Monday, September 07, 2009

Heather Must've Made that Nasty Potato

Hey, B&E readers! I've insulted a Scot! And it wasn't even the missus!

Heather didn't much care for my review of the bad Scottish cuisine from our trip last May. And apparently she didn't stick around long enough to read my raves about the better food.

Alas, she seemed particularly irritated at my attitude toward the baked potato with tuna mayonnaise:

What did he expect when he ordered a baked potato with tuna mayo? And what's wrong with tuna in a potato anyway?

Bloody typical yank.

Why don't you just stay over in America and eat your McDonald's you tosser.
Well, I couldn't say nothing, so I posted the following comment back, one I don't expect Heather will ever see:

Dearest Heather, if that is indeed your name...

First of all, I'm not sure what about this posting makes you think I'm a bloody typical yank. I'm married to a Scotswoman, and her father (who ordered the tuna-in-a-potato concoction) is also a Scot. I think that makes me an atypical Yank.

Also, I'm not bleeding.

Secondly, I don't eat at McDonald's. It McSucks.

Thirdly, I love Scotland and the Scots, which might explain why I fell in love with and married one.

Fourthly, Scotland relies on tourism for its economy, and insulting the tourists won't do much for the future of the country.

Fifthly, when my father-in-law ordered a baked potato with tuna mayo, he was expecting both the potato and the tuna mayo to be edible. They weren't.

Sixthly, tuna in a potato is like putting corn on a pizza. If you're still reading this, Heather, I would like you to explain this particular phenomenon to me as well.

Seventhly, I don't particularly want to stay over in America all the time. It's good to get out of the country for a change in perspective once in a while. When we Americans don't see the world, we tend to invade countries. Not good.

Eighthly, I only occasionally toss, but fair point.

Ninthly, the missus has much to say to you about this, but this is my blog, so she can either add her own comment or stop telling me what to write.
I would like to express to Heather my deepest and sincerest apologies for insulting her national cuisine.

Because I may well someday live in Heather's home country, it is not a good idea for me to burn any bridges. Can we be friends, Heather? Maybe Facebook friends? Can I follow you on Twitter?

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At 12:42 AM , Blogger ArtsyFartsyTim said...



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