Stupid Sport Similes

frednbarney
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

I really enjoy reading the sports pages. As I've said before, jocks are stupid assholes, so a dumb quote or a ridiculous anecdote can make me feel superior, since I can't hit a ball over the centerfield fence or throw a split-fingered fastball.

Every once in a while I'm amazed by idiotic sports writing, although I guess I shouldn't be, since many sports writers are really just failed or wannabe jocks. Still, one would think that from the New York Times, generally considered to be the Best Newspaper in the World, one could count on superior sports writing. But Jack Curry wrote something in today's paper that I flat-out don't get. It either makes no sense or proves that I'm a fucking idiot. Here's the quote...

"In some ways, Clemens, a bigger-than-Texas right-hander, and Pettitte, a spiritual left-hander, are like... Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble. But unlike those comedic characters, Clemens and Pettitte have not been stumbling along to the accompaniment of a 30-minute laugh track."

And that's it. No explanation for the comparison. OK, so Fred Flintstone was a big guy. But was he right-handed? And was Barney spiritual? And left-handed? If this does actually make sense, and I'm a fucking idiot, could someone please explain the simile? Thanks.