Mets Scouting Report! Position Players!

Hello again, B&E Readers/Mets fans! The past 36 hours or so have been brutal, I'm sure! The suspense! The anticipation! The questions! "What about the bats?" "What about the gloves?" "What might the lineup look like?" "Tell us, Mr. B&E!" But that last one's not a question!

The powerful offense from last year is back! And only one year older! What could possibly go wrong?

Willie might be mixing up the lineup! Then again, maybe he won't! He reads Judy Blume!

The Marquee Names!
The cornerstones of a franchise, or flashy overpaid anvils weighing down the options of the front office? We lob it in, you hit it out of the park!

Wright & Reyes! I believe the children are our future! Still young! Still exuberant! They're the left side of the infield for the next many years! They like each other a lot! They wear pink! I'm not implying anything!

Carlos & Carlos! Beltran rebounded last year! Continue the good work! But this time, hit over .300! Delgado and his wife had a baby! He named him Carlos! After Beltran!

The Other Starters!
Solid support system good for a few runs, or mediocrity masquerading as "the team to beat"? We share, you care!

Paul LoDuca! Catcher! Gambler! All-Star! Would be the best player on many other teams!

Moises Alou! Left Field! Old! Replaced Clifford Motherfuckin' Floyd! A gamble? Ask LoDuca!

Shawn Green! Right Field! He's a has-been! He's a still-can! He's a Jew!

Jose Valentin! Second Base! Played there all of last year, and I still can't believe it!

The Remainders!
Excellent emergency fill-ins, or rally-killers biding their time on the bench? We don't know, and you don't either!

Lastings Milledge! Great name! Bad attitude! Better attitude this spring! Won his roster spot by playing well and not being a jerk! Could replace Green or Alou in the outfield if one them stinks like my drunken uncle!

Julio Franco! Grandpa! Endy Chavez! Great catch against the Cards! David Newhan! His dad's a sportswriter! Ramon Castro! Perennial backup catcher! Damion Easley! Who dat?

Tomorrow's the day, B&E readers! Mets vs. Cards! Rematch of last year's NLCS! Only less meaningful!

LET'S GO METS!