I Always Liked That Rose of Sharon

Some of you have probably heard about these baby white tigers abandoned by their mother only to be adopted by a golden retriever. It's a very popular story in the world of Yahoo! News today.

Those of you who haven't yet read the article can do so here, but the short of it is that these baby white tigers were abandoned by their mother only to be adopted by a golden retriever. You could also read the first paragraph above for my initial summary, which will read a lot like the summary in this paragraph.

Anyway, I liked this story because it happened in Kansas. The dogs there are more accepting than dogs in the rest of the country.

Also, it sort of reminded me of Rose of Sharon (or "Rosasharn" as the Joads call her) in Grapes of Wrath. Except, of course, instead of a sick, old man suckling on the teat of a mother with a stillborn during the Great Depression, it's a few white tigers suckling on the teats of a golden retriever who'd just weened her puppies during right now.

I wonder why that scene didn't make it into the classic John Ford film adaptation of The Grapes of Wrath, starring Henry Fonda. I mean the sick, old guy and Rosh of Sharon, not the tigers and dog. After all, the tigers and dog scenario not only doesn't appear in the book, but it also didn't happen until right now.

You're Totally Playing the Race Card on Me

At my job, we've started to accuse each other of playing the race card. It's a totally fun thing to do. Other cards you might try playing at your jobs:

- the gender card
- the sexual orientation card
- the global warming card
- the bald card (a personal favorite)
- the [illness-or-disability-of-choice] card
- the Manny's-now-a-Dodger card
- the lawyer card

I don't know where the hell this deck of cards came from, or what any of these cards actually mean, but it sure makes for a great game of canasta!

Please Allow For Some Narcissism

(Although, let's face it: blogging is in general an exercise in narcissism.)

It had been quite some time since I reviewed the stats around B&E, and my kind host friend (and occasional troubleshooter) was good enough to link me to a summary. I won't go on and on about this, but there were a few things I found curious.

What are people Googling when they find my humble website? Six of the top seven query results are related to tattoos, with some variation of "bad ass tattoos" taking the top three spots on the list. In fact, if you do a Google image search for "badass tattoos," it is a photo of the missus' tattoo on B&E that is the first search result. I can't say that I expected that. But it sure does please me.

Slightly more predictable is that some people are still finding B&E by searching for "Rex Tillerson" or "Rex Tillerson salary." I was happy to see "dachshunds" on the list and a bit disconcerted by seeing "huge dick" on there.

Perhaps the best news of all though is that a fair number of people found this humble site by searching for "bald lesbians." I'm proud to be a friendly place for the lesbian community, particularly the bald lesbian (or bald Lesbian) community.

And since I was just the other day accused of writing about lesbians (or Lesbians) every fourth or fifth post, I thought I would try not to disappoint that particular reader by ignoring the l/Lesbians this week.

You're Making It Even Harder for White People

There's a fantastic Thai restaurant in nearby Woodside that the missus and I like to frequent from time to time. It's called Sripraiphai, and although I may have that spelling just a little bit off, it is seriously good. In fact, a friend says a Thai man in our neighborhood called it the best Thai food outside of Thailand. It's good enough that I'm prepared to believe him.

So when the missus, the big sis, and I had leftovers from our meal at Sripraiphai the other night, you better believe I was psyched as all hell to take that shit for lunch.

When I opened the to-go bag, I noticed one of those foil bags housing one of our leftover items. It said, "Good Chinese Food" on the front.

It's no secret that we white people have a hell of a time distinguishing amongst our Asian brothers and sisters. I feel like I've gotten pretty good at it, having lived in a city with a vibrant and diverse Asian population for quite a few years now, but I'm also not so confident in my abilities that I use a term more specific than "Asian" if ethnicity is relevant to my character description.

The Asian foods, on the other hand, are quite easy to distinguish, at least how they're presented in their American forms. But this "Good Chinese Food" bag really threw me for a loop.

What if my favorite Thai restaurant is actually Chinese? Now that would be inscrutable.

Xady Watch - Yankees

Some of you may recall a feature on B&E called the Xady Watch. It followed the exploits of one Xavier "Who?" Nady, rightfielder for the New York Metropolitans. The feature ended when the Mets panicked and traded Nady to the Pittsburgh Pirates, where he has been playing ever since.

Until recently, that is. Who is back in New York City for another stint, this time with the New York Yankees who, rumor has it, play in the Bronx.

Xady's had a hell of a year with the Pirates, hitting .330, and because the Mets are a bit short on corner outfielders, I fully expected Who to come back to the ball club in Queens. Alas, the Yankees, too, felt short on healthy outfielders and they snatched him up.

In other news, Who and Wife-of-Who had their first child, Xavier Henry Nady VII. Who is Xaveir Nady VI, with a middle name of Clifford and a nickname of Who. The middle name is apparently flexible in the Xavier Nady family. Welcome, Who, Jr.

Anonymous Requests

Generally I ignore anonymous when they comment (and yes, that's the plural pronoun with the singular antecedent, which I believe in, since English has no gender-neutral pronouns for such a scenario and I don't want to be sexist ("he") or awkward ("he or she")). So where was I? Oh, right! Anonymous says...

Hi Bald & Effective. I have a request. I am hoping for another explanation for simple American's about the recent Scottish Elections. Having followed your blog I somehow think it is important (Even if only to keep the plot line going), but the link in the post didn't boil it down they way you do. Thanks to You and the Scottish MS. if she is the one pulling the strings in advance.

First of all, anonymous (if that is indeed your name), thanks for the comment and thanks for reading.

Second of all, you'll want to be careful about your use of "Scottish MS." Scotland has the highest per capita rate of Multiple Sclerosis in the world. So while I know you're speaking of "the missus," MS can certainly be misconstrued.

Now, to answer your question (and keep in mind that this is really just my understanding of how government works in the UK, so I could very well be way the hell off here)...

This by-election victory is, yes, a victory, but is really a big deal symbolically, more than actually. The election was for the Labour-held Glasgow East seat in the British Parliament (the big one in London, as opposed to Scottish Parliament in Edinburgh). So the SNPs just won a single seat in the British Parliament. But...

Glasgow East has been a Labour stronghold. It was considered the third safest Labour seat in Scotland, based on Labour's majority after the previous election (whenever that was).

The Scots grew to dislike Tony Blair a great deal. They're a largely anti-war people and Labour has slowly been screwing Scotland over the past decade or so. Couple that with Alex "I am not a fish" Salmond's strong anti-war stance, and a lot of disaffected Scottish Labour voters have turned their attention to the Scottish Nationalist Party.

Scottish Labour had hoped that Gordon Brown, the current prime minister who is in fact Scottish, would win over the Scots again. But with the mortgage crisis, gas prices, and all the crappy problems we've got here hitting them over there too, any popularity he may have had at the beginning has evaporated like a fart on Orkney (it's windy there).

With Brown and Labour's complete lack of popularity in Scotland at the moment, Alex Salmond and the SNPs have been running any by-election as a referendum against Gordon Brown, and it's been successful, but nowhere as successful as in Glasgow East.

The SNPs saw a 22% swing in their direction in Glasgow East to win the seat away from Labour. This is an enormous swing. If there were a by-election in Gordon Brown's district and the swing to the SNP was that high, he would lose his seat (and his prime ministership or whatever you call it).

The ruling party in Britain (currently Labour) decides when the next election takes place. A law I don't fully understand determines the window in which they have to call an election. My understanding is that the latest it can happen is 18 months from now. And Brown, his and his party's popularity in the crapper, has no intention of doing it before then.

But conservative (Tory) leader David Cameron is hammering Brown hard to have the elections sooner, that the country can't take another 18 months of this type of rule. Minority parties can sometimes affect when an election takes place by getting popular support for elections. Cameron's theory is that the latest defeat of Labour by the SNP shows how out of touch Labour is with the country, and the Tories are primed to reclaim their majority, even though the Tories are the fourth most popular party in Scotland currently, after the SNP, Labour, and Liberal-Democrats. So Cameron's whole thing is political maneuvering, using the SNP victory to weaken the ruling party. It might be working.

Meanwhile, Brown may have a Labour revolt on his hands. If Gordon Brown is costing the party elections, maybe we should oust Gordon Brown, thinks Labour.

I hope this helps clarify a little, and I hope that I'm getting the gist of it all. British politics is very confusing to me. But also very interesting.

What Stood Out This Week - 7/20-7/26

Hey, look at me! Look at me! I'm eating sausage! Goddammit, you jerks, pay the fuck attention to me! Let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Democrat

In case you haven't heard, Barack Obama visited Afghanistan, Iraq, Israel, and Europe this week. The three major network anchors traveled with him.

It appears that this trip overseas was an unmitigated success for Obama in every way:

- In Afghanistan, Obama reminded voters that it should've been the focus of any "war on terror" all along, and that Iraq is a distraction from the "good war," a distraction that makes McCain look like he's got ADD. (I've got my doubts about Afghanistan being a "good war" but I accept that I'm a WAY minority position on that one.)

- In Iraq, Maliki supported the Obama position of US withdrawal, and Obama dropped a three-pointer in front of a shitload of troops.

- In Israel, he met with Israeli and Palestinian leaders and promised to work on a peace accord immediately.

- In Germany, he spoke in front of 200,000 Berliners (the people of Berlin, not the pastry). Americans don't seem to give a shit about this, but repairing our image among our allies should not be underestimated. Our allies likey the Obama.

- In France, he had a sit-down with Sarkozy about Iran.

- In Britain, he met with Gordon Brown (who had a very bad week at the hand of the Scottish Nationalists) to discuss global warming, the economy, and the two nations' "special friendship," which has really been more of a bullying in the past seven years.

The right's trying to spin this as an arrogant move for a presidential candidate, but hell, he's a sitting senator, and he just legitimized the shit out of his foreign policy credentials, at least in terms of public relations.

And what's awesome is that the McCain campaign essentially bullied Obama into making the trip. "He hasn't been to Iraq. He doesn't know what he's talking about." So he goes there and the leader agrees with him. Whoops.

The Republican

John McCain had a hell of a difficult week, vying for attention and not getting much of it.

While Obama was in the Middle East, his campaign started floating rumors that they were going to announce a Vice President. That never happened.

When Obama was in Germany, McCain went to a German restaurant in Ohio. He hung out in grocery stores. Mostly he looked lonely. He also misspoke a bunch about various foreign policy things, which are supposed to fall into his political wheelhouse. Mostly, he looked like Dan Uggla at the All-Star Game. Man, that shit was Fuggla.

But let's not underestimate John McCain. He spent his week in swing states and at fundraisers.

The campaign is a hell of a lot closer than it should be, B&E readers.

And that's What Stood Out This Week.

All Hail Marvin Miller!

As regular B&E readers well know, I loves me some baseball. And even though today the Mets found themselves alone atop the National League East for the first time since April 19th (Let's Go, Mets!), I'm going to give a little shout-out instead to a fella that many people haven't heard of: Marvin Miller.

This weekend, the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York, will be inducting Goose Gossage, the legendary reliever, and everyone will celebrate by eating goose meat deep-fried in goose fat, with a side of French fried goose skin. They'll sleep with their goose down comforters. And maybe they'll goose the bottoms that walk by, for good measure.

So what does all this have to do with Marvin Miller? Nothing, except that he won't be getting inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Marvin Miller probably had more influence on the game of baseball than just about anyone. OK, so Jackie Robinson was a pretty big fucking deal, too, and maybe more influential. But Marvin Miller is right up there with Jackie Robinson, and I say that to praise Marvin.

For without Marvin, there'd be no baseball players' union, no collective bargaining, no free agency, no pensions for ballplayers, no thorns in the sides of all those greedy bastard owners. Like what he did or hate it (and yes, I like it), the man had a powerful influence on Major League Baseball.

So how come he ain't in the Hall? Well, he was almost elected in by the veteran's committee in 2007, receiving 63% of the vote (or 12% short of the required 75%). He was on the ballot again in 2008, and he received only 25%. What happened between 2007 and 2008? Did it become public that he had nothing to do with any of those things after all?

Not exactly, no.

You see, the Hall of Fame board changed the rules. Instead of a group of about 80 former players, executives, and sportswriters voting, the Hall created a committee of twelve to select from among the baseball executives. On that committee sit several of Marvin's enemies, including a few current and former owners who did serious labor battle with Marvin over the years. Shockingly, Marvin got only three votes.

Someone who got ten votes, enough to get elected to the Hall, was Bowie Kuhn, former commissioner of Major League Baseball. Kuhn's famous mostly for having a relatively long tenure as commissioner, and because that term was from 1969 to 1984, he dealt with a lot of baseball labor issues, going head-to-head--and almost always losing--to Marvin Miller.

Sort of how the lack of Emmy Awards for HBO's The Wire says more about the irrelevancy of the Emmy Award than the quality of The Wire, the Hall of Fame embarrasses itself by keeping Marvin Miller out.

For a longer report on the Marvin Miller/Hall of Fame absurdity, read this lovely Nation article, from which I pull this kernel about one of my all-time favorite players:

When he was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1999, legendary pitcher Nolan Ryan devoted part of his speech to paying tribute to Miller. Ryan reminded the audience that when he broke into the major leagues in 1966, he had to spend the winter months working at a gas station from 3 pm to 9 pm, while [his] wife worked at a local bookstore, to make ends meet.

Thanks to Marvin Miller, that's something that's stopped, which is an enormous relief, because what would we do if Alex Rodriguez had to pump gas instead of running off to hang out and do god-knows-what with Madonna.

Oh, wait...

Seriously, though... Go Marvin!

Lesbians Hate Lesbians II: Rise of the Lesbians

A couple of months ago, some Lesbians brought suit against the lesbians in an attempt to get them to stop using the term that means from Lesbos. Well, the Lesbians lost, a victory for lesbians everywhere.

Not only that, but the Lesbians that brought the suit have to pay the court costs. So those angry Lesbians are also out about $360.

Also relevant to the trial was that thing that all of us in New York know: lesbians are good for the economy...

Several residents testified during the trial that the use of the word lesbian had brought recognition to the island and boosted its tourist trade.

But beware, Lesbians. That's a double-edged sword, because once the lesbians move into any given neighborhood, the locals get priced out. Although there are a lot of lesbians in Park Slope, I suspect that most Lesbians would not be able to afford to buy a home there.

Regardless, go lesbians! Way to put the Lesbians in their place!

Too Many Dickheads to Mention

Big shocker here. The oil companies are spending their record profits on stock buybacks, thereby limiting the total number of shares available to the public, which in turn inflates the price of the stock. That way, investors in the oil companies have a boatload of stock worth a shitload of money, and they reward the CEOs accordingly, bringing us once again back to my original Dickhead of the Week posting about Exxon Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson.

What they're not spending their windfall profits on (or at least not in any form that can make a difference) is exploration of alternative energy sources. Imagine if Exxon Mobil and ConocoPhillips took those bajillions and invested in solar or wind power.

And I don't pretend to know everything about business, but if our move to alternative energy is inevitable, wouldn't it behoove Exxon Mobile and ConocoPhillips to own the shit out of it?

In the meantime, Chuck Schumer has it right: the oil companies are screaming out for a windfall profit tax. Oh, and also in the meantime, they're all a bunch of fucking Dickheads.

What Stood Out This Week - 7/13-7/19

I can't believe you haven't gone to Iraq! You're pandering to voters by going to Iraq! Stop hitting yourself! So let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Republican

Remember Phil Gramm, that guy who called us whiners? He's a resigner. He also produced soft-core porn films, but that's totally irrelevant to the party of family values and, of course, the election.

A term that I'm becoming more aware of in this campaign is "surrogate." It seems to be a way for both campaigns to disavow campaign missteps. "No one listens to surrogates," "That surrogate doesn't speak for our campaign." "That surrogate has to give us the baby." Phil Gramm was a surrogate, you see.

Another surrogate says that the Muslims are going to kill us all, so that's nice.

John McCain spent a good chunk of his week going after minority voters, speaking in front of the NAACP and a Latino group whose acronym I can't remember. I can't help but feel that McCain's going after this group of voters for the same reason Obama's campaigning in, say, Texas: it makes one's opponent put resources into getting the "safe" votes. Oh, and Obama spoke in front of them, too.

And then McCain's bold economic solution for the week was to extend the gas tax holiday for a few more months. This is right up there with balancing the budget via victory in Iraq for clear economic thinking.

The Democrat

Barack Obama's making his plans for a world tour. He's pulling a John F. Kennedy and speaking in front of the throngs of Germans, hopefully to tell them that he's some sort of jelly donut to massive applause.

Polls are up and down for Barack, depending on who you ask, when, and where. Sometimes he's leading and sometimes it's a dead heat with McCain. One poll stood out this week: Obama's supporters are more enthusiastic about their candidate than McCain supporters. So the motivation to actually get out and vote leans Obama.

This Week's Argument

John McCain's been hammering Obama for a little while about his lack of visits to Iraq. "How can he expect to lead if he's never been on the ground in Iraq?" Because Iraq visits from political leaders tend to be realistic presentations of what the war is really like for the everyday people of Iraq and the everyday soldiers of the United States.

So now that Barack's planning a trip, McCain says Barack's pandering for votes. What a dick. You can't have it both ways, you big jerk. And anyway, what's this about you missing every vote on Afghanistan in the past two years?

When Barack is actually going is relatively secret for security reasons, but McCain said that he'd be arriving in Iraq this weekend. Now, if he's guessing and he guessed right, McCain's just insensitive. But if he knew the plans and shared that, he's a total Dickhead that just created a security nightmare for the Obama campaign. Either way, shame on you, John McCain.

Barack arrived in Afghanistan this morning, the country John McCain's forgotten about and, if we want to buy into the right-wing framing of the argument, the origin of our "war on terror."

It astounds me that somehow the Republican Party is the party of national security. They've really fucked everything up in big bad ways.

This Stood Out so much this week you've probably already seen it, but if you haven't it will amuse. JibJab's at it again with their latest campaign spoof, and I think it includes the best Obama parody I've seen...



And that's What Stood Out This Week.

Time to Break Out the Fear

This morning I was doing my regular trolling of the news over coffee when I caught this headline:

Chertoff: European terrorists trying to enter US

My immediate response was, "Of course Homeland Security Secretary Chertoff is saying that. There's an election coming up."

Then I was like, "Oh, come on, Baldy, it's too early in the morning for cynicism."

But there, buried deep into the story were the words that confirmed my suspicions:

Chertoff and other intelligence officials have delivered similar warnings before, and he offered no new information about specific threats or an imminent attack.

I'd like to add, "particularly during election cycles" to that sentence, set off by commas, between before and and. Remember how often Tom Ridge was spewing out warnings during the 2004 election? It was genius.

Later in the day, a friend, sensing my cynical frame of mind perhaps, passed along this local election website from my home state of Kansas (although not from my home town). It offered me a much-needed touch of idealism. And it's a cartoon, or perhaps a comic (for I've never been clear on the difference, although I'm sure Titivil could explain it), but not one that will bring out the (self-)righteous indignation of the recent New Yorker cover.

Even if you don't join the small throngs of people donating to his campaign, his comic/cartoon will make you happy. And who can't use a little happy from time to time?

Roger Clark Is Having a Heart Attack! On Live TV!

There's some sort of beach volleyball tournament happening in Coney Island this weekend, and Roger Clark of NY1 is covering the story. He's bumping, setting, and "spiking" with a couple of Olympic beach volleyballers (beach volleyball is an Olympic sport, but softball isn't anymore?), while giving his report.

He can't speak. He's out of breath. I'm seriously concerned for his health. Especially in this heat.

I hope NY1 sends an EMT along with Roger for his more physical reporting. Roger, be careful. The missus and I love you tremendously. Don't die on us, please.

Liddy Hates Jesse

North Carolina Senator Elizabeth Dole made an attempt to honor the late Senator Jesse Helms by adding his name to an HIV/AIDS bill.

Those of us paying attention in the 80s and 90s might remember Jesse Helms as the man who fought tooth and nail against any bill that provided any sort of funding for any sort of HIV/AIDS research, care, education, etc. Jesse Helms believed that the gays deserved the AIDS plague and fuck them for screwing monkeys. Or something like that. It was hard to figure out how that twisted mind of his worked.

So when Liddy Dole added an amendment to the recent HIV/AIDS bill to have it named after Jesse Helms, there was really only one possible explanation: Elizabeth Dole hates Jesse Helms and wants him to spend eternity spinning in his grave.

The bill passed without Jesse's name attached.

That Shit Was Fuggla

The All-Star Game was long and late, and I didn't stay up to watch the whole thing. But it was amazing to read this morning that Dan Uggla's performance managed to get worse after I went to bed. I saw two errors in the field that nearly cost the National League the game, and at the plate he struck out and hit into double plays at moments in which he could've been the hero.

Well, he struck out again later and made a third error, an All-Star record!

Way to go, Dan Uggla, you poor bastard.

Oh, We're SOOOOOOO Offended

It's outrageous! Egregious!

Terrorist Obamas--terrorist Michelle dressed like a militant and terrorist Barack dressed like a "Muslim"--doing a terrorist fist-jab in a terrorist Oval Office with a terrorist's portrait on the wall while the terrorists burn an American flag.

A couple days later, and I'm still trying to figure out why anyone cares. People who think it's serious won't be voting for Obama anyway, and people who realize it's satire (and debate whether it's "good satire" or not) think that the people who think it's serious are idiots.

So really: what's the fucking problem?

The All-Star Break Can Blow Me

The Mets are on a freakin' tear right now, winning nine games in a row, only to be interrupted by the All-Star break. Is there anything Bud Selig can't screw up?

What Stood Out This Week - 7/6-7/12

How many screw-ups does it take to sink a presidential candidate? Well, that depends. Is your name John McCain? Let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Democrat

Barack and Hillary are raising money for each other, and nothing unifies like money.

Of course the big story this week--in all of its campaign relevancy--was that Jesse Jackson expressed interest in castrating Obama. Well, that doesn't sound very Christian, Reverend.

Apparently, Reverend JJ thinks Obama's getting a little condescending with his talk about responsible fatherhood within the black community. And Reverend JJ believes that the best way to handle it is to remove Barack's testicles.

Castration is a very controversial subject. There are some in the criminal justice system who want to see if it helps keep serial rapists and child sexual abusers from committing their heinous acts. But this is the first time I've heard it suggested for condescension. Boy, that Reverend Jesse Jackson has bold solutions. This is probably why he won the South Carolina primaries in 1984 and 1988.

I was most surprised by his use of nuts, as slang for testicles. Balls certainly would've been more predictable. And I've always been partial to cohones.

But at some point this week, nuts became one of the so-called "seven dirty words." They wouldn't even print nuts in the Associated Press article about it.

I find this very disconcerting, as I'll now have to censor myself when writing about n***s, whether discussing the p****t, a****d, w****t, p***n, h******t, or b****l n*t.

Other than that, I'm convinced that Obama is, in fact, another centrist, and that the progressive movement projected everything onto his blank-slate (and lovely) rhetoric. Still, it's up to progressives to push (pull?) him further to the left on a few key issues. They certainly have a better chance of doing that with Obama than with McCain.

The Republican

John McCain had a very, very bad week, but mostly it seemed like a normal week because he got away with everything. (I read a Ten Things That Should've Sunk the McCain Campaign article on the Huffington Post, so the overarching theme for that sentence is not original. This article confirms the one I linked to from The Nation last week or week before about how much the media loves John McCain.)

Just in this past week...

- John McCain called Social Security an absolute disgrace.

- One of his top advisers said that we're a country of whiners (yes, he insulted the entire country) and that the poor economy is purely psychological (no, his campaign's not out of touch with those actual high gas prices and food costs).

- McCain made the absurd claim that he'd balance the budget, somehow linking it to a victory in Iraq. His own economic team thinks that's a load of crap.

- Upon hearing that Iran's biggest export from the United States is cigarettes, McCain cracked something along the lines of "Great, maybe cigarettes will kill the Iranians." John's wife demonstrated some self-control on his behalf and gave him a poke in the back for that one. McCain consistently dehumanizes the Iranian people, and it disturbs the shit out of me, and he never gets called on it.

Those are a just a few examples of seemingly major campaign fuck-ups that the media is letting slide. If Obama had done any one of those things, the media would've eaten him alive.

And then there was an LA Times article that revisited John McCain John-McCaining his first wife. Um... He had his wedding license with Cindy before he was full divorced from Carol. Go figure that John McCain would have two wives but Mitt Romney only ever had the one.

This Week's Argument

Nothing Stood Out argument-wise this week. They traded some barbs about economics, but the media didn't much care about that. It is, after all, an actual issue of substance, and who wants to hear about that crap?

Well, that's quite a lot for What Stood Out This Week. It's summertime, B&E readers, so go out to the ballpark and eat some p*****s and Cracker Jacks, while in the dugouts, the players and coaches munch on some s*******r s***s.

FISA's Anti-Dickheads

Obama voted for the FISA bill, along with a wide majority of Senators. Two Senators deserve a shout-out for shouting out against this bill with clarity and conviction:

Russell "Oh, So" Feingold and Christopher "The Days and Nights of Molly" Dodd led a valiant (if doomed) effort to defeat the bill. As covered in The Nation, Russell "That Man Is" Feingold said:

"I don't believe this will be remembered as the 'immunity' bill... [The bill] is going to be remembered as the legislation in which Congress granted the executive branch the power to sweep up all of our international communications with very few controls or oversight."

Pulling from the same article, Chris "Mod" Dodd...

told the Senate, passage of the measure will sanction lawlessness by an Administration that has engaged in "a pattern of abuse against civil liberties and the rule of law [and] against the Constitution."

Well put, you sexy, sexy senators.

And perhaps this is a good time to remind the world (or at least those seven global citizens who read B&E) that Russell "Damn, You Look" Feingold was the only Senator who voted against the Patriot Act. And look, Democrats! He hasn't lost re-election because of it!

How in the hell did the feckless Democrats hand the lame duck Bush such an enormous victory? It's amazing.

Mezzanine Reserved Row D Is Ideal for Rain Delays

Hey, Mets fans (a.k.a. B&E readers)! The Boys of Shea Stadium are playing like a real team again. They've even won five in a row. I hesitate to say it was firing Willie that got the Mets going, but maybe Jerry Manuel scares the players into doing better.

Last night was another victory, one that featured a half-hour rain delay. My mini-ticket plan is in the mezzanine reserved area about two rows deep under the upper deck overhang. So when it began pissing down rain, we had the perfect seats to enjoy the downpour. It was really satisfying. It's funny the simple things that can make you happy. The heavy rains made me very happy.

Overall, it was a short rain delay, and when the players came back to finish the game, the Mets held on to win. A great evening at Shea, complete with Carvel ice cream.

The Douchebag Report:
Welcome to a new Mets game feature! At most baseball games, one ends up sitting next to a douchebag or two. And we Mets fans are not only no exception, they nearly define the douchebag fan! So why not call them out?

Big douchebags sitting behind us. I didn't hear any gay slurs, but they did spend a good deal of time commenting on how disgusting some of the lady Mets fans looked, and the only time the fucking idiots stopped talking was when a more attractive lady Mets fan sauntered by. And their baseball-related comedic banter wasn't remotely funny. Four out of a possible five douchebags.

No time for a hottie this morning, non-baseball fans.

I'm Totally Glad She Chose Jesse

After what that rotten scoundrel Brad did to her, Deanna totally deserved to fall in love, and I'm so glad she chose Jesse over Jason. Jason is a totally great guy, but Jesse was totally the right choice for Deanna. Deanna totally makes Jesse tingle, and Jesse totally makes Deanna giddy. Jesse's so fun, and Deanna's so free-spirited, and they both have totally awesome bodies. They're totally perfect for each other, and I just know that they're totally gonna be happy for the rest of their lives.

Oh, It Stimulates the Package

It seems that many Americans, feeling the pinch of rising gas prices and drowning in their own debt, are using their economic stimulus package money for regular expenses. See, what we were supposed to do is go buy some shit. It's the American way. But we're not buying anything.

There's been one exception: porn. Summer is typically the slow time for porn membership websites, and yet since the stimulus checks went out, their sales have been, uh, tumescent.

Ah, the Republican Party, the party of family values--nay, the party of Jesse Helms! The Grand Old Party's bringing us some Grand Old Porn. Well done, Pubes!

What Stood Out This Week - 6/29-7/5

He flip-flopped! That's a flip-flop! Go get my flip-flops; we're going to the beach! Yes, it's summertime of an election year. Let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Democrat

Barack Obama's lack of filibuster on the FISA bill (and vote in favor of it) caused quite a stir on his own community website. All those web activists sure are great until they turn on you. The single largest group on his site now are those who want him to filibuster FISA, i.e. those who disagree with him. Obama emailed a reply to the whole group (and posted it publicly), but I don't necessarily see it helping. Although sometimes people just want to know that they've been heard. I think Obama should filibuster that bullshit too, but he's been disappointing me for weeks already with his shifts to the center.

And in another creep to the middle this week, Barack Obama stated that he's opposed to late-term abortions. I find this upsetting since I think abortion should be legal at least through the terrible twos.

But seriously, folks, running to the center didn't work for Al Gore or John Kerry, so why is it that Democratic candidates, strategists, etc. still believe this is a winning strategy. "But it worked for Bill Clinton!" Did it? Bill ran against two opponents (remember wacky Ross Perot?) and actually was a centrist. He didn't have to run to the middle.

The Republican

John McCain shook up his campaign team this week, hiring an old Bush/Cheney veteran to help him hone his general election strategy. So he really is looking more and more like Bush every day. Will the Democrats pounce? I doubt it. Democrats are feckless and weak.

This Week's Argument

This running to the middle that Obama's doing has written the script for Republican attacks. "He can't be trusted! He's a flip-flopper!" And although I'm not convinced that Obama's actually shifted his stance on troop withdrawal, the McCain campaign is saying that he has. Obama's actually always said that he'd bring the troops home as soon as realistically possible depending on the situation "on the ground," that he'd work with generals to determine a proper time line.

So when Obama reiterated that position this week, the McCain campaign shouted, "We always knew he'd change his position on Iraq! And look! He did!" And the media's buying, because it's easier to believe the accusation than to figure out if it's true.

Meanwhile, John McCain has built an entire career on flip-flopping and somehow gets a free ride. "He's a maverick! He's trustworthy!" Yeah? Fucking prove it.

Oh, and both candidates offered up their definitions of patriotism this week, in honor of our nation's birthday. I didn't read either of them.

And that's What Stood Out This Week.

Back to Bald Basics for the 4th

Happy birthday, America! And Canada, America's biggest suburb! Now, with socialized medicine! Silly Canadians!

But I had my recent health care experience here, in the United States of America, the best country in the world. Because I have health insurance, and HMOs make health insurance fun!

My primary care physician gave me a referral to a dermatologist for a mole mapping exercise. I always feel a little nervous about the first trip to a new doctor. How do I know this guy (or gal) is any good?

Well, this dermatologist tells you right there in the waiting room with not one but two New York Magazine covers from issues about New York's best doctors.

As I handed in my first-time-visit form, I got a closer look at the New York Magazine plaques on the wall: "Best hair transplant surgeon."

I think maybe my primary care physician, with his full head of near-hippie hair (and occasional leather pants), is trying to tell me something.

(Thanks to "the traveler" for the photo.)

A Water Falls in Brooklyn

First the telectroscope and now the waterfalls. New York's on a public art kick. Look out!

Some Danish guy who likes making fake weather environments decided that New York City could use some waterfalls. So the Public Art Fund and a bunch of private donors (Look, conservatives! No tax money for art!) got together to spend seven-and-a-half bajillion dollars to execute Hamlet's vision: four waterfalls along the East River, all south of the Manhattan Bridge.

From the Brooklyn Bridge portion of my daily commute, I can see three of the four waterfalls (Governor's Island, Brooklyn Heights, and the Manhattan Bridge). Naturally, the one I can't see is the one at the Brooklyn Bridge because I walk right over it. I thought it might be cool to look at it through the slats on the walkway of the Bridge, but it was decidedly underwhelming.

Which, frankly, is how I feel about the whole endeavor. The rendering posted above for your reference is, after all, a rendering. Maybe if the real thing looked a little bit like that it'd be impressive. As it is, we've got some weak-ass waterfalls trickling over scaffolding in a few locations.

A few years back, Christo and Jean-Claude did their "Gates" project in Central Park. Orange fabric floating along the pathways of the Park. It sounded sort of stupid, but I checked it out. And it was great. It drew people in and built a community around public art. It was aesthetically satisfying, and the experience of being there with New Yorkers and tourists, children and adults, black and white and brown was largely the point of the whole project.

The waterfalls have to be observed from afar. I mean, you can get relatively close to them, but you're never really sharing the experience with other people. At least not where I've been. Yes, they're terrific engineering feats. But all they do is remind me that it's been a while since I've seen a good waterfall in nature.

And maybe that's part of the point. But ultimately the waterfalls leave me feeling unsatisfied, and if that's part of the point, then there's something a little short on the "public" side of this public art.

Best Reason to Vote Obama Yet

Is it the hope? Is it the change? What's your reason for voting Obama? What's that? Don't have one yet? Well, if hope seems too vague, and you're just a bit too cynical for change, there's finally a compellingly tangible rationale to join the "Vote Obama" movement.

An Obama Administration would rid us of a Baldwin! We would even get to keep the one that's so funny on "30 Rock"! It's one of the other, less useful Baldwins!

More change! Less Baldwin! More hope! Less Baldwin!

Bad Advertising on NY1 - NY1

Any TV channel does its share of self-promotion. When I'm watching Major League Baseball's Game-of-the-Week on Fox, they do everything they can to convince me that I'm missing out on an amazing program called "Bones."

So naturally, NY1 promotes its other programs: Inside City Hall, On Stage, The Call, and more.

But NY1 also does a little something that I haven't seen on any other channel. NY1 does advertising about its advertising.

They're short little spots, man-on-the-street interviews with New Yorkers who like their bus ads. The bus ads are nothing but the blue NY1 logo on a yellow background with black type. They feature one of three headlines: Congestion Free; Alternate-Side Talking; or No Trans Fat.

Enthusiasm from the New Yorkers-on-the-street varies somewhat. A couple people say the right things (to appear on the ad), but seem genuinely confused. One person says, "I'm gonna look for the whole set!" which is really too bad.

Some might call advertising about advertising fresh or out-of-the-box thinking or "totally meta." I call it stupid and curiously narcissistic.