Xady Watch - Week of July 31 - Finale

final nady
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Who just got traded to the Pittsburgh Pirates. In his breakout season for the Mets, Who batted .264 and hit 14 home runs.

Why trade Who? Well, reliable setup man Duaner Sanchez had a taxi driver that decided to run into something that didn't give. Instead it was Duaner's shoulder that gave. The dislocation is likely to put him out for the season.

To replace Duaner, the Mets traded Who for Roberto Hernandez (who was the Mets' mostly reliable set-up man last season). Roberto is 41, and he's no Sanchez. But he could just do the trick.

The Mets also picked up Oliver Perez. Whatever.

So who'll play right field? Not Who. So will it be Endy Chavez, the off-the-bench heroics-maker? Or rookie not-quite-but-almost phenom Lastings Milledge?

I don't know, but that Duaner Sanchez loss hurts. And all of us here at B&E have appreciated Xavier Nady for inspiring Xady Watch, even if I happen to know that many B&E readers bleep right over the baseball shit I write.

Oh, Who... We hardly knew ye.

And now they'll hardly know ye in Pittsburgh.

Dickhead of the Week - Mel Gibson

Braveheart
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

By now you've probably heard that Mel Gibson got himself in a bit of a legal pickle this weekend for driving while pickled and then accusing the arresting officer of being a pickle-eater. Yes, Mel apparently went on quite the little anti-Semitic tirade, which began when he asked if his arresting officer was a Jew.

In no reports have I read anything about whether or not the arresting office was, in fact, Jewish. Gosh, media, it's almost like it doesn't matter.

Mel's been hovering near Dickhead status for some time. Let's say, just for argument sake, that The Passion of the Christ neither villifies the Jews nor plays up Jewish stereotypes. What kind of a Catholic makes a movie about the life of Jesus without any kind of focus on the resurrection? Bad Christian! The suffering and death are only a part of what makes Jesus the savior, Mel. The important bit is actually when Jesus defeats death and comes back with his message of hope for all sinners who no longer have to worry about falling short of the glory of God.

You know, if you believe that sort of thing.

Anyway, Mel is also one of the wackadoos against stem cell research, and I remember a girlfriend in college telling me that he beat his wife. I have no way of knowing if that's true. After all, that girlfriend was craaaaaazy. She's now a lesbian, although that's not what makes her crazy. And of course the lesbians I know now tell me that my ex-girlfriend has always been a lesbian, which, actually, would make a great deal of sense. But my lesbian ex-girlfriend is neither here nor there. Although, appropriately enough, my lesbian ex-girlfriend also happens to be my Jewish lesbian ex-girlfriend.

Right. So back to Mel...

The alcohol in Mel's system unleashed the anti-Semitic beast within. He's apologized (without saying what he's apologizing for, specifically -- hey, it worked for Jason Giambi), claiming that he said dispicable things he doesn't believe to be true. Wow, it must be bad.

And in a move to reassure his fans, Mel said that in his struggle against alcoholism he is taking steps to ensure his return to health.

Think he's got a Jewish doctor?

The Road Trip's Off to a Good Start

During my regular morning news trolling, I came upon a headline (I think from HuffPo) stating that a few major political operatives are putting together the Democratic Party's "Road Map" to the 2008 election.

I've got some high hopes for the Democratic Party in 2008. You see, there's a "Road Map" in the Israel/Palestine conflict, too, and it's working out pretty well.

Dickhead of the Week - Follow-Up - Rex Tillerson

tillerson
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Back in early April, Exxon CEO Rex Tillerson was granted the Dickhead of the Week honor here at B&E. He was at the top of a list of overpaid CEO's, and considering the gas prices, I thought he'd earned the honor. The weekly award, I thought, went well with his outrageous salary, which some sources had quoted to be as high as $13,700 an hour.

Most of my postings here at B&E receive a comment some time in the first few days it's up on the site, if they get a comment at all. Then the postings are forgotten. By me, too, usually. The Rex post, however, has garnered a few comments months later, including one today. The reason for this, I discovered (and think wrote about a couple of months ago), is that if you google (now lowercase according to Webster's) Rex, my B&E post is near the top of the second page of search results. Not bad.

Right, so back to today's comment. It's from anonymous (if that is indeed her name). I've pasted it here for your enjoyment...

His old position is still open - apply for it. Then put a price on moving every 18 months on your family and after moving them to a place they have no family or friends - leave to travel as it job required. He and his family have earned every damn penny of what he gets paid. Yes, I am close to them and if you want to take pot shots - come on we TEXAS gals know how to shoot back! We don't miss either!

The pot shot remark, I think, refers to another one of those several-months-after-the-fact comments I received, also from anonymous (if that is indeed his or her name) who recommended that Rex wear a bullet-proof vest to protect him from pot shots.

Violence is not condoned here at B&E, even for Dickheads.

In figuring out how to respond to today's anonymous, I consulted with a couple of friends. Reactions have ranged from "Just post her comment," to "Ask if she thinks all overpaid CEOs deserve their bags of gold, or just the ones she knows personally."

Heh. Nice one, Virgil.

What hurts me most about anonymous's post, though, is not that it's anonymous (although that hardly seems fair, since it doesn't take much work to find my name on B&E), or that she's a member of the entitled and idle rich, or even that she's from Texas (I lived in Texas as a kid, so I have the right to bad-mouth that shitty place).

No, what hurts me most is that she didn't take the time to clean up her comment. Grammatically it's a mess. She mistyped a couple of words. There are parts that need clarification.

Our anonymous friend of the Tillersons has done a remarkably poor job of defending a family that clearly suffers so much. The Tillersons should be very disappointed in you, anonymous. You leave them with no choice but to find comfort in their bank accounts.

Headline Madness

The venerable New York Times has a headline that reads as follows:

Highway Chief Resigns After Death in Tunnel

If he was dead, how did he resign?
Buddy, a letter would've been good enough!
Walk away from the light at the end of the tunnel!

ZANG! ZZP-POW! WOCKA-WOCKA-WOCKA!

More Debates, Please

spitzer
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

The door is open to the Governor's office, here, in New York, and Eliot Spitzer is halfway through it. His reign as Attorney General has been eventful, and he's been fond of taking on Wall Street corruption. Me likey.

He's a Democrat with balls. I was talking to a guy who'd met him, and he says that Spitzer is an incredible asshole, but even that doesn't much bother me. He's a fighter. Ballstastic.

By the way, Spitzer still has two elections to get through. In the primary he's facing one Tom Suozzi of Long Island. All I know about Tom Suozzi is that one of his best friends is dating a good friend of mine. Tom's got just over $2 million in the bank, to Eliot's $6.5 million. Meanwhile, the Republican nominee, a guy named Faso, has raised just over $1 million. Considering George Pataki, a Republican, has held the office for 12 years, this seems like very little money to me.

Actually, $1,000,000 seems like a lot of money to me, and if it were mine, I'd feel a great sense of relief. But in politics, you know, it's like loose change.

Suozzi and Faso have been written off. Spitzer is ahead of both of them in the polls, something like 70% to 20%.

But Suozzi and Spitzer had their only debate last night, summarized in The New York Times, and it made me realize that the only way to really learn about candidates is through debates. They're forced to state their positions clearly, while dodging and tossing colorful attacks on their opponents. But here's what I know now:

- Spitzer is pro-death penalty. Suozzi is anti-death penalty.

- Spitzer is pro-gay marriage. Suozzi is anti-gay marriage.

- Spitzer is anti-medical marijuana. Suozzi is pro-medical marijuana.

- Both oppose a timetable out of Iraq.

- Spitzer says he's not interested in being president. Suozzi admitted to having presidential ambitions.

- Spitzer owns an iPod. Suozzi has no iPod.

That's a decent amount of information. And neither of them stand where I'd like them to on everything. No weed? Come on, Eliot! No iPod? Come on, Tom! No timetable? Damn you, Democrats!

So I come out of this debate with the election a foregone conclusion. And neither of the candidates stands with me on all the issues. Elections are nothing but compromise.

But I wouldn't have known how much compromise I'd be making with my vote in September and November without the debate. And surely that's a good thing.

Xady Watch - Week of July 24

xady miss
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Since our last report, Who has raised his average a point, and hit two more dingers. Still sixth among the everydays, Who is batting .266, and he has reached a career-high in home runs with 14. One was an all-important three-run shot that gave them a win against the Reds. Well done, Xady.

Meanwhile, the Mets are hovering right around twenty games over .500, which compared to their difficulty in staying more than three games above .500 last year is pretty impressive.

Their cushion, on the other hand, has shrunk. The Braves are only eleven-and-a-half back. That's a lot, don't get me wrong. But the Braves are creeping back into this thing, and after fourteen straight seasons of watching the Braves win the division, let's just say that I'm keeping an eye on that Tomahawk Chop bullshit.

Although, considering that much of Queens is still in a brown- and black-out situation, maybe I should take heart that there's power at Shea. ConEd's got their priorities straight, apparently. Screw Sunnyside, Astoria, Hunter's Point, and LIC. Flushing's gotta host the Mets games!

Let's Talk About God

I've never been a big fan of the Democratic Leadership Council, which came to prominence during Bill Clinton's reign as party leader. They're the group that's been pushing the Democratic Party to the right, in an attempt to woo moderate Republican voters.

Because of how full-on terrible the current administration is, Democrats look back on Bill Clinton's presidency with fondness. But thanks partially to the DLC, Clinton's two major accomplishments in office were welfare reform and the passage of NAFTA, both Republican agenda items. Yes, I liked Bill better than Dubya, but there's no need to herald him as a great representative of the people or anything.

And the DLC is turning the Democratic Party into Republican Party Lite. It's no wonder nobody understand what the Democratic Party stands for.

So now the DLC is pushing to get Democrats to talk about religion.

That's an idiotic blanket approach to winning elections. Does anyone remember how silly Howard Dean sounded when he started talking about his faith? Nice try, bub. John Kerry, too, sounded like a fucking moron when talking about his faith. Even if Howard and John have genuinely deep beliefs that come directly out of their religious faiths, their spirituality was clearly a private matter. As soon as they made their spirituality public, they seethed with disingenuousness and discomfort. George W. Bush has the most warped theological views on the planet, but his religion is something he's felt comfortable keeping on his sleeve for decades now. A non-church-going, semi-religious candidate is not going to be able to talk about his or her belief in God with any sincerity if it's all part of an election ploy.

If talking about one's own spirituality is something that comes naturally to the candidate, fine. Barack Obama does it with extreme ease, and there's nothing about his religious beliefs that come off as insincere. Same with Joe Lieberman, actually. I disagree with him a lot of the time, but the public expression of his faith is genuine.

But you can't just talk about God to win elections. It's superficial, and as stupid as the electorate is, they know bullshit when they see it.

And just because the DLC declares it, doesn't make it so. It's up for debate whether or not a sincere expression of religious views helps win elections. A progressive, religious Democrat is not going to win over the voters for whom religious belief is a non-negotiable issue. They're still going to vote for the hate-mongering, right-wing fanatics.

Because, you know, that's What Jesus Would Do.

Dickhead of the Week - The Rainout

rainout
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

I don't get to play in that many baseball games each summer. So when I'm up in Vermont and there's a game scheduled, I really want to play. When that scheduled game gets rained out, I'm disappointed.

But today the Rainout went too far. This game was likely to be my last of the season. I had high hopes for redemption. My 0-for-6 weekend a few weeks back dropped my batting average more than two hundred points. For the first time in a long time (perhaps dating back to the early 80s), I'm batting under .200. Because I play in so few games, that 0-for-6 weekend killed my average.

A good game today could've turned everything around. And I was feeling confident. My back had loosened up. For me, it's all about being relaxed but alert, and I woke up this morning ready to go.

But the Rainout has made this impossible. I will now end the season batting .182. My on-base percentage is .250, thanks to a walk and reaching on a couple of errors. But still... .182.

The Rainout has left a horrible taste in my mouth. A taste that could linger for months. A taste that only time, many trips to the batting cage, and a Mets World Series victory can eliminate.

Rainout, your puddles have dampened my spirits. Your mud has slogged into my soul. The socks of my psyche are wet and cold.

Rainout, you are a Dickhead.

Shame On... The 99-Cent Store

99-cent store
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Anyone who lives in New York knows that the City, during times of crisis, really comes together in a big, bad way. The outpouring of goodwill after 9/11, for example, was so great that Rudolph Giuliani received cheers at Shea Stadium, even though he's a vocal Yankees fan. Now that's goodwill.

So it was, too, during the blackout of 2003. Restaurants were giving away free water and doing outdoor barbecues to feed the neighbors (the food would just go bad anyway). There was a real sense of camaraderie.

As I wrote yesterday (before the cable modem died), we had ourselves a spotty blackout yesterday in Queens, one that continues to a lesser degree today. To supplement our two outlets, the missus and I went to the 99-Cent Store to get some candles.

The 99-Cent Store was prepared. Candles and water were both located right next to the entry. Candles were $1.65 a pop. $1.65. In a 99-cent store. Everything in the store, by name and definition, should cost 99-cents or less. During the blackout, candles were $1.65.

Shame on you, 99-Cent Store. Shame on you for preying upon desperate people. Shame on you for shunning the neighborhood spirit. Shame on you for bilking your loyal consumers.

Shame on... The 99-Cent Store.

Report From Queens

blackout
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

A few days of brutal heat, followed by a powerful storm, and a baffled Sunnyside wakes to the spottiest blackout ever. The corners of 42nd and 44th Streets at Queens Boulevard have no working stop lights, adding to the death potential of Death's Own Boulevard. Respite can be found, however, at 41st and 43rd Streets and the Boulevard, where lights guide cars and pedestrians in perfect harmony. The fluorescents are on at the Worst Post Office Ever, but the automated stamp machines are down. The 99-Cent store features three windows of 99-Cent neon signage, but only the middle window burns bright. Some retail establishments are open and have the AC on full blast. Others are closed completely and attempting to rent generators. In this intrepid reporter's own apartment, two conveniently-placed outlets provide the only power, in spite of the fact that they are on different circuits: the refrigerator continues to provide protection to perishables, and an overworked surge protector by the bed keeps the cable modem, wireless router, fan, and computer functioning. So random is the power structure in our fair borough that Queens residents everywhere scratch their heads and mutter, "Mmmmrrr?"

Dickhead of the Week - Follow-Up - Ralph Reed

smarmy reed
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Longtime Dickhead Ralph Reed has lost his bid to become Georgia's Lieutenant Governor.

He may claim that's the Holy Spirit shining brightly through the pearly gates of his mouth, but in actuality, that is the final remnant of his soul escaping its vehicle.

Yes, he was on that notorious golf trip arranged by Jack Abramoff. He received money from the gambling lobby via Jack Abramoff. But even without Jack Abramoff, he's a Dickhead. Ralph is widely credited (with much denial on his part) with encouraging the rumors that Senator John McCain had an illegitimate black baby in order to help Bush win the South Carolina primary back in 2000.

Turns out that his fellow Christians have seen him for the hypocrite he is.

At least a small majority has. Ralph "Only the Bible Do I" Reed received 46% of the primary vote, which of course begs the question, "What the hell are they smoking in Georgia?"

Even Stuntier!

buck o'neil
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

We'll see your 83-year-old Jim Eriotes, and raise you a 92-year-old Buck O'Neil.

So says the Northern League, who have O'Neil leading off for the East Division in tonight's East-West All-Star game, officially making him the oldest player in professional baseball history.

OK, so it's an exhibition game, and Eriotes played in a game that counts on a real team, but let's give Buck our props. He single-handedly stole the Ken Burns' Baseball documentary with his yarn spinning, and Buck broke a color barrier of his own in Major League Baseball by becoming the first African-American coach when he joined the Chicago Cubs staff in 1962.

What's great about this tit-for-tat is finding out just how far the stunt-makers are willing to go. Who'll become the oldest player after Buck?

I think my Uncle Rog was onto something back in '86 when he suggested we use Great Aunt Rose for our game. She was ancient, couldn't move, couldn't hear, couldn't see. So he suggested we use her for home plate. Surely that's some sort of record, even for slow-pitch softball at family reunions.

[Thanks, Ma, for the link.]


UPDATE: 7/19/06: According to the NY Times, Buck is 94, not 92. So the big question: Who do I trust -- The New York Times or The Topeka Capital-Journal?

Khmer United FC

angkor wat
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

The missus has a brother who founded and runs a school in Cambodia. Cambodia is one of those places well off most people's radar. Before learning more from my brother-in-law, all I knew about it is that the US fought there illegally during the Vietnam War, and that Spalding Gray wrote a one-man show (and movie) called Swimming to Cambodia, which I neither read nor saw.

But now I know that of the five poorest countries in the world, Cambodia is the only one not in Africa.

Football (that's soccer to us Americans) is very popular in Cambodia, and kids play in the streets everywhere you go. And yet, Cambodia is one of the few countries in the world with no national team, i.e. they don't compete for the World Cup.

(Those that don't know, by the way, the World Cup is actually a two-year-long tournament. What we enjoyed for a month earlier in the summer that ended with Zizou head-butting an Italian was just the final 32 teams. But before that, nearly two hundred countries compete in the overall tournament. And there are only, like, 206 countries. Or is it 206 bones in the body? Anyway...)

A couple of the kids at my brother-in-law's school decided to start a real team. They went all around and found the best possible players. Cambodia-being-Cambodia, the kids have only ever played barefoot, so the best players tend to have Hobbit feet. When they got equipment for the team, the players were terrible. They were getting tangled in their shirts. Balls were flying in all directions off the shoes. The lack of bruising on their shins threw off their timing.

Then one day, things suddenly gelled for the best player on the team. He dribbled his way through everyone, like Pele or Zidane-before-the-headbutt, and fired a shot into the upper corner of the goal. The place went crazy.

The secret of his success? He took off his shoes.

So the team's still getting used to playing with gear. But for the kids, this is the first step toward having a Cambodian national team. They are the Khmer United Football Club.

They're in need of a real coach, by the way. Someone who really knows how to train football/soccer teams. So if you know anyone qualified who wants to spend three-to-six months working with raw talent in Cambodia, contact the team via the website. There'd be no pay, but all expenses would be covered. And it would be a hell of an experience. I'd totally do it if I'd ever coached soccer before.

Bruce Arena just got canned as coach of the US national team. Maybe it could be his next project...

GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLL!

Yes, It's Hot

heat
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Can I tell you how hot? It's so hot, I don't even feel like kvetching about it.

Anyone want to go poolhopping?

They Sure Are Grand, The Slams

The Mets hit two grand slams in one inning last night against the Chicago Cubs. Floyd, then Beltran. It's the first time that two grand slams have been hit in one inning since Fernando Tatis, then of the St. Louis Cardinals, did it all by himself back in June of 1999. That's right: Fernando hit two grand slams in one inning, both off Chan Ho Park of the LA Dodgers. Hadn't been done before, and sure hasn't been done since.

I happened to be at Dodger Stadium that fateful night in 1999 (thanks, Hollywood Max), and even the Dodger fans had to offer up the applause to Fernando.

I always feel a sense of disappointment when the game I go to doesn't result in a no-hitter, but two grand slams in one inning by one player... well, that's rarer.

So up your ass, no-hitters.

Dickhead of the Week - Steve King

steve king
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Steve King is among the many extremists who want to build a wall along the Mexican border. This makes him a Dickhead, sure, but Dickhead of the Week? What separates the good representative from Iowa's 5th District from other proponents of fence-building?

Well, Stevie wants to build an electric fence, because "we do this with livestock all the time."

Yes, that comment makes Stevie "I Heart Sheep" King Dickhead of the Week. Oh, and I'm sure that's not what he meant.

Runner up, by the way, is Pete Coors, who was arrested on a DUI charge. He's another right-wing Dickhead, who ran for Senate two years ago (and lost, thankfully), and whose company is doing a stellar job of fucking up Colorado's environment. On the other hand, his name is on a really nice stadium in Denver, home of the Colorado Rockies. Lay off the Coors before driving home, Coors.

Sioux Falls, and They Can't Get Up

baby crawl
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Minor League baseball is great, mostly because the players try hard and the between-inning promotions totally rule. The picture to the right, for example, shows the baby crawl race just prior to the bottom of the third inning during a recent Single-A game on Staten Island. The kid that couldn't yet stand won. I think the event was brought to us by a baby store. Or maybe a mattress store. I can't remember. So clearly these promotions work.

Anyway, the Sioux Falls Canaries tried a publicity stunt of their own this week. Eighty-three-year-old Jim Eriotes led off the game and became the oldest pro baseball player. He struck out in his only at-bat.

But the Canaries didn't give him a real chance. They sent him out first thing, everyone had a good chuckle, and then they benched him. Ernie was there to play ball. To the Canaries, he was nothing but a publicity stunt and joke.

Hey, Canaries! You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. You don't fuck with the seniors. In the dugout after the game did you hold his heart medication out of reach? Snap his aged buttocks with your towels? Play keep-away with his Valtrex?

Wait. Is Valtrex for arthritis or herpes?

[Thanks to Phil for putting the story on my radar.]

Don't Tease Me, Democrats

coin
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Yes, I've called the Democratic Party feckless and weak and many other names too inappropriate to mention here, even though it's usually been here that I've called them those names.

About once a mid-term I find myself pleased with the Democrats. And I think maybe they're onto something here.

In a few states with close elections, Democrats have set up ballot initiatives to raise the minimum wage. Since $5.15 has been the national minimum wage for eight years, and $5.15 doesn't go as far as it did in '98 (remember when you could buy a dozen Krispy Kremes, ten packs of baseball cards, and a full tank of gas for $5.15?), most sane people don't think it's unreasonable to give it a little hike. Full-time work without a vacation should pay more than $10,000 a year, a solid majority agrees.

Finally, the Democrats have some Republican candidates on the run. How can Tricky Rick Santorum justify his own pay-raise when he stands so solidly against raising the minimum wage? Ohio's Mike "I Loves Me" DeWine even voted to raise it, knowing full well that the Senate didn't have enough votes reach the necessary sixty to override a filibuster (filibustering against the poor? Genius!) Oh, I like to see stodgy white men squirm.

And there's a movement to take it further, which I wholeheartedly support. Hillary Clinton (who I've got my share of disagreements with -- hello, Iraq) and others have proposed canceling automatic (automatic!) congressional pay raises until something is done about the minimum wage, too.

It's a no-brainer issue the Democrats can win every time. Which leads me, of course, to the obvious question: How will the Democrats screw it up this time?

A Quick Xady Watch - Week of July 10

It's the All-Star break, and Who is not an all-star.

He is, however, hitting .265 (still sixth among everyday players), and added a home run since last week, bringing the grand total to 12.

Who was also an important part of a couple of wins right before the All-Star break. But alas, that doesn't make him an all-star.

Give the Mets Some Help, National League

wright all-star
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

David Wright hits a home run, and Carlos Beltran steals third and scores on a wild pitch. That's all the National League can muster, and the American League wins the All-Star game again.

Hey, National League! It's a team sport. I know the Mets are the best and all, but you can't sit back and let them do everything. Go get some hits. Score some runs. Convert the save opportunity.

Stupid, lazy National League.

It's an Idyllic Life Up There, on the Upper East Side

collapsed townhouse
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

So I'm sure most of you heard about the townhouse that exploded yesterday in Manhattan.

The New York Times has cobbled together a sequence of events that culminated in the explosion. Oh, yes, dear B&E readers, it is indeed worth reading.

It's such a wildly fucked up story, in fact, that I haven't even mentioned that Mets third baseman David Wright nearly won last night's home run derby.

Awesome Music in Praise of God!

grindint
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

I want so badly for my local coffee joint to be good. And it's coming up just a bit short.

I've complained about the name before -- The Grind. It's a dumb name. Even dumber with the tagline, We Put the Bump and Grind in Your Coffee. You see, for an extra fifty cents, they'll put a "bump" (i.e. a shot of espresso) in your drink. Even if you like that idea, the name is dumb.

There were other red flags from the beginning. Before they opened, their sign read, "Expresso and Ambiance." Upon opening, I worried that they were trying to do too much too soon -- coffee, fondue, and some kind of pseudo fancy martini thing in the evenings.

While I've had bad luck with the sandwiches, it's hard to screw up a New York bagel. The service for anything other than coffee tends to be slow. New York establishments are particularly good at speedy service, so when you hit a slow one locally, man, you notice.

The vibe needs some work, too. The music is way too loud and crappy -- sometimes classic rock, but mostly Z-100, which is really about as bad as it comes here in NYC. There are a couple of big screen TV's. The first few times I was in there, they were playing classic comedies with the sound down -- "I Love Lucy," the Marx Brothers, the Three Stooges. Now it's all sports. I love my sports (particularly baseball and the World Cup -- oh, Zidane!), but ESPN makes the Grind feel like a bar.

Prime window seating is taken up by a row of computers, giving that section the feel of an internet cafe, complete with teenagers gaming. Meanwhile, there's no wireless for those of us in need of a change of location from our regular workplaces. (And, naturally, if I've forgotten my headphones, I'm not going to be getting any work done, anyway.)

I'm hopeful that they've finally gotten the temperature issues under control (a new AC unit!), but it's always a bit hot in there. I don't think they factored in the direct sunlight, the kitchen activity, and the plethora of hot plates keeping the coffee warm.

And speaking of hot plates, occasionally, you get a cup of coffee that's been sitting on the hot plate too long. I don't know why they didn't go for the vacuum-storage solution most coffee places have as standard these days. Between burning the coffee from the base and the oxygen going in the pour spout, you can, from time-to-time, get a cup of coffee that's a little assy.

Mostly, though, the coffee's good, and the space is comfortable. The staff and owners are nice. Because they're trying so hard, I'm having a hard time figuring out the best way to register my complaints without insulting anyone.

They've also done a little experimenting with live music. Mostly jazz in the evenings. Because they've been talking up the gross-sounding martinis, I don't have the inclination to check out the scene in the evenings.

This Friday, the Grind reaches to a new high: the Almighty. Several self-printed signs are up promoting a Christian rock band. "Awesome music in Praise of God!"

So how good will my coffee taste if it's been blessed by the zealots?

"We've put a big bump in your grind this morning -- the bump of Jesus Christ, who died on the cross at Golgotha, the place of the skull, so that you may enjoy your cup of joe with the peace that passeth understanding with the assurance of eternal life!"

Now that's a good fucking cup of coffee...

Meat & Potatoes

meat and potatoes
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Meat is good. Potatoes are good. But if they're all you eat, they'll kill you.

Rick Santorum might want to keep this in mind as he runs for re-election to the Senate. In an article in the The New York Times, Tricky Rick is quoted twice comparing himself to meat & potatoes.

What does Tricky Rick consider his meat & potatoes these days? The softer side of his bigotry. On the campaign trail he's handing out a flyer called "50 Things You May Not Know About Rick Santorum." Number 2 is his support for colon cancer screenings, and Number 4 highlights his work with Bono to eliminate world poverty. I rooted around for a few more of the fifty things, but Rick's own campaign website doesn't include the complete list. So unless we get the flyer itself, we may never know those 50 Things.

But, come on, Tricky Rick. Do these 50 Things really add up to be your meat & potatoes? They're more like the bovine growth hormone in your beef. The genetic modification of your potatoes. Maybe -- just maybe -- those two little carrots offering some vitamin A on top of your meat & potatoes.

Sorry, Tricky Rick. Your meat is the money -- heading up K Street lobbying efforts and getting into bed with the corporate interests -- and your potatoes are the hates -- hating the queers, hating the immigrants, hating the women's rights, hating the liberal media.

Your meat & potatoes will kill you come election time, Senator Santorum, as they certainly should. Even if your opponent is the worst kind of feckless Democrat. But that's a posting for another time.

Anti-Dickhead of the Week - Ehren Watada

watada
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Considering Lt. Ehren Watada made his announcement on June 7, I'm feeling like I came a little late to this party. Lt. Watada has become the first commissioned officer to refuse to serve in Iraq because of his belief that the war is illegal and that his participation would make him party to war crimes.

It is perhaps because the Army has now charged him with contempt toward the president (among other charges) that the Lieutenant's actions have made a slightly larger blip in the media. (So far, I've only seen coverage in The Nation. While I'm a fan of The Nation, when I read stories there that deserve more exposure, I fear they've been published in a lefty graveyard.) Lt. Watada faces up to seven years in prison for his refusal to serve.

Many of us have said from the beginning that the war in Iraq is immoral and illegal. The argument of the war's immorality is one that's been easy for me to make. Since I'm no great shakes as an international policy lawyer, the legal argument has been a bigger challenge for my feeble mind. I've just got a vague notion that a pre-emptive war (i.e. a war of aggression) goes against everything the UN stands for.

What I like about this 28-year-old looker called Watada is that he makes a cogent argument against the war's legality. (There's some video on that link for those inclined.) He's no hippie-conscientious-objector masquerading as an army officer. He just won't fight an illegal, unjust war.

Well, right on, Watada. You get on with your bad, Hawaiian self.

Naturally, there's a website advocating on his behalf as well. Because nothing's legitimate until it's got a website.

So I've got an Anti-Dickhead this week, but no Dickhead. I'm open to suggestions in the comments of this here posting. Thanks.

Xady Watch - Week of July 3

nady singles
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

I'm a bit late with this week's Xady Watch. It was a holiday weekend. He's batting .267 and still has 11 home runs.

You might think that this demonstrates a lack of enthusiasm about my man Who. Alas, 'tis not so.

The man's playing nearly every day with a fractured wrist. I played two games in a row in Vermont over the weekend, and my back ended up in full spasm. Who is playing almost every freakin' day with a fractured wrist.

Granted, pro ball players get regular jacuzzi treatment, personal trainers, massage therapists, and the best drugs on the market... Actually, come to think of it, Who, you should be doing a lot better.

Gay People Play Baseball, Don't They?

It's only nine days until the beginning of Gay Games 2006, and host city Chicago is all aflame in anticipation.

But, gay people, I have a gripe with your Gay Games. I happen to know for a rumored fact that there's at least one gay professional baseball player. And it's not Mike Piazza. He held a press conference and married the Playboy Playmate of the Millennium to prove his straightness.

There's also a pretty well-known novel by Peter Lefcourt called The Dreyfus Affair, that features a relationship (a gay one!) between a shortstop and a second baseman. It's in a novel, so it must be true.

And yet, gay people, your Gay Games do not include baseball. This is a travesty. And unconscionable.

I believe in civil rights for gay people. I believe in gay marriage. And you know I believe in gay baseball. So quid pro quo, gay people. Give me some damned gay baseball.

Is a Dead Dickhead Still a Dickhead?

lay
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Proving that the wealthy and connected will consistently get out of doing any jail time for gross wrong-doings, Ken Lay, founder and destroyer of Enron (as well as the countless employees who trusted him), has died of an apparent heart attack, months before his sentencing.

This raises all sorts of ethical questions for me, as a big fan of Lay-bashing. I mean, the man's dead. So there's a certain amount of hypocritical respect to be paid, no?

Obviously, the biggest question of all: Can I consider Ken Lay a Shitbird, even if he never actually spent any time in jail?

I Worked One Hell of a Walk

ball gear
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Unfortunately, that was my personal highlight of a weekend of baseball (which admittedly was a highlight in and of itself), and a weekend in which up was down, left was right, and back was pain.

When I heard we had make-up games scheduled on Saturday and Sunday this week, I (almost jokingly) asked the missus if we could go up to Vermont just for the games. To my surprise and immense pleasure, she said, simply, "Sure."

Is she not a fine woman, B&E readers? Is she not?

The McNeill's Brewers were to face the team with the best record in the league (the Saxtons River Pirates) on Saturday, and the team with the worst record in the league (and the only team the Brewers had beaten, the Brattleboro River Rats) on Sunday.

The missus and I left Queens at 4:30am to make sure I got to the game in time to stretch properly, warm up, take some fielding practice, and put on my protective cup (I've never played baseball without one since getting tagged in the nuts sliding into third at age 11 -- one never forgets his first wracking, and it alters one's behavior and attitude).

The Pirates are consistently the best team in the league, and my team, in the four or five years that we've been playing in one form or another, has never beaten them.

Two personal streaks came to an end that day against the Pirates. I hadn't struck out in two years. It took my first trip to the plate against the Pirates to end that. At least I went down swinging (and left-handed, which may have been a mistake). I had also gotten hits in five straight games dating back to last season (I don't play in that many games each year, since I commute and all). I went 0-for-3, but I reached on an error in the 7th inning, and in the 8th, down no-balls-and-two-strikes, I fought back, fouled off a few pitches, let a few out-of-the-zone pitches go by, and worked myself a walk. It was pretty satisfying, even though I knew it would mean the end of my hitting streak.

And get this: we beat the Pirates. 10-3. I scored the go-ahead run (which is a meaningless statement that sounds good) on a sacrifice fly (actually, I'm pretty sure it was the first time I've ever scored on a sac fly -- sac flies are pretty rare at age 12, and I just haven't played enough as an adult to get to third base with less than two outs).

There are many reasons (some perfectly legitimate) that the Pirates weren't at their best against us, but regardless, we beat them, and we played like a real team. Our pitcher threw a complete game. About 145 pitches. He walked a lot of guys, but he, and we, held them to three runs. It was a hell of a game. Some of their guys were pretty mad. People don't like losing to the (formerly hapless?) McNeill's Brewers.

So we came into Sunday's game optimistic. Confident, but not cocky (you have to have a record better than 2-8 to be cocky). And sore. Well, I was sore, anyway. I woke up with typical day-after-game soreness, including being a little stiffer in the lower back than normal. But again, I got to the field early, and did some stretching and was feeling pretty good.

Then, during fielding practice, my lower back completely clenched up. I could barely pick up the ball that I'd been attempting to chase down. I stayed in the lineup for the game (for some reason swinging the bat didn't aggravate it), but I couldn't run for shit and I couldn't bend over.

The River Rats played solid baseball, and we didn't. I handed out a lot of ibuprofen to my teammates before the game, but we just couldn't get our act together. In my first at-bat, I swung at a bad pitch and grounded sharply back to the pitcher. He made a nice play, and on the first step out of the box, my back clenched up again. So I couldn't even run it out. Man, I'm getting fucking old.

I ended up 0-for-3 again, and in my last attempt I popped out, pretty much straight up. I'd gotten a fat pitch to hit and I'd missed it. I only ever get angry at myself in these games (I'm much more self-competitive than outwardly so), and this was the angriest I'd gotten all season. I let out a primal scream, threw my helmet, then gave out a "Fuck!" for good measure. A few of the guys had their wives and kids at the game, so really, I should watch my mouth. I didn't even remember dropping the F-bomb, until the missus accused me of being a potty mouth.

The River Rats seem like a fine bunch of guys, and they were thrilled with their first victory. I think they felt very much on Sunday how we felt on Saturday. So as I gimped off the field, nearly paralyzed by back pain, I walked by their dugout, which was all smiles, and thanked them for a good, well-played game. I think every single one of them thanked me back, extra-enthusiastically, a fair amount of post-game adrenaline coursing through their veins.

I'm sitting on my couch in Queens again now, barely able to move. My batting average dropped over two hundred points, and I can't put on socks. But goddamn if it wasn't worth it.

Man, I fucking love playing baseball.

And there goes that potty mouth again.