Absence Makes the Heart Grow Stronger

NEA
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Oh, please tell me it's so, dear B&E readers...

The news didn't stop during my spring break, but the internet connection did. Here are a few shortened ruminations that might have otherwise been commented upon, if you'll indulge:

- North Carolina beaches sure are nice in the springtime. I like a good dolphin sighting, and watching birds take headers into the ocean to go fishing makes for some good rocking-chair-on-deck entertainment.

- There's always baseball news... Kirby Puckett passed away. I was always a big fan of the pudgy centerfielder. Bummer about the glaucoma, the sexual harrassment lawsuits, and the early death... A new book informs us that Barry Bonds took steroids. Holy shit! Really? You know what else? The man's an asshole... In the World Baseball Classic (how can a first-time event be a "classic"?), our fair neighbors to the north beat the star-studded US team. What the f was that aboot?

- Dickheads. Oh, yes, there were Dickheads... Sunnysider proposes a good option in the previous post. Nice call, Sunnysider, if that is indeed your name... Jack Abramoff gets some Dickhead notice this week as well. No links, as my computer is freezing these days when I try to do too much, but read the New York Times for his paying-for-access-to-Bush plan, and his ridiculously souped up vehicle. What a Dickhead... Three shitbird Dickheaded teens were arrested in Alabama for burning a boatload of churches to the ground. Anything vaguely reminiscent of the KKK gets more than a handful of Dickhead points... It's also worth noting that a military contractor in Iraq, Custer Battles, was found guilty of perpetrating $3,000,000 in fraud against the US. Custer Battles is named for two dudes: Custer and Battles. If you put this shit in a movie, the writer would get panned for making it too easy. In real life, however, the men are Dickheads.

- The Oscars were on. They're all about self-congratulation, as we all know, but the self-congratulations reached a new low when the head of the MPAA touted the film industry's success at employing 600 people on film sets in New Orleans. Way to go, Hollywood. That shit'll make all the difference. Phillip Seymour Hoffman did not bark like a dog, tease that he is.

- I've returned to a looming grant deadline for the National Endowment for the Arts. I feel for the NEA. To avoid the negative PR of controversial artists, they no longer offer grants to individuals. Instead, organizations such as my employer fight through the bureaucratic nightmare that is their grant application. Man, oh, man, oh, Manitoba.

How were all of you this week?