Let's Not Overstate the Case

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Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

It's admittedly been a few years since I've held what people consider to be "a real job." But during my eight-year reign as an underpaid soul-renter, I dealt with an inordinate number of IT workers.

Entering the workforce in 1994, I worked jobs that used DOS-system PC clones. Then in '95, of course, Microsoft brought us Windows 95, which stunned the world by turning PC's into Macs circa 1986. Microsoft finally seemed to get Windows 95 right by 1997, when they introduced the next generation of glitchy operating systems, Windows 98. But I digress...

IT support people (and let me just say to those IT people who read B&E, obviously, I don't mean you)...

The best IT guy I worked with was the biggest asshole I ever met. It was fortunate that he liked me, but he wielded his knowledge/power with the subtlety of an Oliver Stone movie. But at least he got shit done and knew more than me.

Beyond him, most of my experience with IT folks was nothing but a smokescreen. Idiots who behaved like assholes to cover for their incompetence.

The one exception to this was the nicest lady in the world, who just couldn't keep up with the advances of the industry, which in 1996, you may recall, was advancing at lightspeed. The poor woman didn't know what she was doing, she knew it, and she didn't try to hide it. She was probably an amazing IT person in the early 80s.

So last week my computer died. Just went blank while working. Since switching to Mac just over a year ago, I got cocky and stopped backing things up regularly. I've even seen a few Macs crash, so I knew it happened.

For help, I went to New York's Apple Store. On a typical midday, this place is a freakin' zoo. During the drop-in period, from 6-8am (I went on a Saturday), it was quiet and lovely. For support, you go to their "Genius Bar."

In the context of my experience with IT people, the last thing tech support people need is a superiority complex with a title like "genius." But the all-black-wearing hipster-geeks (with a few genuine geeks thrown in for authenticity) are actually called "geniuses." So when you check in, the administrator says something like, "One of our geniuses will be right with you."

Dude. Seriously. Dude.

I was first on the waiting list, impressed with how many people drop in to the Genius Bar before 7am on a Saturday. It seemed mostly to be iPod difficulties, and the hipster-geeks took on most of those. The guy who ended up helping me was one of the genuine geeks, who clearly take care of the machines more complex than an iPod.

Like most computer experts (he must prove the "genius" title before I call him that), his social skills were awkward but not impolite. While he was working on my machine, he was also listening in to the conversations around him and giving his two cents here and there. He always seemed to be right, which I found reassuring.

So when he told me my data was fine, it was a weight off my shoulders. There was really just one truly irreplacable file. Recreating nearly 90 pages of a heavily researched script would've been a goddamn nightmare. But the dude (a genius?) told me that when I get my computer back, all will be just as I left it.

Wait. When I get it back? How long will I be without it? 7-10 days. By the time I buy an external hard drive, rent space on the Apple server for data backup, and pay for the repair, I'm gonna be out nearly $600.

Knowledgeable, yes. Kind, yes. But a genius? I don't know, man. Seems to me that a true genius would've been able to fix my iBook on the spot, and for free, while using his third hand to make me the best goddamned cup of coffee I've ever had and telekinetically sending jokes to my brain to keep me amused while he worked.

I mean, really. It should take A LOT to be considered a genius.