What Stood Out This Week - 6/22-6/28

They unified in Unity. Get it? Unity! They're fucking unified, alright? Stop asking! Let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Democrats

Oh, Unity. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton both received 107 votes in the primary in Unity, New Hampshire, and so what better place for them to show their Unity? To John Kerry it may be ironic; to most of us it's a little obvious.

But hey, I guess it's necessary. I mean, it's seems pretty clear that Barack and Hillary are getting along just fine, but if they don't parade their getting-alongedness in front of the media cameras then it'll be all about how divided the party is. And naturally, the Hillary-got-screwed-we're-voting-for-McCain fringe gets a fair amount of play.

Oh, and Bill Clinton's nowhere to be found yet. He feels like he was treated unfairly throughout the the primary and continues to pout (according to one thing I read anyway). The Obama campaign is all, "Look, people, one Clinton at a time, alright?"

So Hillary and Barack donated the maximum allowed under law to each other's campaign. Nothing says, "I love you" like $4,600 per couple. It's a modern-day swingers party! Obama's helping with Hillary's debt, and Hillary's hooking Obama up with some of her monster donors.

See? Unity!

Also, taking a card out of the Clinton playbook, Obama continues his creep to the middle, stopping short of filibustering the Telecom Immunity bill and stating that he supports the states' rights to use the death penalty for child rapists. I guess Barack Obama doesn't so much have a problem with the death penalty then.

See, now this is why I've never been an Obamaniac, or whatever the hell you want to call those people who make Barack Obama feel more like a cult leader than a political leader. Those on the left are going to find themselves exceptionally disappointed in a man who's never even tried to deny that he's a pragmatist. The progressives have projected a much more progressive ideology on Obama than what he's ever professed. God knows I want him to win. Badly. But it remains to be seen if he'll disappoint my liberal hopes as much as Bill Clinton did over his two centrist terms in office.

The Republican

Apparently, some muckraking LA Times reporter discovered that John and Cindy McCain hadn't paid taxes on their California home in years. So they've now done that, but still owe the penalty for skiving. I guess John McCain also John-McCains his taxes!

Most of my information about John McCain this week came from my perennial favorite The Nation, which had a very nice article (in last week's issue - I'm always a week behind) about McCain's free ride in the media, and outlines very clearly where he's done complete 180-degree turns on quite a number of positions.

I still hear a lot from people I consider well-informed that at least John McCain is a "reasonable Republican." I keep telling them that this is not the same man who was running in 2000. If you still think that McCain's reasonable, please read this article.

This Week's Argument

McCain's chief strategist (the one with the really suspicious lobbying ties to such things as the Myanmar junta) said that another terrorist attack would really help John McCain in the general election. Let's the righteous indignation begin! McCain backed away from his remarks; the Left got offended. I guess it's a pretty stupid and insensitive thing to say. It's also honest and forthcoming, and it's all about creating controversy.

But he's also wrong. If there was another terrorist attack before the election, wouldn't that somehow demonstrate that this fucked up foreign policy that McCain has every intention of continuing isn't working? Hell, man, I even heard something this week about how the Taliban can't accommodate all of the suicide bomber wannabes. This foreign policy has created generations of people who hate us -- people who have nothing and are willing to die to defeat us.

It's time to do some global repairs, and John McCain ain't that guy.

And that's What Stood Out This Week, dear B&E readers.

There Is No Streak

New York's abuzz with Mets/Yankees games. In their previous meeting this season, the Mets took two from the Yanks at Yankee Stadium and had one rain-out. The rain-out was made up yesterday afternoon, and with the drubbing of nine RBI from aging slugger and occasional fan scapegoat Carlos Delgado, the Mets swept the Yankees at Yankee Stadium for the first time ever. Good times.

Naturally, I attended the night game at Shea, where the Yankees returned the favor and clobbered the Mets 9-0. Ouch.

So whatever mojo I may have had as a fan influencing Mets victories at Shea... Yeah, that's gone.

A side note, relating to Gay Pride Week. Trash-talking is a popular pastime between Yankees and Mets fans, often all in good fun, although as last night's blowout continued, we saw more and more security guards running around to break up fights and kick people out.

So what does this have to do with Gay Pride Week? Well, gay slurs are a frequent trash-talking approach taken by the less imaginative fan. So when, for example, a Yankees fan suggested loudly that Pedro Martinez get his ass off the mound and become a bullpen coach instead (perhaps a decent idea, actually), the inebriated Mets numbnut sitting nearby taunted, in return, "Only when Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez start going out, fucking faggots!"

It didn't really make sense as a reply to the Yankees fan's comment. But "fucking faggot" is really a classic. I mean, it works on so many levels. "Fucking faggot" is to sports taunting what a banana peel, pie in the face, or groin kick is to slapstick. You just don't fix what's not broken. You don't reinvent the wheel of trash-talk.

Oh, did I say "classic"? I meant "classless." When you take the discourse as low as "fucking faggot," you really present yourself as a douchebag, dickhead, cock-knocker, fartmunch, and pigfucker.

In defense of the homophobic Mets fan, he had also bragged loudly that over the course of the doubleheader, he'd downed no less than seventeen beers. The beer man suggested he not tell the beer man that. And the beer man served him number eighteen anyway.

Shea Stadium: All class.

Dude, You Went to Yale

Some of you may remember the Democratic presidential candidate in 2004, a man by the name of John Kerry. His campaign was forgetful, so if that doesn't ring any bells, just hang in there. The rest of this posting will make sense anyway.

I'm still on John Kerry's email list. His emails tend to be as long-winded and dull as his speeches, appearances, debates, etc. during the 2004 contest. So I usually read the first sentence just to see if I really need to read the rest. Oftentimes, I don't.

Yesterday's email was a minor exception. I read the first two paragraphs. He was discussing the Barack Obama-Hillary Clinton rally in New Hampshire yesterday. He wrote this:

The unity of our Party is on hand for all to see today - in - ironically -- Unity, New Hampshire.

Really, John Kerry? Ironically? I think you mean quite the opposite of ironic. Appropriately, perhaps. Heavy-handedly, probably. But not ironic.

His use of hyphens in this sentence is also confusing.

John Kerry got the best education money can buy. But I guess I shouldn't be that surprised that the concept of irony is lost on him. You can't go through the rituals of Skull and Bones with any sense of irony. If you stripped and howled and fucked a goat with a sense of irony, you might realize how silly your secret society is.

On a separate but related matter, I'm convinced that if John Kerry had managed to win the 2004 election, John McCain would be elected in 2008.

SCOTUS Just Set Up Mitt's Next Run for the White House, Among Other Things

Commenting on decisions handed down by the Supreme Court of the United States (or SCOTUS as the kids like to call it) can be tricky when you're a layperson, i.e. one who tries in general to abide by the law but does not write, enforce, or interpret the law.

But hey, that doesn't mean I won't give it a whirl.

Limiting use of the death penalty was a pleasant surprise. Before I get into that, though, let me state the obvious, although I really shouldn't have to: I will not, and never will, defend child rapists. But state sponsored murder (i.e. capital punishment, the death penalty, etc.) is wrong in general. So I'm glad the Court found an excuse to limit it. Of course, they've also motivated a bunch of lawmakers who want to expand the death penalty as far as they can. So that's nice. Oh, and Judges Scalia, Thomas, Alito, and Roberts were in the minority, ready to sponsor as much killing as possible. Those four are dangerous justices, B&E readers.

Cutting the punitive damages on the Exxon Valdez case? Dick move, SCOTUS. That Alaskan community has been decimated, and although ExxonMobil's recent record profits shouldn't necessarily be considered relevant to the case, they fucking earned the requested $2.5 billion in less than a month last year. Shame on you, SCOTUS. This decision was 5-3, with Alito having to recuse himself because he's sitting on a tanker's worth of ExxonMobil stock. Justice Souter demonstrated his New Hampshire libertarian roots by siding with the majority on this one.

The guns ruling today? I don't really know what to say about this one. Gun owners own guns because they're really fun to shoot. Gun control advocates never seem to factor this into their arguments. I'm a supporter of gun control, but it's an issue I gave up on years ago. So today's decision... Surprising? You tell me: our Vice President shot a man in the face and got away with it.

Then there's this campaign finance case. They made some sort of decision that eases restrictions on rich candidates. Mitt Romney, for example, had to disclose a lot of extra information about his run for the White House because he was largely funding it himself. Apparently, those restrictions were limiting his speech. And here I thought his vast personal fortune was what gave him the platform in the first place. I look forward to having my choice in candidates limited solely to entitled, rich bastards.

It's clear now what the Roberts Court is all about. It's stacked with a bunch of right-wing freaks. Adding a touch of reason to SCOTUS sure would be nice. If anyone out there isn't yet sold on Obama over McCain, please take a long look at Justice John Paul Stevens, pictured above for your reference and enjoyment. He's 88. He's almost out-lived a piano keyboard. I don't know how much longer he can hang on.

On the other hand, he's a Cubs fan, and all those old Chicago guys are determined to see the Cubs' next championship. Jesus, if the Cubs win this fall and Stevens kicks it a happy man, we're totally hosed, SCOTUS-wise.

Which Borough is Gayest?

Happy Pride Week to my many LGBTQ readers! OK, are any of you actually lesbian, gay, bi, transgendered, or queer? Don't feel like you have to come out on B&E, dear readers, but know that this is a LGBTQ-friendly zone.

To honor Pride Week, NY1 is doing a series of gay features on gay subjects throughout the gay week. This morning, they did a little ditty (dare I say a musical number) on the lesbian enclave of Park Slope. I appreciate living in a city in which the local news channel doesn't fear the gay features.

Turns out, Brooklyn has officially become the gayest borough in New York City. In fact, Brooklyn is home to the fourth largest gay community in the United States, behind San Francisco, the bulk of Massachusetts, and Topeka, Kansas. (I totally just made that list up, in case you couldn't tell.)

Anyway, Brooklyn's the gay borough. But I take issue with that a little. I mean, maybe there are more gay people in Brooklyn, but it's Queens that's actually named after gay people.

The Angry Side of Funny

My early friends (and family) didn't have much of an edge, so my comedy upbringing was fairly limited. Lenny Bruce and Richard Pryor didn't get much play among my people. We got a little Bill Cosby from time to time and a touch of Robert Klein.

And somehow George Carlin sneaked in there. He had the silly stuff that I liked (I remember him talking about drowning Rice Krispies with whole peaches) and the political commentary that my parents appreciated (and that I appreciated later).

One of his albums (and I can't even tell you which one) was on constant play in my college social circle, and it got funnier with every play somehow. His social commentary was razor-sharp. And he was angry, which helped him keep an edge. He stopped talking to my parents and spoke to me.

My dad lamented that Carlin got "too angry" and therefore wasn't funny. But for me his comedy was a welcome coping mechanism for all of the social ills that seemed (and seem) so fucking unfair. And Carlin, the self-described "disappointed idealist," turned that unfairness into biting humor. It was very funny. My dad, for all of his wonderful qualities, didn't handle anger (even funny anger) very well.

I found myself the target of his routine once. He was railing against white dudes who shave their heads. Guilty as charged. I disagreed, of course, but it was still funny.

So no, I didn't much care for waking up this morning to the news that George Carlin died. He was bald (even with a ponytail). And he was very effective.

It's Always the Chinese Crested

Some of you may recall Elwood, last year's winner of the Ugliest Dog in the World Competition. Elwood was a Chinese Crested. A really fucked up looking Chinese Crested.

This year's winner was another Chinese Crested, an ugly bugger called Gus (pictured here for your reference and enjoyment). Unfortunately, what this particular photo does is show Gus from his best angle. You can only just see his missing eye and leg.

Yes, it's fair to say that Gus is ugly. Even with the missing parts, though, I don't think he can hold a candle to Elwood.

Still, that Chinese Crested is one ugly breed.

What Stood Out This Week - 6/15-6/21

Ready... Set... Go! It's the sprint to the middle! Who'll get there first? And which versions of the candidates are the real ones? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? Let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Democratic Candidate

This week, Obama said that he's a free-market guy, he admonished African-American fathers, he supports immunity to the telecommunications corporations, and he says he doesn't want "filth" on the air.

The Republican Candidate

McCain's trying to prove he's no Bush by spending more time in the flooded regions of the midwest than Bush ever did in New Orleans. Oh, you're SO moderate.

This Week's Argument

Obama opted out of public financing, and McCain's accusing him of backing out of his earlier campaign promise to accept public financing if his Republican counterpart would also. Obama says the system's too broken for him to participate. McCain says Obama's a flip-flopper. Hey, if it worked on Kerry, maybe it'll work on Obama, except of course that McCain's done a lot more flip-flopping over the years than Obama, so he might want to avoid pursuing that particular line of conversation.

I don't much care for this decision. Yes, I want Obama to do whatever he can to win, and the fact is, without spending limits, Obama's a financial juggernaut. But because I believe that all private money should be cleared out of public elections, the decision worries the shit out of me.

It worries the shit out of me.

Other Relevancies

Rudy Giuliani's back to do some more shouting about 9/11. When he says it, it just sounds so dirty. Oh, Rudy, say it again...

Vice Presidents, anyone? McCain seems to like the Governor of Louisiana who says there's some good science behind that Intelligent Design. The Obama camp leaked the names of John Edwards and Sam Nunn. I think they're all a bunchy of red herrings.

And that's What Stood Out This Week, dear B&E readers.

Bruce LeeRoy vs. Chow Yun Fatchmo!

Once upon a time, in South Africa, Chinese immigrants were known as Chinese immigrants. Then, with the establishment of apartheid in the 1940s, the Afrikaner government classified the Chinese as "colored." In the 1970s, Taiwan established economic ties to South Africa, and Taiwanese immigrants were "honorary whites."

Because no one could tell the difference between the Taiwanese and the Chinese, things got a little easier for the Chinese in South Africa. They still had no rights, mind you, but they also had the honor of sharing the white facilities with a bunch of racist, cracker-ass bitches. Lucky, lucky Chinese.

So when apartheid ended in the 1990s, the Chinese were lumped together with whitey and therefore denied the benefits available to other "colored" groups.

Well, no longer. On Wednesday, Chinese South Africans were reclassified as "black."

Maybe this explains why there are suddenly so many Chinese Soul Food restaurants cropping up in New York City.

(Thanks to my esteemed Chinese-American Art Director at work for the link and the ensuing smartass IM conversation. Bruce LeeRoy was all him.)

OK, So Maybe He Can Kick Ass

This whole Willie Randolph firing from the Mets has me feeling pretty crappy about the crappy Mets. I've been giving Willie the benefit of the doubt here. After all, how do you motivate a bunch of overpaid, under-performing wannabe superstars? Is it Willie's fault that a player making more than ten million dollars this season alone is totally average in every way?

At the same time, I'm not going to be a big Willie defender. After all, the Mets have lost more games than they've won this year (and yes, there was the well-documented collapse of last season), and Willie's been the man in charge. At least where game decisions are concerned.

But seriously, the manner in which he was fired? Classless.

So do these overpaid, under-performing lame-o's need an ass-kicker? When the rumors of Willie's firing first surfaced, I was thinking management would put in place someone like Larry Bowa or Lou Piniella. You know, someone who instills fear in their players because they've got tempers like Yosemite Sam.

Instead Willie was replaced by his bench coach, Jerry Manuel. Truth be told, I don't know much about Jerry. He's had some success in the past as a Major League manager. He was Willie's bench coach. He sat there and calmly muttered advice to Willie. He probably knows a thing or two about baseball. But an ass-kicker? I don't know.

Because the whole Willie firing left a bad taste in my mouth, I opted to take a short break from the Mets. I'd heard something about how during Jerry's first game as manager Jose Reyes had some sort of hissy-fit on the field because Jerry wanted to pull him. I was like, "Terrific. Jose's acting like a five-year-old testing boundaries with his parents." And I didn't think much else about it.

Enter Titivil, not my usual source for baseball news. His post pointed me in the direction of this story.

Well, holy shit. Jerry Manuel threatened to "go gangster" and use a blade to spill the blood of his All-Star shortstop. Maybe he is what the Mets need in a manager.

Still, Willie, you got totally screwed.

And Omar, look out, baby. This is the team you built. If they don't succeed now, it's your fucking problem. And Jerry Manuel's not afraid to get out his trusty blade and cut you.

For the non-baseball fans, I offer a gangster hottie:

Breaking News: My Head Is Up My Butt!

More than two years after its debut, my Dickhead of the Week posting about former ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson continues to get (and play!) the hits. But for once, anonymous has aimed his (or her!) observational sites not on my writings about Rex but on my brief aside regarding Halliburton's CEO David Lesar. Anonymous comments:

If "CEO of Halliburton ... profiting off the death and destruction of soldiers and civilians alike." is true, then all the construction workers over there making $10 to $30 and hour are doing the same thing. As well are the folks back home who work for companies that make products that are used by soldiers over there. If you took your head out of your butt you could see that.

You really told me, anonymous! Sing it anonymously from the rafters!

OK, so seriously, anonymous (if that is indeed your name). You're going to anonymously (i.e. cowardly) defend Halliburton? You don't see an enormous difference between working people doing a job and the executives who determine where their profits come from?

And you don't find it outrageous that Halliburton is paying "$10 to $30 and hour" (if we assume your information is more accurate than your word choice) for the truly dangerous work being done in a war zone, while the CEO sits in the safety of his office and builds his personal fortune on their backs and, yes, from the death and destruction of soldiers and civilians alike?

Ah, well. I guess my head is up my butt for not pretending that CEOs and working people are totally the same.

The Mets Stink, and It's All Tom Nieto's Fault

The Mets finally fired Tom Nieto. This has been a group of underachieving, overpaid wannabe superstars, and no one is to blame more than the lackluster first-base coach.

In the last week alone he tried to hold Jose Reyes at first on a triple, he flat-out refused to take Carlos Beltran's ankle armor after a walk, and his pep-talks ranged from, "Take a seat; there's no point" to "Thirty-seven planes have flown over Shea since the third inning."

And don't even get me started about his butt pats. I mean, let's face it: those things are caresses with a dollop of squeeze.

What Stood Out This Week - 6/8-6/14

Ssshhh... We've got primary hangovers. So let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Democratic Candidate

Obama's been visiting swing states and getting his general election organizing together. He's going to be the first Democratic presidential candidate to have paid staffers in all fifty states. That he's the first to do this (don't know if that means "ever" or "for decades") is mind-boggling to me. If the fundraising-deficient Republican Party has to put enough focus on states that have been "sure things" for them, that opens up the whole map to Obama's campaign.

One of Obama's VP vetting team had to resign because he got a sweet deal on a mortgage or something.

Obama's also centralizing the DNC operations in Chicago. We're getting Chicago-style on your asses now, motherfuckers!

The Republican Candidate

John McCain canceled a fundraiser this wee because the host, a former Texas gubernatorial candidate, had once made a completely unfunny joke about rape. So when those comments resurfaced, John McCain John-McCained the fundraiser.

I don't really know what else he's been up to.

This Week's Argument

Both sides are bitching at the other about the whole how-are-we-going-to-debate question. John McCain wants nothing but town halls. Barack Obama wants a town hall and some debates. Both sides are very disappointed in the other and accusing the other of being petty and inflexible.

Other Relevancies

Once again I saw a little something about a prominent congressman who thinks the Democratic fifty-state strategy is a waste of resources. Thanks, Rahm Emanuel (fellow alum), but you're really wrong about that.

Hillary's been out of sight this week, taking a much needed rest. I hope she gets out there soon. One of her elected delegates has endorsed John McCain. The delegate is going to vote for Hillary at the convention and vote for McCain in the general election. I'm not sure what's wrong with those people.

Rudy Giuliani's offering to help Republicans raise money. But only if you'll help him pay off his campaign debt. That guy's an asshole even when he's trying to help.

And finally, Tim Russert... His death is sad indeed. I'll always remember his whiteboard scrawls during the 2000 stolen election. NBC had all the graphics people at their disposal, and yet there was Tim writing illegibly on a whiteboard. It was brilliant. And Tim was a great interviewer, not afraid to use people's own words against them. He was knowledgeable and prepared. This year's election analysis will suffer without him. NBC must seriously be shitting bricks right now. And they're probably mourning a bit, too.

Dude, I Gotta Pay More for Yankee Stadium?

The New York baseball teams' new stadiums open in 2009.

Admittedly, I don't know a lot about the financial terms of either stadium. But considering that team owners and Major League Baseball generally bully cities into publicly financing the bulk of these private enterprises, I'm sure that the Mets and Yankees are getting some sweet deals from New York City, particularly in the development of the neighborhoods surrounding the stadiums (eminent domain!).

Earlier this week, the Yankees asked for another $350-400 million in tax-exempt public bonds:

About $941 million in tax-exempt public bonds have already been issued for the $1.3 billion stadium that the Yankees are building across the street from their current ballpark in the Bronx.

You gotta love that a big business like the Yankees are exempt from paying so many taxes.

The official request goes to the IRS. The new Yankee Stadium has already maxed out its public bond options, and they need IRS approval to go after more. If the Yankees get their way, the Mets would also be eligible to benefit from the new IRS rules.

Everyone knows I love baseball, and Shea Stadium has long been an industrial wasteland of a ballpark. Of course, that's also part of its charm. But as I've watched the new Mets stadium go up, I feel the excitement, even if the new Citi Field goes so far as to use that Citibank red umbrella logo shape in the stadium lights.

But public financing for private profit is fucking bullshit. The Yankees and the Mets are two of the most valuable franchises in sports. And the Yankees, especially when considering their partnership with English football club Manchester United, must be the most valuable sports franchise in the world. Both teams can pay for their own fucking stadiums. But of course, they won't.

A couple of months ago David Zirin, who writes about where sports and politics overlap and about whom I've raved in the past, wrote a stellar piece about the new Washington Nationals stadium (pictured above for your reference), from which I pull this gem:

This isn't just taxation without representation. It's a monument of avarice that will clear the working poor out of the Southeast corner of the city as surely as if they just dispensed with the baseball and used a bulldozer. This is sports as ethnic and economic cleansing, as Hurricane Katrina, as Shock Doctrine, as Green Zone. Fittingly... President George W. Bush came out to throw the first pitch.

Boy, I tell you, this request for more public bonds to build the new Yankee Stadium smells about as good as the entire city during a heatwave.

I Don't Much Care

I've had from a few sources that those cell phone corn popping videos are faked and, in fact, viral advertisements.

But as far as I'm concerned, cell phones are killing bees, causing ear cancer, and making the single largest contribution to global warming.

Bad Advertising on NY1 - Barilla Plus

I had intended my semi-regular commentary on the bad advertising on NY1 to consist primarily of the poor quality, locally created gems, such as the Koeppel Auto spot starring Jackie Mason (which thankfully now seems to be out of rotation).

But let's turn our attention to a spot with a bigger budget, clearly created by a real advertising agency working on a real brand. It's an advertisement for Barilla Plus pasta.

An attractive blond woman arrives to visit her attractive blond sister in a Tuscan villa. The attractive blond sister's two children are playing with an absurdly attractive (and blindfolded) Italian local. The attractive blond sister says that the kids just love the absurdly attractive (and blindfolded) man, when the absurdly attractive (and blindfolded) man whips off his blindfold and shares an immediate connection with the attractive blond woman. Big smile. Big dimples.

Cut to the kitchen, where the attractive blond sister prepares a healthy meal with Barilla Plus pasta, which is somehow fortified with protein or flax seed or cod liver oil or some shit. The attractive blond woman says to her attractive blond sister, "You're such a good mom." The attractive blond sister says, "Like I need your fucking validation, bitch." Which is a surprising response in an ad that runs first thing in the morning.

No, of course that last part doesn't happen. But I wish it would.

Cut to the dinner table where the attractive blond woman, the attractive blond sister, two kids, and absurdly attractive (no longer blindfolded) man enjoy a delicious meal of Barilla Plus pasta. Attractive blond woman says, "It's perfect." The absurdly attractive (no longer blindfolded man) says, "Si. Perfecto."

And... scene.

But did I mention the music? I don't know for sure, but it sounds like one of those sappy operatic love numbers sung by that Italian singer who's largely famous for being a blind man who can carry a tune.

From what I gather, Barilla Plus pasta is positioning itself as the lover's pasta, the hot blonds in Italy pasta, or perhaps the pimp out your sister pasta. The father of those kids is totally absent from the ad, so maybe it's the pasta of single motherhood or the pasta of absent fathers.

Either way, it's a stupid fucking ad, and I'd love to know how this pitch meeting went down without someone getting laughed out of the room. Or without goons popping out of the center of the conference room table, gunning down the agency jackasses in a reenactment of the St. Valentine's Day massacre, with the two surviving agency members going into hiding as women in a traveling ladies jazz band.

[UPDATE, UPON ANOTHER VIEWING]
It appears there's a dad in that spot after all. He's just far in the background. So I guess he's more emotionally than physically absent.

Infrastructure Is Sexy

We've got ourselves a heat wave on the east coast, and for those of you wondering, it takes about two-and-a-half days of near hundred-degree heat before New York City smells like a garbage dump.

This is the first real heat of 2008, and Con Edison, our faithful (and most likely corrupt) public/private utility service provider, has been issuing power usage warnings and guidelines. Certain neighborhoods should use necessary electricity only. There have been a few brown outs across the City already, and shit, it's early June.

Queens had a lengthy blackout just a couple years ago, and my 'hood was one of the harder hit. My apartment was one of the lucky ones. We had fluctuating, throbbing power in two random outlets. They weren't on the same circuit, and I never did understand the strangeness of it. Most of our neighbors were completely without power. For more than a week.

Looks like NYC's got itself an outdated power grid. ConEd can't keep up with the power demands of a growing city, and across the United States, there's been a distinct lack of investment in infrastructure (if that bridge in Minneapolis is any indication).

In the ever-reliable The Nation magazine a few months ago, the editors asked the primary candidate dropouts of both parties to write about what issues they felt should be discussed more on the campaign trail but were being largely ignored. Tom Tancredo used the opportunity to issue yet another screed about the evils of immigration.

Christopher Dodd wrote about infrastructure, as a topic that should be on full-throttle yet gets little discussion at all. He and anti-war Republican Chuck Hagel have proposed the creation of an infrastructure bank to help pay for all of the things around the country now crumbling thanks to a lack of investment.

I tell you what... I think it's a great idea to throw a shitload of money at public works. Hire a bunch of out-of-work folks (that unemployment rate just keeps on climbing) to fix our busted-up, broken-ass country. Save the bridges, fix the roads, invest in broader public transportation, plant trees, reclaim and restore abandoned buildings... And they're jobs that can't even be outsourced (living wage required!).

Infrastructure discussions won't win elections (even if you couple it with standing up to warrantless wiretapping - Sorry, Dodd), but if those discussions get moved into action, the investment can really make a difference in our neglected communities.

Dude, infrastructure's totally hot.

What Stood Out This Week - 6/1-6/7

The election is over! Let the election begin! Let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Democrats
Obviously, What Stood Out This Week is that Barack Obama is now the Democratic Party's nominee for president.

Yes, there were a few remaining contests, once again split by Obama and Hillary, and there was the initial "I'm making no decisions tonight" speech by Hillary, even after Obama had officially clinched the nomination. Then, there was that secret meeting at Dianne Feinstein's house (which totally sounds like something I did in grade school), and by Saturday, Hillary had come around. Now if we can only convince all of her supporters.

I've always like Hillary a lot more than the people she was surrounded by. Mark Penn, Terry McAuliffe, Harold Ickes, and James Carville are not my favorite Democrats. But her concession speech was as good as it should've been. At times maybe it seemed all about her, but when it comes right down to it, I do believe she wants what's best for the Party, and her speech on Saturday was a good beginning.

VP choice? Don't think it'll happen. And I don't think it'll change that much about how she functions. I think she'll campaign and stump for Obama either way. Considering how much I disliked how her campaign team operated during the primary, I have a lot of faith in Hillary's desire to do what's best.

The best part is that now Barack Obama can focus solely on John McCain.

The Republican
Hey, remember John McCain? He chose to give a "major speech" on Tuesday, the day that the Democratic contest was finally decided.

On a day of three speeches, McCain went first. It was widely agreed that it was terrible, from the green background to the stilted phrasing and nervous laughter. I caught about five minutes of it in total, and I don't mind telling you, the shit was creepy. And not just because I'm predisposed to disagree with the fella. It was creepy.

Hillary was next on the docket, and even though she didn't concede the election, it was a pretty damned good speech. Granted, after McCain, the Hunchback of Notre Dame would've seemed to give a good speech. But Hillary's speech was as good as any I've seen her give. She seemed relaxed and natural, and even if I was like, "Concede already, please," I was impressed.

But obviously, Obama can really bring major league game when it comes to speechifying. And he did. He claimed his victory, and no doubt about it: the man looked downright presidential.

Oh, but that's not the Republican...

McCain's challenged Obama to a series of town hall meetings, and you know what? I'm all for it. Yes, McCain will look good in this atmosphere, but so will Obama. And I for one welcome the chance (and change) to hear two men express how they view various issues differently from one another. Plus, it's not like McCain will be able to avoid giving speeches off of teleprompters the entire campaign.

So that's What Stood Out This Week. Let the election begin!

I'm Sure Those Cell Phones Are Perfectly Safe

As most B&E readers will know, I'm not the biggest fan of cell phones. Maybe your cell phone isn't actually killing bees as I suspected last year (and still do, not so secretly), but maybe they're killing us instead.

[Full disclosure: I now have a cell phone, but in my defense, it's never on, and I don't know the number.]

But this evening the missus showed me a series of YouTube videos with pretty much the same content in various languages. I chose the Japanese version for your viewing pleasure. And if this doesn't make you want to keep your phones away from your brains and balls, I don't know what will.

It's Like, "No Duh!"

Obviously there's a hell of a lot of political news going on this week, and I'm finding it hard to resist holding out for my weekend What Stood Out posting. So there's one separate-but-related item I'd like to point out.

Some of you may remember the 2004 presidential candidacy of Howard Dean. I was an early Dean supporter. I'd stop short of calling myself a Deaniac, but his was the first political campaign I donated to. So when it became clear his candidacy wasn't going to come of anything, and we were going to be left with Mr. Personality as the Democratic nominee to face off against the most dangerous presidential administration in history, I feared that Dean would disappear into the background of politics never to be heard from again.

Instead, Howard got himself elected Chairman of the Democratic National Committee, much to the chagrin of party establishment insiders. It turns out that this is a perfectly good place for him to be. He had ideas, you see. Rather than shifting the entire party to the middle to reach out for Wall Street bucks (like, say, Terry McAuliffe), Dean thought maybe we should actually compete and organize locally. Like, in all 50 states.

Before Dean, the DNC didn't even have paid staff members in every state. I'm going to repeat that: The fucking Democratic Party national organization didn't have people in every state. But under this new idea, rather than focus on a few key battleground states every single election and pour millions into those places and ignore everyone else, Dean and the DNC would offer every state resources to put up a good goddamn fight.

Now, to most of us, this seems about as logical as arriving to a job interview on time. Dean had to fight for it. My own senator Chuck Schumer thought Dean was an idiot. Most of Bill Clinton's money people (who really did a hell of a job fundraising, I admit) thought Dean was flushing money down the toilet. All sorts of in-fighting took place, some private, some public.

Then the 2006 midterm elections validated Dean's approach. Or so you would think. But a movement persisted to try to stop Dean wasting time and money in places like Mississippi that Democrats will "never win" and go back to the old way that served President Clinton so well.

Meanwhile, Dean's 50-state strategy has continued to work. The Democrats recently won a special election in Mississippi, where Democrats never win.

And yet, still, there was talk about ousting Dean. Some people speculated that the primary would determine Dean's fate. Many of Hillary's supporters (including Terry McAuliffe, of course) still think the strategy is crap. If she'd won, Dean's tenure as head of the DNC could well have ended.

Of course, she didn't. And Obama was a community organizer, as we now hear so often. So he understands the value of a genuine local grassroots base and heartily supports Dean's 50-state strategy.

Today, Obama confirmed it: Dean stays. Obama's also gotten the DNC to agree not to take lobbyist or PAC money. This shit was unheard of four years ago (under Terry McAuliffe).

Dean's 50-state strategy was intended to be a long-term strategy. Even Dean expressed surprise that the 2006 midterms were so successful, and perhaps other factors were at play (people's dislike for Bush finally reach a tipping point?). So it's not clear exactly how much affect the strategy will have on this year's general election.

But there's no doubt in my mind that Obama's the candidate to test it. Although he still needs to convince a large part of the Democratic Party base, he's proven that he's got massive independent appeal, which potentially puts a lot of new states in play. Virginia's the most obvious possible red-turned-blue state, but just about everything out west could be on that list and even a few places in the south.

And remember: Barack Obama hasn't really started running against John McCain yet.

I've been burned on numerous occasions when I've raised my expectations of the American people. But today I'm still cautiously optimistic.

And seriously, Dean's 50-state strategy is as obvious as Dick Cheney's sense of humor. The Democrats have a long history of fucking up good things, but hopefully this one stays around for the time being.

I Come From the Land Down Over There

Children of the 80s will remember the Australian band Men At Work. After all, this is the group that introduced most Americans to Vegemite. A Musack form of their hit "Down Under" plays today under Qantas Airlines ads. "Who Can It Be Now?" is a question I ask myself every day.

But here's something I didn't know for 25 years. Colin Hay, the lead singer and songwriter for the Band Down Under, isn't Australian at all. He hails from Kilwinning, Scotland.

I feel as though some fraud has been perpetrated on the ten-year-old version of myself who bought the "Business As Usual" cassette all those years ago with his hard-earned allowance. I was buying the Australianness of it all.

I'm beginning to think that maybe Scotland really does have a claim on just about everything.

Be! Aggressive! B-E- Aggressive!

Hey, remember George W. Bush? You may recall that he's our president. He's doesn't seem to be up to much these days, or at least no one seems to care. If a president does his job and the media isn't there to report it, can it be considered working?

So no, I'm not writing about what he's up to right now because, frankly, I don't know what he's up to right now. Probably threatening to veto some decent piece of legislation.

But back in 2004 he was up to a lot. The Iraq War was turning into a disaster, Dubya was running for re-election, and Lt. General Ricardo Sanchez was paying attention. In Sanchez's new autobiography he reports that Commander-in-Chief Bush tapped into his former cheerleading self to offer a slightly insane pep-talk, after the horrific Blackwater contractor deaths in Fallujah (as quoted from Think Progress):

Kick ass! If somebody tries to stop the march to democracy, we will seek them out and kill them! We must be tougher than hell! This Vietnam stuff, this is not even close. It is a mind-set. We can’t send that message. It’s an excuse to prepare us for withdrawal... There is a series of moments and this is one of them. Our will is being tested, but we are resolute. We have a better way. Stay strong! Stay the course! Kill them! Be confident! Prevail! We are going to wipe them out! We are not blinking!

Strawberry shortcake! Banana split! We think YOUR team plays like SHIFT to the left! SHIFT to the right! Stand up! Sit down! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

And it's been nothing but an easy victory since. Well done, Mr. President. Or, put another way, nice goin', genius.