Friday, December 19, 2008

A Cuff? He's Only Got a Cuff?!

So this whole Bernard Madoff (pronounced "made off" much to the pleasure of the 24-hour news networks, which have taken us through enough "Madoff with billions" jokes to last a lifetime) story is old, and my comments are late. What are you gonna do? I'm busy.

It's a Ponzi Scheme! I had to look up "Ponzi Scheme" on Wikipedia because the elite media I read assumes I already know how it works. In case you, my readers, are as uninformed and ignorant as I am, a Ponzi Scheme has no relation to the Fonzie Scheme, in which Arthur Fonzarelli gets as many girlfriends as he can by banging his fist on the jukebox to get it to play a top hit of the 50s.

In a Ponzi Scheme, high returns are paid to investors with money from new investors coming in. That is, the money isn't actually earning any sort of yield. And like any pyramid scheme, Ponzi Schemes are destined to fail. So that's a very simple explanation and about all my bald head can absorb.

So Bernard Madoff with billions! AAAAH HA HA HAHAHAHAHA!

One of Madoff's (many) exceptionally wealthy investors was the Wilpon family. Fred and Jeff Wilpon are the father and son ownership of the New York Metropolitan Baseball Club.

As of this moment, the Wilpons are insisting that their personal losses won't affect their investment in the team. And indeed, Omar Minaya has already signed Francisco Rodriguez and JJ Putz (heh... Putz...) in recent weeks. But those signings occurred before Bernard Madoff with their millions! AAAAAAH HA HA HAHAHAHAHA!

I don't see how this won't affect the Mets. Minaya isn't done yet with his off-season moves, and it's the Wilpons who determine what he can spend.

Let's throw the fucking book at this Bernard Madoff. He's Madoff with the hopes of New York Mets fans. See? I'm not laughing. Meanwhile, he's sitting in the comfort of his goddamned penthouse apartment under house arrest with a cuff around his ankle, the Dickheaded Shitbird.

Alright... A modest proposal... The Mets new stadium is Citi Field. Since Citigroup got a massive bailout and much of the stadium has been built from government bonds, as far as I'm concerned, the new Shea is already owned by the people. The Wilpons have taken a bath, and although they say they're not looking to sell the team (which could well be their most solid investment), I think it's time we consider some new owners.

Let's look to the Green Bay Packers, a nonprofit, community-owned professional football team, the only such team in professional sports. The Mets are almost there unofficially anyway. Let's make it official. It's time for our local community to own the New York Mets.

Yeah, like that'll ever happen. Dammit.

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