What Stood Out This Week - 8/24-8/30

Democrats, Democrats, Democrats, Democrats, Democrats... Hey! Look at the pretty lady! Let's see What Stood Out This Week.

The Democrat

The convention was good political theater, with some genuine "making history" thrown in. I don't particularly need to review any of it here, since I wrote about it all week. My memory stays with Michelle Obama, Ted Kennedy, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Brian Schweitzer, and Barack Obama. According to most liberal pundits, I should also have John Kerry on that list, but I think expectations are in general so low for him people are impressed if he comes off anything but snoozy.

The Republican

John McCain was mostly missing from the week, until he announced his running mate on Friday, Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska. She's like the Xavier Nady of politics: "Who?" Although these days that's perhaps unfair to Xady.

It's a choice that comes with its strengths and weakness. Strengths:

- It's now a historical election no matter what happens.

- She neutralizes one of Joe Biden's greatest assets: his ability to make people look really stupid. If he gets condescending and intolerant of her during their debate, he'll just look like a bully. But if he were to bully Mitt Romney, it would be funny and awesome.

- Because she's totally unknown, people can project whatever they want onto her (sort of like the early days of Barack Obama).

Weaknesses:

- She has way less experience than Obama, which would seemingly undercut McCain's whole argument for running against him, now that she's next in line behind a really old guy.

- She makes McCain look older. She makes him look a lot older. Look at them standing next to each other. He looks old enough to be her grandfather.

- She reminds me of McCain's penchant for younger, attractive women, including his McCaining of his first wife for his second and that lobbyist story from a few months ago that sort of went away. I think McCain is a dirty, old man.

- She's actually going through a bit of a scandal in her home state. Although she claims to have known nothing about it, her office (that would be the Alaska Governor's office) tried to get her sister's ex-husband fired from his state trooper job.

- The campaign is overestimating the PUMA vote. My hunch is that the disaffected Hillary voters who won't vote for Obama are a) already voting McCain; b) very loud but very small.

Finally, we won't know how the choice is until we see her on the trail, in the debate. She has a lot less time to convince voters that she's ready to be president than Obama has.

Overall, though? It won't make a big difference either way. Quayle didn't sink Bush 1, Cheney didn't sink Bush 2, Bentzen didn't help Dukakis, and Edwards didn't help Kerry. So why should Biden or Palin make any difference either?

And that's What Stood Out This Week...

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Barack Obama

Abrupt end to Durbin's speech. Odd.

Tribute film! Barack's mom was sorta hot. Woo! Kansas! Grandparents from Kansas! Well done, Kansas. We're getting more about Barack's mom. She was, of course, the perfect mother. More jokes about the name, because really... It's Barack Obama. And the love of Michelle.

The missus is moved by the tribute film. She's a sucker for tribute films. I showed her a tribute film of me before I asked her to marry me, and she could only say yes. By the time she came out of the fog of my tribute film, we were married. Sucka.

Obama still gets choked up talking about his mother's death. The missus thinks Obama is handsome. But she's married to me.

Film over! And Barack is out on stage. Music swells! Crowd roars! Sheer joy! He's shouting thank you and crowd members weep. He's really trying to get going now. OK, I'm gonna listen, if you don't mind.

Except that he can't get a word in edgewise.

Now he's off. OK. I listen.

HE ACCEPTS! WE NOMINATED! HE ACCEPTS! Oh, boy, if he'd refused... What a disaster that would've been. But now we can move forward. After another shout-out to Hillary and Bill. And Ted and Joe. Those are some pearly white choppers Joe's got. And he likes to show them. And shout-out to Michelle, the love of his life, and his daughters who are not quite old enough to be horrified by their daddy.

Obama just hit the failed policies of George W. Bush. "We're better than the last eight years." And he brings up Katrina, as he well damned should. "Enough!"

EIGHT IS ENOUGH! Cut to Dick Van Patten! No. Too bad.

Golf applause for John McCain's bravery. John voted 90% of the time with Bush. A 10% chance of change? I don't think so, suckas. (Why do some people say he voted with Bush 90% and other say 95% of the time? What's the discrepancy?)

Hitting "nation of whiners" now. Good for you, Obama. It's not that McCain doesn't care; it's that he doesn't know. Good point. "Ownership society" means "You're on your own! And it's time for them to own their failure." Nice.

Tying the regular stories he's heard with his own family is nice, especially when he mentions the "celebrity" thing from John McCain.

America's Promise. I think we've got the theme. He just kicked into philosophical gear. We are part of a society: brother and sister's keepers. Spelling out the change is coming up.

Cut taxes for 95% of working families. Off oil in ten years? OK, so that's fucking bold. Green jobs. Invest. Big plans. Good education: early ed, higher salaries for teachers and accountability. Adding service to the college ed deal. Health care for all. Safety nets. Equal pay for equal work, because his daughters deserve it. I'm guessing his daughters will be fine, but I get the point.

Individual and mutual responsibility. I can dig on that.

He's talking like a tough Commander-in-Chief now, comparing his judgment to McCain, whose judgment has been a disaster.

OK, so when he starts talking about unity, well, that's when he really starts cooking. Common ground on tough issues. Surely, we can be reasonable. You can't make a big election about small things. Change doesn't come from Washington but to it.

So I spaced out while listening there for a bit. I guess that's a good sign. And then a country song and fireworks.

Gwen and Judy at the stadium? Like no other convention we've seen. He answered criticism and gave some more specifics about his plans and his family. And he sounded tough.

Historians? Historian 1 thinks Obama's catapulted us into the 21st Century. Historian 2 says he sacrificed eloquence for electability. Interesting. I think I agree with that. I was hoping for another highfalutin speech. It was pretty nuts and bolts. Historian 3 thinks Barack spelled it out well and thinks it'll help him a lot.

Jim Lehrer? Shields and Yarnell? Shields thinks he established the humble roots and the differences with McCain. Steely resolve about patriotism. And he got specific. Yarnell thought the text was assertive. Here comes a "but." Not wowed. Unmoved.

Yarnell and Historian 2 disagree about the partisanship of the speech. And Historian 2 says that this speech won't be carved in granite, but if he gets elected, he'll have an inaugural address for that. That made PBS laugh heartily.

And they're done.

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Pre-Obama

A lovely dinner with friends kept me from the Convention earlier (and look! It's Monica Early on TV now!). I missed Gore. So I'm going to review his speech without having heard it...

Gore rocked the house! No one's better in pointing out the differences between the two parties. The differences matter. Indeed, if Gore had been given the office he won, global warming would be healing, we wouldn't be at war with Iraq, the economy would be stronger, we would be weaning ourselves off the oil.

At least that's what I'd say if I were him. And because Gore is no longer a candidate, he was much more relaxed than he used to be, so his delivery wasn't stiff and stilted. Rather than reliving the world of RoboGore, Al gave the speech of a Nobel Prize-winner elder statesman, who's just chillin' on his sofa telling us what's what.

Well done, Al Gore.

I assume.

The missus thinks the stadium is a mistake. The sound is a little worse. It's not as intimate. Well, we'll see, missus. Oh, we'll see.

Now we've sitting through the "regular person" part of the program. The woman from North Carolina makes a compelling argument for former Republicans. She's pretty natural in front of the crowd. She voted for Nixon, Reagan, Bush, and Bush, but now Obama will be her president.

Barney Smith would like to be put before Smith Barney, which gets major applause and chants of "Barney! Barney! Barney!" And Barney felt the power of that applause and ended strong. He was nervous as hell to begin with, but ended with a smile. Man, that was a good "regular person" closer.

Mark Shields and David Brooks (Shields and Yarnell) are floored by the "regular folks." "Where did they find these people??" Even Yarnell is absolutely amazed.

After a station break, they're talking about the crowd at the stadium. Looks fun, they think. Everyone's having a great time. And why not?

The head of the NAACP is named Jealous. Attempting to comment on that is too dangerous when I'm just writing as the thoughts come.

OH! Historians! Today is the anniversary of the MLK, Jr. "I Have a Dream" speech. Forty-five years later we see a piece of that dream realized. OK, I have to admit that I got distracted and missed most of the historians talk. Damn.

I think Dick Durbin is now introducing Barack Obama. I'd like him to be done already. I might ignore Dick Durbin until Barack comes on. Yeah, I'm just gonna post this thing now.

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Joe Biden

Biopic of Biden. Praise, praise, praise. Family man, politically experienced, and the rest.

He's being introduced by his son Beau, who's the AG of Delaware and is about to head off to Iraq with the Delaware National Guard. Good intro. He's making the whole place cry with the story of his mother and sister's death and Joe's decision (reversed) not to serve in the Senate.

His son is talking about the stutter. The kids called him "Dash," as in the punctuation. That's a better nickname than Bubba, which I liked already. But that's it: he's Dash. Vice President Dash Biden.

And because he's off to Iraq, he's asking people to be there for his dad. Man, he's pulling out the stops. Good intro, Beau my man.

Heeeeeere's Joe!

He's a talker. Let's see how he talks. He's not afraid to express his love for his wife. I like that. I love the missus.

And he accepts the nomination! Whew! That's a relief. I wasn't sure there for a minute.

Joe's doing pretty well so far. He's showing off his mother, telling the lessons he learned through tragedy and more, and I swear to god, I think he's sincere.

There have been a couple of "Freudian slips" calling John McCain "George W. Bush." I'd say they were staged except the speakers (Kerry and Biden) seemed genuinely surprised at their mistake. They're either better actors than most politicians or they really did slip.

The missus likes Dash's hushed tones. He's a better performer than most speakers. He pulls it off, the hushed tones.

John McCain is his friend. Here we go. He profoundly disagrees with John. He just said, "taxes" when he meant "tax breaks." Whoops. "That's not change; that's more of the same." Doesn't quite roll of the tongue of the crowd, but they're trying.

"We don't need a soldier; we need a wise leader." That's a good point.

The missus is chanting, "That's the change we need" with Joe's call and response lines.

I like that Joe's not afraid to call the Bush administration "abysmal." He's questioning McCain's judgment, which is what he's been hired to do. John McCain is wrong and Barack Obama is right. Go to town, Biden. I don't know about this warmongering talk, but I like that you're fighting McCain at least.

And he's done. There we go. I hope that Mitt Romney is McCain's pick for VP. Biden will tear him a new asshole, debatingly speaking. Oh, I would like to see that.

Hey, look! It's Barack on stage with Joe, introduced by Jill. Barack's thanking the great speakers of the rest of the convention. And now he's speaking off the cuff? He's got no prompters. It's a short speech, but hell, he just rattled off a few words there.

And there's the Bruce Springsteen to close the speech, because who better, really?

Shields and Yarnell? Shields said Beau Biden was the highlight of the night for him. There are a boatload of Bidens on stage. Jim Lehrer says, "And here are the little ones," because how often do we see four-year-olds waving at the crowd? Only every convention.

Buzz on the floor afterward? Serious excitement.

Historians? Big night, huge help, giant setup for tomorrow. The historians see Hubert Humphrey in the night. Ah, Hubert Humphrey. Poor Hubert. Historians approve.

Yarnell thinks that this night puts pressure on McCain. Especially with his veep choice. Yarnell thinks that it points inevitably to Lieberman. He's the only antidote to Joe Biden.

And they're done for the evening. So am I.

By the way, the Mets won. Back in first place! A good night for Democrats and Mets fans!

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Pre-Biden

We're waiting for Joe Biden now, so I won't say much about the run-ups. Chet Edwards is first. He smiles at the end of every sentence. Unfortunate choice.

The Mets have taken the lead over the Phillies! It's 6-3 now in the 8th inning!

There were some military features and interviews that were quite nice and interesting.

Now they're nominating Joe Biden for Vice President.

TRIBUTE FILM!

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - John Kerry

Mr. Personality is speaking now. I'm already tired.

Jesus, if this guy were president now, John McCain would be running away with this election.

I'm looking at his face and hearing, "Blah blah blah..." Nice head of hair, though. And I know a nice head of hair when I see one.

OK, his passion on torture actually got my attention. (John Kerry is against torture.)

Like Mark Warner, John Kerry is a lip-licker. And he's lip-licking his way through an attack on "Candidate McCain" vs. "Senator McCain." He makes some good points, but I wish he had more charisma. "Talk about being against it before being for it!" he says in an attempt at self-deprecation.

The Mets are losing to the Phillies 3-2 in the bottom of the 7th inning, by the way. So much for first place.

He's doing a bit of a call and response now. Who can we count on? (Audience: BARACK OBAMA!)

OK, John Kerry. Wrap it the fuck up. You go too long, and we're done with you.

Oh, look! Barack Obama's uncle. He helped liberate Buchenwald. He's old and touched by the attention.

The missus just got home, and she said that John Kerry was very good on the radio on her way home. Well, seeing that long, dull, lip-licking face really makes a big difference, apparently.

"In closing!" He just said, "In closing!" And he closed. Whew.

Shields and Yarnell now. Shields said it wasn't a typical Kerry speech. Still seemed sorta dull, but maybe he meant context.

They're cut off by the only woman three-star general in the Army. Well, she's a badass, isn't she?

UPDATE: The Mets tied it up in the 8th on a home run by Carlos Delgado.

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Bill Clinton

In a desperate attempt to put a dent in the giant pile of dishes in our kitchen sink, I nearly missed Bill Clinton. But there's just been a shitload of cheering so far, so I don't think he's started yet. He's saying, "Sit down," but he is loving every second of it. Oh, now he's actually wanting to get going. "Please stop."

And his opener immediately demonstrates that he's a party man through and through. He's here to support Barack Obama. Of course he's just praised Joe Biden more than Obama. Hm...

Oh, but he's doing shtick now, baby. The primary sped up global warming! He's nervous about following Hillary! But he's down with Barack Obama now, or at least he's playing a man down with Barack Obama on TV.

Bill speaks from the position of authority now. He's one of three living ex-presidents. And now he's talking about how the nation's failed in the past eight years. Everything he's done all over every goddamn place every where tells him that Obama's the man for the job.

Yes, he's offering full-throated support. In his first Commander-in-Chief decision, choosing a running mate, he "hit it out of the park." (For you non-baseball readers, that's a baseball reference. But probably not enough of one to offer you some eye candy in this post.) "Barack Obama is ready to be president of the United States."

President Bill has been the one accused of being a whiny bastard. Hell, at times, I thought he was going insane. But Bill is a political animal, and he knows when it's time to go kick some ass. And that seems to be what he's doing now.

Bill is smarmy and charming both. It's disarming. I want to sleep with him, and yet I'm repulsed. He touches me, yet I recoil. He moves me, yet I feel sick.

He's also smart as hell. I think he wrote this today. He could very well be speaking off-the-cuff. He just knows shit.

Cut to Michelle: she looks very happy. The crowd chants, "Yes, he can!" Bill says, "Yes, he can, but first we have to elect him!"

Now he's making a very good, clear case against John McCain. This is where Bill Clinton is at his very best. He knows how to take someone apart, logically and simply.

He just called Biden's wife "fabulous" in a way that made me want to lock up my daughter. I don't have a daughter, of course (that I know of), but still...

And Clinton is done. And oh, he's very good.

Shields and Yarnell give him a thumbs up. Bill Clinton offered the rebuttal to the "experience issue." They're so positive that they've run out of things to say.

Cut to the floor. They love Bill on the floor.

And the historians? Oh, but I love the historians. They're talking about how he redefined the Democratic Party. In other words, it's more conservative (my assessment). Dammit. We left the historians too soon. I like the historians. Have I mentioned that yet?

So, Shields and Yarnell, how much does Bill Clinton help Obama? Shields says it puts doubts to rest. Yarnell gets cut off by John Kerry, who's about to speak.

Baldy in a Battleground - Episode 4

Editor's Note: Let's take a quick break (returning in a few minutes, of course) from the Democratic National Convention to check in with the grassroots efforts of the Obama Campaign with another fine episode of... Baldy in a Battleground...

And Now, Some Hope

Dear readers, I will now share some good news from this battleground state. The campaign for change and hope is not all snafus and slip-ups.

This past weekend, we volunteers here on the ground received some training for this grassroots operation. The governor of this battleground state attended and fired us up good. (He must have been a cheerleader in another life, because he was really something with the cheers.)

Also in attendance were some amazing people with inspiring stories...

- A woman who has been a life-long Republican, but who supports Obama because her brother will be shipped off to Iraq in three weeks.

- An Iraq War veteran, also a life-long Republican who, after receiving a standing ovation from the crowd, was so overcome with tears that all he could squeak out is, "This unlawful war has to end. It has to."

- A man who marched with Dr. Martin Luther King during the Civil Rights Movement. He's over 70, a pillar of this community, and still going strong. He told me that men like Obama only come around every 40 years, in his experience, so we young'ns better pay attention.

- A single mother, who was paying a babysitter money she couldn't afford to be paying so that she could attend the volunteer training. With tears in her eyes she told me that for the first time in a long time, she's felt hope. Hope was enough. It's what she has needed all along.

- An old white widow who stood up and told us how she gets people to talk about Barack Obama: she wears a pin that says "Democrats are Sexy! Whoever heard of a good piece of elephant?" She received a standing ovation.

- At some point, someone stood up and said they were supporting Barack because, "He's The One." Me and my field organizer immediately started making Star Wars jokes, but deep down, we both believed it. In that moment, in that room, with 900 unpaid volunteers willing to put everything in their lives on the back burner so that they can dedicate themselves to getting this man elected, I believed it.

Obama's campaign here on the ground is by no means perfect. In fact, it's handled surprisingly badly. But, and this is a donkey-sized but, this election is not about paid campaigners from out of state, who will flit on to the next campaign on November 5th.

No, this election is about the students, single mothers, hardworking fathers, young men and women, soldiers, and everyone else from this state who are no longer willing to sit back and see what happens. They're taking their state back and they are going to win this election. Not with fancy numbers and polls, but with sheer determination and will.

And, yes... hope.

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Hillary Clinton

I keep thinking she's about to come out. But now the organic farmer/Governor of Montana is speaking. Now this guy's dynamic! It's all about the bolo tie, baby! Bring it, Schweitzer! Oh, he's getting the crowd going! "That's it, baby! Let's go win this election!" That's how he closed. Well done, Brian Schweitzer. Even Yarnell says we need more of this.

Finally! The tribute film for Hillary! It's a rockin' film, with splices of her speeches. The music has gone from Tom Petty to movie soundtrack classical! It's building! It's showing some Barack, too, this film. Oh, this is political propaganda at its best, people. And it features Chelsea Clinton's voice-over too.

Chelsea's introducing her. Here's my prediction: Chelsea Clinton will be the first female president of the United States. I hope it doesn't take that long, but she'll be the one if it does.

Hillary's got a bright orange pantsuit on. Oh, pantsuits, is there no color you can't be?

The missus is awake and moved. I tell you, this political theater works. But wait! Hillary speaks! At least she's trying to, but the crowd just keeps going and going.

Hillary's really been unwavering in her support for Barack, and the speech begins that way. Unite now, people! Fight and win together! She's doing exactly what she's supposed to. "No way, no how, no McCain." Hey, now... that's pretty catchy.

This tradition of individual anecdotes in politics is boring. A little too... cliche. I guess it works, but still. I'm done with them.

Now she's hitting the litany of issues, explaining why she ran for president and why she now supports Barack.

She's doing a callback on those individual anecdotes. She's not done with them. But she's using them as a challenge to the people who supported her but are lukewarm (or worse) to Obama. Maybe that works. She's definitely doing what the Party wants her to do.

And she's making a specific case for Barack now. "We did it before with President Clinton," (cut to Clinton leaning back in chair smugly) "and we can do it again with President Obama!"

Look out... Here come the attacks on McCain... More of the same! It's crap! We don't need that shit here! Ixnay on the Ohn-Jay IcCain-May! (I paraphrase.)

Good zinger about Bush/McCain's appropriate convention in the Twin Cities, "because it's so hard to tell them apart!"

The history geek in me loves the Harriet Tubman references. Keep going! Keep going! And to keep going we need to get going to elect Barack Obama!

Heh. She just said, "Duty."

OK, so Hillary just did very well. The missus and I were just discussing how much better she's gotten as a speaker since her campaign began six years ago (or whenever it was she began her campaign).

So what do Shields and Yarnell think? Shields says she did everything that could've been expected. I agree. And so does Yarnell, who also liked the "keep going" stuff. Maybe I'm a safe, reasonable conservative after all.

And the historians? Historian 1 thought it was a remarkable speech. Historian 2 thinks Eleanor Roosevelt would be proud. Historian 3 thinks she could've been more specific on changing her mind about earlier criticisms of Obama. Historian 2 thinks that would've been overkill and unbelievable.

On the floor Gwen Ifill thinks that generally the unity theme was successful.

They all continue to talk, way past my bedtime.

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Pre-Hillary Clinton

Hillary should be coming out here soon.

Shields and Yarnell agreed that Michelle Obama is an impressive woman. Yarnell seemed downright blushy and embarrassed talking about her. What a cute, safe conservative he is.

Governor Deval Patrick of Massachusetts is up now. Poor bastard. People are antsy for Hillary. Maybe I'm projecting. I'm ready for Hillary. Bring out Hillary!

The missus has dozed off waiting. These Western time zone events are killers on us working people on the East Coast. Why does this shit have to be so late? You know, China is bigger than the United States, or at least it's nearly as big (I don't feel like looking it up), and it has exactly one time zone. Why can't we be more like China?

The historians are back! My first sight of the historians on Night 2! I love the historians because I'm a geek. They're talking about women in history. There really were women in history! Who knew? Actually, they're talking about genuinely interesting things, particularly the shift in the parties from the late 70s to early 80s. I can't summarize here. Too much.

I do like those historians.

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Mark Warner

Former Governor and current Senate candidate Mark Warner of Virginia is the official keynote speaker.

Leading into Warner's speech is Lily Ledbetter who lost her case before the Supreme Court. It's a compelling story too complicated to summarize here, but suffice to say, she got screwed out of pay because she's a woman. It was a truly bullshit decision by this right-wing court of ours.

I've got mixed feelings about this Mark Warner character, so let's see what he's got to say about things. The missus says he's toothy. She's nothing if not observant.

Apparently, Mark Warner has more money than God, if he's talking about his success as an early adopter of the cell phone industry.

Now that I'm looking, I'm noticing that Warner spends a lot of time licking his teeth and lips. It's a bit distracting.

Warner's giving me a feeling of "meh." He lacks dynamism. The content's good. He even said, "infrastructure," which as my three readers know I find sexy.

The missus just started kissing me, which is a lot more interesting. Yeah, so I did that for a while. Who's speaking?

Oh, it's still Warner. He's talking about common ground. And he's still licking his lips and teeth.

Now he's touting his accomplishments as Governor. He's thinking 2016 right now. He got some kid a high-tech job. Well done, Governor. He acknowledged that it's difficult to be the next keynote speaker after Barack Obama four years ago. It's good he mentioned it because he's nowhere near as good.

Jim Lehrer just said that Warner founded Nextel. Yeah, so he really does have more money than God, so that's nice for him.

Our political parties are corporations run by corporate raiders. It's actually a bit surprising that I'm not voting for Nader because he's totally right about that.

But I guess I'm willing to give one of the two major parties one more shot. Don't fucking blow it, Democrats.

Shields and Yarnell are discussing the speech and the convention so far. Yarnell's all, "These people are rhetorically boring." Shields is more forgiving of the rhetoric.

An interview with Michelle Obama follows. She seems pretty comfortable in an interview, too.

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Bob Casey, Jr.

He just haaaaaaaad to mention that's he's pro-life, didn't he?

Aaaaaah, we knew it was coming, since his father was famously barred from giving a pro-life speech at the 1992 election. And now the Democrats care less about fighting for that issue, I guess.

Bob's bringing some zingers. He's got everyone chanting, "Four more months," so that's nice.

And at the end, the camera cut to Jimmy Carter, which is even nicer.

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Kathleen Sebelius

The Kansas Governor is speaking. I don't know that much about her, although I try to pay a little bit of attention, since I grew up in the Sunflower State and all. I like what I know about her.

But her response to the State of the Union address earlier this year was totally lackluster.

Tonight she's a bit better, perhaps, but she still lacks energy or something. More appealing than the last time she appeared on national television, though. But I want more fire. I mean, she's actually attacking John McCain, but there's no real passion behind it. Hit him, and hit him hard, Kathleen!

In my high school class, the guy voted Most Dreamed About shot up his jeans with buckshot and started a trend. That's Kansas, baby!

Add some goddamned buckshot to this argument, and you're onto something! Fire away, Kansasette!

Yeah, she's OK, but she really could've kicked more ass. Kansans kick ass. Where's the ass-kick?

Or at least they shoot shit with buckshot. Next time, shoot 'em up, Sebelius!

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Night 2

Tonight is Hillary's night, of course, and all the talk is whether or not those PUMA (that's Party United My Ass) people will get in line behind the candidate who won the primary (that would be Barack Obama).

Katha Pollitt, who writes about "women's issues" over at The Nation (click to the right - too lazy to set up a link), is stalking delegates at the Convention, partly to get to the bottom of this. A couple of women she's talked to think that probably a lot of these so-called PUMAs were actually McCain supporters all along. Seems like a reasonable theory to me. There's certainly no other rational explanation.

So I'm just gearing up for the night's events, and a laid off mill worker from North Carolina was pretty compelling. The rich lady following a little less so. But then I've been getting this post going and not really paying attention, so maybe that's not fair.

Next is Kathleen Sebelius. Maybe I'll give her her own post.

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Michelle Obama

While we wait for Michelle Obama, we get a boring Republican Jim Leach, former congressman from Iowa. The missus thinks he sounds like Kermit the Frog, and I must admit that she's right. So it's great to have a Republican speaking in support of Obama and all, but this guy is dry as toast. He's making good points, but he sure is hard to listen to.

We also get a little Senator Claire McCaskill, an early Obama supporter. She's fine, but let's face it: we want ourselves some Michelle Obama now. Claire's talking about herself a little too much. But then at least she transitioned to talking about Michelle and Barack. "Their stories are American stories." Oh, I see what you're getting at, Claire. The Obamas are American, in spite of their color and funny name.

Here comes the Michelle tribute film. With the piano music, the missus starts crying. Michelle had some big hair when she graduated high school. And we heard the how-they-met story. Very cute, I guess. A perfectly good tribute film. I know more about Michelle Obama than I did before the film.

Craig Robinson, Michelle's brother, introduces her. He just shouted, "Go Beavers!" which is always a surprise in a political setting. Oh, he's a basketball coach. That makes a lot more sense. And here she is...

Michelle just said literally. Hm...

She seems remarkably comfortable giving this speech. I'm more nervous for her now than she is, so that's a good sign. In fact, she looks like she's full-on in her element, like she's been speaking in convention centers in front of thousands of people since the day she was born.

And the content? She made a pretty strong argument for why she loves America. I believe her. And only an asshole would think she's insincere. But the assholes will come out, I suspect. Who'll be first? Romney or Giuliani?

OK, so how did she do that? "Isn't She Lovely" by Stevie Wonder plays. Yes, I think she might be.

Oh, looky. There's Barack, making jokes about being persistent. Children are speaking in microphones. It's chaos. How on earth did they agree to hand the mics over to children? That could've been a disaster. "Hey, Daddy! How's the rash?"

What do Shields and Yarnell think? Shields liked the diversity of the evening and the spirit of opportunity. Yarnell thought the Democrats had a good night, but thought Michelle missed a chance to humanize Barack. Yarnell was looking for something to criticize, so he made something up.

And the historians? Well, they disagree with Yarnell. Historian 1 saw Michelle in a context of other trailblazing African-American women. Historian 2 thought as presidential spouses go, she did very well, and thought the chaos of the girls earned him about two million votes. Historian 3 thinks it's more like four million. They presented a happy, loving family.

The reporter on the floor said even the press was rapt during Michelle's speech. If you can win those jackasses over, you can win over regular people.

Now, they're looking forward to tomorrow evening's festivities.

Good first night pep rally, Democrats. You sure know how to party.

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Ted Kennedy

Jimmy Carter's long-time fellow Democratic rival Ted Kennedy got himself a proper tribute as well.

Ted Kennedy is pretty amazing, too. Like all Kennedys, it seems, Ted was personally quite flawed. Drinking, scandals, and more.

We had the conventions on TV in my house growing up, and I have some early memories of fiery speeches coming out of the Liberal Lion. In spite of the ugly 1980 primary challenge (which I was way too young to appreciate), I've always liked both Ted and Jimmy, even if they don't much like each other.

The tribute to Ted got the missus crying. I felt a tear forming but didn't break.

Then Ted himself came out. The man's got a goddamned brain tumor, and he gave a speech. Yes, he looked a little sick. But he fucking walked out, he stood there, his timing was good, his voice occasionally faltered, his Boston accent flared appropriately, he got too close to the microphone a couple of times...

But fucking hell... Ted Kennedy has a fucking brain tumor, and he gave a fucking speech. And a pretty goddamned good one, even when thinking about the speeches we've gotten used to from Barack Obama.

And David Brooks (a.k.a. Yarnell) just called Ted Kennedy the greatest senator in the United States. And usually I dismiss Yarnell as a non-confrontational, conservative yutz. But I guess I'll accept something he says if I agree with it.

After all, this Convention is all about unity!

Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Jimmy Carter

I'm watching what I can of the convention this week. That is to say that I'm not stopping the other activities in my life to watch every minute of this thing. But when I'm here, I'll be watching and writing.

The missus and I love the PBS coverage of political pep rallies. It's all a hubbub already, so who needs the screaming pundits. We like the Jim Lehrer, Gwen Ifill, and Shields and Yarnell (a.k.a. Mark Shields as the liberal voice and David Brooks as the safe conservative), and I don't mind telling you that the geek in me enjoys the hell out of those historians who put it all in a context.

The PBS coverage is not terribly slick. Lots of "uhs" and sound problems, and it makes me feel good about their focus on content over fancy graphics. Of course, they don't have budgets for all that fancy stuff.

The first bit I caught on TV was an interview with Jimmy Carter. Boy, he sure does make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Even with a popped blood vessel in his eye, he exuded goodness.

I was four years old in 1976 when Jimmy Carter ran for president against Gerald Ford. I loved Jimmy Carter. I even had a smiling peanut keychain. I wish I knew where that damned thing was today. I had it surprisingly recently, but couldn't find it when I did a search a couple of years ago.

My parents didn't understand why a four year old would love a presidential candidate so much, but I loved him. I fucking loved him, even before I knew how to say fucking.

Even today, I get all goosepimply when I see that smile on TV talking about the issues I care most about too. The man builds a shitload of houses, he hands out medicine in Africa, he has lust in his heart!

Jimmy Carter is the best damned ex-president we've got.

Literally

So Barack Obama announced his running mate Joe "Bubba" Biden (Obama said that's what people called him as a kid, so I assume it's an accepted nickname).

Biden gave a speech, which wasn't bad at all, but I particularly noticed that he used the word literally a lot. Things are literally worse than they were eight years ago. The American Dream is literally falling off a cliff. Those may not be actual quotes from Bubba, but he definitely overused literally during his speech.

Well, literally has made its first noticeable appearance in the Obama fundraising emails, the latest of which features this line:

But make no mistake about what we're up against. John McCain has embraced the same old politics of fear, division, and Karl Rove-style attacks -- which makes sense coming from someone who's voted with George Bush literally 95% of the time.

Is it literal, though? I mean, George Bush doesn't even have a vote in the Senate. But I guess I know what they mean.

I'm going to be keeping my eye on this use of literally, in literally everything I hear and read from the Obama campaign over the next ten weeks.

More Carolina Photos!

I'm a narcissist! So I assume you care! More photos!

We ate! Our rental house had a grill! We used it! Look! Steak and potatoes!


Looky here! Barbecue chicken!


We walked up a rocky creek/stream/river!


We hiked where there were bears! We chased them off!


The missus built a fire on a cool, rainy afternoon! She smoked us out!


The missus wanted to get the Maxx for the minimum! But the Maxx was still only "coming soon"! So no great deals for us!


These colors don't run! Except that they do! Or at least they crack!

Guest Post - Baldy in a Battleground - Episode 3

No Substitutions, Please

I find myself in a district in this battleground state that is made up of mostly, how do you say, yuppies. Upper middle class white folk who fancy themselves to be progressives and even throw in little tidbits about themselves to let you know they are gay-tolerant, or would even consider hiring a black person to do their housework.

"Don't you just love that Carson Kressley? He's hilarious! And so queer!"

Lucky for them, Carson's not there queering up the neighborhood, something for which they thank their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ every day, even though the queers raise the hell out of property values.

One of our tasks while aboard the "Yes We Can" train is to make phone calls identifying persuadable voters. Have they chosen a candidate? What issues are most important to them? Do they lean towards one candidate or the other?

Notice I say one candidate or the other, not whom they would choose for president if the whole world was their oyster.

We're down to two choices, people. Hillary isn't running anymore. I'm sorry, upper middle-class-white-ladies-of-middle-to-advanced-age. She's just not an option.

You can get white toast or you can have home fries. You cannot have an English muffin. No substitutions! If only we had a handy menu to hand out. Welcome to Chez America. We're cooking what's fresh, and older rich white ladies are not in season.

Although that really old white dude sure does stay on the menu for a long time, even though he's way overripe. Stinky.

What Stood Out This Week - 8/17-8/23

Who's he gonna choose? And will his pick know how many houses he's got? Let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Democrat

Barack Obama selected Senator Joe Biden of the all-important swing state of Delaware to be his running mate this morning. As Delaware goes, so goes Rhode Island, as they say.

Biden's a decent enough choice, I suppose. He certainly knows more about foreign policy than just about anyone in the Senate.

But really, it was how Obama announced his choice that put this week in the Obama column. The week was full of articles about the various potential VP candidates, and tons of media outlets filed stories about "Who Will Obama Choose?"

Personally, I like Biden, although there have been times in the past that he's said or done or voted on things that I've disagreed with.

One thing Biden's sort of famous for is saying stupid shit, like when he called Obama "clean" and "articulate" in the primary. He's got a rapier wit that often causes bleeding where he least intends. He's a pistol, a firecracker. He'll bring some humor to the proceedings. And he'll almost certainly put his foot in his mouth at least once, and I'm betting that at some point he'll say something silly enough that there will be some maybe-Biden-should-go speculation.

But along with that trait goes that thing that's probably most important: Biden's not afraid of a little confrontation. He can say things Obama doesn't want to say.

Yeah, it's a pretty good pick.

The Republican

There was a little VP speculation on the McCain side of things, too. Mitt Romney seems to be a front-runner, which would be an awesome pick because then you really have a ticket made up of the two people in America who will say whatever it takes to be president. Those two guys have taken every side on every issue facing Americans today. Awesome.

The McCain camp has already unleashed its first attack on Obama in relation to his selection of Biden. Somehow, because he selected someone with so much experience it demonstrates that Obama's not ready to be president. That seems stupid. They should come up with something better. Or wait a few hours for when Biden shoves his foot in his mouth.

This Week's Argument

But no, it wasn't all Veepstakes. John McCain doesn't know how many houses he's got.

The Obama campaign has settled on seven. But the truth is, no one can track down the real number. Even Talking Points Memo, which spent a good part of the week investigating the matter, has come up with figures between 8 and 11. Imagine that: John McCain has so much property, no tally can even be figured.

Because, let's see. I've got zero houses. I rent. A lot of people have one house. My mother would fall into this category, as would the handful of people I know who own their apartments in New York.

Yes, I think it's safe to say that one house is the norm. I do know some rich folks that have a second house. But you know, they're rich. So when you're talking about seven-plus houses, you're talking about the ultra-rich.

The Obamas appear to own their one home. And yet somehow they're the elitists.

More and more people in the United States have zero houses because they've suffered foreclosure.

I'm hoping that this is the week that John McCain lost the election. But I'm sure he'll weather this storm like he seems to weather all the others. Boy, people sure are forgiving of this John McCain character. What will it take for people to John-McCain him?

Guest Post - Baldy in a Battleground - Episode 2

NOTE: Names (even in rhyme) have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent.

Project Rhymes-With-Cake-in-Spain

So, my first official act as an Obama campaigner in this battleground state was to participate in Project Rhymes-With-Cake-in-Spain.

I arrived, as instructed, late at night at the campaign office downtown. Incidentally, the Obama campaign office is directly across the street from the Republican state headquarters. The Obama office is a rusted out old storefront with a broken front door, while the Republican office is a miniature white house, complete with lush green lawn and shutters. Seriously.

One of the regional directors, Rhymes-With-Blenny, gave us our instructions for the evening. This particular regional director is about four-and-a-half feet tall and weighs as much as that weird lump on the side of McCain's face. And she says everything interrogatively? And hal-ting-ly.

"So what we're gonna do??? Is go out there and post O-bam-a stuff??? All over this town??? And this is really a-ma-zing??? It's a gift from Chi-ca-go???"

She said this last thing like it was a gift from God, although as it was said questioningly, like it was from God, but she wasn't sure.

And her voice. Oh, her voice. It's impossibly nasally. Like not human. She's congested with awe and optimism and youth.

I sat and listened and wondered if the fate of our fine nation is truly lying in the hands of Rhymes-With-Blenny, and others like her. After participating in Project Rhymes-With-Cake In Spain, and finding out that Rhymes-With-Blenny is the lady-friend of a certain higher up in the campaign (no, not Rhymes-With-Floflama; what, do you think we're the Rhymes-With-Sledgewards campaign?) and meeting many of the fine young soldiers here on the ground, I have one major question...

Do we have a chance in Rhymes-With-Fell?

A Case I Wish I'd Sat On

It was probably more than ten years ago that I served jury duty in Manhattan's criminal courts. The case featured an alleged drug dealer and quantities of cocaine we weren't able to hear about yet. I got as far as sitting in the jury box, answering the list of questions for the prosecution and defense attorneys.

I was eventually dismissed for what I assumed was one of two reasons:

1) The defense attorney didn't like me because I had an uncle who headed up a SWAT team.

2) The prosecutor didn't like me because I went to an exceptionally liberal, soft-on-crime sort of college.

The judge in the case was a fella by the name of Edwin Torres. He spent the Q&A portion of jury selection pacing behind his desk. I liked him a lot. He was no nonsense, funny, and totally badass.

When the lawyers attempted to ask us questions that spoke in circles around some delicate issues, they were tartly translated by Judge Torres.

Regarding the prosecutor's question: "What he's asking in his roundabout way is whether or not you hate cops. Correct?"

Regarding the defense attorney's question: "He wants to know if you're racist. Is that right?"

Both lawyers meekly responded, "Yes, thank you, your honor."

After I was dismissed from the jury box, I learned that Judge Torres was also the author of Carlito's Way. Busy judge. And again, total badass.

So it was with pleasure that I saw this little feature in the New York Times, discussing now-retired Judge Torres's latest screenplay.

Man, I really wish I'd sat on that jury. That guy is amazing.

We Went to Carolina!

And we have pictures to prove it! It was a great trip! See? We hiked Grandfather Mountain!


We went to a Durham Bulls game! Because no vacation is a vacation without baseball!


And look! Here's a step!


This step the last remaining feature from the parsonage we lived in when I was really small! And it was on this step that my big sister and I were nearly killed by our father! In fairness, he was just giving us a wagon ride! But we were shouting, "Faster! Faster!" and he went faster faster! He took us down this step and around the curved curby bit, and we went tumbling! Then we went bleeding! Then we went screaming! Then our knees went scarring!

Guest Post - Baldy in a Battleground - Episode 1

Moral Authority Matters, But Not as Much as Yard Signs

Last week Howard Dean came to town and spoke during a voter registration drive at a local college. His message was that moral authority matters, and the US needs Obama so that he can use his mad diplomatic skillz to help regain our moral authority around the world. Healthcare? Sure. And end to this unlawful war? OK. Economic relief? We'll take it. But, most importantly, we need to show the rest of the world who's boss.

Wait, what?

Last week I also learned the biggest challenge facing the soldiers in this battlefield for Obama is a lack of yard signs. We don't have any yard signs. McCain yard signs are abundant. Even Hillary yard signs are abundant. But no Obama yard signs.

When I inquired as to the reason for the lack of yard signs, I was met with angry stares by all of the higher-ups in the campaign. It's a hot button issue here on the ground, where residents of this state are uncomfortable putting a bumper sticker on their car, or wearing an Obama t-shirt, or attaching a pin to their bag, yet they will put a yard sign in their front lawn. It's not clear why Chicago has decided on no yard signs in this battleground state, but I'm told we might have them after the convention.

I'm going to keep praying to my Obama poster every night that we get the goddamn yard signs.

Baldy in a Battleground

Hello, readers. I'm thrilled to announce a new semi-regular feature on B&E. I've got a bald friend in a battleground state who's volunteering for Barack Obama. And "Baldy" (who for the purposes of this report wishes to remain anonymous) has graciously agreed to send in reports from the field. The inaugural report will be posted this evening. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Some 1st-Grade Teachers Shouldn't Pack Heat

Beginning this fall, teachers in one Texas school district can bring guns to school.

I was a student in the Texas public school system for three-and-a-half years, and I think I'd have trusted only one of my teachers to keep a gun in the classroom. She was my kindergarten teacher, and she was the one who fell off a horse and missed most of the school year.

If my first grade teacher had been carrying, no one in our class would have made it out of the year alive. Hell, my mom and dad kept me in speech therapy longer than necessary (I stwuggled with my R's a bit) just to give me wespite from the tywanny of my fuhst gwade classwoom.

My second grade teacher liked me particularly well, so I think I'd have survived if she was packing, but man, she had a nasty temper, and I could totally see her shooting up the classroom.

My third grade teacher was a sweet woman who, if memory allows me to project, was probably a pacifist. She'd end up shot by my first or second grade teacher.

It was after that my family moved to Kansas. I don't think I'd have trusted any of the teachers at the Lutheran school I attended to keep a gun in the classroom, especially not the one from Texas. And at the public high school? Let's face it: who doesn't want to shoot a bunch of moody teenagers?

We'll Be Revving Up Shortly

The missus and I got back from our vacation to mountainous North Carolina last night, which included a slight alteration to (limit of) my computer usage. It was indeed rather nice. But now that I'm back, I'll be returning to regular writing again soon. Thanks for the holiday!

What Stood Out This Week - Midweek Vacational Edition

I went to North Carolina, Obama went to Hawaii, and McCain's still a dick.

And that's What Stood Out This "Week." Am I missing something?

Hold Yer Britches!

This is just the obligatory B&E entry to announce that there may be some gaps in reporting over the next week or so, as the missus and I are going on a well-deserved vacation. Why deserved? It just is. Happy summer, B&E readers.

A Word or Two About Racism

(Because really, B&E readers, why not?)

With the McCain campaign implying that Obama's uppity, with Bill Clinton's continued denials that he's racist, and with the popularity of a game that uses "race cards," I figured I'd inject myself into the discussion for the six of you that like your baldness effective.

At some point (probably in college), I accepted that racism was an institutional problem. The general inequalities between black and white in this country are the result of hundreds of years of racism. That the divide between black and white is once again growing... also a result of racism. It's in the interest of the people in power (in this case, white people) to keep the power structure in its current form.

We've made some progress over the past few years (Look, ma, no more slaves!), and the civil rights movement brought us a few steps closer to equality, what with affirmative action and all (something the racists want to take away). But the fact remains that we are a racist country that benefits those of us who are white.

Take my own family for a moment... My mom and dad were born a part of the largely undereducated, underpaid part of society, the daughter and grandson of German immigrants. During a time of segregation, they got themselves a decent education and worked their way through college. Starting off downright broke, through teaching and ministering, they clawed their way into the middle class and gave my sister and I more opportunity than they had. We went (mostly) to public schools, and because we lived in a perfectly nice middle class (mostly) white neighborhood, we attended the (mostly) white, middle and upper class public high school, arguably the best high school in town. Both of us went to private colleges. If I'd made decisions unrelated to my soul, I could probably be one of those rich fucks that annoy me so much. Hell, maybe I'd even be a Republican.

The opportunities afforded to my parents and then to me would not have been possible if we weren't all white. I'm not saying that my folks didn't also work their asses off and pull themselves up by the bootstraps (and all that code-talk for getting rid of "government handouts"). But we had a distinct institutional advantage. We look like the people in power.

So when Lindsay Graham says unequivocally that John McCain doesn't have a racist bone in his body, well, based on how I think about it, that's a horseshit statement. When Bill Clinton insists he's not a racist, more horseshit. You're white; I'm white. We've had more benefits because of our institutionalized race advantage, and we are therefore culpable in the racism of this country, i.e. we're racist.

Perhaps McCain, Clinton, and I aren't bigoted, prejudiced, or discriminatory, and maybe what I'm talking about is more semantics than substance, but I don't think it is. I think it's important that whitey take responsibility for the institutionalized racism in the United States.

The first step is acceptance. We're all a bunch of racists! Wake up, white people! Oh, wait, that doesn't sound quite right.

The AP Is Very Pleased With Itself

So as you've probably heard, Paris Hilton responded to the John McCain "celebrity" ad with an ad of her own. It's not bad.

The Associated Press has reported on the development of course and offer us this exceptionally clever headline:

Paris Hilton issues tart rebuttal to McCain ad

Tart! Get it? See? It's Paris Hilton! Tart!

Looks like someone at the AP has graduated from middle school!

A Strangely Large Number of Rocks

I had a dream this morning that I was somehow swept away in Mayor Mike Bloomberg's entourage. He was on his way to throw out the first pitch at the Yankees game, and he and his security detail were clad in Yankees jackets.

So there I was, standing on the grass at Yankee Stadium during the "Star Spangled Banner." It felt pretty cool, I have to admit.

But the field wasn't in very good condition. The grass was frayed along the edges and in the dirt was full of gravel. Yankee Stadium was a glorified sandlot.

And I was totally wearing my Mets cap.

Bad Advertising on NY1 - The Grand Prospect Hall

The TV spot for The Grand Prospect Hall is really difficult to describe, which is really the only reason I haven't yet tackled it. And then it disappeared from the NY1 airwaves.

Well, it's been back with a vengeance this week, with a new version that's really just a "turd polish" (official industry term used by editors) of the version I grew to love. And thanks to YouTube, I can let it speak for itself (the version I first saw, that is).



It's great stuff. From the Klassy banquet hall to the Vivaldi music, from the poor production quality to the stiff-armed, monotone shouting at the end... I love everything about this ad.

And in my search for this version, I also came upon the classic (is it the original??) spot from 1986. They were so young! And just as Klassy...



I can't believe the missus and I didn't get hitched there. We're such idiots!

Oil, That Is... Black Gold... Texas Tea

A funny little story has been unfolding over at Talking Points Memo today...

First TPM reported that the day after John McCain reversed his position on offshore drilling, ten executives (and/or family members) at Hess Oil gave $28,500 each to the RNC/John McCain fundraising committee (a.k.a. McCain Victory 2008).

Then, later, TPM reported that the donations are trickling in from down the Hess employee line a bit. A Hess "office manager" and her husband (an Amtrak "track foreman") were on the list of those who gave $28,500 each to the McCain Victory 2008. When reached by phone, the employee insisted that the donation was hers and hers alone (and her husband's), that she loves McCain, and that no one can guess what their "real income" is.

A little while later, TPM found out that the couple rents their home in Flushing (i.e. they don't own their own home).

And then, just because it's awesome, TPM put