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What Matters Is $5, Apparently

I’m not a big fan of the big banking industry. I mean, really. Fuck those guys. And the ads for banks that are all soft and lovely, pretending to be about something bigger than just money, are disingenuous and hypocritical, and again, I say fuck those guys.

JP Morgan Chase is one of my least favorite banks for a number of reasons, and their current advertising tagline, Chase What Matters, is the perfect embodiment of all that I hate about those disingenuous and hypocritical ads.

Well, now Chase is “testing” five-dollar fees at its ATMs. I put testing in quotation marks mostly because in Illinois, it’s not a test. It’s a five-dollar fee. I guess it’s technically a test because it’s only in Illinois right now. But seriously, five bucks? Just to use your ATM? And who are you kidding? You’re gonna start charging everyone five bucks unless it somehow becomes illegal to do it.

Chase what matters. Please. You know what matters? My dick. Chase that, assholes.

Gosh, it just makes me so mad.

If you haven’t already, move your money into a community bank or credit union. Every day, I feel better about our decision to move into a credit union.

One comment on “What Matters Is $5, Apparently

  1. Carrie on said:

    If nothing else has become clear over the last decade, I hope people can plainly see that the fewer corporations you involve in your life, the better. We go to a bank of actual surpassing cuteness. All the tellers and the manager know us by name, and we chat pleasantly. They are accountable and helpful and actually friendly. We shop at a real co-op, we abstain from walmart and target and kohls. We buy local beer (which is easy in Milwaukee) from small breweries. And it’s not just virtuous, it’s better. It’s more pleasant. Fuck those fucking conglomerates.

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