Your Cell Phone Is Killing Bees
As many of you may know, it is my goal to be the last New York City resident without a cell phone. I've been accused of being stupid, Luddite, contrary, and (perhaps most frustrating to some) unreachable. The only reason I don't want a cell phone is that I don't like them. I have myriad reasons for not liking cell phones: I don't like talking on the phone in general, I want to be truly unreachable sometimes, I believe in making plans, the worst pedestrians are usually on the phone, there's no goddamn peace anywhere a phone is allowed, cell phones kill bees, and more.
That's right: there's now some hard evidence linking radiation from cell phones to Colony Collapse Disorder, which has wiped out between 60% and 70% of apiaries on both US coasts. Watch the price of honey explode first. Then sit back in wonder as the pollination process declines. As the article points out, Albert Einstein said that once the bees disappear, humankind has four years of life left. Good times.
And as if I needed more reasons to stay away from cell phones, the bottom of the linked article also proposes still-unproven theories (only because long-term effects can't be known yet) of health problems caused by handsets, including brain tumors, low sperm counts, the death of brain cells resulting in early senility, and "text thumb."
Text thumb? Text thumb?!
It's only a matter of time before cell phones are proven to cause homosexuality, premarital sex, and abortion.
Enjoy your cell phones, everybody! You can reach me at home on my goddamn land line. Although I probably won't pick up. So email me instead.
Aw, crap. I bet my wireless internet is killing bees, too. I'm going back to bed.
Labels: animals, observations
posted by Dan G @ 9:40 AM
4 Comments
4 Comments:
Hrm. No cell phone. Walking every day. Have you heard about No Impact Man yet?
I'll give you $20 million if you never mention this again.
I don't want a cell phone because most of what callers have to say can wait until I get home. I don't need to be on the phone every move I make or don't make. We're not that important. Sometime you just want peace and quiet.
I was without cellphone, and perfectly contented without one, until 2004. Shortly thereafter, I was bought a cell phone as a college graduation gift, and joined the mind-numbed cell-phone-owning community. Last week my phone broke (2008), and I tell ya, I'm in no rush to get another. I'm re-joining my former cause and doing life without a cell phone, by choice. It's been very freeing, and I hope that I am modeling to my toddler what it is to be a little more "unplugged from the grid." Already, driving time has become more enjoyable with him now that I'm not distracted with mindless chatting or texting (I'm embarrased to admit).
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