Silence

In response to my correspondence to MoMA and Councilman Eric Gioia, I've received nothing. From MoMA, not even an acknowledgment of receipt. From Councilman Gioia, I got an automated response informing me that it was taking more than four hours to deliver my message but that I needed to take no further action.

Meanwhile, there's still a blight on my neighborhood, about which I'm reminded every time the 7 train makes its turn into Sunnyside.

Gosh, it pisses me off.

An Open Letter to MoMA

As some of you probably know, I've been rather pissed off at the Museum of Modern Art since they so unceremoniously came and went from my Queens neighborhood. Then they raised their ticket price to $20 because art should only be enjoyed by those who can afford to enjoy it.

Anyway, their leftover sign has been in its current state (pictured) for many months, and I'm tired of it. (That's part of the A of MoMA on the right. There are better angles than this one, but this will have to serve for the time being.) I wrote this email to MoMA this morning...

Dear MoMA,

Please show some respect for our neighborhood.

As a resident of Sunnyside, I was thrilled that MoMA came for a temporary stay during renovations to its midtown location. As the 7 train approached, the sign on top of the building (you know the one -- with the cubes spelling out MoMA) added some excitement to the arts scene in our fair borough.

But ever since you left Queens to move into your new space in September of 2004, I've been waiting for you to do something about that sign. For a while it was promoting nothing but your leftover storage and office space.

Then it appeared you were finally taking it down. And for what seems like the past year (maybe longer, maybe shorter), the sign has been half-removed.

Do you think we don't care how our neighborhood looks? It's one of the first and most noticeable things you see as the 7 train crosses over the rail yards into Sunnyside. Your lack of respect for our neighborhood, after we welcomed you so warmly for your temporary stay, is truly astounding.

Even if you really don't care about Sunnyside, Long Island City, or Queens in general, I would think that the issues surrounding the sign would be handled by your communications department. Surely someone at MoMA is aware that the half-sign is exceptionally poor use of the MoMA brand. A proud, aesthetic, arts organization is being associated with -- and indeed causing -- urban blight.

Please do something about your sign. We're not art snobs obsessed with beautification but, for crying out loud, we don't need you making our neighborhood uglier.

I've copied this email to my City Councilman Eric Gioia in the hopes that the City of New York will encourage you to do something about the mess you left behind in Queens.

My mother taught me to clean up after myself. It's not too much to expect the same from (to quote your mission statement) "the foremost museum of modern art in the world."

Thank you,
Dan
Sunnyside, Queens

ENDY! ENDY! ENDY!

On a chilly night at Shea, while I was in line for coffee, Endy Chavez hit the exciting home run that put the Mets up for good against the Yankees (which is apparently another New York-based team -- who knew?).

But it was well worth the wait because when I finally got to the front of the exceedingly long line I was informed unapologetically that they couldn't get the coffee hot. "We got a problem." His problem was apparently my problem.

I didn't miss all the excitement, though. Endy made a nifty play in left field to throw out Johnny Damon at second base, as he tried to stretch a single. And Oliver Perez pitched a hell of a game (along with Joe Smith and Billy Wagner) to hold what used to be a powerful offense for the Yankees to two lousy runs.

Two more games to go in 2007 Subway Series I.

Hey, God! It's Me! Jerry!

I can't think of anyone God would be less happy to see than Jerry Falwell.

Yankiani

Some of you may have heard that Rudolph Giuliani is running for president. It's been in the news here and there, and apparently some people are interested. This week, he officially confirmed that he supports abortion rights, gun control, and gay rights. And yet, he still hopes he can win the Republican Party nomination for President.

You can't be mayor of New York City without being liberal on the social issues. After all we're a bunch of baby-killing queers. We just won't use guns to kill the babies.

I doubt there are many B&E readers who are considering voting for Rudy, but in case you are, I implore you to take a hard look at his other qualities, values, and political positions. There's much that can be said negatively about Rudy, and I really wish that the rest of the country would listen to New Yorkers about this one. I haven't yet had enough coffee to begin addressing the myriad reasons to loathe Rudy.

One undeniable truth about Rudolph Giuliani is that he's a Yankees fan. I mention this not because it's one reason I dislike the man. In fact, unabashed fandom is sort of charming, no matter the team.

But an article from today's New York Times discusses the relationship between the man and the team, and sheds some light on the corrupt policies he spearheaded on the Yankees' behalf while in office. And all he got in return were the best seats in the House that Ruth Built and four World Series rings.

New York City owns Yankee Stadium. So New York City is the landlord to the Yankees. And yet...

In seasons when millions of people arrived, the team managed to pay less in rent for the use of Yankee Stadium than the residents of the nearby St. Mary’s public housing project paid in a month.

How very presidential of you, Rudy.

Lessons from Kansas - Soul Touching

Some of the heated rhetoric over the missing Kansas National Guardsmen and their equipment has cooled, and President Bush made a visit with Governor Sebelius to Greensburg, Kansas yesterday. And only five days after the tornado struck.

Hey, everyone! This tornado is not Katrina! Greensburg is not New Orleans! Those poor (mostly) white people are not poor (mostly) black people! FEMA really is doing a heckuva job! Of course, the complaints were never with FEMA in this case.

So what was President Bush's purpose with this visit? I pull a quote from our president directly from the New York Times:

My mission is to — today, though, is to lift people’s spirits as best as I possibly can and to hopefully touch somebody’s soul by representing our country, and to let people know that while there was a dark day in the past, there’s brighter days ahead.

Split infinitives, subject/verb disagreement... But I'll let the grammatical mess slide for now. Off-the-cuff dialogue is often a grammatical mess. Especially where our Commander-in-Chief is concerned.

But this idea of his touching my soul... I mean, yuck.

Mr. President, I respectfully demand that you keep your grubby paws off my soul. Bad touch. Bad touch.

Of Baldness and Steroids

As Bald Bro (if that is indeed his name) wrote in the comments section, the Mets have collectively shaved their heads. Holdouts include Aaron Sele (who promises to do it on Friday after his Thursday family photo) and Jose Reyes (who has the most gorgeous locks of all Mets). Shawn Green is experiencing some shaver's remorse, after he received a disappointed shake of the head from his wife.

Will the baldness make them effective? Since Carlos Beltran wielded his $119,000,000 clippers, the Mets are 2-0. To steal from the New York Post: PLAY BALD, BOYS!

Meanwhile the steroids scandal has hit yet another fever pitch. Investigators are requesting doctors' records of a number of current and former Major League players, including Rafael Palmeiro and Sammy Sosa. Under oath in front of Congress, Raffy said, "I've never done steroids. Period." During the season that followed, naturally, he tested positive for steroids.

Also under oath, through his lawyer, Sammy said, "I've never taken illegal performance enhancement drugs." Well, I guess "legal in the Dominican Republic" beats a perjury rap.

I gotta say, going after the players is bullshit. I'm not going to defend the players. As I've said on many occasions, baseball players -- like every jock any of us have ever met in our lives -- are assholes. They're idiots that do stupid shit and deserve none of our sympathy. They're after the most money and glory possible for a few short years, and like all greedy pricks, they're greedy. And pricks. Of course they're going to do steroids, i.e. cheat. Why anyone has higher expectations of baseball players is totally beyond my comprehension.

But (and I'm sure I've mentioned this before, too) there's another group of greedy pricks that are being given a free ride. I'm talking of course about the owners. Of course they knew their players were using steroids. Of course they offered giant contracts to the sluggers that were filling the seats. At best they looked the other way. At worst they encouraged it.

You remember those recordings of the Enron employees laughing about making a fortune while California was experiencing rolling blackouts? The federal investigators didn't go after those guys. They went after the men in charge.

Come on, former Senator George Mitchell, Democrat of Maine. If you're investigating the steroid problem, go after the men (always men) in charge. I want to see some owners held accountable.

Maybe Dubya the President is immune from criminal charges. But Dubya the Texas Rangers Owner had one Sammy Sosa on his team. What the hell did Dubya know about steroids and when did he know it?

Lessons from Kansas - Emergencies

I'm in Kansas to celebrate Ma's latest marriage (congratulations, Ma!), and have gotten my ass reminded about severe weather patterns. Greensburg was a town in Kansas last week, but a "wedge" tornado leveled it a couple days ago.

Greensburg is a couple hundred miles from my hometown of Topeka. In Topeka, the day my sister and I arrived, it was cloudy but mild, and we had a hell of a session in the batting cages at Sports Center. I'm still sore today.

Apparently, the week before we arrived was nothing but rain, and the ground was pretty much saturated. Beginning the day after we went to the batting cages, Topeka got itself 11 inches of rain in less than 48 hours. This has caused massive flash flooding throughout the city, and about 500 people have been evacuated. The worst flooding since the 50's apparently.

Governor Kathleen Sebelius has declared Kansas to be in a state of emergency. And unfortunately, her prediction to the Pentagon has come true.

Back in December, Governor Sebelius wrote a letter to our friend Donald Rumsfeld at the Pentagon. She was concerned that the National Guardsmen in Kansas were all being sent to Iraq. If Kansas experienced some kind of emergency, there would be a lack of personnel available to assist in recovery.

To make matters worse, the Pentagon seemed to be pilfering Kansas National Guard equipment for use in the Iraq War. Her list of equipment she requested to have returned included trucks, Hummers, machine gun mounts, tents, and even a complete latrine.

So now a town in Kansas has been leveled. And upon seeing the devastation, Governor Sebelius is all, "So now do you see my point, Pentagon?"

Or, rather, an actual quote:

We're missing about half of our trucks from the National Guard units. Clearly trucks to haul this debris away would be enormously helpful. We are missing flatbeds. We are missing humvees, which are used to get people to safety and security and to haul equipment around. We are missing a number of our well-trained National Guard personnel. The equipment that we continue to harp on that has been sent overseas when our troops are deployed and not restored at the same level could be enormously helpful.

Thanks, Governor. A lack of guardsmen was one of many problems after Katrina. But FEMA has gotten involved in Greensburg, although I haven't heard yet if anyone's doing a heckuva job.

But seriously, how many goddamn emergencies do we need before the National Guard (and their equipment!) will be returned to, say, guard the nation?

Cause for Celebration

Break out the Corona and lime and mash up some guacamole. Today's a day of celebration.

It's Cinco de Mayo, and I've never known why today is a day of celebration. All I know is that at every Cinco de Mayo party I've been to, while everyone else sucks down Coronas, I'm bogarting the avocado goodness. And regardless of the history of Cinco de Mayo (which I'm sure I could find on Wikipedia or somewhere else on this information superhighway some insist on calling the World Wide Web) I've got my own reason to celebrate...

The missus left her first comment ever on B&E.

That it was in response to another comment and not about my actual posting I will try not to take personally.

Welcome to B&E, missus. And thanks. You're not so bad yourself.

It's a Scottish Squeaker

The results are in, B&E readers, and the Scottish Nationalist Party has become the largest party in Scottish Parliament by one seat.

The man pictured is Alex Salmond, leader of the Scottish Nationalist Party. Is he a looker, or what?

It's not all rosy, however, in the land of the Lowlands and Highlands. The election itself was apparently a bit of a disaster. It sounds like they're using Diebold over there. Some are estimating that as many as one in ten votes were spoiled. One in ten! That's like discounting every black vote in the United States. Uh...

My question is this: Who's responsible for the election disaster? If it's the Scots, it doesn't exactly bode well for how they'll run the joint. If it's the current Great Britain, well, let's give these Scots their freedom, and stat. And if they can work out their election issues, they should come work out ours, too.

So let the coalitions begin. If the SNPs can get a majority of Scottish Parliament to agree, the Scots may soon vote for...

FREEEEEDOMMMMM!

My Favorite Day

No, it's not my birthday! It's not Christmas, Easter, or Arbor Day! Today is No Pants Day!

No more screwing around, B&E readers! Take off your pants! Anything worth doing is worth doing without pants!

Driving your car? Drive without pants! Taking a flight? Fly without pants! Visiting your mother? Visit without pants!

For the love of all that is great in this world! TAKE OFF YOUR DAMNED PANTS!

God, I love you all so much...

The Scottish Vote

Today's the day, dear B&E readers! Scottish election day! Will the Scottish Labour Party hold onto its razor-thin majority, or will the Scottish Nationalist Party become the new, dominant player in Scottish Parliament?

I can't say that I've got a complete understanding of the inner workings of the British political system, but if the SNP's take the lead, independence could well be right around the corner for the Scots. Or maybe they'll just invade England and make the poor bastards there all wear kilts and eat haggis. Who knows?

If you find this topic at all interesting, I recommend following Election Day Coverage in -- naturally -- The Scotsman.