Remember the snakehead?
While the eastern seaboard was getting its forty days and forty nights of rain earlier in the month (that’s right: 40 days earlier in the month), flooded dams were revealing migrating snakeheads in the DC area.
And I don’t mean Republicans running from indictments. I’m talking about fish of pure evil. Snakeheads attack toddlers and, after they’ve had them for tea, they regurgitate said toddlers and attack again!
At least that will be the story soon. In the meantime, there’s just a shitload of predatory fish in the Potomac River, fish that want nothing more than to take over our ecosystem.
I’d like to highlight one detail from the Washington Post article, if I may. The fishermen report that while snakeheads may not be able to walk very well, they do remain upright when not in water. And as one of the fishermen said, “We would throw one in the cooler, two others would jump out and we’d have to chase them through the woods.”
Dude, if you’re chasing fish through the woods, they’re walking just fine.
This story was brought to my attention by blondandeffective, who is moving to Egypt in a few months. She claims it’s because of a boy, but I suspect that, really, she just wants to get away from the snakeheads.