Bottom of the 5th

Those Baby Ruth ads between innings? Listen to the way the voice over artist says "nougat." NOUGAT! Yeah, I can't really describe it with letters, but he really shouts it enthusiastically, like it's really the thing that separates the Baby Ruth from all the other candy bars. Never mind that dozens have nougat. NOUGAT!

Furcal bats against Oliver now. It appears that Furcal got hit by a pitch. But the umpire isn't giving it to him. If it did, it just grazed him, and Furcal put on a stellar performance. Still, he earned the base and didn't get it. Poor bastard. Instead he hits a broken bat grounder to Delgado. One away. Poor bastard.

I just got interrupted by a very cute dog.

Lofton tries to bunt his way on, and Oliver makes a nice play, and flips to Delgado for the out. That's two.

Marlon Anderson hits a solid single. That guy's a good ballplayer. I've always liked Marlon. He's not a dick like Jeff Kent, who bats now. Oh, fuck me. Jeff Kent, that fucking dick, just hit a two-run home run. He really hit the shit out of that ball. He's still a dick, but man, he hit that ball hard. The Fox announcers are calling him "clutch." I'm calling him a "clutch dick."

Now Drew hits a slow-rolling single. Come on, Darren Oliver. You got two easy ones to start with. Let's close out this inning already.

Kent has a nasty looking mustache. Man, that guy's a dick. Good player, I guess, but what a dick.

And that's gonna be all for Oliver. Submariner Chad Bradford comes in to pitch.

I'm always less tolerant of stupid-ass commercials when the Mets aren't doing well, and the TGIFriday's ad with the stupid girls misspelling asparagus just pissed me off. A lot. That goes for the Fox sitcom ads, too. 'Til Death. Does anyone think that's funny? I just think Jeff Kent's a dick.

Bradford rules, though. Big fan of a submariner. He even submarines over to first. That's weird. Martin faces Chad. Jesus Christ, I don't know how he got his bat on that pitch, but it falls into left field for a single. Nice work for Martin. But Jeff Kent's still a dick.

Now Speechum Betemit. The last third of this inning has been rough. Bradford walks Speechum. Looked like a fucking strike to me, but the umpire disagrees. I'm rolling my eyes like passive-aggressive JD Drew. Not screaming like that dick Jeff Kent. Willie takes out Bradford and brings in Pedro "Jose" Feliciano. I like Feliciano, too. He's got "nasty stuff," as McCarver is wont to say.

Loney faces Feliciano with the bases goddamn loaded. This is hurting my heart. Suddenly the home plate umpire isn't calling strikes for anything close, when early on, anything close was a strike. Feliciano just walked in a run. That really pisses me off. Walks are bad anyway. But with the bases loaded? Unforgiveable. What are you doing Pedro?

Now Nomar Garciaparra, torn quad and all, is batting. Bases still loaded, and the Mets losing. This took a terrible turn, this game. And it really hurts my heart. Nomar's a twitchy motherfucker. And he grounds back to Feliciano, who makes the easy play.

Still, a rough inning. Ouch. Seriously. Ouch.

Mets 4, Dodgers 5. And now that terrible John Cougar Mellencamp "This Is Our Country" Chevy ad is playing, and that pisses me off more than the stupid TGIF girls. And Jeff Kent's still a dick.