Bald & Effective: About the Critters, Part II

It's hard out there for a critter.

Once a day I would trek over to the main house to check my email and connect with the outside world a bit. It was baseball playoffs season, so I limited my media intake to baseball stories.

One day, while I was sitting at the table in the living room, that sweet cat (from the immediately previous post) pounced on my power cord, right near my feet. I looked down to find out what she was up to, but the gray cat I saw down there was tiny. Like a gray paw. That's because it was a gray mouse. And the gray cat was having its way with the little guy. She was playing with it, batting it around. I didn't see the actual kill.

But earlier in my time, I'd seen the same gray cat stalking something in the high grass. When I saw her next, she had a baby snake in her mouth, proud as could be.

One rainy day, as I was returning to the cabin from my weekly shop, I was greeted by the friendly dog (also from the immediately previous post). He didn't generally venture over to the cabin, but I gave him a little pat on the head (he smelled a bit like wet dog, mostly because he was a wet dog). And then he went back to the grass, pointing at something there. He's clearly a hunter.

Then he chomped down. Another gray mouse was lying there, breathing in the grass. He chomped down again. It was no longer breathing. Then he walked up to me, wagging his tail, seeking approval. He was a bit of a licker, and I sure as hell didn't want him licking my hand after chomping down on a mouse, so I gave him a friendly pat on the head, and he ran off.

The farm's winter caretaker later told me another story. He'd seen a raccoon, and raccoons can create some havoc where chickens, ducks, and geese are concerned. He'd just gotten his first gun lesson, so he collected his rifle and went a'stalking. What he came upon was not just the raccoon, but the friendly dog chomping down on the raccoon's neck until it was dead.

The dog is a badass.

Apparently, the dog has also killed a couple of the fowl on the farm, and the caretaker had been told to chase him off if he saw the dog. But after this incident that protected the fowl, the farm is reconsidering its relationship with the dog.

Finally, remember my trouble with that gray bastard of a gander? Well, I learned a technique for dealing with an aggressive goose. Fortunately for that gray bastard of a gander I never had to try it out. But hoo-doggy! it would've been fun to give it a whirl.

First, a reminder. Here are the geese.

I'm pretty sure that the gray bastard of a gander that charged me is the one third from the right, looking off in a different direction than the others.

Shortly after that gray bastard of a gander charged me, I asked the caretaker if he'd had any trouble with the geese yet. He hadn't, but he said he knew how to deal with them if they charged. He shared his knowledge with me.

First of all, stand your ground. If you show a goose weakness, they become emboldened. So by standing my ground and saying, "Hey!" I had garnered the gander's respect.

If that gray bastard of a gander had kept charging, my next move would also be the final move. Go after a goose's most vulnerable area: his neck. Just grab it by the throat and give him a light throttle. He will fuck with you no more.

And if that fails, it's time to send that gray bastard of a gander to the Fowl Killing Fields.