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My Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Most of the time there were two sets of footprints.


During the low periods of my life,
when I was sad or lonely or debauched,
and during the eight years of the Bush administration,
there was only one set of footprints.


And I was all,
“Yo, Lord, what’s up with that?
Where your stinky feet at?
How come I’m all alone when I totally needed you most?
That ain’t cool, yo.”

The Lord replied,
“I always thought you were a total bitch.
You know what I’m talking about.
All whiny and self-righteous and pantsless.
Damn right I wasn’t hanging with you.
I have a reputation to think about.”

And that was when the Lord and I rumbled.


Holy crap, can that dude fight.
He smote the shit out of me.

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