Republican Convention Watch 2008 - Rudy Giuliani

"America's Next Top Model" is over, so now there's nothing separating me from the Republicans. This will be the first time I'll see Romney and Giuliani speak in the same night, so I'll finally find out who I find more loathsome.

Rudy Giuliani really gives bald guys a bad name. He and Dick Cheney are probably the worst bald guys on the planet.

Rudy's bringing out the zingers, and even with an ultra friendly (and right-wing) crowd, he barely gets a laugh. Dude, you're bombing so badly the crowd is chanting "U.S.A.!" instead of listening to you. Wrap it up, buddy! But of course he's less than five minutes into this disaster, so he forges on.

Every speaker is telling the same story about McCain's POW experience. Clearly this is what the Republicans want people to think about when voting. Not the issues, not the shithole that has been the last eight years.

For some reason, "working as a community organizer" gets a laugh. Not sure why. He mentions "Chicago machine politics," which I'm not actually sure means anything. He's talking about "present" votes. Boy, I wish Rudy was a lot less present around New York City.

I think the crowd is chanting, "Zero!" now.

Republicans aren't afraid to attack hard, that's for sure, even if the shit don't make no sense.

OK, so I really dislike Rudy Giuliani intensely, but I think maybe Mitt Romney's worse. It's really like choosing between swallowing four dozen razor blades and administering a porcupine enema, but I think I'd have to go with the porcupine. After all, the razors wriggle their way through one's whole system.

I'm also watching more of Rudy, which makes that porcupine enema all the more slow and uncomfortable.

Is "Drill, baby, drill!" really the Republican rallying cry?

DRINK! SEPTEMBER 11! HE MENTIONED IT! It took a lot longer than I expected, but there it was! Everyone drink!

Oh, Christ Almighty, Rudy... You get ellipses... I'm bored, and as we all know, boredom is a mask for anger...

What kind of roomful of Dickheads cheer for war? Even if you're pro-war, aren't you supposed to treat it soberly and with respect? War! Whoopee!

...

Rudy really loves himself. When he hits an applause line, he soaks it in better than anyone. Good thing that podium is there, because he's hard as a rock right now, if you know what I'm saying.

This guy is seriously the most smug Dickhead on the planet. Repulsive.

Who's questioning whether Sarah Palin has time for family and job? I'm not. Are people? What have I missed?

I think Rudy's wrapping it up. Get that fascist face off stage. Ugh.