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I Love my White Dreadlocked Commenters

Since my shift from Blogger to WordPress, I don’t really get comments from “Anonymous” anymore. One is required to fill in the little form, making it impossible to hide. I sort of appreciate that.

For some reason, the occasional Anonymous comment still comes through on posts that were originally published in Blogger. (Well, I seem to get a notice that I’ve gotten the comment, but they don’t necessarily appear on the post itself. I’m not enough of a computer geek to figure that one out.) Anyway, this comment made me really happy. It is, of course, in response to a vacation post in which I expressed my disdain for dreadlocks on white people.

man you are one ignorant FOOL.
firstly dreadlocks – the meaning… DREAD for Fear of God – not all white people with dreads are doing it for the style. It’s actually in our long history. Look at celts.
Some white people are jewish. And as Jews, Israelites, wearing locks is going back to our roots.
Man, I am white and dreaded and i tell you I would prefer myself shaved, as would my wife and family etc. But i have very strong beliefs when it comes to my hair. As the bible says no razor should go near the 5 corners of beard or head, and a comb is a tool of VANITY which is bad for the soul (why do you think buddhist monks shave their heads)…. think before you talk crap next time ok?

First of all, I don’t have to think before I “talk crap” because this is my blog, and I’ll write whatever I want to. If I don’t want to think before I talk crap, that’s my prerogative.

Secondly, I’m not sure I can look at the Celts anymore. Sure, the missus is of Scottish descent, and her people may go back to the Celts at some point. But man, if there are Celts alive today, they’d be pretty fucking old.

Thirdly… “some white people are jewish.” I accept. Although I’m not sure I ever said otherwise.

But you’re getting into dangerous ground here, if you’re still living the book of Leviticus in this, our modern world. Yes, it certainly says that, “They shall not make bald patches on their heads, nor shave off the edges of their beards, nor make any cuts on their body.” Just a few verses later it also says:

None of your offspring throughout their generations who has a blemish may approach to offer the bread of his God. For no one who has a blemish shall draw near, a man blind or lame, or one who has a mutilated face or a limb too long, or a man who has an injured foot or an injured hand, or a hunchback or a dwarf or a man with a defect in his sight or an itching disease or scabs or crushed testicles.

So I hope you and your family aren’t unfortunate enough to be blind or injured or in any way physically challenged. Because you’re fucked. And by the way. Crushed testicles? Ouchie-wouchie.

Just prior to this section, too (as long as we’re Living Leviticus Loca)…

You shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor shall you wear a garment of cloth made of two kinds of material.

Boy, I sure hope any leather shoes you wear don’t also have cotton shoelaces, or God shall smite you. On the other hand, if you decide to fuck your friend’s slave, the punishment’s a bit more lax than death:

If a man lies sexually with a woman who is a slave, assigned to another man and not yet ransomed or given her freedom, a distinction shall be made. They shall not be put to death, because she was not free; but he shall bring his compensation to the Lord, to the entrance of the tent of meeting, a ram for a guilt offering. And the priest shall make atonement for him with the ram of the guilt offering before the Lord for his sin that he has committed, and he shall be forgiven for the sin that he has committed.

So if you’ve got a ram lying around, you’re totally golden, pal. Fuck that slave.

I also hope you’ve got a seriously large stash of goats, cows, bulls, calves, lambs, sheep, and rams. Because you must spend a great deal of time sacrificing them to the Lord. Are you able to do that without the health department getting in the way?

In other words, Anonymous (if that is indeed your name), you’re totally right. Your dreadlocks make total sense. I sincerely and deeply apologize for any offense I may have caused you. I’m sorry that you have to look silly for totally reasonable reasons.

And also, apologies if I’m now thinking before talking crap. That will certainly not last. Not on my blog.

One comment on “I Love my White Dreadlocked Commenters

  1. I too am white and dreaded, but I’m guessing in a different way.

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