A New Approach to Hands-Free

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not the biggest fan of cellular telephones. The hands-free telephones freak me out. People in New York already walk around like lunatics, but when you see seemingly normal people talking to themselves, it's disconcerting. They gesticulate wildly while they talk and you can't tell they're talking to someone on their nearly invisible phones until they're upon you, at which point you're convinced that they're going to yell at you or throw punches. Everyone feels that way, right?

Anyway, since coming back from Scotland, I've seen an approach to this hands-free cellphone talking I can get behind. Most of you probably know what a hijab is. I've pictured one here for your reference, in case you don't. Don't worry, the woman wearing that one is not real.

Here in Queens, we've got a large Muslim population, and hijabs are pretty common. Ladies, if you're thinking of wearing the hijab, I can add to your list of pros. You can tuck a normal cellphone against your ear, and your hijab will hold it into place. Hands-free! And you won't look like a lunatic because a casual observer can see the phone!

I'd never seen this approach to hands-free talking prior to our trip to Scotland, and in the last two weeks I've seen three different women with cellphones tucked into their hijabs.

Hell, man, if I didn't hate talking on the phone in general and cellphones in particular, I'd get myself a hijab to leave my hands free for knitting, reading books, trying on pants, or any other of the plethora of subway activities I enjoy.