The Good News of Yesterday

Rudy Giuliani came in a distant third in Florida, and THE METS GOT JOHAN SANTANA! Yes, there's still a deal to be worked out, but specifics shmecifics.

All of you B&E readers (aka baseball fans) are probably surprised and dismayed at my lack of baseball reporting during this off-season. Well, I've been quiet because the Mets have been quiet. I'm not going to spend valuable time reporting about a mediocre catcher and a few fair relievers.

But Johan Santana is news indeed. The Mets will begin the season with a legitimate number one starter, and it feels good, B&E readers, I won't lie.

All of you non-baseball fans out there have had a good break from the baseball story, so no hunky picture today. I barely have time for this post, must less all the searching it would take to find a photo of, say, sexy Rudy Giuliani.

Rudy's Last Stand

I follow today's Florida Republican Primary with glee, as I'm so certain that Rudy will fizzle out that I'm not even afraid of jinxing the results. Even calling 9/11 can't help you now, Rudy.

Enjoy the taste of assholic failure on a multi-million dollar scale, dear B&E readers.

Sunnyside Drugstore Update

Long-time readers will need to tolerate some exposition.

Sunnyside was once home to Bloom's, the finest pub around. It (and much of the block) burned to the ground. For years, the Bloom's half-block was a hole in the ground. Demolition/construction workers cracked the foundation of a neighboring building. Rumors of a cursed block wafted through the neighborhood (or at least on B&E).

The cursed block became a mostly unattractive apartment building with retail on the ground floor. Because we need our drugs here in Sunnyside, the retail space became a CVS.

That CVS has quickly become the shittiest drugstore in the neighborhood, and we've got one Rite Aid that redefined shitty.

I went into CVS today because the missus and I needed some new hair clippers. With two head-shavers in the family, we can burn through the $20 clippers. Anyway, the hair clippers were locked up (fair enough). There were more employees in that store than customers, and it still took a good ten minutes before someone could help me. There was a line clogging up the entire front of the store, and every time someone left, the alarm system went off. They had one employee standing by her register waving people through. And it just sort of feels dirty in there. Dirt-dirty and a little sleazy-dirty both.

In other words, dear B&E readers, that block remains cursed.

And I also really like linking to myself. (Those are just a couple of random selections.)

What Stood Out This Week - 1/20-1/26

Today's primary voting day in Florida (for the Republicans) and South Carolina (for the Democrats). And there was lots of activity and excitement leading up to these major showdowns. So let's see What Stood Out This Week, shall we?

The Quitters

Duncan Hunter - I hardly knew he existed. I can't tell you what state he's from, and I'm assuming he's in the House of Representatives. The two things I know are that he dropped out of the race for president and endorsed Mike Huckabee. Huckabee saw a bounce of nearly a tenth of a percent in the polls.

Fred Thompson - His third-place finish in South Carolina wasn't enough to rationalize having to work that hard anymore. As Jon Stewart said (in paraphrase), Fred had charisma as an actor, but as a person he really lacked that certain everything. Things had been going exceptionally well for Fred until the very moment he actually entered the race. Fred is waiting to endorse someone until he knows for sure who's going to win. My words, not his.

Dennis Kucinich - It was just a matter of time. The candidate I most align with politically is out. So it looks like my primary vote will be yet another compromise in a long line of life-long compromised votes. Dennis stated unequivocally that he's not endorsing another Democratic candidate until they all stop being a bunch of bitches. At least that's what I was hoping he'd say. His statement stopped after "candidate."

The Republicans

After the South Carolina primary, which John McCain won (although he ended up with fewer votes and delegates than he did when he lost South Carolina against Dubya back in 2000), things have been all about campaigning in Florida.

Rudy Giuliani's campaign is riding on Florida. What tickles me tremendously (not that I'm terribly surprised) is that the more the voters get to know Rudy the more his numbers drop. He tried campaigning in New Hampshire, and his own presence actually hurt him there. So he left for Florida, where he once had a formidable lead. Now it seems he's going to be duking it out for fourth place with Ron Paul.

So the Pubes are left with McCain, Romney, and Huckabee as the white men to beat.

McCain pulled down a New York Times endorsement. Two great things about their endorsement: 1) McCain's not exactly playing it up, since the right has been so successful in painting it as a liberal newspaper (never mind that its coverage leading up to the Iraq War was pretty much neocon talking points); and 2) The Times spent more words excoriating Giuliani as "secretive" and "vindictive" than it did praising McCain.

Huckabee is apparently broke. He's scaled his operation way back. He's probably pretty grateful for that extra Duncan Hunter support right about now.

A few days ago there was an article in the Times about how none of the other candidates are even pretending to hide their utter loathing for Mitt Romney. The Huckabee camp has a particular distaste for the man. But after the debate in Florida, the other candidates hovered around each other, speaking amiably, isolating Mitt, who stood off to the side awkwardly. Is it that he's a gazillionaire with unlimited resources to continue to ply this own campaign with cash? Or is it that he's an asshole?

The Democrats

Bill Clinton is running for president again! Oh wait, no. He's just acting like it.

So last week, when Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama called their truce, what they really meant was that they had not yet begun to get nasty.

Obama said something about the Republican party being the party of ideas for the bulk of the 90s. He didn't say they were good ideas, just that they were ideas. The 90s, of course, is when Bill was president, so he's been in a tizzy ever since. Some former Clinton administration folks even held a press conference to say, "See? We had ideas, too."

What were those ideas? To look at the Clinton legacy, I'd say they were welfare reform and NAFTA. Those seem like Republican ideas to me. And not good ones.

So I guess I don't really understand what Hillary and Barack are fighting about.

There's something about a slumlord, too. A donor and long-time supporter of Obama is going to trial for fraud. Obama's been stepping away from him ever since, giving back money he donated, etc. So Hillary scored a few points at the debate bringing up that relationship.

Turns out there's a photo of Hillary and Bill with the same slumlord, an opportunity afforded to those supporters who give a boatload of cash to a candidate. Whoops.

Anyway, it was Hillary who picked up the Times endorsement on the Democrat side, although they were rather flattering of Obama as well.

Oh, and Bill keeps saying that Obama's playing the race card. I see no evidence of this (other than that Obama is, uh, black), but by saying Obama's playing the race card, isn't Bill playing the race card? Do I not understand the card game of racial politics?

Meanwhile, what's John Edwards doing? He's staying above the fray, turning in appearances on David Letterman claiming to be from the "grown-up wing" of the Democratic Party, and then letting Dave mess up his hair.

John's pushing hard in South Carolina, a primary he won in 2004. He's gaining ground, but I have to say, and not just because I like what John espouses in his stump speech, he's getting screwed in media coverage. Because he's running a "matching funds" campaign and not accepting any money from outside groups, he's losing the money battle badly. To the media, a lack of funds is a lack of viability as a candidate. But for someone who lags behind dollar-wise to the degree he does, he's performing remarkably well in the primaries.

A few weeks ago, my go-to paper (The Nation, of course) credited Edwards with setting the agenda and tone for the Democratic campaign. If it were any other year, i.e. if we didn't have a historic opportunity to elect someone other than a white male, I think John would probably take a smooth ride all the way to the White House. Unfortunately for John, timing is everything.

John's saying that he's in this race all the way to the convention and the White House. His decision to stay will have an enormous influence on the outcome. A decision to drop out (and any endorsement that goes with it) would probably put one of the other two over-the-top.

And finally, I had a depressing premonition/prediction/ whatever-you-want-to-call-it about this year's presidential campaign outcome. McCain vs. Clinton. McCain wins, and finally, after another four years of dangerous Republican rule, the country will wake up and elect a Democrat in 2012. Might that Democrat be Barack Obama (who will have four more years of "experience")? And can we fucking wait that long?

So that's What Stood Out This Week, dear B&E readers.

Some Quick Updates to B&E

I've been thinking of the many ways I could debunk Mitt Romney's claims to be the savior of the economy (beginning with the failed logic that someone who knows how to become individually super-rich will also be good for the people, the masses, the country), but instead I opted for some housecleaning on this here blog.

That's right, dear B&E readers: Link updates!

I won't tell you who's now gone, but suffice to say some of those people don't update their sites enough. Nothing personal against any of you who may still visit B&E, but I was getting tired of clicking on my own links to your sites only to find posts leftover from almost a year ago.

Because of the addition and subtractions, I've reorganized the links back into their original two categories: Bald & Effective.

Under Bald Links I give you bravenewfrickenworld. Why she's bald and why it's a bravenewfrickenworld will become clear upon reading. This woman can write her ass off, so be prepared for enlightening frankness.

Flabbypants I predict will be a baby/motherhood/why-do-my-nipples-hurt site for a while, which may interest some of you. The writer throws up the occasional gossip item as well, and she remains on the Bald Link list because for reasons I can't recall we decided she was going bald in high school. Hey, Flabbypants, were you going bald in high school?

Other than the missing, we've got the usual suspects, clickable over there to the right. A couple of reminders if you haven't checked them out lately. In addition to our new links above, under Bald Links:

Foster Park is a new photo link from a regular linked presence.
Frank Dodge continues his misadventures in the woods of Vermont.

On the Effective side of the links, I'm happy to introduce you to I Don't Know, which rather likes to ponder the larger questions in life and manages to find some genuine insight in her outlandish claims to not know. I'm onto you, I Don't Know.

Then, the other usuals under Effective Links:

Titivil offers smart snark in addition to his diligent posting schedule.
Virgil's always there with an absurdity (more frequent updates, please?).
bshort takes the pretty pictures.
Babble On keeps me up-to-date on life in Topeka.
Early-Adopter comments on the art world.
Hall Farm continues its terrific arts and education programming.
The Nation reminds us what all journalism should be.

And by the way, with my two lists a little unequal in size, I'd appreciate it if any of you Effective Links would be willing to admit that you're bald enough to be included in my Bald Links. Just let me know if you think you are bold and bald enough. I'm talking to you, The Nation.

A New Approach to Hands-Free

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not the biggest fan of cellular telephones. The hands-free telephones freak me out. People in New York already walk around like lunatics, but when you see seemingly normal people talking to themselves, it's disconcerting. They gesticulate wildly while they talk and you can't tell they're talking to someone on their nearly invisible phones until they're upon you, at which point you're convinced that they're going to yell at you or throw punches. Everyone feels that way, right?

Anyway, since coming back from Scotland, I've seen an approach to this hands-free cellphone talking I can get behind. Most of you probably know what a hijab is. I've pictured one here for your reference, in case you don't. Don't worry, the woman wearing that one is not real.

Here in Queens, we've got a large Muslim population, and hijabs are pretty common. Ladies, if you're thinking of wearing the hijab, I can add to your list of pros. You can tuck a normal cellphone against your ear, and your hijab will hold it into place. Hands-free! And you won't look like a lunatic because a casual observer can see the phone!

I'd never seen this approach to hands-free talking prior to our trip to Scotland, and in the last two weeks I've seen three different women with cellphones tucked into their hijabs.

Hell, man, if I didn't hate talking on the phone in general and cellphones in particular, I'd get myself a hijab to leave my hands free for knitting, reading books, trying on pants, or any other of the plethora of subway activities I enjoy.

What Stood Out This Week - 1/13-1/19

Oh, the voting continues today, dear B&E readers, and three or four states into the process, depending on the party, we've got no clear front runner in either party. So let's see What Stood Out This Week. (And just to reiterate the rules, I do this without browsing current news outlets, so it's all from memory of the week.)

Democrats
Dennis Kucinich (and I assume Mike Gravel) was barred from another debate, because it's the major news media that decides whom we should be taking seriously as candidates. This week I offer a fond "fuck you" to NBC for making such a decision.

John Edwards is having a hell of a time being taken seriously as a true contender. Even when he finishes between the two supposed front-runners or polls ahead of them, he's constantly ignored in coverage. It's like he's just a thorn in the side of the good story. Who wants another rich white dude in office, when we could have a rich white woman or a rich black man?

Hillary and Barack have officially called some sort of truce about their various racial issues. Something that was no big deal was made a big deal and honestly I'm not sure that ultimately anyone cared. But for a moment it appeared that the Democratic race was going to get ugly, a.k.a interesting. Maybe it still will.

Has anyone heard from Mike Gravel? As far as I know, he hasn't announced that he's quitting his campaign, but he gets even less media coverage than poor Dennis (who's got a really hot wife!).

Republicans
Things remain wide open and in disarray for the Republicans, a.k.a. the Pubes.

Mitt Romney finally got himself a first-place finish in Michigan (oh, and Wyoming, but apparently no one cares about Dick Cheney's home state). I was really hoping that he'd finish second in every single state, because it would be funny and no less than he deserves as an asshole. Ah well.

Huckabee can't seem to give the reach-around to anyone but the evangelicals, and John McCain is once again being considered a serious contender, even though his candidacy was being called dead (the media is always right) a few months ago.

What about Fred Thompson, you ask? No, you're not asking, and neither is anyone else. He's putting a lot of eggs into the South Carolina basket and is hoping for a "strong finish" there. Is third a strong finish? At what point will he realize that no one thinks he's Reagan?

And then, of course, there's Rudolph Giuliani. Remember him? Once considered the national front-runner, he's yet to finish better than fourth anywhere, although he's been beating the shit out of Ron Paul (by one or two percentage points). Yeah, it's funny, but Rudy may yet get the last laugh. He's spending all his time in Florida, with all the New York retirees, while everyone else dukes it out in South Carolina, etc. If he actually pulls off a win in Florida, get this: Giuliani will officially be the front-runner in the number of delegates. He hopes that Super Tuesday (February 5th) gives him real momentum as well. And with California and New York Pubes voting on the more moderate side of things, they could well vault Rudy back to the front. Yes, B&E readers, this prospect frightens me terrifically. I'm putting my hopes in Florida voters seeing through the man. What, me worry? When have the Florida voters let me down in the past?

And that's What Stood Out This Week, dear B&E readers.

How Many Five-Year-Olds Can You Take?

I can take twenty-four.

A colleague said I'm a heartless prick because I was willing to use a five-year-old as a human shield. "Look," I said, "I'm taking out five-year-olds. I'll put one on my front and one on my back if I have to. I'll wear armor made of dead five-year-olds if that's what it takes."

Choose Your Place to Blow the Smoke

I don't much trust that Mitt Romney fella. Politicians tend to say what they think you want to hear, but Mitt takes this trait to a goddamned extreme. He's like the basejumper of ass-smoke-blowers.

Today he promised to save the economy of the South. There are several problems with a promise like that, but for my money, the biggest problem is that he made his promise in a town called Bluffton.

Dude, you can't lie to the people of Bluffton. You think they won't see through that shit?

What Stood Out This Week - 1/6-1/12

It was my first full week back in the US, after what now seems to be a brief holiday respite. So let's see What Stood Out...

Barack Obama took his enormous momentum to New Hampshire where Hillary Clinton (who sort-of-cried) beat him. Oh, yes, dear B&E readers, they're BOTH underdogs, and don't let them tell you different. But of course they won't.

John Edwards was a distant third, and all three front-runners declare: On to South Carolina! Bill Richardson declared: To hell with this and all of you! I'm outta here!

Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel are the other candidates left in the Democratic race, but if it were up to ABC you'd never know that. Shame on ABC for deciding who could participate. The voters deserve to hear all points-of-view, and not the ones cherry-picked by a giant media conglomerate. Time was, candidates had real time to build up grassroots support. ABC is making sure that can't happen. In my more prolific blogging days I suspect that ABC would've been a Dickhead of the Week.

John Kerry endorsed Barack Obama this week, just in time to suck all the charisma out of Obama's campaign.

On the Republican side, Mitt Romney came in second. Again. Poor Mitt: always the bridegroom, never the bride. The middle-class chip on my shoulder loves seeing a pompous rich dude's multi-million dollar public failings.

So I guess it's the Return of John McCain (or "Mac is Back" as his supporters like to chant). Right now, it's a Huckabee, McCain, Romney race. I gotta hand it to the Republican primary voters: As narrow as the field of candidates is over there in the Republican camp, the support is really going across that cute little spectrum.

But what about Rudy Giuliani? National front runner still? Who knows? He can't finish better than a distant fourth so far. He's putting all his cards into the Florida/Super Tuesday basket, and voters seem to be forgetting about him. I have no fond feelings for Rudy, so this is good news for our country. The sooner he's forgotten the better.

Oh, and the latest bit of news out of the Giuliani camp is that much of his senior staff will be forgoing paychecks for the time being. This says a couple of things: 1) Rudy's got some money problems; 2) Rudy's senior staffers are a bunch of rich bastards.

Here's a good hearsay story from a colleague at work... Early in Rudy's career, before he was NYC mayor or even US Attorney, when he was just a district attorney, his ambitions were very clear. They used to joke at the time, "Rudy Giuliani is the only person on the planet for whom the presidency would be a stepping stone." A stepping stone to what, you might ask. Ruler of the Western Hemisphere? Emperor of the World? God?

Seriously, dear B&E readers, if he doesn't already, Rudy Giuliani should scare the living bejesus out of every single one of you.

Boy, one week I sure hope that What Stands Out is Rudy Giuliani's disappearance from this race. I really dislike that guy.

Anyway, that's What Stood Out This Week!

Why Not Hillary?

I had a very brief conversation with someone I respect a great deal who, like me, isn't quite sure who she's voting for. But unlike me she's leaning toward Hillary. She seemed equally shocked that if I were to vote my true conscience it would be Kucinich, but since I believe the primary is my one opportunity to vote for the person whose beliefs most overlap with mine, more and more I might just "throw my vote away," a phrase I reject since I'm voting my conscience.

Anyway, I could probably muster excitement for any of the Democratic candidates. Except Hillary. And I rather like her as my U.S. Senator. I just don't want her as my president.

I haven't been perusing the political blogs the way I used to, but I assume that the reasons behind my lack of enthusiasm aren't unique:

- If Hillary's not running to the left in the primary to woo voters, she's really not liberal at all. That's fine. But I am liberal, so we disagree a lot on issues. She won't apologize for her Iraq War vote, and she's dangerously hawkish about Iran. This scares me.

- Hillary's political machine is deeply entrenched in the money that keeps our electoral system corrupted by greedy corporations. Fair elections require freedom from outside influence, particularly money. Hillary is more beholden to donors than any other Democratic candidate. Naturally, I've got a link to a Nation article, if you want some details.

- I don't think she can win. Neither can Kucinich, so clearly I don't consider that a real reason for not supporting her. But no one's undecided about Hillary. People like her or dislike her, sometimes intensely. There's not a lot of room to win over the undecideds.

Gloria Steinem made her case for Hillary in Tuesday's New York Times. She states that Hillary is seen as divisive by her gender while Barack is seen as unifying by his race. Fair enough. Or unfair enough, really. Good point is what I mean.

But that doesn't make up for what I see as the non-gender-related reasons I can't get excited about Hillary as presidential candidate.

Don't get me wrong: I would vote for her--many times if they let me--in the general election against any of the much scarier Republican candidates.

A B&E Woodwindist

The other night, the missus and I went to a little jazz basement here in Edinburgh with two of her brothers and her sister-in-law. It was a perfectly pleasant night on the town, and we were all in agreement that the band was quite good, while the singer was a little on the ridiculous side. He was one of those singers who won't listen to his accompanying band because he loves the sound of his voice too much. That's especially a problem when the voice is only OK to begin with.

Anyway, one of his featured musicians was a bald woodwind player. He played the saxophone and the flute very skillfully. This in itself might have qualified him for a Bald & Effective label.

But then, about three songs into the set, we noticed that he was missing the ring finger on his left hand. He compensated by playing with two different knuckles on his middle finger. Try bending your middle finger at both knuckles separately. I'm telling you: his lack of finger slowed him down not one iota. The man was impressive.

The double bass player was excellent, too, but he had all his digits and all his hair, so who cares?

Iowa Caucus Results!

Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee win Iowa!

Here, in Scotland, the media seems quite excited to be reporting this news of "change" in American politics. We've seen some clips of the acceptance speeches, and one thing is for sure:

Chuck Norris has some white choppers.

(If you haven't seen them, find some video of the Huckster's victory speech in Iowa. You can't escape the glow of Walker, Texas Ranger's pearly whites.)