Dickhead(s) of the Week - Watergate Edition

watergate
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

With the unveiling of Deep Throat, who for years I assumed was in fact Hal Holbrook, it's time to look at some of the biggest Dickheads in our nation's history. But let's focus on those who continue to be Dickheads by bad-mouthing W. Mark Felt, who finally went public with his role.

Former Nixon speechwriter Pat Buchanan called Deep Throat a traitor, one who behaved "treacherously." Pat stopped short of accusing him of waging a culture war. Boy, Pat's an all-time Dickhead.

Charles "Special Counsel to Tricky Dick" Colson thinks Felt is a sneak, who should never have gone to the press. Sounds like that seven months in prison really helped him accept responsibility for his actions. When he takes a good, long look at himself in the mirror, he sees a Master Dickhead.

Henry "Pinochet's My Lover" Kissinger, diplomatic as always, agrees with Buchanan and Colson, although it's hard to be sure, since his English hasn't improved in the fifty-plus years he's lived in this country. Kissinger's brother, who came over at the same time, speaks perfect English, and when asked about the discrepancy in linguistic abilities, he said quite simply, "When have you known Henry to listen at all?"

Tricky Dick(head) Nixon didn't live to see Deep Throat revealed, but even before his cover-up was reportedly angry that a Jew such as Felt got to be so powerful at the FBI. Of course, Haldeman, who told Nixon that Felt was a Jew, was wrong. So there's a couple of anti-Semitic Dickheads for you.

The strangest response may go to Jeb "Tapes" Magruder, who spent seven months in prison and now feels that it's good we finally closed the chapter on the guy who was named after the greatest porn queen of all time.

Dickheads, one and all. Let's honor them appropriately by giving our props to Felt for his mad skills.