The Best Apology Ever

kissinger
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

In an interview, Henry Kissinger said he regretted some of the language used in 1971 when discussing Indira Gandhi in the Oval Office with Tricky Dick Nixon. Like so many in the Nixon White House, he was (oops!) caught on tape.

Kissinger said, "The Indians are bastards," and called Indira a bitch.

Humble as ever in the interview, Kissinger was all, "Well, it's really too bad that I got caught using that kind of language, but you don't understand. It was, like, the Cold War and shit, and that b- I mean, Mrs. Gandhi, was a little too nice to the Soviets. Plus, I'd had a really bad day. Pat Nixon was on the rag and bit Richard's head off, and then Dick took out his frustrations on me, just because I was there. And it wasn't the best time to stand up to Richard. He had the power to set not only the army upon my foreign ass, but also the IRS. Then there was my abusive father, who hit me when he was drunk, and my mother didn't protect me, which made me a very vulnerable little boy. I got all caught up in the wrong crowd. I started smoking pot, which served as a gateway to harder drugs, such as crystal meth and heroin. So already, I'm dealing with a very deformed brain inside my skull and a mouthful of rotted teeth, and then I was coerced into using the language -- and let me remind you that it's my second or even third language -- of the Nixon administration, which we picked up when trying to bust the teamsters. I'm just saying that I wasn't altogether myself."

Naturally, Kissinger stopped just short of saying, "I'm sorry," to the Indian people for his remarks.