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So, Uh, Bears?

Dude. Bears are eating corpses from cemeteries.

If that doesn’t freak you out, it should. Those are fucking bears! And they’re digging into the frozen ground, opening coffins, and eating the semi-preserved bodies. They’re doing this shit without opposable thumbs, and that, my friends, is fucked up. I mean, come on:

“In Karelia one bear learned how to do it [open a coffin]. He then taught the others,” she added, suggesting: “They are pretty quick learners.”

“Quick learners”? Who’s the fucking teacher? A fucking bear taught them to eat fucking corpses out of a closed fucking coffin! A bear is teaching other bears that?

Not only that, but they’re acquiring a taste for human flesh now. It’s only a hop, skip, and a jump from semi-preserved dead bodies to fully preserved live ones. Just wait until Teacher Bear shares that knowledge with those quick fucking learners.

What the fuck, B&E readers? What the fuck?!

4 comments on “So, Uh, Bears?

  1. I started to come up with a joke about the “right to bear arms” but then I remembered how much I hate puns.

  2. Carrie on said:

    It’s possible you are overreacting.

  3. blondandeffective on said:

    Just grin and bear it.

  4. Those are fucking bears who’ve learned how to open coffins for a fucking snack. No, I’m not fucking overreacting!

    Next thing we know they’ll start packing heat, arguing for the right to arm bears!

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