Weenie Dogs Are an Inspiration to Us All

dachshund
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

It has been one year since Hurricane Katrina destroyed New Orleans. I will let the media commemorate and the politicians politicize the anniversary. I will instead talk about dachshunds.

On Friday, The New York Times featured an article about Pablo Picasso and his dachshund, Lump. Lump means "rascal" in German, and Lump turned up in several Picasso paintings. Lump died one week before Picasso. Was it Picasso's sadness at losing Lump that killed him? We may never know.

My family, too, had a German-monikered dachshund: Hanswurst ("Johnny Sausage" auf Deutsch). We called him Hansie for short. He barked and dug around trees and stood on his hind legs and smelled bad. We loved him so.

Hansie died at the ripe and ripe-smelling old age of 12-almost-13. Like most dachshunds, he had some back problems, followed by some bowel problems, followed by a miraculous recovery, followed by a rapid health decline. I was 14, and couldn't remember life without a dachshund.

One day, a couple of years ago, while sitting with a friend in Washington Square Park, hundreds of dachshunds arrived, seemingly out of nowhere. There were dachshunds in tutus, dachshunds in Harley jackets, dachshunds in oversized hotdog buns. They were barking, chasing squirrels, smelling each other's butts, poking their nose into cameras at their level. Then the owners sang, "The Dachs Song." I swear to god I wasn't high.

I have come upon the semi-annual Parade of Dachshunds three more times since, twice by chance, and once on purpose. If you're a New York-based B&E reader, go. There is nothing in the world that will make you happier. Unfortunately, I'm going to be out of town for the fall parade. So I'll see you there the last Saturday in April.

The Times article refers to Lump as a "self-assured little dachshund," as if that's unusual. I challenge you to find a dachshund that's self-conscious or suffers from low self-esteem.

"No, hey, come on, don't sniff me there. I'm dirty. And shy."