Democratic Convention Watch 2008 - Bill Clinton

In a desperate attempt to put a dent in the giant pile of dishes in our kitchen sink, I nearly missed Bill Clinton. But there's just been a shitload of cheering so far, so I don't think he's started yet. He's saying, "Sit down," but he is loving every second of it. Oh, now he's actually wanting to get going. "Please stop."

And his opener immediately demonstrates that he's a party man through and through. He's here to support Barack Obama. Of course he's just praised Joe Biden more than Obama. Hm...

Oh, but he's doing shtick now, baby. The primary sped up global warming! He's nervous about following Hillary! But he's down with Barack Obama now, or at least he's playing a man down with Barack Obama on TV.

Bill speaks from the position of authority now. He's one of three living ex-presidents. And now he's talking about how the nation's failed in the past eight years. Everything he's done all over every goddamn place every where tells him that Obama's the man for the job.

Yes, he's offering full-throated support. In his first Commander-in-Chief decision, choosing a running mate, he "hit it out of the park." (For you non-baseball readers, that's a baseball reference. But probably not enough of one to offer you some eye candy in this post.) "Barack Obama is ready to be president of the United States."

President Bill has been the one accused of being a whiny bastard. Hell, at times, I thought he was going insane. But Bill is a political animal, and he knows when it's time to go kick some ass. And that seems to be what he's doing now.

Bill is smarmy and charming both. It's disarming. I want to sleep with him, and yet I'm repulsed. He touches me, yet I recoil. He moves me, yet I feel sick.

He's also smart as hell. I think he wrote this today. He could very well be speaking off-the-cuff. He just knows shit.

Cut to Michelle: she looks very happy. The crowd chants, "Yes, he can!" Bill says, "Yes, he can, but first we have to elect him!"

Now he's making a very good, clear case against John McCain. This is where Bill Clinton is at his very best. He knows how to take someone apart, logically and simply.

He just called Biden's wife "fabulous" in a way that made me want to lock up my daughter. I don't have a daughter, of course (that I know of), but still...

And Clinton is done. And oh, he's very good.

Shields and Yarnell give him a thumbs up. Bill Clinton offered the rebuttal to the "experience issue." They're so positive that they've run out of things to say.

Cut to the floor. They love Bill on the floor.

And the historians? Oh, but I love the historians. They're talking about how he redefined the Democratic Party. In other words, it's more conservative (my assessment). Dammit. We left the historians too soon. I like the historians. Have I mentioned that yet?

So, Shields and Yarnell, how much does Bill Clinton help Obama? Shields says it puts doubts to rest. Yarnell gets cut off by John Kerry, who's about to speak.