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Live Blog – The Bachelor – After the Rose Ceremony!

I finished up this week’s episode of 24 and turned over to The Bachelor. In my defense, the missus was coming home and asked me to.

In the finale, Jason chose Melissa, and then came out for the post-finale and told the host that he wanted to dump her and get reacquainted with the woman he dumped in the finale! He wants to be with Molly!

If you think that’s not worth live-blogging about, you don’t know good television.

He’s doing it right now! There’s no live audience or anything, but he’s dumping her on national television in front of Chris Harrison, the host! It’s a public dumping!

Oh, and Melissa’s not happy. Imagine that. Oh, yeah, she’s freaking out. She’s pissed he doesn’t want to try. Melissa’s so angry that Melissa is speaking of Melissa in the third person. “Melissa gets the ring on her finger, but you won’t fight for Melissa!”

Damn! She called him a bastard! And I’m not sure she’s wrong. This is brutal, and I think she might be right: he is a bastard.

She just gave the ring back. Now, if he’s dumping her (and on national television), doesn’t she get to keep and sell the ring? I mean, hell. There was something like 170 diamonds on that thing. Keep the ring, woman! Sell the shit out if it!

And the missus agrees: he’s a bastard. Oh, poor single dad, you’re such a good father who was horribly heart-broken by your ex-wife, and you have the sympathy of everyone in the country. Well, you’re losing it all right now, my friend.

I wonder if they sat there in silence during the commercial break. Boy, that must’ve been awkward.

Jason hates himself, but he’s sticking to his guns. The host is finally excusing himself from this god-awful awkwardness, telling Melissa that there’s a limo waiting for her (so that’s nice), and she told him (Jason, not Chris) to fuck off but in language appropriate for ABC.

Jason’s pained. I’m laughing at his pain. Poor bastard.

Melissa’s crying in the limo, naturally. She hurts. And she’s awfully cynical for a 25-year-old. OK, now she’s boring me. She’s accepting that there’s a lesson even if she can’t see it. Look, woman. There’s no lesson. Jason’s a douchebag and he just fucked you over royally on national television. Ain’t no lesson there.

And Chris takes his awkward spot on stage next to Jason again. He’s crying. Jason’s crying, not Chris. I’m sorry, but he’s a total douche. Jason, not Chris. And a little defensive. Poor Chris has to try to sound upbeat as he cuts to commercial: Molly’s coming out, right after this! This is probably hardest on him. Chris, not Jason.

Commercials. Jim Perdue was wearing hen slippers.

Molly’s about to come back out. Without Jason. She’s having her seemingly normal rejectee interview with Chris, as if Jason’s not about to ask her back. Clips of “I love you” talk from Molly. She looks a little horrified to be reliving this nonsense.

So now she’s gotta go through all that again with Host Chris. She’s admitted that she still has feelings for him. Jason, not Chris. Chris is baiting her: You’re still in love with him, aren’t you? This is just mean.

The show is working on the missus. She likes Molly a lot more than she ever has. Chris is baiting like hell: Have you thought about what if he said he made a mistake? Oh, she’s going to be a mess when Jason comes back out. Right after the break!

All the commercials are targeted toward women. I shouldn’t be watching this. Well, maybe the waffle breakfast is targeted to people like me.

Molly’s about to be joined by the douchebag. She’s asking him questions. “When did you know?” that she wasn’t the one. They’re really milking this. It’s getting boring to me; and it must be getting boring to read about.

Now he’s telling her. She’s confused. She can’t believe what she’s hearing. She thinks she’s being punk’d or something. It’s starting to hit her now. She’s speechless. Her response is not fake. All she can muster is, “But what about Melissa?” Jason’s just admitted that he’s in love with Molly. She still doesn’t know what to say. She can’t say anything…

AND CHRIS CUTS TO COMMERCIAL! It’s like the silence was becoming bad television, and he had to cut away.

How does Chris end up in the middle of this drama and awkwardness? Oh, right. He’s the host.

And we’re back, waiting for Molly’s response. Even after a break, she doesn’t know what to say. She’s confused and wants to talk, but she’s also admitted to having the same feelings, and blah blah blah. Of COURSE they’re going to give it another shot.

Hm… If they’re serious, maybe they should give it a shot… oh, I don’t know… off camera?

In the meantime, they’re kissing on camera.

Chris: “Guys! America’s watching this!”

As if it wasn’t before, this is really fucking stupid now. Jason’s douchey. There’s just no way around it. So when this doesn’t work out, he’ll really be the biggest douche on the planet.

Chris just said, “It’s been an historic journey.” You pronounce the H in history, Chris. It’s “a historic journey,” you pretentious twit. An historic journey? Puh-lease.

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