B&E 2007 Baseball Summary

Yes, it was a full season of baseball, and now it's over and the Red Sox won the World Series and I've already bored myself. What else happened in Major League Baseball's 2007 Season?

Barry Bonds
Yes, that's right: Barry Bonds broke the... Ooh! Looky! Steroids!

Colorado Rockies
The Rockies have been one of my favorite baseball subjects over the past couple years (second to the Mets, of course) because they're on a mission from God. Well, they toned down the God-talk a bit this year, using coded language instead, and ended the season on a tear. Prior to the World Series, they won 21 of 22 games. Yes, Jesus, that's pretty good. So what happened in the Fall Classic? Not sure. Perhaps God mistook the World Series for the Sabbath and rested. The Rockies sure seemed to take a load off.

New York Mets
What a fantastic demise! No one's ever done it so well. Jimmy Rollins really made the Mets eat it this season. Yes, the Mets were 10-0 in the games I attended. The problem is I only attended one of those games in September. I accept full responsibility for the Mets massive choking. Because it certainly couldn't have been the starting pitching, the exhausted bullpen, or the total disappearance of Jose Reyes' ability to hit. By the way, the storied career of Tom Glavine, winner of more than 300, may have just ended with the single worst outing of his entire life, conveniently during the final day of the season when the Mets needed him most. I think he'll come back next year just so he doesn't end on that sour note. It just probably won't be with the Mets.

New York Yankees
Remember Joe Torre? Yeah, he's a Dodger now. He told Yanks management to shove their offer, and he loaded up his truck and moved to Beverly. Hills, that is. Swimming pools, movie stars, and a washed-up Dodgers baseball club. Good luck, Joe. I was gifted a couple of tickets to Game 3 of the Yankees/Indians series. So I saw Joe Torre's last win as a Yankee and what will likely be Roger Clemens' last start. Pulled hammy my ass. Take some Vioxx and get the fuck back on the mound.

A-Rod
Apparently $27,000,000 isn't enough. So he opted out of his contract. It would be nice if general managers everywhere were to pay attention to the fact that he doesn't bring success with him. It would be fantastic if he made less money next year because he opted out of his contract. It won't happen, but a bald dude can dream, can't he?

Rudy Giuliani
The guy's an ass hole.

Bobby Cox
Major props to Bobby for breaking the all-time ejection record. Gosh, he sure gets mad.

Banned Substances
Steroids, speed, HGH, greenies, weed, coke, Marion Jones, dope, LSD, PCP, angel dust, gateway drugs... Anyone else tired of hearing about this crap. Let's play ball, for Christ's sake. And if you're the Rockies, I mean play ball for Christ's sake!

Aw, shit. Wait until next year? I miss baseball already.

UPDATE 11/3/07: As Missy so correctly pointed out in the comments section of B&E, I forgot my photo for non-baseball fans. Since I know Missy is a fan of Zach Braff, I give you...