Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Of Baldness and Steroids

As Bald Bro (if that is indeed his name) wrote in the comments section, the Mets have collectively shaved their heads. Holdouts include Aaron Sele (who promises to do it on Friday after his Thursday family photo) and Jose Reyes (who has the most gorgeous locks of all Mets). Shawn Green is experiencing some shaver's remorse, after he received a disappointed shake of the head from his wife.

Will the baldness make them effective? Since Carlos Beltran wielded his $119,000,000 clippers, the Mets are 2-0. To steal from the New York Post: PLAY BALD, BOYS!

Meanwhile the steroids scandal has hit yet another fever pitch. Investigators are requesting doctors' records of a number of current and former Major League players, including Rafael Palmeiro and Sammy Sosa. Under oath in front of Congress, Raffy said, "I've never done steroids. Period." During the season that followed, naturally, he tested positive for steroids.

Also under oath, through his lawyer, Sammy said, "I've never taken illegal performance enhancement drugs." Well, I guess "legal in the Dominican Republic" beats a perjury rap.

I gotta say, going after the players is bullshit. I'm not going to defend the players. As I've said on many occasions, baseball players -- like every jock any of us have ever met in our lives -- are assholes. They're idiots that do stupid shit and deserve none of our sympathy. They're after the most money and glory possible for a few short years, and like all greedy pricks, they're greedy. And pricks. Of course they're going to do steroids, i.e. cheat. Why anyone has higher expectations of baseball players is totally beyond my comprehension.

But (and I'm sure I've mentioned this before, too) there's another group of greedy pricks that are being given a free ride. I'm talking of course about the owners. Of course they knew their players were using steroids. Of course they offered giant contracts to the sluggers that were filling the seats. At best they looked the other way. At worst they encouraged it.

You remember those recordings of the Enron employees laughing about making a fortune while California was experiencing rolling blackouts? The federal investigators didn't go after those guys. They went after the men in charge.

Come on, former Senator George Mitchell, Democrat of Maine. If you're investigating the steroid problem, go after the men (always men) in charge. I want to see some owners held accountable.

Maybe Dubya the President is immune from criminal charges. But Dubya the Texas Rangers Owner had one Sammy Sosa on his team. What the hell did Dubya know about steroids and when did he know it?

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At 3:08 PM , Anonymous Phil said...

I agree with the sentiment of this posting 100%, but I think you have given the sportswriters and yappers too much of a free ride. They wax on about players cheating soiling their beloved sport and condemning the players who were caught up in the swirl of evil doing by trying to enhance their play and expand their careers. Steroids, Growth Hormone, better diet, Advances in orthopedic surgery, 12 month physical training, anti inflammatory drugs, and egg white omelets all help these Athletic Freaks keep it going, and us as fans want them to keep going. Sports are a nice distraction, but to condemn the players for doing steroids to continue to please the fans when the league didn't make them illegal until recently is sour grapes aggression because many of us (especially the sports writers) want to believe that we could do the things that these freaks can do if we were given an equal chance. Even with all the drugs enhancement in the world we aren't going to consistently hit a major league fast-ball, let alone a curve. So in the next few weeks or months I am going to look forward to watching every at bat that I can of Barry Bonds. I will be rooting for him to be hitting home runs, not because I am a fan of him, ( I think he is a spoiled ungrateful ass), but because he is the best hitter that we may ever see in our lifetime. And to watch him connect or strike out is one of the most exciting things in baseball. And I would appreciate the rooters out of injustice to spend their time on The evils getting us in to wars, stealing from our kids education, and ruining communities around the world, and leave us unencumbered to enjoy the great drama and emotion of following the wonderful realities and illusions of baseball.

At 6:35 PM , Anonymous curt (aka bald bro said...

Great posts, guys.
Re: Green's new 'do (this is funny as hell!):

By Wednesday morning, she had become more accustomed to the change. But she spoke some words her husband found ominous: "You look more European now. We'll have to change your wardrobe."

And Green said, "She wasn't kidding."


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