Mets Scouting Report 2008! Position Players!

You've been waiting, B&E readers, and I'm now delivering! But will the Mets deliver a World Series victory in their final season at Shea Stadium? Will they even make it to the post-season? Much depends on the non-pitchers, too! Who do we have? What do they do? How do they look? If the picture is any indication, they look like really hot thugs!

Familiar faces! New blood! Keep your eye out for September meltdowns! Check out the starters!

Wright & Reyes!
Affable All-Stars with their best years ahead, or troubled adolescents who stop hitting when it matters most? I'm asking you, Jose!

David speaks English! LoDuca's gone! The press will talk a LOT to David! He might get some important hits, too!

Jose! Jose-Jose-Jose! Jo-se! Jo-se! That's a song you can't hear in print! Jose, you don't have to pretend to have fun when you hit that slump! Just get on base and make shit happen!

The Carloses!
The muscle in the middle of the lineup, or the dead weight dragging down the options of the front office? Depends on whom you ask!

Do better, Beltran! Do better, Delgado! Their play is worth half their salaries! Wait! Nothing is worth half their salaries! They really get paid a lot. A LOT! For the love of all that is good in this world, do better!

Other starters!
Genuine contributors to the cause, or false prophets making falser claims? That doesn't make sense!

Luis Castillo! Second base! Multi-year contract! Bad knees! I'm ready for Anderson "Batman" Hernandez! But I think he's not ready for us!

Brian Schneider! Catcher! An upgrade? From the Nationals? Low expectations guarantee success!

Ryan Church! Right field! Replaces Jewish Shawn Green! Asked his chaplain if Jews are doomed to hell! Chaplain said yes! Chaplain suspended! Church concussed in spring training in karmic retribution! Play ball, righteous one!

Moises Alou! Left field! No, wait! Hurt again! Still!

Endy Chavez! Left field! Fans love the Endy! But wait! He platoons!

Angel Pagan! Left field! His name is a contradiction in terms! Ryan Church is confused!

The backups!
Continued production off the bench, or seat-fillers on Emmy night? The Wire should finally win an Emmy!

Ramon Castro! Perennial backup catcher! Wait! Injured! Raul Casanova! Backup catcher! Look out, ladies! Damion Easley! Functional! Marlon Anderson! Functional! Fernando Tatis! Really?! Fernando Tatis? WTF!

That's the bulk of it, B&E readers/baseball fans!

Fernando Tatis?!

LET'S GO METS!