New Yorkers Are Fat

A couple of weeks ago, a court upheld a law that required chain restaurants to display their calorie counts in New York City stores. Apparently, half of New Yorkers are fat. So now when we go to McDonald's we can order the low-calorie item, whatever it may be. I don't know... Diet Coke?

Obviously, most of these restaurants are against posting such information on their displays, and they have until June 3 to comply before the fines start coming.

Chipotle and Starbucks have already posted their calorie counts. I tend to walk a couple of extra blocks for my afternoon coffee, rather than go to the Starbucks immediately across from my office. But today was a rainy, shitty day, and I was in a hurry to get back to the office for a meeting. (If I need another excuse, I'm sure I can come up with one.)

Anyway, it was the first time I saw the calorie postings. I tell you: that shit is effective. I mean, I wasn't going to get a snack anyway, but when I saw that their Crispy Rice Square (the Starbucks' equivalent to the Rice Krispy Treat) was 450 calories, it really made me not want to eat it even more.

I felt a lot thinner today having not eaten the Starbucks food. Then I had a crumpet with peanut butter and maple syrup for dessert tonight. Delicious.

Is It a Perfect Day? It Might Be.

Yesterday, I went to Shea with some colleagues and watched the Mets win yet again. I tell you, it's uncanny. I can no longer remember the Mets losing when I've been at the game. That's how long it's been. My streak has to be something like 16 games dating back three seasons or so.

A few years ago, during the Art Howe Black Hole Years, I had a Sunday ticket plan. All Sunday home games. That August, the Mets didn't win at home. So certainly I saw them lose. But it's been a long time now.

Carlos Delgado smacked two dingers and the Mets won 6-3 over the Braves.

Afterwards, we all went to Sripraphai, "the best Thai food outside of Thailand."* It's conveniently located right along the 7 train, and just a little ways from home. If you're a New York resident, go to this restaurant immediately. It'll knock your socks off. Anything on the menu. Just go and get food.

I guess this is mostly about baseball, so here's a pander to one specific reader who thinks that rubber ducks are really tasty.



*Quote comes via Virgil, who picked up the gem talking to a local Thai immigrant.

What Stood Out This Week - 4/20-4/26

Pennsylvania voted, and everything's the same. Let's see What Stood Out This Week.

Democrats

Pennsylvania voted, and everything's the same:

Republican

Pennsylvania voted, and everything's the same.

Although it should be noted that John McCain got 73% of the vote. That means 27% of Republican voters voted against the party's nominee (16% for Ron Paul, and 9% for Mike Huckabee). A rare good sign for the Democrats who are, as hard as possible, doing everything they can to fuck up what should be the easiest ever election to win.

That's right: the feckless Democrats are screwing it all up. But then...

Pennsylvania voted, and everything's the same.

And that's What Stood Out This Week!

Timing Is Everything

There's a little New York Times headline that simply says, "McCain criticizes Katrina response."

Well, I criticize your Katrina response, Herr McCain. Maybe if you'd said something back in September 2005, it would've made a goddamn difference, and fewer residents of New Orleans would've McCained the city they love.

Bad Advertising on NY1 - Koeppel Auto

We're a NY1 house in the morning. Local news. Weather reports every ten minutes. It's oddly compelling. When I first discovered NY1, oh so many years ago, I found it immediately comforting. New York TV's local ads are just as bad, if not worse, than local ads outside New York.

These ads are difficult to find online, so you'll just have to deal with a description.

Jackie Mason is a comedian popular with a certain subset of the New York population, or dare I call them, old Jews. I'm fairly certain that Jackie Mason's never actually made me laugh (but then I'm not old or Jewish), so he lives in my consciousness among "comedians who don't make me laugh." Dane Cook has lived at the top of that list for a couple of years.

Anyway, it's not so much that Jackie Mason's not funny to me that makes this such a terrible ad. It runs thusly:

Mr. Koeppel (from Koeppel Auto) approaches Jackie Mason, "wowed" that Jackie Mason's in his dealership. Koeppel offers an exchange: a car for two tickets to Jackie Mason's latest show. Jackie is at first thrilled, then offended, that someone would deem his show to be the same value as a car (I don't know if Koeppel sells new or used cars). Mr. Koeppel ups the offer with a pastrami sandwich and a pickle. They have a deal.

End of commercial. That's it.

No, I don't know what's in it for me, the potential customer. I don't understand the partnership. Mr. Koeppel comes off as less wowed or thrilled and more nervous and sweaty. Jackie Mason looks like he's got a half hour blocked out to do this shit, so let's get it over and done with.

And either Jackie Mason refused to do whatever the original script was, or Mr. Koeppel was so happy to have Jackie Mason agree to do an ad for him that he gave Jackie carte blanche. Probably even more likely is that Jackie Mason showed up, they improvised ten takes or so of slightly varying approaches, and then some editor was left to cobble together whatever made the most sense.

It's a bad ad. But at least it runs several times every morning.

What Stood Out This Week - 4/13-4/19

I'm a bit of a political junkie, as B&E readers well know, but even I'm getting burned out on this here election, especially when it's been so long since we've held a vote. I'm keeping an eye on things, of course, but I think maybe I'm suffering from Primary Fatigue. So let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Republican

John McCain released his tax forms. He won't be releasing his wife's. After all, she's the real money in the family. That shit wouldn't have flown with Teresa Heinz Kerry. Actually, I don't really remember. Did that shit fly with THK? I think she released her tax records, but I don't know for sure. Good thing I'm writing about it! I've got all the answers!

The Democrats

Barack Obama turned in a crappy performance at the debate, and now the debate seems be more about the debate than the substance thereof. Which I guess is the point: There was very little substance in this debate. It was the only prime-time, network debate of the election thus far, and Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopolouponopolousponopoulous spent the first hour asking about stupid shit: Reverend Wright, comments about "bitter" voters, sniper fire in Bosnia, flag pins on the lapel (or lack thereof), elitism.

So Hillary did well in the debate, and Obama didn't. So Obama's all, "Hillary was right in her element in a debate of this style, and people are tired of it." And Hillary's all, "Clearly, I'm better prepared for the ugliness of a general election than that boy to my left." (OK, so really it was another person altogether who referred to Obama as "that boy," but why not throw it in there as part of it all?)

I will say this, though: Obama looked tired. Running for president would fucking blow chunks, dear B&E readers. I hope none of you have to go through it.

Emails from the campaigns are funny. Both grab onto a theme and try to raise money out of it...

Obama's all, "What's elite about the 1.3 million people who've given to our campaign? Let's make it 1.5 million!" Apparently I'm one of those 1.3 million already because I got the missus a shirt for Christmas. I mean, it was a gift purchase, not a donation.

Meanwhile, Hillary's all, "We're facing a candidate with an unlimited war chest. Even $5 can help make a difference in Pennsylvania!" Oh, Hillary, you scrappy underdog, you!

Polls, polls, polls, polls, polls polls polls. Man, there have been a lot of polls. Obama's catching up in Pennsylvania! Hillary's got the momentum! Obama can't beat McCain! Hillary never could! Obama's unelectable! Hillary's unelectable! Fuck polls. Why are we still putting so much stock in polls when they've proven to be so utterly wrong so many goddamn times?

Democratic National Committee chair Howard Dean is apparently starting to put pressure on the undecided superdelegates to get off the fence and commit to someone already because John McCain is getting a free ride while the two Democrats bicker over stupid shit.

There's finally a big goddamn vote on Tuesday in Pennsylvania. Will it decide anything? Probably not. There's still a lot of election yet, and Clintons don't quit. After Pennsylvania, there's North Carolina and Indiana. They're coming up relatively soon, I guess. But gosh, this election is getting tired.

And that's What Stood Out This Week. A lot of "tired."

Who IS that German Woman?

This morning I had the ever-reliable NY1 News on the boob-tube while I got ready for work. At one point, I heard this sultry voice, like Marlene Dietrich in Blue Angel. So I went out to investigate. Turns out, Pope Benedict sounds a lot like Marlene Dietrich.

Now, it has been implied in the comments section of this here site that I hate the Pope because he prefers Yankee Stadium. Hell, I prefer Yankee Stadium, just not the team that plays there.

The truth is I have very little opinion of the new Pope. Pope John Paul II was the only Pope I knew until he passed away, and even though I disagreed with him about several issues, I thought he was an impressive man.

I'm not a Catholic, and this is a new Pope, and there could very well be all sorts of perfectly understandable reasons for my feelings here, but I just don't see people as connected with this Pope as the last. Maybe he just needs time. But he somehow lacks that certain something I got used to seeing with JP2.

A colleague of mine put it best, perhaps, when during our discussion, she quipped, "He's like a rebound Pope."

A Busy Birthday for Pope Benedict

Pope Benedict had an active birthday today on his first full day in the United States, meeting with President Bush, speaking his harshest words yet about the sex abuse among the priesthood (at least he's addressing it early and often!), and then decrying secularism in our country as one of the root causes of the scandal. Awesome. Yes, I think it's fair to say that he's off to a hell of a start here.

And the Supreme Court gave Pope Benny a special birthday gift. The Pope doesn't much care for the death penalty (life is sacred, after all), so the Court was kind enough to rule that lethal injection is totally fine. Let the executions continue!

Happy birthday, Pope!

Blast.

For some reason, Blogger was having a hard time publishing to B&E for the past few days, so now I have no real proof that I called Hillary's campaign tactics Rove-ian before Obama did. Stupid Blogger. Anyway, shame on Hillary.

What Stood Out This Week - 4/6-4/12

I've had a particularly busy time at my job lately and have been partially living a media blackout, so let's see What Stood Out This Week. Anything?

The Democrats

I'm going to start with the Democrats. Apparently Barack Obama said something at a fundraiser about how when people get bitter they cling to God and guns.

Hillary pounced: Obama's statement shows that he's out of touch with "regular" Americans who have legitimate reasons for loving God and guns. He's a snob, he's a snob, he's a snob.

Throughout the primary, anytime anyone has attacked Hillary, for pretty much any reason at all, she calls upon one of her favorite lines, "Right out of the Karl Rove play book." (Sometimes Karl Rove is replaced by Republican.)

Portraying liberals as snobs has been one of the most brilliant tactics of the Right. We're all just a bunch of latte-sipping, gun-hating, anti-God cultural elitists. Rich, entitled, silver-spooned, privileged George W. Bush on the other hand is as a down-home, folksy, regular guy. That's the Karl Rove play book.

It is true that the Republican Machine hates the Clinton Machine. And hating Hillary is in fact one of the Right's favorite sports. But I've never been able to specifically place what it is about the various challenges to Hillary's record during the primary that comes straight out of the Karl Rove play book.

In fact, her current attack on Barack Obama might be the first time I can specifically point to using tactics "right out of the Karl Rove play book." Well done, Hillary.

Obama didn't choose his words terribly carefully in that moment, but at its core, I think what he said is correct. Angry voters will turn to the issues they connect with most. And exploiting those wedge issues is something most politicians are very good at.

I understand what Obama's getting at. But then I'm a fucking snob, too. I don't much like guns, and I really don't care what people think of God. On the other hand, I prefer regular coffee to lattes.

The Republican

John McCain is still mostly sitting back while the Democrats take care of each other. He got in a little bit on the snob thing with Obama but is mostly letting Hillary do the heavy lifting there.

And if you believe that polls are relevant, his strategy is working. Nationwide, Barack Obama used to have a ten point lead over John McCain (who has always been within the margin of error with Hillary). Now polls say that Obama's lead has vanished.

I'm getting more and more suspicious of polls, even though I usually find them interesting, but head-to-head match-up polls between two people who haven't yet run against each other are really stupid. Early on, there were all these polls showing a neck-and-neck race between Rudy Giuliani and Hillary.

It couldn't matter less what a head-to-head (still theoretical) match-up might look like (seven months before voting day). The campaign trail is meant to convince people. And neither Hillary nor Obama have actually run against McCain yet.

Although, seriously, someone needs to start to do so, and stat. The man's getting a free fucking ride.

This is Bad Even by MTA Standards

A Mets article in the New York Times leads with this:

The journey from Brooklyn to Queens is a short one geographically, but it took Nelson Figueroa 13 years to make the trip.

Looks like Nelson discovered the perils of the G train!

Zang! zzP-POW! Wocka-wocka-wocka!

The Phillies Lost, so by Default...

On my first trip to (the last season at) Shea Stadium, the Mets beat the Phillies. Really, the Phillies beat themselves, what with those four errors and six unearned runs. But hey, we'll take it!

For years, the rivalry in the National League East was a Braves/Mets thing. The Braves kept winning the division, and the Mets were sometimes close. Occasionally (as in 2000) the Mets would advance further in the playoffs. Other times, the Braves would defeat the Mets in the playoffs. It was a classic rivalry. Some racist, homophobic trash-talking from a cracker-ass relief pitcher hopped up on the juice added the necessary color.

During last night's game, some meathead (and, dare I say, douchebag) Mets fans got trashed and started screaming at a nearby Phillies fan. A little fun, even borderline mean-spirited razzing can be a good time, but these taunts were full of "faggots" and "fucks" and screamed at the top of their lungs.

Now, I'll defend a certain amount of colorful, salty language at a ballpark, but this was obnoxious even for those of us who don't get terribly offended by linguistic unimaginativeness. I think a family near us complained to an usher, who came and asked them calmly to sit down and shut up. The usher had no pull with these douchebags, and one dude in particular just wouldn't stop screaming obscenities.

It took some time, but security finally made its way and escorted the douchebags out.

My buddy and I then discussed that if the National League East rivalry becomes more about the Phillies vs. the Mets rather than the Braves vs. the Mets, it has the potential for being a lot more volatile. Not only are the rival cities much closer in proximity, but Phillies fans really seem to care with the same passion as a Mets fan.

The thing that was always disappointing about the Braves rivalry was that you couldn't help but feel that when push came to shove, Braves fans kinda didn't give a shit. I'd say it was because they just knew they were better than everyone else (which was usually true), but they couldn't even sell-out playoff games. What's wrong with those guys?

Fans in Philly are famous for getting raucous, rowdy, and violent. It got so bad at Philadelphia Eagles games that they set up an official city court within the stadium to immediately charge the evil-doers with a crime.

I hadn't seen behavior this relentlessly aggressive at a Mets game before. I didn't like it. Nope. Didn't like it one bit.

Look, I read Among the Thugs. I know I'm not cut out to be a hooligan.

For this pander, I thought I'd post a photo that's sure to please my straight male and lesbian readership. You straight ladies out there that don't much care for baseball: don't worry your little selves. You'll get your hot dudes the majority of the time.

Someone Needs to Blow Manhattan's Nose

I would normally have more to say on the matter, but for now, I'm just going to voice my displeasure at the brutal assassination of Mayor Bloomberg's congestion pricing plan. It works in London, and it could work here. I never thought I'd see the day that I'd agree with Joe Bruno about something. Shame on Sheldon Silver and the cowardly state assembly that wouldn't even bring the plan to a vote.

My Adopted College Team

Because I went to... well, let's face it... a gay school, I've always been a Kansas University Jayhawks fan in college sports.

So a special shout-out this morning to KU, which took violent abolitionists, turned them into a fictional bird, and won the NCAA Tournament for the first time since 1988.

Seriously, it was a hell of a game. The Memphis Tigers were up by nine with two minutes left, and I started getting ready for bed. I only kept it on the TV because I'd accepted that Kansas was going to lose yet another NCAA Tournament Final, something they've done on numerous occasions in the past two decades.

New York! Science Capital of the World!

This story about the World Science Festival coming to New York isn't that interesting, really, but it features a motley crew of characters. In addition to college presidents, it's got Joel Klein (Chancellor of NYC public schools), Alan Alda, Dr. Brian Greene (a prominent physicist), and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew (the Muppet).

During the press conference, Dr. Greene made a point of saying that it's not fun science, but the real thing. A few minutes later, this happened:

Popping up from behind the lectern, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, who described himself as being from Muppet Labs, extolled the family-oriented programs. The most important thing they could show, he said, was “that science can be as explosive and violent as any TV program.”

Then he sprayed Dr. Greene with a can of silly string.

Serious science, indeed.

I admit that I rather like the Muppets, and Beaker and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew were always a couple of my favorites. I can do a pretty decent Beaker impression, actually, even though nowadays I look a hell of a lot more like Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.

Torch Trouble in Europe

There hasn't been a great deal of press surrounding the many protests in the direct vicinity of the Olympic torch, but that doesn't mean they're not happening.

As you probably know, the Olympic torch circles the globe en route to being lit for the Olympic games, which this summer occur in China. Usually, this is a peaceful, ceremonial relay with a few cheering people celebrating the local celebrity athletes who get selected to run a portion of the thing.

Protesters in London and Paris have been less impressed with this year's torch relay.

What are they protesting? China, apparently. Something about human rights violations, an occupied Tibet, and the Chinese plan in 2012 to colonize America. OK, so that last one is actually just a random paranoid theory I heard about over a brunch a while back. The short of it is that the Chinese outgrow China and head east, taking over America, and there are just too damned many of them to stop it.

So that's something to look forward to. In the meantime we'll enjoy the Olympics.

What Stood Out This Week - 3/30-4/5

Overall, it was a fairly quiet week on the campaign trail. Or perhaps I wasn't paying much attention. So let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Quitters

John Edwards told a bunch of college kids that he wouldn't run for Vice President again. Is anyone surprised?

Republicans

John McCain is still out there, waiting. He gave a speech on the 40th anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s assassination. It was raining, and a black man was holding his umbrella. Particularly awesome in the context of his vote against the national holiday celebrating MLK, Jr.

Democrats

Hillary said something about how during her time as First Lady, she arrived in Bosnia in the midst of sniper fire. That turned out not to be so true. Lies from the Clintons (and politicians in general) I've come to expect, so I don't think this is that big a deal (and it's not like I'm an enthusiastic Hillary supporter or anything).

What's more interesting to me is her announcement (on the 40th anniversary of MLK, Jr.'s assassination) that she would build on his legacy and create a cabinet-level poverty czar position. I really hate the term "czar" used in this way, which is probably a post for another time (and a time that may never come), but even if this is just an obvious pander to John Edwards and his supporters, good for her. As far as I'm concerned, this is the best thing she's proposed in months.

Telling superdelegates that Obama's unelectable, however, is a shitty thing to do. She denies she said so, and blah blah blah.

Obama stayed largely off the B&E radar. I think he's putting all of his many, many monetary resources into advertising in Pennsylvania. Hillary's lead there has shrunk a bit, so maybe it's working. Who knows? He raised twice what Hillary raised in March, and I still really dislike that money somehow determines who's a more viable candidate. Stupid money.

Speaking of money, the Clintons finally released their financial information. They've made $109,000,000 since 2000. That's a lot of money, summed up best by Frank Dodge.

Oh, and apparently Obama is a spectacularly bad bowler.

And that's What Stood Out This Week, dear B&E readers. We still have more than two weeks before the voting happens in Pennsylvania. May sweet Jesus save us all.

Request for Hotties!

Although I rarely reply to the comments people post here on B&E, I do read them. And apparently, my diverse readership has equally diverse taste in hotties. "Eye Candy," "Butch Babes," "Asians," "Six Toes," "Cream Puffs," "Beef/Cheese Cake," and the like are all fine descriptors, but it will be very difficult for me to please everyone without names. Put names below, anonymously if you must, and I will attempt to find hot photos of those hotties to include with my baseball posts.

Thank you for your readership.

Early Season Highlights

We're just two games or so into the baseball season, and already there's just so much excitement to report. Here's the B&E Baseball Cheat Sheet:

The Mets had themselves a lovely opening day. Johan Santana pitched brilliantly, and all the right bats got in on the action, showing much promise for the season ahead. In game two, Pedro tweaked a hammy, and Matt Wise had his coming out party as this year's scapegoat. And he's not even a Japanese second baseman!

Older fans of B&E may remember Xady Watch, the weekly rundown on Xavier Nady's success in the Mets right field. Toward the end of the 2006 season, Xady got traded to Pittsburgh, where he's been stuck ever since. But he's still playing every day! And on opening day, Xady hit not one but two home runs, including the game winner in the 12th. It's nice to see Xady in the headlines, particularly for the Pittsburgh Pirates, who've had one hell of a tough time of things in recent years.

Some of you may have heard of Alex Rodriguez, a.k.a. A-Rod, a.k.a. Stray-Rod (when he's caught hitting the town with women other than his wife), a.k.a. Ster-Rod (when linked to Canseco's steroid dealer - and actually I haven't seen that one anywhere, but I figured why the hell not.) Yahoo! News was kind enough to post a little ditty stating that A-Rod is making more money this year than the entire Florida Marlins roster. And yet the Florida Marlins have won more World Series championships (two) than Alex Rodriguez (zero).

President Bush got booed mightily at the Washington Nationals opening day during His Royal Highness's ceremonial first pitch. Nationals Manager (and former Mets third base coach) Manny Acta served as catcher. Manny's a fine bald man who, if you believe Keith Olbermann, is also a left-leaning political junkie who enjoys arguing with the right-leaning members of his coaching staff. I'm assuming that when Manny handed Dubya his ceremonial first ball, he didn't say, "You're a war criminal," but it's nice to know that he might've been thinking it. Keith's video about the boos can be found here.

And because I've promised pandering to the non-baseball B&E readers, I offer you this fine photo of five young, hot shortstops from 1997, four of whom are still playing even. Usually with their shirts on. (Thanks to Deadspin for enjoying homoeroticism in baseball as much as I do.)