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The New York Donalds

Put me squarely in the camp of people who want Donald Trump to buy a good chunk of the New York Mets.

I don’t much care for the Donald in general. The extent of my direct experience with him, however, is limited to him sitting two seats away from me at Howard Stern’s Private Parts movie premiere, lo, these many years ago. I watched him send his bodyguard to go get him a hot dog. The prick also got the aisle seat.

Anyway, George Steinbrenner’s death has left a giant vacuum in the category of Colorful New York Sports Owners. Don’t get me wrong: we have our Dickheads. That James Dolan guy (the Knicks owner) is widely considered the worst owner in the NBA. And Hank Steinbrenner is testing the waters to become the brash, arrogant bastard his father was. But Hank just won’t fully commit. Woody Johnson (Jets owner) has his moments but tries to stay behind the scenes. That Russian billionaire who bought the New Jersey (soon-to-be Brooklyn) Nets shows some promise. And I don’t actually know the names of the owners of the New York Giants or any of the hockey teams.

But in the meantime, we’ve really got nothing. The current Mets owners, the Wilpons, certainly seem like assholes when I watch their press conferences. But worse than that, they’re boring assholes.

The Mets, of all teams, need an unpredictable loose cannon, an arrogantly coiffed owner like Donald Trump. He won’t be afraid to tell the fans and/or players that they’re being big bunch of fucking babies. The fans, in turn, won’t hesitate to boo the shit out of their team’s new (part-)owner. This is the love/hate-based relationship that will let the Mets thrive, even when they lose.

That the Donald was born in Queens is really just trivial icing on the cake. Truth be told, I want to see the chaos that will inevitably surround my team. I just have a feeling it’ll work for everyone. Also, if we can get a Mets cap on top of that hair, we will have accomplished something real.

And I’d prefer to call it Trump Field than Citi Field. Although I have a feeling I’d still stick with New Shea.

If you need more convincing that it would be a good idea, look no further than this paragraph from the New York Times article linked to above:

As to why he would not be interested in just a quarter of the team, Trump, referring to himself in the third person, said, “If you look at Trump’s record, he is only interested in things he can control.”

God, I hope Donald Trump buys the Mets.

2 comments on “The New York Donalds

  1. Won’t it sound like they’re called “The Brooklynettes”?

  2. Gosh, I really hope they go with that name now.

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