop using the term that means from Lesbos. Well, the Lesbians lost, a victory for lesbians everywhere.

Not only that, but the Lesbians that brought the suit have to pay the court costs. So those angry Lesbians are also out about $360.

Also relevant to the trial was that thing that all of us in New York know: lesbians are good for the economy...

Several residents testified during the trial that the use of the word lesbian had brought recognition to the island and boosted its tourist trade.

But beware, Lesbians. That's a double-edged sword, because once the lesbians move into any given neighborhood, the locals get priced out. Although there are a lot of lesbians in Park Slope, I suspect that most Lesbians would not be able to afford to buy a home there.

Regardless, go lesbians! Way to put the Lesbians in their place!

There Is No Streak

New York's abuzz with Mets/Yankees games. In their previous meeting this season, the Mets took two from the Yanks at Yankee Stadium and had one rain-out. The rain-out was made up yesterday afternoon, and with the drubbing of nine RBI from aging slugger and occasional fan scapegoat Carlos Delgado, the Mets swept the Yankees at Yankee Stadium for the first time ever. Good times.

Naturally, I attended the night game at Shea, where the Yankees returned the favor and clobbered the Mets 9-0. Ouch.

So whatever mojo I may have had as a fan influencing Mets victories at Shea... Yeah, that's gone.

A side note, relating to Gay Pride Week. Trash-talking is a popular pastime between Yankees and Mets fans, often all in good fun, although as last night's blowout continued, we saw more and more security guards running around to break up fights and kick people out.

So what does this have to do with Gay Pride Week? Well, gay slurs are a frequent trash-talking approach taken by the less imaginative fan. So when, for example, a Yankees fan suggested loudly that Pedro Martinez get his ass off the mound and become a bullpen coach instead (perhaps a decent idea, actually), the inebriated Mets numbnut sitting nearby taunted, in return, "Only when Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez start going out, fucking faggots!"

It didn't really make sense as a reply to the Yankees fan's comment. But "fucking faggot" is really a classic. I mean, it works on so many levels. "Fucking faggot" is to sports taunting what a banana peel, pie in the face, or groin kick is to slapstick. You just don't fix what's not broken. You don't reinvent the wheel of trash-talk.

Oh, did I say "classic"? I meant "classless." When you take the discourse as low as "fucking faggot," you really present yourself as a douchebag, dickhead, cock-knocker, fartmunch, and pigfucker.

In defense of the homophobic Mets fan, he had also bragged loudly that over the course of the doubleheader, he'd downed no less than seventeen beers. The beer man suggested he not tell the beer man that. And the beer man served him number eighteen anyway.

Shea Stadium: All class.

Which Borough is Gayest?

Happy Pride Week to my many LGBTQ readers! OK, are any of you actually lesbian, gay, bi, transgendered, or queer? Don't feel like you have to come out on B&E, dear readers, but know that this is a LGBTQ-friendly zone.

To honor Pride Week, NY1 is doing a series of gay features on gay subjects throughout the gay week. This morning, they did a little ditty (dare I say a musical number) on the lesbian enclave of Park Slope. I appreciate living in a city in which the local news channel doesn't fear the gay features.

Turns out, Brooklyn has officially become the gayest borough in New York City. In fact, Brooklyn is home to the fourth largest gay community in the United States, behind San Francisco, the bulk of Massachusetts, and Topeka, Kansas. (I totally just made that list up, in case you couldn't tell.)

Anyway, Brooklyn's the gay borough. But I take issue with that a little. I mean, maybe there are more gay people in Brooklyn, but it's Queens that's actually named after gay people.

A New Streak?

I attended last night's Mets game, and the difference was astounding. It wasn't just that they won; they played like they cared. Two-out rallies, solid defense, decent pitching, delicious Carvel ice cream with hot fudge served in a souvenir helmet. So although it's too early to say that the Mets are back, the Mets are back.

And because I tried to post this for Mike Piazza's retirement, and it didn't work, I offer you ladies and gay fellas this choice image. Enjoy.

Maybe He'll Join the AARP

In spite of a particularly busy week, I can't let Mike Piazza's retirement from baseball go without comment.

I haven't always been a Mets fan. In fact, I became aware of baseball (and began playing) when my family lived in the Houston area, so for most of my life, I was an Astros fan. I might well be the only Mets fan who remembers 1986 with both clarity and sadness.

When I went off to college, sports were decidedly uncool, and I pursued other interests. I didn't really begin to follow baseball again until after the infamous strike of '94. In 1996, when Yankees fever was reaching its pitch in NYC, I have to admit that I got caught up in it. I was thrilled when the Yanks won the World Series.

But I'm a National League guy, so I started attending Mets games instead. In fact, when David Wells pitched his perfect game for the Yankees on my birthday in 1998, I had decided to attend the game at Shea Stadium instead. I was a bit bummed, I admit, but I had made my choice, the Mets were my team, and Mike Piazza actually joined them less than a week later.

The mid-nineties had been a rough time for the Mets, and when they signed Piazza to a giant, multi-year commitment, it was difficult to understand why Piazza would agree to lock himself in to play for such a lousy team for such a long time.

But led by Piazza, those Mets teams of the late 90s and early 00s were some of the most exciting teams I've ever followed. Other than Mike, there were no real stars. They were a ragtag bunch of solidly good players over-achieving and having a blast doing so. Todd Zeile? Rick Reed? Benny Agbayani? I mean, really, come on.

Yes, there was heartbreak, and it's a real shame that Piazza wasn't rewarded with a Mets championship ring for his efforts, but the ride was a good one.

Like so many other Mets fans, I say a fond farewell to Mike Piazza to whom I offer at least partial credit for my rediscovered love of baseball. What other player in what other market would need to answer questions from reporters to confirm that he's straight?

(And if the Blogger glitch ever gets worked out, the accompanying photo should offer enough beefcake to those B&E readers who don't much care for the baseball.)

Lesbians Hate Lesbians

As most lesbians and Lesbians know, the poet Sappho lived on the isle of Lesbos and wrote beautifully celebrating the love between women. Women who love women embraced lesbian as their label, and now the Lesbians are fed up.

A Lesbian law suit against a Greek lesbian organization demands that the lesbians remove lesbian from their name. Dimitris Lambrou is one particularly angry Lesbian:

Lambrou said the word lesbian has only been linked with gay women in the past few decades. "But we have been Lesbians for thousands of years," said Lambrou, who publishes a small magazine on ancient Greek religion and technology that frequently criticizes the Christian Church.

He is also quoted as saying, "My sister can't say she's a Lesbian." Well, now, Lesbian Lambrou, there's no reason she can't call herself a Lesbian. There's a very clear distinction between Lesbians and lesbians. After all, one is capitalized.

Spread the love, Lesbians. What is the world coming to when Lesbians hate lesbians? After all, lesbians have a difficult enough time of things without hatred from Lesbians.

The Phillies Lost, so by Default...

On my first trip to (the last season at) Shea Stadium, the Mets beat the Phillies. Really, the Phillies beat themselves, what with those four errors and six unearned runs. But hey, we'll take it!

For years, the rivalry in the National League East was a Braves/Mets thing. The Braves kept winning the division, and the Mets were sometimes close. Occasionally (as in 2000) the Mets would advance further in the playoffs. Other times, the Braves would defeat the Mets in the playoffs. It was a classic rivalry. Some racist, homophobic trash-talking from a cracker-ass relief pitcher hopped up on the juice added the necessary color.

During last night's game, some meathead (and, dare I say, douchebag) Mets fans got trashed and started screaming at a nearby Phillies fan. A little fun, even borderline mean-spirited razzing can be a good time, but these taunts were full of "faggots" and "fucks" and screamed at the top of their lungs.

Now, I'll defend a certain amount of colorful, salty language at a ballpark, but this was obnoxious even for those of us who don't get terribly offended by linguistic unimaginativeness. I think a family near us complained to an usher, who came and asked them calmly to sit down and shut up. The usher had no pull with these douchebags, and one dude in particular just wouldn't stop screaming obscenities.

It took some time, but security finally made its way and escorted the douchebags out.

My buddy and I then discussed that if the National League East rivalry becomes more about the Phillies vs. the Mets rather than the Braves vs. the Mets, it has the potential for being a lot more volatile. Not only are the rival cities much closer in proximity, but Phillies fans really seem to care with the same passion as a Mets fan.

The thing that was always disappointing about the Braves rivalry was that you couldn't help but feel that when push came to shove, Braves fans kinda didn't give a shit. I'd say it was because they just knew they were better than everyone else (which was usually true), but they couldn't even sell-out playoff games. What's wrong with those guys?

Fans in Philly are famous for getting raucous, rowdy, and violent. It got so bad at Philadelphia Eagles games that they set up an official city court within the stadium to immediately charge the evil-doers with a crime.

I hadn't seen behavior this relentlessly aggressive at a Mets game before. I didn't like it. Nope. Didn't like it one bit.

Look, I read Among the Thugs. I know I'm not cut out to be a hooligan.

For this pander, I thought I'd post a photo that's sure to please my straight male and lesbian readership. You straight ladies out there that don't much care for baseball: don't worry your little selves. You'll get your hot dudes the majority of the time.

No Longer Gay!

He may have been busted doing meth and getting massages from gay prostitutes, but after a stint in gay rehab (gayhab?), Ted Haggart is no longer gay.

No longer will Ted Haggart fantasize about freebasing crank out of broken light bulbs while getting rubdowns from nubile men.

No more will Ted Haggart think about meth-fueled men while having sex with his wife.

Never again will Ted Haggart be aroused at the thought of a sweaty, speed-induced tryst with a firm-buttocked hunk of the male persuasion.

That's right. Ted Haggart is a straight man. He's only interested in his wife.

And vast quantities of crystal meth.

Gay People Play Baseball, Don't They?

It's only nine days until the beginning of Gay Games 2006, and host city Chicago is all aflame in anticipation.

But, gay people, I have a gripe with your Gay Games. I happen to know for a rumored fact that there's at least one gay professional baseball player. And it's not Mike Piazza. He held a press conference and married the Playboy Playmate of the Millennium to prove his straightness.

There's also a pretty well-known novel by Peter Lefcourt called The Dreyfus Affair, that features a relationship (a gay one!) between a shortstop and a second baseman. It's in a novel, so it must be true.

And yet, gay people, your Gay Games do not include baseball. This is a travesty. And unconscionable.

I believe in civil rights for gay people. I believe in gay marriage. And you know I believe in gay baseball. So quid pro quo, gay people. Give me some damned gay baseball.

Shame On... Senator Biden

biden
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

I was reading a little bit more about the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage because it gets me mad. (It gets me mad, too, because it's distracting me from the real issues of the day, and I'm aware that this is precisely its purpose. Crafty right-wing freaks.)

Anyway, most reasonable members of Congress are against the no-gay-marriage amendment because they understand that adding prejudice to the Constitution is shameful and immoral. You know, all men are created equal and all that.

But then there's Senator Biden's rationale. On Meet the Press, Biden said, and I paraphrase, "Why do we need an amendment? We've already got the Defense of Marriage Act."

Shame on you, Senator Biden. Shame on you for implying that the premise behind the proposed anti-gay amendendment is fine even if it's unnecessary. Shame on you for wading into some kind of moral middle ground. Shame on you for demonstrating once again that Democrats don't actually stand for goodness, acceptance, and forward-thinking, but rather, that Democrats are calculating, cowardly, and hesitant.

Shame On Senator Joseph Biden of Delaware.

Maybe "Shame On" will become another regular feature, here, at B&E. Ultimately, I suppose, it will be up to members of the Democratic Party.

Sensitivity

So our ever-reasonable Commander-in-Chief is commanding prejudice chiefly against gay people, because that's how Republicans win elections. There's a fairly interesting article in the New York Times that discusses how even right-wing queer haters think maybe they're getting played. "Where was this issue right after the election? How can we be focused on war and social security when there are matters of real national importance to deal with? We need to keep the queers from getting married!"

Anyway, the president's wife said she didn't think that gay marriage should be used as a campaign tool, adding that it "requires a great deal of sensitivity just to talk about the issue, a lot of sensitivity."

Um... Talking about the issue only requires sensitivity if you hate queers and don't want to seem like you hate queers. It requires no sensitivity whatsoever for me to say that gays should be able to marry like everyone else.

We Can Work It Out

I haven't read the article, but Yahoo! News had this headline today...

Feingold, Specter Clash Over Gay Marriage.

As with straight marriages, Feingold and Specter will either work things out or become legally separated.

Brokeban Mountain

The Bahamas have banned Brokeback Mountain for, according to a liaison officer at the Plays and Film Control Board, "extreme homosexuality," among other things.

Extreme homosexuality. One has to assume that the gayness is strapped to a bungy cord and windsurfing across a sand dune, after basejumping from an aeroplane. Woo-HOO! It's totally gay, dude!

I just hope The Bahamas doesn't ban my love for Russ "Oh, So" Feingold. Please don't, The Bahamas. My love for Russ is pure and tame.

[Another via HuffPo.]

That Sound Is the Pitter Patter of My Heart

Oh, Sweet Russell, you put the tit in titillating with your fightin' words and northern midwestern charm.

[Observer link via the Huffington Post.]

In Further Praise of Mighty Russell

William Greider offers his own praise of sexy Senator Russell Oh-So Feingold. Not only does he state the case with more eloquence than I do, but he sounds considerably less gay.

Lost Reruns Make Me Gay

lost
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Lost can't seem to get its shit together. They've taken more hiatuses (hiati?) this year than Dubya. Last night ABC replayed the pilot, which is particularly strange since so many potential plot points introduced in the first episode have fallen by the wayside.

So instead of watching that, the missus put on American Idol, which featured performances from the final 12 guys. There's this freakazoid named Taylor Hicks who went last. He's a bit schlubby, prematurely gray, and has no real sense of style.

There's a documentary called Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control by Errol Morris that features four people with strange jobs. What they do becomes riveting only because of their passion for, say, naked mole rats. I don't give a shit about naked mole rats, but the dude who works with them is so into them, you can't help but love the freaky things, too.

So most of the singers, even those that were good, were nervous, which in turn made nervousness the dominant emotion of the performances. Not Taylor. The guy is pure music. As soon as he started singing, joy. That was it. Utter bliss. He can really sing, which is a plus, but more than that, the dude was infectious. That he's a schlubby, prematurely gray, no-style motherfucker melts away when he sings.

Go, Taylor Hicks!

Lessons from Kansas - Brokeback President?

President Bush made a visit to Kansas State University in Manhattan (the Little Apple), and got this question. (You'll need to scroll down to the picture of Bush on CNN with the purple background.) Aaaawwwwkwaaarrrrd...

So the Lesson here, best I can tell: Don't suggest that the president's a queer. It makes him really uncomfortable. I, for one, think he was about a half-second from inviting the questioner to have sex with himself, but, you know, in the manner that Dick Cheney might have invited him.

The Priesthood Is No Place for Queers

vatican
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Proving once again (still) that they have absolutely no understanding of the pedophilia scandal that has rocked the priesthood in the past few years, the Vatican has decided to crack down on homo-priests.

Look, jackasses... If priests are gay, they'll want to hit on me, not my child. The two issues are totally separate from one another, and until you fucking figure that out, you'll not only suffer from a major shortage of priests, but you'll never get to the source of the abuse.

Duohomoheader

A couple of quick gay stories that resulted in Dickhead nominations (but not appointments)...

Rick Santorum, the ever-reasonable senator from Pennsylvania who's built his career gay-bashing, has a gay spokesman. So a gay man speaks for the senator that blames Catholic priest abuse on the gay liberals in Boston. And the spokeman is out to the senator. Boy, people are very complicated.

Then there's this story about a gay teen being forced to go to a church camp to "cure" his homosexuality. He came out on his blog, and his parents didn't like it. The camp is called Refuge and is part of the over-arching Love in Action program that "changes" sexual orientation. Seems like Self-Loathing in Action might be a better name for the program. The executive director is the Reverend John J. Smid who, as a former homosexual, is very active in the "ex-gay" movement. The article doesn't quite define what is meant by "active." Boy, people are very complicated.

God and Gays

A special July 4th shout out goes to the Church of Christ, who has lived up to the example set by Christ himself by voting to support gay marriages.

This Jesus guy, you know, he hung with those the establishment, i.e. church leaders/Pharisees, considered undesirables. And while I would never want to offend my gay friends (or any gay people, for that matter) by comparing them to the whores, fishermen, and tax collectors whose company Jesus enjoyed, I'm sure Jesus would've liked the gays, too. What's not to like? Gay people are fabulous.

And come to think of it, Jesus was a bachelor himself, prone to committing incredibly flamboyant acts (or "miracles," if you prefer). I'm not implying anything, but I think you know what I'm not implying...