Yeah, It's a Problem

We've got this terrific coffeeshop (a.k.a. greasy spoon, diner, etc.) here in Sunnyside called the New Post. There was a murder inside a couple years ago, but other than that minor hiccup, the New Post has reliably (and safely) served me omelets, French toast, tuna melts, and fries for the past eight years.

These coffeeshops, like old school dive bars, are becoming rarer and rarer across New York City as development rips down the old and puts up the new. Plus, a breakfast that costs $3.50 struggles to cover rising rent costs as readily as a brunch that costs $15.00.

Fortunately, it appears that the New Post is still going strong, even with the new Pete's Grill down the block. Pete's has a classic Greek diner feel to it, which probably only means something to people who frequent diners in NYC. The New Post is a counter-and-booth affair. Pete's is fine (and a couple bucks more expensive), but my heart belongs to the New Post.

Except for one thing: the New Post currently employs the Worst Waitress Ever. I know a couple that will actually say they're not ready yet when she comes to take their order and wait for the other waitress. The Worst Waitress Ever is a little dirty (I've seen her wiping her nose with her hand), and she always - ALWAYS - gets something wrong. When ordering you can tell she's not paying attention. She asks you to repeat things, and she still gets it wrong. It's seriously troubling.

This weekend, the New Post had a third waitress in there. She seemed to be in training, or maybe she was just standing around. Two waitresses would really be plenty if not for the Worst Waitress Ever.

The missus whispered to me, "I think it's her daughter!" Sure enough. When the New Girl came to fill up our coffee, I could see a distinct physical resemblance. When she filled up our cups too high to add milk, it was clear: The New Girl's a chip off the old block.

The New Post is a well-oiled machine. The short order cook might be a genius, and everything happening behind the counter and in the kitchen is a picture of efficiency. In fact, the Worst Waitress Ever forgot to bring us our food, and one of the guys behind the counter brought it out for us. Those guys (I think a lot of them are brothers) work their asses off and make the whole experience very pleasant.

Then there's the Worst Waitress Ever. And now her daughter. They scare me.

What Stood Out This Week - 3/23-3/29

This will be the Decaf Edition of What Stood Out. We are currently without water in our apartment and therefore unable to make coffee, and I suspect that the lack of caffeine will make an enormous difference in What Stood Out This Week. Shall we see?

The Republicans

John McCain's out there raising money with Mitt Romney. Mitt now seems to be angling for the Vice President slot on the ticket. What will make a bigger difference -- Mitt's utter unlikability or his staggering wealth?

The Democrats

Hillary won't quit, even though Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy said she should. Many others are saying it, too. But Hillary's being strong in the face of adversity, the way she always is (or something like that, according to her campaign).

Obama got one major endorsement in Pennsylvania (from Senator Bob Casey), although the state's other politicos largely went to Hillary. I'm still not convinced that endorsements really mean anything, and we're still weeks from voting in PA.

Did I mention that Hillary refuses to quit?

Speaking of quitting, Mike Gravel still hasn't quit his run for the presidency. He has, however, quit the Democratic Party and made the shift to the Libertarians. His reasons for leaving the Democrats were all pretty sound, actually. But I'm pretty suspicious of the Libertarians. Live off the grid if you want, but don't force us all to.

Oh, and Bill refuses to quit, too.

Without coffee, that's pretty much all that Stood Out This Week. Huh. A much shorter, inherently more readable report. Maybe I'll try to do these on Saturdays or Sundays prior to coffee more often.

Mets Scouting Report 2008! Position Players!

You've been waiting, B&E readers, and I'm now delivering! But will the Mets deliver a World Series victory in their final season at Shea Stadium? Will they even make it to the post-season? Much depends on the non-pitchers, too! Who do we have? What do they do? How do they look? If the picture is any indication, they look like really hot thugs!

Familiar faces! New blood! Keep your eye out for September meltdowns! Check out the starters!

Wright & Reyes!
Affable All-Stars with their best years ahead, or troubled adolescents who stop hitting when it matters most? I'm asking you, Jose!

David speaks English! LoDuca's gone! The press will talk a LOT to David! He might get some important hits, too!

Jose! Jose-Jose-Jose! Jo-se! Jo-se! That's a song you can't hear in print! Jose, you don't have to pretend to have fun when you hit that slump! Just get on base and make shit happen!

The Carloses!
The muscle in the middle of the lineup, or the dead weight dragging down the options of the front office? Depends on whom you ask!

Do better, Beltran! Do better, Delgado! Their play is worth half their salaries! Wait! Nothing is worth half their salaries! They really get paid a lot. A LOT! For the love of all that is good in this world, do better!

Other starters!
Genuine contributors to the cause, or false prophets making falser claims? That doesn't make sense!

Luis Castillo! Second base! Multi-year contract! Bad knees! I'm ready for Anderson "Batman" Hernandez! But I think he's not ready for us!

Brian Schneider! Catcher! An upgrade? From the Nationals? Low expectations guarantee success!

Ryan Church! Right field! Replaces Jewish Shawn Green! Asked his chaplain if Jews are doomed to hell! Chaplain said yes! Chaplain suspended! Church concussed in spring training in karmic retribution! Play ball, righteous one!

Moises Alou! Left field! No, wait! Hurt again! Still!

Endy Chavez! Left field! Fans love the Endy! But wait! He platoons!

Angel Pagan! Left field! His name is a contradiction in terms! Ryan Church is confused!

The backups!
Continued production off the bench, or seat-fillers on Emmy night? The Wire should finally win an Emmy!

Ramon Castro! Perennial backup catcher! Wait! Injured! Raul Casanova! Backup catcher! Look out, ladies! Damion Easley! Functional! Marlon Anderson! Functional! Fernando Tatis! Really?! Fernando Tatis? WTF!

That's the bulk of it, B&E readers/baseball fans!

Fernando Tatis?!

LET'S GO METS!

Mets Scouting Report 2008! Pitching!

Oh, yes, B&E readers! I'm about to hit you full in the face with my 2008 Mets scouting report! You have to indulge me! No pandering to non-baseball fans with pictures of the sexy-sexy for scouting reports! It's the Mets! You get the ace! Johan Santana! Using that change-up to sneak in the back door of your souls!

So what's in store for Mets fans (a.k.a. B&E readers) in 2008?!

Starting pitching!
The best four-and-a-half man rotation in baseball or under-performing tired-out tossers? If last year's any indication, it depends on the month!

The ace! Johan Santana! He replaces Tommy-Gun Glavine! $137.5 million cheap! And he works once every five or six days! I want that job!

Number two! Pedro! No wait! It's John Maine! He's younger! Best spring training in baseball! He's Mr. March! Look out!

Number three! Pedro! He hasn't pitched in a spring training game this year! He's a veteran! Practice is for fags! Bullpen be ready! Minor leaguers be even readier for that early call-up! Pedro! Make your appointment with the doctor now! Great clubhouse guy!

Number four! O Perez! Oh, puh-leeze! You give me agita! Throw strikes!

Number five! El Duque or Mike Pelfrey! Oy!

More pitching!
Best bullpen in the National League or under-performing tired-out tossers? Wait! I used that line for the starters!

Billy Wagner! The closer's even older this year! Heilman! Poor bastard still wants to start! Pedro Feliciano! Not that Pedro! Duaner Sanchez! Dirty's still hurt! Scott Schoewenouewnweiscz! HGH made his name longer! Jorge Sosa! Like Sammy only a pitcher not on the juice! Joe Smith! Don't submarine yourself back to the minors!

Stay tuned for the B&E Scouting Report on the position players!

LET'S GO METS!

She Must Have Seen August Rush

Generally speaking, I don't have all that much interest in the celebrity gossip. Political gossip, on the other hand...

Even so, I couldn't help but notice that Robin Williams' wife filed for divorce after 19 years of marriage.

The missus made me sit through that August Rush movie this past weekend, and I suspect Robin's wife simply (and finally) reached her limit: "I sat through Death to Smoochy, Man of the Year, and RV. Your demands on this marriage are just too fucking much already. I'm totally gonna McCain you."

Yes, B&E readers. I enjoy a cheap shot once in a while.

Here It Comes!

That right, B&E readers (a.k.a. baseball fans)! We're less than a week from Opening Day! I've been doing very little reporting from this year's spring training, but inside, I've been feeling hope, optimism, and despair--those emotions every Mets fan feels throughout the baseball season.

Let's go, Mets! Let's finalize that tenure at the industrial dump called Shea Stadium with a World Series victory!

Yes, we can! We are the change we've been waiting for!

What Stood Out This Week - 3/16-3/22

It's racist, it transcends race, it's post-racial, it's a long race to the finish... Let's see What Stood Out This Week, dear B&E readers.

The Quitters

Particularly in the context of the rest of the week's events (see below), Bill Richardson's endorsement of Barack Obama is a pretty big deal. Endorsements from politicos have had little effect on voting in actuality (Ted Kennedy's endorsement of Obama didn't get him all that close to winning in Massachusetts), but I like this one for a few reasons (and a couple days ago I read a blog posting about this in the Nation, of course):

1) Bill was UN Ambassador and Energy Secretary in the Clinton Administration, and he's got a lot of international experience negotiating with dictators, hostage-holders, and more. Whatever inexperience people think Obama may have doesn't seem to worry this extremely experienced Governor.

2) Bill's Hispanic. Hillary will probably maintain her advantage with Hispanic voters during the primary, but should Obama win the nomination, Bill offers the Hispanic vote some reassurance from the Obama campaign.

3) Hillary and Barack were both gunning for his endorsement in a big, bad way. Obama won that mini-election for the prominent superdelegate.

4) Obama gave his powerful speech on race, and race in this country is generally perceived as a black and white issue (literally). Bill's endorsement adds a Latino element to the discussion that's often ignored in America. It seems that people are afraid to call the ardent anti-immigration people racist, but there's no other way to describe it.

5) Ever since Bill (and John Edwards) dropped out of the presidential race, I've had my eye on an Obama-Richardson ticket. Especially with John McCain as the republican nominee, Richardson puts the desert southwest into play. Man, I hope he's the vice-presidential pick. I like me some Bill Richardson.

The Republicans

John McCain was all over the world this week hosting fundraising dinners. It probably doesn't matter, but I can't imagine anyone being less relevant to the race in America conversation.

The Democrats

This week was really all about Barack Obama.

The issues surrounding his pastor's sermons were getting to be a bigger and bigger deal, so Obama addressed them directly, and then went far beyond those issues to the larger issue of race in America. And seriously, a better speech on the topic couldn't be made. If you haven't yet, I implore you to read or watch the entire thing. And people, one other thing about this speech: Barack Obama wrote that shit himself. I do like a good writer.

And this brings me back to the "just words" argument Hillary was making a few weeks ago: "pretty speeches," "eloquent communication," and the rest, but where's the substance, etc. A good president is about words and communication. If Obama can, as Jon Stewart said, speak to the American people as if we're adults, and actually raise the level of discourse... For Christ's sake, how badly do we need a leader like that in this country?

I've been what I'd consider a lukewarm-to-warm supporter of Barack Obama. In many ways he's not nearly as liberal or progressive or whatever-forward-thinking-adjective-you-prefer as I'd like. But I too am becoming enamored with his speech-making abilities, and I tell you what: it's not just words. To be able to communicate clearly, inspire, and (dare I say) reframe the debate... this is what I want from a president.

Obama's said that he doesn't really know what the political fallout will be from his speech. I'd like to think the American people are ready for such an eloquent, nuanced discussion of a difficult, nuanced issue.

Even Hillary called it an important speech, and she largely laid low this week it seems (although hubby Bubba's back making weird comment like, "Hillary and McCain are the candidates that love this country" - wha-wha-whaaaaa? - resulting in someone from the Obama campaign comparing Bubba to Joe McCarthy).

Oh, and Hillary also finally released her schedules as First Lady. Turns out she was lying to the primary voters about NAFTA. In Ohio she claimed she was working behind the scenes to defeat it. Her schedule shows quite the opposite. So now there are at least two examples of her experience showing that she totally blew it: her Iraq War vote and her support of NAFTA. So maybe she has experience but completely lacks judgment.

And finally, Gallup released two polls this week: the first said Hillary now leads among Democratic voters; the second said no she doesn't. Fuck you, pollsters. You don't know shit.

So that's What Stood Out This Week, dear B&E readers. We're still almost a month from voting in Pennsylvania, which means there's gonna be a lot more of this crap to come. Man, it's a long primary season.

There Must be a Serious Candidate Shortage

Some of you may have heard about Idaho Senator Larry Craig, now famous for picking up dudes in airport bathrooms or for his wide stance, depending upon whose version of the story you believe.

Well, Larry's got himself a challenge from Pro-Life. Just the one name: like Cher.

That's right, dear B&E readers. An organic strawberry farmer in Idaho who was once Marvin Pro-Life Richardson has legally changed his name to just Pro-Life, so that the state can't keep the words Pro-Life off the ballot. You see, Idaho has a law that slogans can't appear in the voting booths.

Pro-Life found a way around that, bitches! IN YOUR FACE! VOTE PRO-LIFE!

And you all thought organic farmers were just a bunch of leftist hippies.

Hot Dogs for Obama

For those of you non-New Yorkers out there, a quick explanation: Gray's Papaya is a chain of hot dog storefronts. I think their hot dogs were fifty cents when I first moved to the city. I haven't bought a hot dog from Gray's Papaya for a long time, so I don't know what they charge now.

Gray's Papaya will occasionally put up signs in their windows. In the late 90s New York City in general (and Giuliani in particular) was pushing this "Be kind to tourists" campaign. And Gray's Papaya had giant signs in their windows that said something about supporting Giuliani and his campaign of kindness.

This campaign never really made any sense to me. I mean, I've actually always found the people of our fair city to be quite generous and kind. Guarded at times, sure. Occasionally cold or rude, perhaps. Volatile, certainly.

But when push comes to shove -- a couple of blackouts, subway incidents, various crises (including 9/11 of course) -- we've got each other, and we're there for each other. And I've found real comfort in that.

So Gray's Papaya has found another campaign to support with its signage:


That's a real hot dog in the eye of the Junior Senator from New York.

And just as a quick aside, I can't recommend enough watching or reading Barack Obama's speech today on race in America. Summaries, reports, and clips of it aren't good enough. Read or watch it in its entirety. Because I didn't want anyone to know that I was taking a break from my job responsibilities, I faked a coughing fit when I got to the end to hide the tears forming in my eyes.

That's right: I'm an emotional coward, B&E readers.

Governors' Play

It's only natural that after the whole Client 9 episode, other governors would feel the need to share their sordid sexual escapades with the public. Here are a couple of things I don't need to know:

Governor-as-of-yesterday David Paterson (Client 9's replacement in Albany) and his wife have had extramarital affairs. During a rough patch in their marriage a few years back, both were known to shack up and take comfort in the kindness of strangers. Seriously, people. Why should I care that they've had marital difficulties? What I DO need to know, however, is how a blind man decides who he's going to hook up with. Where's that information? Time to come clean, David.

Jim "I am a gay American" McGreevey (former governor of New Jersey) and his wife apparently used to have three-ways (and I don't mean the conversational kind) with their driver. So when Jim's wife says she has no idea that he was gay, apparently she's not being altogether truthful. So on Fridays, they'd go to T.G.I. Fridays and then... OK, you know what? I don't need to know what your tacky taste in chain restaurants is. You guys got something against the Olive Garden? Jesus, McGreeveys.

So yes, New York has a new governor. He's black and blind, something that everyone insists on repeating in story after story. OK, I get it. He can't see! He's African-American! Tell me something new about him: Like how he decided what women to hook up with. Is it smell? Touch? Personality? Accident?

Albany is a tough place, Mr. Black & Blind Governor. Don't piss off that Joe Bruno, or he might rearrange your office.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Some B&E best wishes for a happy St. Patrick's Day, the only holiday for which the entire point seems to be living up to stereotypes.

So get out there and eat some corned beef, potatoes, and cabbage; drink as much Guinness and/or Jamesons as humanly possible; get in a fight; and have lots and lots of children.

My Irish (and Latino and Korean and Romanian and Armenian and and...) neighborhood will be boisterous this evening. I'm going to catch up on some sleep that went curiously missing during my Kansas visit this weekend.

What Stood Out This Week - 3/9-3/15

Let's see What Stood Out This Week, dear B&E readers. We'll call this "The Kansas Edition," not because Kansas has anything to do with What Stood Out, but because I'm reporting from the Sunflower State this morning...

The Republicans

Now that he's won the nomination, John McCain largely disappeared from view, it seems, in order to focus on that thing all good politicians do so well: Raise money. He's even raising money in London, which makes me wonder if he's not tapped out over here. Somehow I doubt it.

I read some stuff in the Nation about McCain, which scared the bejesus out of me, because in terms of foreign policy he's a lot scarier even than George W. Bush. Seriously, this is a man who loves war. Bombing Iran is the tip of the iceberg. He's ready to antagonize Russia and China in big, bad ways, too. It's fucked up, yo.

On the flip side of things, I also read a little ditty in the Nation called, "Who Would Jesus Vote For?" about how especially younger evangelicals believe that fighting poverty and providing good health care for all are more important values than banning abortion or denying gays the full rights of their love. As the son of a preacher man, I have to say that this sounds a little bit more Christian to me.

The Democrats

Geraldine Ferraro got nasty and resigned from Hillary's campaign. I loved Hillary's response that she's part of her "very large" finance committee, implying that her role was already just one of many.

Oh, and Barack Obama won Wyoming and Mississippi by wide margins, wiping out whatever gains Hillary made last week in Ohio and Texas.

Hillary's campaign is now pushing for superdelegates to consider which states she's won (large ones) when making their decisions about whom to support. Meanwhile Obama's won more states, more delegates, more popular votes, so he's pushing superdelegates to consider that.

In other words, Hillary's campaign has the Al Gore and John Kerry campaign approach to winning (or losing as the case turned out to be) -- put all your money in the states with large numbers of delegates, write off the rest of the country, and hope for the best. This strategy was developed to help Bill Clinton win two elections, and it worked quite well for him. I wonder when his advisers (I'm talking to you, Terry McAuliffe, Mark Penn, James Carville) will realize that this strategy only works when the candidate has mass appeal and charisma in the style of, say, Bill Clinton. How come these supposedly smart people don't get this so obvious thing?

It seems to me that Barack Obama not only has the appeal that would make that strategy work, but that he could also compete where the Clinton campaign would never -- ever -- be able to compete. Am I on crazy pills?

Barack Obama's pastor has said some not terribly original or unreasonable things that Obama's now denouncing. And yet another Nation article points out correctly that no other candidate or president has ever been responsible for what their spiritual leader has said. So that's not terribly fair, is it? On the other hand, if people hear that his pastor (not imam) is controversial, perhaps they'll also realize that yes, Barack Obama is a Christian, not a Muslim.

Meanwhile, Florida and Michigan. Oh, Florida and Michigan. You defied the Democratic National Committee and held early primaries, thereby earning a stripping of delegates by the DNC. And now the DNC, the Florida and Michigan Democratic Parties, and the Clinton and Obama campaigns are trying to figure out if it's possible to have a do-over. Basically, no one wants to pay for it, and we're talking about a $10 million plus investment in each state.

Hillary's been claiming that the original results should stand, which is a ridiculous argument (and one that doesn't seem to be gaining any kind of traction), since no one else was even on the ballot in Michigan, and no one campaigned in Florida. Plus, of course, when people thought their votes weren't going to count, they didn't show up to vote. So Hillary, if you're going to steal the election, you're going to have to do it another way.

I think that the Clinton and Obama campaigns should split the costs down the middle. They're the ones raising enormous amounts of money right now. Both are states that could well get Clinton close again (the demographics seem to play to her strengths), or could serve to push Obama over the top. So they're the ones that would benefit most from do-overs in Florida and Michigan.

I'm sure it's not legally possible for that to be the solution, and I'm guessing that if this idea was posed to either campaign it was greeted with the attitude of Darryl Hall: "I can't go for that. No-oh-oh, Aaaaahhh. No can do."

That's What Stood Out This Week, dear B&E readers. Only five-plus weeks to go until Pennsylvania. Keep your eye out for more mud!

Olbermann on Clinton and Ferraro

Keith Olbermann did one of his Special Comments last night. It's nearly ten minutes long, but worth a viewing. I especially appreciate his discussion of the pattern some 7 minutes in or so.

I also like someone who's not afraid to get really pissed off and a little righteous, too...

Nothing Pushes for Peace Like a Huge Dick

Lost in the Client 9 news of yesterday was the announcement of the pushiest push for pushy peace in the history of pushy peace pushes. What am I talking about? I'm not sure. But I do know that President George W. Bush has dispatched Dick Cheney to the Middle East to work out an Israeli-Palestinian peace agreement.

We've got anorexics fighting for bigger portion sizes at posh restaurants. We've got children screaming to watch Charlie Rose. We've got Cuba Gooding, Jr. sitting down quietly.

I mean, "Wha-wha-whaaaaat?" From the article:

Bush said Monday in the Oval Office that Cheney would "reassure people that the United States is committed to a vision of peace in the Middle East."

Mmmrrr?

Mr. President, since when does Dick's presence reassure a commitment to peace? For crying out loud, this is a man who shot his friend in the face.

Nice goin', genius.

Client 9

As the whole world knows now, New York Governor Eliot Spitzer got himself caught shipping a hooker from New York to DC last month. Whoops.

The much-heralded former Attorney General was elected about a year ago with a mandate to "clean up Albany." Unfortunately, Eliot interpreted "cleaning up Albany" as "fucking whores."

Eliot is a member of the Democratic Party (and endorser of Hillary Clinton--irrelevant point!) and, as I'm sure you can imagine, I usually find this to be a lot funnier when an anti-gay Republican gets caught having a tryst with a go-go boy.

But you know, this is pretty good stuff, too. I mean, Eliot was absolutely disgusted when he broke up a prostitute ring as A.G. a few years ago. So yes, dear B&E readers, Democrats can have their tawdry tales come to light, too. And when they do, they give us gems like this:

I have acted in a way that violates my obligations to my family and violates my, or any, sense of right and wrong.

What's he talking about? I don't get it. He didn't violate his family or a sense of right and wrong. It sounds to me like he violated a whore.

I sure wouldn't hold it against Mrs. Spitzer if she decided to John-McCain the New York Governor, who will now be referred to only as Client 9.

What Stood Out This Week - 3/2-3/8

Well, then. We had the second Super Tuesday of the primary season. So let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Republicans

Mike Huckabee finally called it quits, which really, madly, truly, deeply clinched the Republican nomination for John McCain.

John McCain got an endorsement from our current Lame Duck. It's awesome how complicated an endorsement from this sitting president is. Dubya might actually hurt McCain, and both men seem fully aware of that fact. McCain showed up late, which gave Bushie a chance to show off his awkward dancing skills. Seriously, B&E readers, our president is a fucking goober.

But Dubya said he'd do whatever Johnny wants him to do to help him get elected. If that means staying away, he'll stay away. What it will mean is that Bushie's gonna help John raise boatloads of cash. But I suspect that he'll stay far, far away from the campaign trail.

Meanwhile, John McCain attacks and preps for the real race, while the Democratic candidates duke it out to the finish.

Ron Paul Stood Out again this week because he won the primary for his congressional seat. All that money he raised online from the libertarians out there staved off a pretty healthy challenge from some other, more typical Texas Pube. Paul said he was still running, but admitted that his candidacy was over.

The Democrats

All that talk of "do or die" for Hillary Clinton leading up to the Ohio and Texas (and Rhode Island and Vermont) primaries, and it turns out that she did.

How did she "did"? She threw "everything and the kitchen sink" at Obama. Between eight years of Bill in office and the eight years of Hillary in Senate, The Clinton Machine is well oiled for defending and attacking.

Barack Obama's campaign may have made its first misstep in Ohio. The economy is in the shitter there. Hillary's husband wrote NAFTA, which is a large reason for the shitter economy. John Edwards still hasn't endorsed a candidate, but it was his message that would've resonated there. Obama didn't denounce NAFTA as strongly as he could have (which may mean that he's more pro-free-trade than I'd like).

So when neither candidate was as populist as the Ohioans would've liked, Hillary's ads of fear ruled the day. Plus, even with Bill shoving NAFTA through Congress, people still hold onto this idea that the Clinton days were better. Well, that's largely because the fallout of NAFTA was only finally felt during the Bush Administration. And Bushie turned around and made it a hell of a lot worse. For everyone except his rich buddies.

Anyway, it's when the Clinton Machine has its back against the wall that it gets particularly ugly, and I think Hillary's campaign was unconscionably nasty this week. One specific example: When Hillary was asked if Obama was a Muslim, she said, "Not as far as I know." He's not a Muslim, and you fucking know it. And both you and Obama should denounce the premise of the question as bigoted.

Meanwhile, an adviser to Obama called Hillary a "monster," and within 24 hours she'd resigned from the campaign. One thing Obama's been very good at is dealing with potentially damaging issues immediately.

And yet, come on, deep down don't we sort of agree with the monster assessment? I don't hate Hillary the way most people do (although if she keeps campaigning this way I will), but I think the Clinton Machine is a monster.

So Hillary won Ohio, Texas (although the caucuses may yet catch Obama up), and Rhode Island. Obama won Vermont. Then Obama won the Wyoming caucuses on 3/8.

It's almost mathematically impossible for Hillary to catch Obama at this point. But what her victories did was stop the superdelegates that were John-McCaining her and flocking over to Obama.

And now this thing we call an election goes on and fucking on.

Dennis Kucinich also Stood Out again this week because he too staved off a challenge from a well-funded conservative Democrat. The people of his Ohio district, however, gave Dennis a solid victory with a healthy margin.

That's What Stood Out This Week, dear B&E readers.

Verbing John McCain

John McCain has done a remarkable job over the years portraying himself as a maverick, an outsider, and more recently, the Reasonable Republican. Of course when standing next to the likes of Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, Tom Tancredo, Ron Paul, and just about anyone from the Bush administration, it's hard not to look a little reasonable. In that context, even Blackbeard the Pirate might look reasonable.

Alexander Cockburn, whose column sometimes aggravates me in The Nation, recently wrote one called, "Less Whining, More Dirt!" I'd been wondering about this Cindy McCain, the trophy that occasionally stands behind John and rolls her eyes when she agrees with his sarcasm. And although I knew she wasn't his first wife, I'd never heard what the McCain first marriage was all about. Well, Cockburn writes:

What about McCain's first wife, Carol, a plucky woman who kept the home fires burning all those years, raising the kids alone while John was in the Hanoi Hilton? She was very seriously injured in an auto accident, then dumped in 1980 by the war hero, shortly after he had started an affair with the 25-year-old Arizona beer heiress and then used her money to start his political career. McCain's defenders say he had separated from Carol by the time he took up with Cindy. A detailed story by Nicholas Kristof in the New York Times in 2000 demolished this. A senior Republican lobbyist told me only the other day that there are people on the Hill who still won't forgive McCain for his treatment of Carol.

Oh, John, that's a dick move.

But I bet we all know stories--maybe in our own lives--of one person giving up on a relationship or marriage because things just got a little too hard. Or perhaps we know people who've dumped one person because the alternative was so much more advantageous to a career.

Dear B&E readers, it's time we start calling this what it is: John-McCaining. Here are a few sample sentences:

But by the time the meds kicked in, she'd already John-McCained him.

She was barren, so he John-McCained her and shacked up with that baby machine.

He was spending all his time in the gym, so naturally, when he found a buffer version of his current boyfriend, he John-McCained the fat schlub.

I think you probably get the proper usage now.

Go forth, dear B&E readers, and verb John McCain!

The Good News from Wednesday

So Tuesday evening (or Wednesday morning) was obviously disappointing for Obama supporters and anyone who's just downright tired of this never-ending primary.

What was lost in the predictable, "Hillary's back from the dead!" headlines (the press has a pretty funny definition of "dead"), was the news of out southeastern Vermont:

Vermont towns vote to arrest Bush and Cheney

That's right, dear B&E readers. If our soon-to-be-ex-administration members set foot in Brattleboro or Marlboro, Vermont, they could become real shitbirds.

The people of these (awesome) towns have accused them of "crimes against the constitution," and police will be expected to "extradite them" to other authorities with the power to prosecute.

I'm not sure who these other authorities are exactly. Will the BPD (Brattleboro Police Department) ship them off to Spain or Germany, where there are genuine efforts to prosecute Dubya and Dick for war crimes?

So yes, of course, the measure is mostly symbolic. But I like Vermont's brand of heavy-handed symbolism.

What Stood Out This Week - 2/24-3/1

It was really all about the buildup to the week that's coming, but let's see What Stood Out This Week...

The Republicans

John McCain's lobbyist troubles are over, if media attention is any indication. That story went away quickly. All I can remember about McCain from this week is that he decided to take a stronger stance on immigration and border control in order to shore up the racist vote.

Mike Huckabee, still in the race, appeared on Saturday Night Live and out-stayed his welcome there. Get it?

The Democrats

Tina Fey endorsed Hillary Clinton on SNL, exclaiming that yes, Hillary's a bitch, but bitches get things done. There was also a sketch featuring how debate moderators fawn all over Obama and then nail Hillary with the tough questions.

The sketch was fine and even pretty funny, but Hillary opted to mention it during the actual debate, complaining that she's always the first to answer and next they'd be offering Obama a pillow. Poor Hillary. It's almost like she can't set the tone and frame the terms of the debate when she's asked the first question.

Barack Obama ignored that part of things and responded to the question. He really does seem to have this ability to stay above the bullshit, which makes him look awfully solid.

Meanwhile Obama is outspending Hillary two-to-one (and sometimes three-to-one) on TV in Texas, Ohio, Rhode Island, and Vermont, which all go to the polls on Tuesday. As the Times put it (if I remember right), he's going for the knockout punch.

I really don't like candidate TV ads, and it sucks that the winning candidate is also almost always the one with the most money (Mitt Romney being the hilarious exception to the rule). I hate that money buys our elections. You can tell me all you want that Obama's getting his donations from everyday people in small amounts, blah, blah, blah, but it still sucks that it comes down to money and not ideas. And I feel that way even when the candidate I prefer is in the ideal buying position.

So the conventional wisdom says that if Hillary doesn't win--and win big--in Ohio and Texas on Tuesday, the election is essentially over. I say never underestimate the Clinton Machine. There were rumblings this week about Hillary's campaign suing the state of Texas to change how they vote before Tuesday (it is admittedly convoluted) because the caucus portion of things plays way into Obama's strengths. Her campaign may also still push for delegate seating of Michigan and Florida, even though Obama wasn't on the ballot in Michigan and didn't campaign in Florida. And their effort to woo superdelegates is powerful. The Clinton Machine is one that hates losing. Don't count it out until Hillary officially concedes.

No matter what happens, this week will be a big one, dear B&E readers, so stay tuned! (As if you had a choice in the matter.)

Some Things I Might Have Discussed

When I see a news story I think I might want discuss on B&E, I usually email a link to myself as a reminder to do it when I have a moment. I had no moments this week to comment upon any of the following items:

1) Clarence Thomas
Clarence Thomas hasn't asked a question during a Supreme Court case in more than two years. You see, most of those judges really enjoy legal banter, arguing, and probing deeply into the issues that shape our legal lives. Not Clarence. The article quotes Clarence: "We are there to decide cases, not to engage in seminar discussions." So wait. Who's the Decider? Is it Dubya or Clarence?

2) Recession?
Speaking of the Decider, our fine, once-elected-twice-serving President declared this week that we are not in a recession. Since he said it, it must be true. He never lies. Never.

3) Incarceration rates
More than one in one hundred people in the United States are in prison. The article is interesting, but one of the things I find most interesting about it is its focus on the strain its having on state budgets. Yes, we're Americans so everything comes down to money, but the Pew Center on the States, which conducted the study and put out the press release, points out something important largely ignored by the Associated Press. The very first sentence of the press release says:

For the first time in history more than one in every 100 adults in America are in jail or prison—a fact that significantly impacts state budgets without delivering a clear return on public safety.

The emphasis is mine because it sure wasn't the AP's.

That's not to say that cost is insignificant. When there are states spending more on corrections than education, there are some serious fucking problems.

But when you realize that these enormous costs don't necessarily make us any safer, how can you view it as anything but an astounding waste of money?

A better use of that cash might be the funding or creating of some treatment programs and an investment in our under-served communities. Get to the root of the problem? Hello? Anyone? Are you there, God? It's me, Dan.

And while we're at it, once people who've served their time get released, how about giving them back their rights to vote? Why should we further disenfranchise people we should be helping to get their lives back together?

4) Barry Bonds' unsealed testimony
I haven't really spent any time with this yet, but you have to figure that Barry Bonds in court won't be much different the Barry Bonds in general. Assholes are entertaining, assuming they're assholes from afar. If you want to read his testimony, the Smoking Gun's got it for you.

5) The Oscars
They were tedious as always, so I probably would have only discussed my uncanny ability at predicting winners across the board. There is a certain Oscar pool I have the tendency to win, and although I was unable to attend this year's watching party, I sat at home and wowed the missus with my talent. I think I missed the two actress categories (but who didn't?) and short documentary, but got everything else, including all that technical shit no one cares about. Alas, though, no pool, no money.

6) Leap Year
It comes around as often as inauguration day, and yet everyone can enjoy it. I hope all B&E readers had a good one. A couple friends of mine got hitched (and interviewed), and my grade school classmate Dusty turned nine. Wonder where he is now.

So yes, with a little bit of more time this week, I might have discussed one or two of those six topics.