The Process

clippers
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

About once I week I do a serious grooming from the neck up.

I use the Ultimate Groomer from Sharper Image, but having used Wahl products in the past, I can vouch for their quality as well. Most clippers come with various attachments, as you can see in the photo.

My recommendation is that prior to the actual clipping, you at least remove your shirt. It's one less way for hair to be tracked through your home.

Having experimented with the attachments, I now put the clippers to my head and face sans attachments. I go the same length all the way around. Oddly enough, it doesn't really look like that most of the time. Because my facial hair is thicker than my head hair, my face tends to look hairier than my head. I actually sort of like that look, and in winter, I'll sometimes add the shortest attachment to the clippers as I groom my roundish mug, and then remove the attachment for my shiny pate.

Without an attachment, the clippers can sometimes be dangerous. If you have any welts on your head or face (from bug bites, zits, or other sources), the clippers could very well cause bleeding. I find it best just to let it clot, take note, and worry about it later (see showering, below).

Hair shoots off in many directions, and it takes some skill to keep it in or near the sink. I do my grooming in the bathroom over the sink, as it's in front of a mirror. Now that I've been shaving my head this way for almost a decade, however, I can do it without the mirror (one hand clips, while the other feels the progress). Still, when it comes to clean-up, it's best to have some sort of basin to capture as much of the hair as possible.

I recommend clearing everything off the sink. It'll make the post-shaving process that much easier. A dry sink is preferable to a wet one. Once the shaving is done, pick up as much of the hair as possible in your hands and put it in the toilet. Your hair is much less likely to clog a toilet than a sink. Because hair floats, it might take more than one flush to get it all down. Be vigilant.

There will be many straggling hairs on the sink. Don't panic. Those are the ones you wash down the drain. Splash water freely over the sink and get as much of it down there as you can. A few stragglers will remain. Take some toilet paper or Kleenex and wipe down the sink.

This once-a-week, post-grooming cleaning can also keep your sink nice and shiny. Guests will be impressed. (As for the cleanliness of your toilet and shower, well, that takes a special effort.)

Even with a spotless sink, it's no time to let down your guard. Your head, face, and shoulders will still be covered in tiny hairs. It's is vital that you get immediately into the shower, another argument for using the bathroom sink as your hair-catching basin. You will get hair all over your home if you don't immediately shower.

It is during this shower that you'll not only wash away the itchy hairs off your head, neck, and face, but that you'll also put some focus on washing the congealed blood off your injured scalp and/or face. Once finished with your shower, revisit your wounds and make sure you're scab-free.

Numerous factors can determine the next step -- spouses, a night out on the town, photo shoots, sexual orientation, and more. Ultimately, it comes down to a decision: to moisturize or not to moisturize. I usually don't, but that's only because I prefer to get the head rub from my wife.

And that's pretty much the process. Thanks for reading. I just figured B&E readers should understand what it is I go through in order to be B&E.