Bald & Effective

Let's Not Overstate the Case

2010-02-08T19:01:00.000-05:00

Like most Americans, particularly the non-communist ones, I watched the Super Bowl last night.

I've fallen out of love with football (of the American sort) in recent years. Mostly, I just don't want to spend that much time watching sports. And as my six readers well know, I'm a baseball man.

Still, I have to admit that it was a damn fine game. I wasn't terribly invested in the outcome but had a slight leaning toward the Saints, so that felt satisfying.

And oh, the trickery! The Saints led off the second half with an onside kick, which was exciting and unexpected and momentum-shifting. A great play call.

One announcer described it as "courageous." A headline I saw this morning called it "valiant."

Okay, look... I'm all for adding juice to headlines to suck in a reader, but really? Courageous? Valiant? I can get behind bold, gutsy, even ballsy, but I'm not sure that it takes courage to call for an unexpected onside kick. I could get behind imaginative, creative, or exhilarating. But no, that play call was not valiant.

Anyway, somehow I missed the Tim Tebow ad. I don't know when it aired, but I plum missed it. And no, it doesn't take courage for Tim to be publicly pro-life (thanks again, David Zirin).

Back in September, Zirin wrote about homophobia in the NFL. Kudos, David, for using the word gutsy to describe a couple of players' stance in favor of gay marriage, rather than courageous or valiant.

Things are Fishy on Staten Island

2010-02-02T20:53:00.000-05:00

And I don't just mean the stench of the Fresh Kills Landfill!

Today is Groundhog Day (insert movie reference here). I watched the live coverage of Staten Island Chuck on NY1 this morning. Long-time B&E readers may remember previous mentions of Staten Island Chuck. He's New York's answer to Punxsutawney Phil, the notorious weather-predicting groundhog of Pennsylvania.

NY1 reports that in the past 29 February 2nds, Staten Island Chuck has been right 22 times, giving Chuck a better record than Phil over the same period.

Well, I had some observations of today's live coverage that makes me think the whole thing is rigged somehow.

First of all, on a separate but related matter, Staten Island Chuck might be a real dick. Last year he took a chunk out of Mayor Bloomberg's finger. This year Mayor Mike wore super-thick work gloves that I think were made of dragon hide.

Anyway, they tried to lure Chuck out, and we (the TV audience) waited. We waited quite some time. That groundhog wouldn't fucking come out. Finally, some brave mayoral aide (without gloves) reached into Chuck's little hut and yanked him out, handing him to the mayor, who nearly dropped him.

Chuck got fat.

And I'm sorry, but Mayor Mike didn't confer with Staten Island Chuck at all before announcing that Chuck didn't see his shadow.

Anyone watching could tell you that Chuck didn't want to come out of his hovel because he saw nothing BUT shadow. He was freaked the fuck out. And fat.

Meanwhile, in Punxsutawney, Phil saw his shadow. I didn't watch any live coverage, but Phil looked svelte (possibly starved, if you believe PETA, who would prefer that Phil be a robot), and a dude with a funny hat and Rollie Fingers mustache listened carefully to what Phil had to say.

I think I figured out what's going on. In Punxsutawney, they genuinely listen to what Phil has to say about the weather. He sees his shadow; he doesn't see his shadow. They trust Phil.

Staten Island is the most suspect of the five boroughs of New York City. Even people who live there don't really know what goes on there. I don't know if the whole Staten Island Chuck experience is bankrolled by the mob or what, but I have a feeling that the weather prediction is more about the number-runners and money-changers than the goddamned weather.

And it wouldn't surprise me one bit if somehow Mayor Mike is in on the fix. I don't know if he's consulting Poor Richard's Almanack or what, but I do know that he didn't bother to consult with that fat, angry groundhog.

It's suspect, B&E readers. It's fucking suspect.

This Is the State of the Union, Bitches

2010-01-29T22:07:00.000-05:00

No, I didn't watch the State of the Union address this week. Sure, I would've liked it more than the SOTU addresses of the past decade, but I just couldn't muster up the enthusiasm. Like anyone who follows politics, I've heard a thing or two about the speech - some positive, some negative.

I can tell you this, though... I'm very impressed by this transcript:

It is our duty now to begin to lay the plans and determine the strategy for the winning of a lasting peace and the establishment of an American standard of living higher than ever before known. We cannot be content, no matter how high that general standard of living may be, if some fraction of our people—whether it be one-third or one-fifth or one-tenth—is ill-fed, ill-clothed, ill-housed, and insecure.

This Republic had its beginning, and grew to its present strength, under the protection of certain inalienable political rights—among them the right of free speech, free press, free worship, trial by jury, freedom from unreasonable searches and seizures. They were our rights to life and liberty.

As our nation has grown in size and stature, however—as our industrial economy expanded—these political rights proved inadequate to assure us equality in the pursuit of happiness.

We have come to a clear realization of the fact that true individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence. “Necessitous men are not free men.” People who are hungry and out of a job are the stuff of which dictatorships are made.

In our day these economic truths have become accepted as self-evident. We have accepted, so to speak, a second Bill of Rights under which a new basis of security and prosperity can be established for all—regardless of station, race, or creed.

Among these are:

The right to a useful and remunerative job in the industries or shops or farms or mines of the nation; The right to earn enough to provide adequate food and clothing and recreation;

The right of every farmer to raise and sell his products at a return which will give him and his family a decent living;

The right of every businessman, large and small, to trade in an atmosphere of freedom from unfair competition and domination by monopolies at home or abroad;

The right of every family to a decent home;

The right to adequate medical care and the opportunity to achieve and enjoy good health;

The right to adequate protection from the economic fears of old age, sickness, accident, and unemployment;

The right to a good education.

All of these rights spell security. And after this war is won we must be prepared to move forward, in the implementation of these rights, to new goals of human happiness and well-being.

America’s own rightful place in the world depends in large part upon how fully these and similar rights have been carried into practice for our citizens.

Those pretty words belong to Franklin Delano Roosevelt (he's the president in a wheelchair in the musical Annie), who delivered them as part of his State of the Union address in 1944.

It's generally referred to as the Economic Bill of Rights.

When he was campaigning for the presidency, Barack Obama did not seem like just another feckless weenie from the ranks of the Democratic Party. But when he uses his State of the Union address to discuss a spending freeze, well...

BHO is no FDR.

Putting the Dick in Dicktionary

2010-01-26T20:57:00.000-05:00

Pretty much everyone has, at one time or another, enjoyed the pastime of looking up dirty words in the dictionary.

One of my favorite discoveries in the 2nd grade (word was getting around the whole school, I'm pretty sure) was that the definition for fart in the library's dictionary read, "An explosion between the legs." Even at age seven, this sounded like an outlandish and ridiculous definition for fart. I wasn't literate enough in those days to know what the definition would be, but that just didn't seem right to me.

So like any good student, I looked it up. Sure enough, under fart: "An explosion between the legs." It was simultaneously hilarious and worrying, because even though it was in a book, it just didn't seem right.

Here it is thirty years later, and when I look up fart in my American Heritage Dictionary, the definition reads as follows:

fart (färt) Vulgar Slang intr.v. fart•ed, fart•ing, farts To expel intestinal gas through the anus; break wind. • n. 1. An often audible discharge of intestinal gas. 2. An annoying or fooling person.

There's still plenty in there to cause giggling, and it seems like a pretty accurate definition of fart.

So yes, I suppose I still enjoy looking up irreverent (maybe even dirty) words in the dictionary. It has a long history. When Samuel Johnson wrote the first dictionary and asked for royal patronage, he discovered that silly Prince George was only interested in looking up the rude words. (Black Adder is historically accurate, right?)

Still, some parents would rather that children look up nothing, rather than have the option to look up dirty words. A California school district has removed the Merriam-Webster dictionary from public school classrooms because one child looked up oral sex. Merriam-Webster's online dictionary has the definition as, "Oral stimulation of the genitals." My American Heritage Dictionary reads, "Sexual activity involving oral stimulation of one's partner's sex organs."

Those seem like perfectly good, accurate, to-the-point, if somewhat clinical, definitions of oral sex to me. But I guess accuracy doesn't necessarily keep something from being banned.

I am rather fond of one particular quote from the article linked above. A spokeswoman for the school district says, "It's hard to sit and read the dictionary, but we'll be looking to find other things of a graphic nature."

That is a job for which I'm truly qualified. Indeed, I'm probably over-qualified.

In researching this posting, I read definitions for fart and oral sex (of course), and also fellatio, and cunnilingus, just because. While in the C's, I was thrilled to find that my dictionary also has crack baby as an entry.

Gosh, dictionaries are fun.

Hey, Look Over There!

2010-01-25T07:01:00.002-05:00

While you, my six readers, wait for me to update B&E, I offer you a worthy distraction: Hedgehogs!

And if you want a look back at other hedgehogs, enjoy the hedgehogs of B&E old, dear readers.

Sure, I Have Thoughts

2010-01-20T21:14:00.002-05:00

Since you were wondering, and as long as everyone else is talking about it, I'll share a few thoughts about yesterday's vote in Massachusetts. I know why the Democratic candidate, Martha Coakley, lost to Republican Scott Brown.

The Democrats are feckless weenies. I don't care who you blame for the loss: Coakley, the Massachusetts Democratic Party, the Democratic National Committee, or the White House. Nothing but feckless weeniedom from top to bottom.

Headlines about "Upset of the Century" and "Stunning Defeat" only garner a "Really?" response from me. Who's surprised? What about the Democratic Party in the past 30 years (or more) has demonstrated anything other than a reliable ability to fuck up?

There are books to be written (and probably will be written) about why the Democratic Party has failed. Or is failing. Or continues to fail. Or continually fails. Maybe it's a loss of core values. Maybe it's the shift to the right. Maybe it's the vast quantity of cash taken from business interests. Maybe it's the constant compromise that makes people think the party doesn't actually stand for anything. Maybe it's simple weakness.

Ultimately, though, all of those reasons for its ongoing failure come down to the same thing: the Democrats are feckless weenies.

And if you need further proof of feckless weeniedom, just check out how they're responding to the loss: finger-pointing, steps back, further compromise, and total defeat.

Feckless weenies.

But if you want to cheer up, I was introduced to this blog today. I never know if I'm really late in discovering these things, but it's fun anyway. Oh, and look! The puppy cam is back!

Accents Have to Make Sense

2010-01-18T15:56:00.004-05:00

I have a love/hate relationship with the TV show 24. I keep giving it another chance, and it keeps letting me down. But hey, this season's in New York! So I've gotta see what that's all about.

But let me just say a word or two about accents as a dramatic choice.

I'm sure most of you have seen Schindler's List. The Nazis speak English with a German accent; the Poles speak English with a Polish accent. I remember when the movie came out, it took me some time getting used to that. I couldn't help but wonder why all of these people were speaking English with accents. But look, I get it: I mean, Spielberg wanted to get asses in seats too. So it's not like he was going to have all of the actors speaking German or Polish. He was already asking a lot of us by making us sit through a black and white movie.

Anyway, after a while, I slipped into the overall atmosphere of the film, and the accents were all a part of it. I got over my initial hangup and went with it.

In other movies or TV shows, there are characters for whom English isn't a first language. Let's take the current season of 24, a whole two episodes in. The president of an unnamed Islamic republic speaks to the US president in his accented English. But then when the foreign president speaks to his chief of staff, in this case his brother, they still speak English. I would think it might be a lot easier and, dare I say, more realistic if they spoke in their native tongue to each other.

But okay, it's TV. And let's face it: the typical viewer of 24 is lazy and meatheaded. So I get why they have the characters speak in accented English to each other. Fine. I can go with that too.

Then there are times that accents are used dramatically and it flies in the face of any sort of logic. This use of accents by writers or producers or directors or whomever makes this choice is stupid and dishonest.

Remember Die Hard? I think Die Hard is a total blast. Alan Rickman's performance of Hans Gruber as the German baddie is just terrific. Alan speaks the entire movie in a German accent. Except for one pivotal scene in which he comes face to face with Bruce Willis's John McClane. Pretending to be someone else, Hans Gruber puts on a perfect American accent. If this guy can speak English without an accent, why on earth does he have a German accent normally? It doesn't make sense, and it's a ridiculous flaw in an otherwise totally great movie.

They pulled that shit again in the first two episodes of 24. There's a bad guy speaking with a Russian accent throughout most of the first couple of hours. Then he meets up with a friend in Queens. (Queens!) And suddenly he's speaking in an American accent (with a hint of Queens even). But when he reveals himself to his "friends" as the baddie he really is, he goes back to the Russian accent. If he can speak perfectly fine English, why the fuck wouldn't he always speak perfectly fine English? It doesn't make any fucking sense! And it's stupid.

Dear Hollywood Accents Committee,
Stop being stupid.
Love,
Dan

It's a Giant Toy Train Set! Made of Plants!

2010-01-17T14:34:00.003-05:00

The missus and I took a trip to the New York Botanical Garden last weekend. Somehow we'd never been. I've been wanting to go see the annual Holiday Train Show for years, and we finally got our act together and got tickets for the final weekend.

There are a lot of families at the Botanical Garden. Especially unhappy ones, it seems. On a tram tour of the garden, we were joined in our row by a man with an empty stroller. He spent a whole lot of time yelling at his wife and kids, who were in another tram car. He was ordering them to sit down, commanding his wife to get control. He was a seriously miserable bastard. But that's okay because he was making up for it by causing misery in the whole family.

Even so, it was worth the crowds and the misery to check out the cityscape and toy trains. The cityscape is made completely of vegetation. It's wacky. And awesome.

And I bet you know what that means for you, B&E readers! That's right: PHOTOS!

This is a real train! In Queens!

Pretty, right?

This is a toy train! In the Bronx!

Cute, right?

Here are some skyscrapers! Based on the ones in midtown!

Cool, right?

This is a mini Yankee Stadium! Like the one in the Bronx!

Where the fuck are the Mets, right?

This is the Brooklyn Bridge! Brooklyn Bridge! Brooklyn Bridge!

Brooklyn Bridge, right?

This is the Guggenheim! From Men in Black! And The International!

Frank Lloyd, Wright?

Gosh, it was all very impressive! We may even go back again next year! Good idea, right?

The Hope of a New Season

2010-01-14T21:20:00.000-05:00

The thing that's just terrific about baseball is that hope springs eternal. So your team failed (as usual) this year. It doesn't matter. February rolls around, you hear the magical words, "pitchers & catchers," and your team has the potential to be the best in the league, just like every other team.

Oh, unless you're the 2010 New York Metropolitans. Nope. They don't have that potential.

We're still a month from the kickoff of spring training, and the team's superstar centerfielder, Carlos Beltran -- who gets paid a whopping $119 million, who has decided without the team's agreement to have knee surgery, and who (apropos of nothing) has always had some sort of weird growth on the side of his head -- won't even be in the Mets lineup until May.

Yes, indeed. The Mets will once again be terrible. Yay.

Since it was first announced a couple of years ago, I've been rather annoyed by the Mets' partnership with Citigroup, which resulted in the naming rights to the new stadium. Citi Field. Blech. I mean, why would a such a stellar baseball organization want to be associated with an insolvent financial institution that's been so eager to keep sucking at the teat of the federal government?

But now the Mets seem determined to live up to the stunningly high standards of Citigroup itself. I sincerely wish it didn't make so much sense.

Let's go, Mets! Let's go, Mets! Let's go, Mets!

Oy.

Anyway, here's the second of the tasty Egyptian footballers, a fella called Gomaa, also courtesy of blondandeffective, for you non-baseball fans. Enjoy!

Harold Ford Can Suck It

2010-01-13T20:13:00.001-05:00

Like most New Yorkers I don't have much of an opinion of Kirsten Gillibrand, our appointed Senator. But after reading this interview with Harold Ford, who's making strange noises about running against her in the primary, I'm starting to like her a lot more.

Seriously, dude. There are so many things wrong with your pompous answers to these questions, I'm not sure you should hold any job in New York...

You've been to all five boroughs by fucking helicopter?
You're like totally best friends with the Giants owner?
You totally scored a lunch with the Jets owner?
You're buying into a corporate box at Yankee Stadium?
You take a fucking cab to work every day?
Oh, except for most days, when NBC sends a car to get you?
Is there an issue you haven't flipped on since coming to NYC?
And...
You don't shoot children??

Harold, dude... What the fuck is wrong with you?

Okay, I'll Bite

2010-01-12T21:25:00.001-05:00

Part of me wants to let it go, but apparently I can't resist...

Mark McGwire admitted steroid use. And man, former Bush press secretary Ari Fleischer earned the shit out of his crisis management fee.

Yes, it was a good strategy well-executed by all parties involved, even tears and (perhaps) genuine emotion from McGwire himself, all orchestrated to repair his image and give him a shot at becoming a member of the Baseball Hall of Fame, after yet another year of receiving "yes" votes on only 25% of the ballots, when 75% is needed.

Anyway, the whole theater of the mea culpa makes me want to fucking puke.

Still, I'm giving Mark McGwire a pass on steroid use. Not only that, but I'm also giving a pass to anyone who used steroids before 2003. Shit, baseball didn't even ban them until 2003, so no one was breaking rules.

Laws are a different matter, I suppose, and if there are prosecutors who want to waste time tracking down steroid users and their dealers, go ahead. It seems like a fucking waste of resources, but whatever. I don't care.

No, I'm dropping the steroid problem onto the heads of Major League Baseball executives and team owners and management. Fuck those guys. They were the true beneficiaries of steroid use throughout baseball. At best, they looked away. But they were lining their pockets with oodles of cash as baseball hit new heights of popularity, thanks to the very steroid users/home run hitters who saved baseball after the '94 players' strike. That the players are now the fall guys for this steroid "scandal" is fucking bullshit, B&E readers.

I have less sympathy for the players who used steroids in 2003 or later. They were officially breaking the rules then.

Anyway, baseball... Ain't it great?

And for my non-baseball readers, I offer this image of one of Egypt's hunkiest soccer (that's football in Egypt) players, courtesy of blondandeffective, who describes him as a "halal beefcake specimen." Who can't agree with that?

Kansas Is Wacky

2010-01-11T20:30:00.000-05:00

The Kansas Legislature is debating a possible death penalty repeal. In recent years, Kansas has not been famous for its progressiveness, even though it's the historical birthplace of Progressivism.

My family moved to Kansas when I was nine years old. At the time, the Kansas governor was John Carlin, a Democrat (and Lutheran! my dad liked to point out), and he vetoed several death penalty bills that came across his desk. Mike Hayden, a Republican, followed him into office, saying he would sign a death penalty bill (at least that's how I remember it). But then the legislature got cold feet and didn't pass a bill.

The legislature finally passed a bill in 1994, under Democratic Governor Joan Finney. According to the Kansas Coalition Against the Death Penalty, Finney neither vetoed nor signed the bill. So that's weird. And it became law. No one has actually been put to death in Kansas, and seven people are currently on death row.

The New York Times recently reported that the American Law Institute had given up its death penalty work. That's the group that provided the original legal rationale the Supreme Court of the United States cited in its decision that allowed capital punishment again. That they've declared their project to be a failure seems like it must be a huge deal, that maybe it's an acknowledgment that sentiment against the death penalty is rising again. But hey, I'm no legal expert.

Naturally, the primary argument that states seem to be making against sentencing people to death row is that it costs too damned much, not that, say, state-sanctioned murder is immoral. Still, I suppose if high costs and tight budgets are what it takes...

But I don't have my finger on the pulse of Kansas politics at all anymore. Do any of my Kansas-dwelling readers (both of you) have any sense about how this debate will go? Could the death penalty in Kansas actually be overturned?

I'm telling you: Kansas is a totally wacky place.

It's Like a Made-for-TV Movie

2010-01-10T11:49:00.003-05:00

I tell you what: New York Magazine puts together one helluva yarn.

Some of you may recall that back in 2004, John Kerry ran for president. It was a terrible campaign. Just terrible. The campaign did exactly two things right, in my opinion: 1) they chose an unknown state senator Barack Obama to be the keynote speaker at the Democratic National Convention; and 2) they named John Edwards as Kerry's running mate.

I thought that Edwards was a bit smarmy, truth be told, but I rather appreciated that he was the only candidate who talked at all about poverty. But, you know, this was in 2004, and we didn't really have a poverty problem in this country until Hurricane Katrina. If you don't see it, what's the problem?

We all knew Edwards would return. And I was rather looking forward to his campaign in 2008. Especially since I wasn't the biggest Hillary fan. Edwards was positioning himself to the left of the other viable candidates. So yeah, I had hoped he'd do well. He didn't. By the time New York got its primary vote, he was well off the ballot. And we all know about his downfall since.

But holy shit! The inside story linked above in New York Magazine is riveting stuff. There are some real revelations there. I encourage you to read it. Start to finish, it's a page-turner (or, indeed, a page-click-forwarder). Yes, there's sex; yes, there's ego; yes, there are attempted backroom deals; yes, there's an embattled wife with a chasm between her public and private personae. It's seriously tasty.

Keep Warm, In-Laws

2010-01-09T10:16:00.003-05:00

This post from Titivil led me to this picture from Boing-Boing. If that doesn't make you say some semblance of "Holy shit!" I don't know what will.

Chilly and wet the Scots are used to. Arctic, not so much. We're talking lows in the zero-degrees Fahrenheit realm. And most of the buildings are old and drafty. So I hope the in-laws in Edinburgh have durable central heating and properly double-glazed windows. And I hope the in-laws in the Highlands are burning toasty peat fires and huddling together over some delicious soup.

Probably the person doing best in this whole scenario is the missus' father, who has MS and rarely leaves his home. His flat is in a relatively new building with good heating and decent windows. Plus he has a stash of meals-on-wheels in his freezer. But that's the evils of a governmental safety net for you. Fucking socialists.

This kind of cold in Scotland is fucked up, B&E readers. And in case you don't already know, the UK is one of the places that will become decidedly colder due to global warming, as those warm North Atlantic currents that keep the islands relatively temperate become flooded by the ice cap runoff. So how long is it before this type of winter is the norm?

Now THAT is a Baseball Fan

2010-01-08T21:53:00.000-05:00

As if I needed another reason to like Donald Sutherland (Keifer would be enough!), the Bats Blog on the New York Times website featured a story that gave me much pleasure.

The blog post by Tyler Kepner is discussing how the Montreal Expos, which hasn't been a team in Major League Baseball since 2004, is starting to jump back into the news, as former Expos greats get elected to the Hall of Fame: first Gary Carter and now Andre Dawson. Tyler tags on a nice anecdote at the end of his post.

Donald Sutherland was a big Montreal Expos fan, and would attend games quite frequently, especially back in the late 70s and early 80s, when they weren't a joke team. If his agent needed to get a hold of Donald in the middle of the game, rather than call his cell phone, still more than a decade from being available, his agent would call the front office, which would post a message on the scoreboard at the dome. "Donald, call your agent."

During a particularly tense game, Donald's agent called, needing an answer about a particular project. The game was too important, and Donald hung up on him. Once the game seemed safely won, Donald, feeling relieved, called back his agent and said, "I don't care what the deal is. I'll do the movie."

The movie was Robert Redford's Ordinary People, a movie only slightly less depressing than the demise of the Montreal Expos.

Don! Roger! Betts! Joan! Campbell! Peggy!

2010-01-07T21:58:00.000-05:00

This latest absence from B&E brought to you by Mad Men, Season 3. Holy crap, B&E readers. Holy crap.

Bottle It Up and Be "Happy"!

2010-01-03T10:25:00.003-05:00

Please allow me to draw your attention to Barbara Ehrenreich's fine essay, which is extracted from her book that lays into "positive thinking." Barbara relays her specific experience going through breast cancer treatment and how much the culture of positive thinking (i.e. "cancer is a blessing!") surrounded every step along the way. What she really wanted and needed was an outlet for her anger. Anyway, it's a good essay, and I encourage you to read it.

I have an amiable presence in general, so I think it comes as a surprise to many people, including good friends, that I have a pretty gloomy outlook on life. I don't always expect the best results or see the positive side of things. I find it difficult to visualize an ideal scenario, and when I do, that scenario seems totally out of the realm of reality. So yeah, I guess I'm a bit bleak that way.

That's not to say I don't set goals, make plans, or do any of those other things that people do to improve their lives. I have a Protestant work ethic. And I hope that I'm not so negative to be closed off to the opportunities that present themselves to me. But I tend to think that positive thinking is bullshit.

So I hope (and work) for the best and expect the worst. Truth be told, this approach has served me pretty well. I have a terrific wife and a happy marriage. I've been at a job for more than three years, and I actually still like it, something I've never been able to say before. I enjoy creative pursuits. I'm able to go on vacations and trips with the missus. I find genuine pleasure in good food and the company of good friends, even though I don't drink alcohol.

In other words, I'm happy. I don't want to be anyone else or have another life. My inability to think positively has not seemed to hinder me. And in fact I think that not forcing myself to be positive all the time gives me a full experience. I call it "life."

Steal This New Year's Resolution

2010-01-01T09:22:00.004-05:00

Hey, B&E readers! Do you remember how at the end of the aughts (aka the Jack Bauer years, aka the 9/11 years, aka the fuck-the-public years, aka etc.) the United States government totally gave like billions of dollars to the very institutions that caused the financial crisis and then those institutions went right back to behaving exactly how they wanted? Yeah, that was a good time.

In general I'm not the biggest fan of New Year's as a holiday. I think I've said before that my birthday always feels like more of a well-defined marker for looking back on the year and setting some goals and doing all that other reflective stuff (yay, reflectors!) people do when they want to assess the general state of their lives.

So yeah... New Year's resolutions... I don't really make 'em. And although the Huffington Post is touting this as a New Year's resolution, I just think it's a Very Good Thing To Do.

It's called Move Your Money. And it makes a lot of sense to me. Read the essay and watch the movie (Look! It's a Wonderful Life!). The moral argument is pretty clear.

The missus and I are putting our money into a credit union. The missus has kept the minimum amount of money in there for a bunch of years, just so that she wouldn't lose her standing as a member. She never really knew why, but it just didn't seem like a good idea to give it up. How fortuitous!

When I first moved to Sunnyside, I put my money in Greenpoint Bank. I did it mostly because it was on the corner. Greenpoint was a large-ish community bank. It got eaten by a larger community/regional bank, North Fork, which had barely changed the signs before it got gobbled up by Capital One. Capital One isn't exactly the beast that Wells Fargo, Citigroup, Bank of America, and JP Morgan/Chase all are, but it's close, and I certainly can no longer call it a community bank.

My biggest concern about moving into the credit union was convenience. Do they have online banking services, cash cards, etc? Yes. They do. And yes, a community bank or credit union is insured by the FDIC, which means if the bank or credit union fails, the government still guarantees your deposits up to $250,000.

The only thing that will change in our everyday lives is that our credit union's ATMs are somewhat less ubiquitous. And most of their ATMs are located within McDonald's restaurants. I haven't been inside a McDonald's in New York for more than a decade, I would guess. So that'll be weird.

It'll probably be a month-long process to change everything over. I'll need to fill out a new direct deposit slip at my job; we'll need to reorganize all the bills that come out automatically, etc., etc., but a little bit of footwork (particularly footwork largely being done by the missus) seems worth it.

The fact is, our tiny amount of money doesn't make much difference to a bank that doles out millions of dollars in bonuses to the employees that screw us hardest. But it could make a difference if large amounts of people get involved. I mean, those monsters will always have the big corporate accounts, but then they'll be taking all those risks with corporate money instead of our meager savings.

Plus, those big banks wouldn't spend so much time and money advertising for our business if they didn't need a whole lot of us.

But meanwhile, our meager savings can actually make a real difference at a community bank or a credit union that, say, serves your neighbors.

Best of all, I feel like it's the most satisfying way to give the finger to the financial institutions that have fucked us right in the ear. The finger in exchange for getting fucked in the ear isn't much, but it's a start.

The HuffPo article doesn't (yet) discuss credit unions. Credit unions have different rules regarding disclosure that I admit I don't completely understand. But you can read more about them here. And I think we can invite a few locals to ours, if you're not already qualified to join it.

I need to give credit (unions) where credit (unions) is due. It was the missus who fully engaged with the idea and explored options. I sat by, shouted out a few concerns, which she mostly shouted down, while taking care of the logistics.

Thanks and Happy New Year, missus. You are, as always, tremendous.

And Happy New Year to my six faithful readers. You are the best readers in the world.

Happy New Year, B&E Readers

2009-12-31T10:21:00.002-05:00

I hope that all six of you have a happy and healthy 2010. On this side of things, I hope to get back into updating the B&E site with more frequency - more like the beginning of 2009 than the end of it. We shall see how that goes.

In the meantime, I'm offering you this link from the New York Times. See those two bald people in the photo? Neither of them are me.

Boy, That's Some Start to the Off-Season

2009-12-24T11:42:00.002-05:00

Nothing breeds failure like failure. Ah, Mets. Thou art so lame and useless.

Do the Mets get a pass for the 2009 season? Perhaps. After all, injuries plagued the poor bastards, and they never really stood a chance with so many theoretical all-stars out of the lineup.

Still, one can't deny the ethos of losing that surrounds this fair team I love. Perhaps deep down, this is why I love them. Hell, maybe it's not even that deep down. The Mets are losers. They've proven it time and time again.

And everyone in baseball knows it.

The Mets have been trying to make a splash with some trades and some free agents this winter, so far with little success. The best players have been snatched up by winners. Way to go, Yankees, Red Sox, and Phillies.

Meanwhile, the Mets made a pretty generous offer to the overrated Jason Bay. He's got no other offers on the table, and he's just sitting on it. Just sitting. Hoping for something better.

I'm guessing he'll sign with the Mets eventually and have a decidedly mediocre season. Maybe he'll hit a few more home runs than anyone did this past season, but hell, Rod Carew could probably do that. And he'll strike out a bunch and make some bonehead plays in left field and blow some games and become the next great Mets scapegoat, joining such names as Kaz Matsui and Ollie Perez and Luis Castillo (who managed to get off the shitlist in 2009 - congratulations, Luis).

So here's where I'm gonna find my 2010 Mets Joy: R.A. Dickey. First of all, his name is Dickey. Have fun with that in New York, buddy.

Dickey signed a minor league contract with the Mets. His career has been decidedly mediocre. But here's why I like him: 1) He's a knuckleballer, and there isn't a funner pitch to watch thrown in baseball; and 2) He's missing a ligament in his elbow that, in theory, allows pitchers to pitch well.

Because he's only signed a minor league contract, we probably won't see him on the Mets roster until, if history is any guide, May of this season, when he'll join the rotation. And then I can't wait to see the fireworks.

I might even get myself a Dickey jersey. Because who doesn't want a jersey with Dickey across the back.

I Think I Have B&E Fatigue

2009-12-17T20:59:00.001-05:00

As I'm sure my six regular readers have noticed, I've been a bit off of late. Not only have the posts been fewer and farther between, but they've also been of a much lower quality. I'm aware of it, but I'm not sure why I've got such a lack of inspiration for things B&E related.

But hey! Maybe I'll write a post on B&E about it! Isn't that what bloggers do? Me me me me me me me me me me me me me.

When I kicked this sucker off a few years ago, it was largely because I was absolutely disgusted by Republican rule, and I needed a place to vent. Like so many, I feared that a new administration would stifle my desire to continue the regular posting, but I forged onward, undaunted.

There's been plenty to complain about or comment upon during the still-less-than-one-year that we've had a slightly more palatable president and administration.

I never really drank the Obama Kool-Aid the way so many other lefties did. Don't get me wrong: I supported him and voted for him. I liked the soaring rhetoric and decided that it would be refreshing and amazing to have a leader who could actually fucking inspire.

And of course there was the sheer historical value of the moment.

But I also listened to what he had to say, and I always wanted him to be farther to the left than how he actually portrayed himself. I think a lot of progressives thought he was saying what he needed to say to get elected and that his true colors would be revealed upon getting into office.

I think he was being pretty honest, actually. He always said he'd fight the "good war" in Afghanistan. He never pretended (during the election, anyway) that he was going to totally overhaul health care. He was always a "within the system" sort of guy, who spoke all pretty and let everyone project whatever they wanted onto him.

So I don't feel particularly betrayed or shocked by his thoughtful approach, his determination to compromise, his desire to be overly careful, or his differing opinions in whatever the best policy is for any given scenario.

I also think he's a lot smarter than I am. A lot. But hey, I can disagree with people who could wonk me under the table. I just might lose an argument. Not that I've had a conversation with President Obama.

When I find myself disagreeing with his decisions or being disappointed in his lack of fire or willingness to fight, other (also smarter) people than me do a perfectly fine job of expressing my feelings and thoughts on the matter, before I even have a chance to process something. Nothing takes the wind out of the sails of a rant more than the realization: "Gosh, that smart person really just summed up how I feel."

Back in 2008, when all of the various congressional fundraising committees were inundating me with appeals for my money, they were talking about how awesome it would be to have a SUPERMAJORITY! WE'LL BE ABLE TO DO WHATEVER WE WANT TO DO! IT'LL BE THE BEST WAY TO GET SHIT DONE!

Boy, and how.

And now there's progressive infighting over this health care debacle. Some (like Howard Dean and activist bloggers) say fuck it: kill the bill. It's just too damned destructive now. Others (like policy wonk bloggers such as Nate Silver) say killing the bill would be a Pyrrhic victory: many people would still be helped by this bill, as shitty as it may be and killing the bill hurts many of the people the left purports to be fighting for.

I don't actually know where I stand on this issue. My hunch is to say pass this sucker no matter how crappy it is. And then progressives should never compromise again. "That's it. We did nothing but bend over for you to pass health care. Now you have to come to us for everything else." In other words, pass this fucker and then be the biggest pain in the ass possible to anything that comes close to going against progressive values.

Progressives in the House always get ignored. Progressives in the Senate are pretty much limited to Bernie Sanders and Russ Feingold. What little influence they have should be wielded as brutally as humanly possible. After all, the Democrats need Russ and Bernie just as badly as they need Joe Lieberman and Ben Nelson. So fuck 'em.

And that's why I'm not a politician. Politics is nothing but compromise.

Unless you're a Republican. They never fucking compromise about anything. They're playing a different game, it's about ideology over governing, and it's very destructive.

When unified ideology goes head-to-head with weenied fecklessness, the result is very ugly indeed.

So it's been a time of blahs here in B&E country. I feel pretty hopeless about it all. Even though I didn't have the same level of optimism as most Obama supporters when he won the election, my cynicism has still managed to deepen in the past year. If I get any more cynical, it'll be downright nihilistic, and I like the missus too much to wish that upon her.

All this is to say that I don't feel like writing about this shit. It bums me out. I don't see the humor in it (although I still appreciate some of the humor in it when Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert chew it up and masticate). I don't feel the hope of progress.

And who wants to spend time writing about that kind of crap?

A Peruvian Chicken Party. You Heard Me: A Peruvian Chicken Party

2009-12-14T20:39:00.000-05:00

The missus and I had the pleasure of attending a Peruvian Chicken Party this weekend.

It's not a chicken party, of course, without chickens. So the woman hosting this party purchased 100 chickens in Queens (Queens!) for the party. A really good dent was already put into the total number of chicken parts, by the time I snagged this photo of the fridge.

B&E readers, the missus and I live in Queens (Queens!). It's the most diverse borough in the most diverse city in the world. Still, we have a relatively homogeneous life. So when we had the chance to attend a party thrown by Peruvians, we were all for it. Our friend's babysitter is trying to bring her daughter here from Peru, so she was having a fundraiser.

She made a traditional Peruvian chicken dinner and sold that plate of awesomeness for $10. It was, of course, outstanding. As guests arrived, she deep-fried the chicken and served it with potatoes and salad. Yum (or however it is you say "Yum!" in Spanish)!

It was largely but not solely about the food. We had very little cultural frame of reference for this party. We speak no Spanish. We don't often hang out with Peruvians. But the hosts and other guests really did everything they could to make us confused gringos feel welcome. You know, it was a party.

The music was blasting. The dancing was dancetastic. A young Peruvian dude hit on the missus.

Yes. Fun. And I hope the woman raised a boatload of Peruvian chicken money so that she can be reunited with her daughter soon.

Hey! That dude hit on the missus!

Off To a Great Start, Dickhead

2009-12-07T20:28:00.000-05:00

Hey, remember Rick Santorum? Reach back into the bowels of your brain and you might find him lurking there. "Consensual sex between gay people should be illegal." He's that guy.

Anyway, Rick's trying to prove that he's unpopular on a national level and not just in his home state of Pennsylvania. In other words, he's considering a run for the presidency. Go, Rick!

He's showing his brilliance already. He says that Sarah Palin has some explaining to do.

Yeah, no shit, Rick. That's why people run for president. To explain themselves. You'll have to explain yourself, too, you fucking idiot.

Signs of Life at the FCC?

2009-12-06T09:33:00.003-05:00

During the Bush administration (and let's face it: during the Clinton administration too), the Federal Communications Commission never found a merger it didn't like. It also seemed to deregulate just about everything having to do with anything and gave media, phone, and internet companies carte blanche to fuck consumers by any means necessary.

In theory the FCC is supposed to protect consumers. Well done, FCC.

I just caught this headline: FCC asks Verizon Wireless to explain fees.

It's not actually that interesting an article and, frankly, I'm surprised it's news at all. Imagine that: the regulatory body charged with protecting consumers from the communications companies is actually asking a company why it believes it has the right to charge certain fees. This shouldn't be news. This should be the FCC doing its daily duty.

Still, I've rather liked the shift at the FCC of late. They seem to be a little friendlier to ideas like net neutrality, which would keep the internet free and open to the public, something the various internet providers are dead set against.

The big test will be the NBC/Comcast merger. That will be one monster of a media/communications company, which will almost certainly screw consumers in the long run. Has the FCC grown the balls to stop it?

The connections between free and open media and a thriving democracy are undeniable, and if you feel like geeking out on these issues for a while, FreePress.net is your one-stop shop for information about these things.

Dickhead of the (Time Frame) - NY State Senate

2009-12-02T21:00:00.005-05:00

I've always been proud to live in New York - the gayest city in the gayest state in the gayest country in the gayest world. OK, so maybe we're second to Des Moines.

Either way, like most left-leaning New Yorkers, I find today's vote by the New York State Senate to deny marriage to same-sex couples bass-ackwards and offensive.

The New York State Senate has really been on a roll lately, particularly efficient at accomplishing almost nothing, unless it's destructive. They're like the bastard child of the United States Senate, which is particularly efficient at accomplishing almost nothing, unless it's destructive.

If there are any Queens activists out there who are angry enough to want to put up a challenge in the primary to our Dickhead State Senator George Onorato, I promise you'll get my support.

I never thought that I'd want to be from Staten Island, but I wish this woman was my Senator...