Mets Scouting Report 2009! Hitting!

Oh, yes, B&E readers, there's more! Who are the hitters, the base-stealers, the run producers, the total hacks? I explain everything right here! Enjoy a fish sandwich!

The Core!
New stadium, new glory?

Reyes, Wright, and Carlos-squared all return! Taller fences at Bailout Ballfield! Fewer home runs for Wright, C. Beltran, and C. Delgado! Nice thinking, architects! Silver lining! Giant gap in right-center! More triples for Jose!

The Fillers!
Will they overproduce? Probably not!

Luis "Once Decent" Castillo! They can't give that guy away!

Brian "Squatty" Schneider! His car dealership ad is funny! We're not laughing at that .240 average!

Daniel "Father" Murphy! Natural hitter! Breakout year? Still learning to play left field! Oh, dear!

Ryan "Every Sunday I Go To" Church! No, wait! Gary "DL" Sheffield! Poor, Ryan! Gary's old! Can he still hit? If not, Ryan's ready!

Bench!
Who the hell are these guys??

Alex "Nick and" Cora and Marlon "Harry" Anderson! Get some hits, boys! Nick "Janet" Evans! We'll see you when Sheffield gets hurt! Ramon "Raul-not-Fidel" Castro! Always the backup, never the bride! Jeremy "Learn To" Reed! You're just a young, wee thing! Fernando Tatis! Fernando Tatis?!

Let's play ball! Opening day in Cincy! Santana on the mound!

LET'S GO METS!