Thursday, July 23, 2009

We Poor, Oppressed White People

Because I'm a straight, white man, there are things I can say to my fellow straight, white men that, for example, a lesbian Latina can't. From people outside my ethnic and sexual identity majority, it would be condescending and inappropriate. So please, allow me to speak frankly to the other straight, white men out there.

Dudes... We are not oppressed.

In fact, because we are white and straight and male, we have just about every advantage that birth can offer. Yes, some of us have seen hardship. Class boundaries, too, are real, and upward mobility is a challenge that runs across ethnic, gender, and sexual identity lines.

But seriously, dudes... We are not oppressed.

Allow me to use a baseball metaphor (since we are straight, white men). When we are born, it's like our lives have a guy on third base with nobody out. Being male puts a runner on first; being white lets that runner steal second standing up; and being straight causes the pitcher to stop paying attention, allowing the runner to sneak into third.

The odds of our success are therefore much higher. If I get a hit, that runner scores a point for my life. Hell, I can fly out, and the chances are pretty good that the runner scores. Jesus, there's even a chance that I can ground out, and if the infield is playing back, the runner scores. And get this: If the pitcher throws me a nasty split-fingered fastball in the dirt, it's possible that I will strike out, and yet that ball will scurry away from the catcher, allowing that runner to score. I call that "the George W. Bush run."

It's possible that I'll fucking blow it. It happens. If you're a Mets fan, you know. You see that guy on third and know the chances are pretty good he won't score. But if I'm the one batting, it's on me. Only if I were a real bitch would I blame the crowd or the umpire or the opposing players for my own personal failings.

So get it together, dudes. We are not oppressed.

I mean, racism? Really? Racism is an institutional problem in this country stemming from hundreds of years of historical oppression. I reject by definition that members of minority groups are racist. Your group has to be in power to be racist. I accept that there are bigots within ethnic minority groups. But until one of those ethnic minority groups becomes a majority that institutionally oppresses white people because they're white people, I will not call them racist.

In other words, "reverse racism" is a concept that doesn't exist in reality.

So come on, dudes. We are not oppressed. Seriously, fellow straight, white men: there is oppressed, and there is us. Oppressed is not us.

And to all of you straight, white men in positions of power currently making the argument that you are oppressed... It just doesn't quite hold water, seeing as you're senators, representatives, talk-show hosts, TV personalities, etc., etc.

Honkies, please...

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5 Comments:

At 2:28 AM , Anonymous curt(bald bro said...

dan, apparently the supreme court begs to differ. hee hee
more eye candy!! one for everyone!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YphrIQlgb8

 
At 5:21 AM , Anonymous curt(bald bro said...

re: the B in B & E
http://www.flickr.com/photos/davidstonephoto/3724165142/sizes/l/in/photostream/

 
At 5:27 AM , Anonymous curt(bald bro said...

dan, i like this baseball players haircut! :-)
http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/slideshow/photo//090708/483/9a0ae241f30a4e77a16990f8a27700a7/

 
At 11:36 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

nice dude, well played. -Deanna

 
At 1:44 AM , Blogger ArtsyFartsyTim said...

boy could I do a guess post about this one...

 

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