Early Disappointment

benedict16
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger's first act as Pope was to name himself. The man can call his papacy whatever he wants, and he goes with Benedict. Only John is less original than Benedict (with XXIV so far), and Gregory is its equal in lack of originality (with XVI), in papal terms.

Ratzinger's a conservative and a traditionalist, so I'll grant that he wouldn't want to be MoonFrye or Tariq the First.

But there's a long list of perfectly good pre-used papal monikers to select from, and here are just a few that I think Cardinal Ratzinger should have considered over Benedict:

Sixtus would have been a great choice as there have already been five of them. Who wouldn't want to be Sixtus the Sixth?

If he'd wanted to suggest a return to innocence for the church, Innocent XIV might have been nice, if not terribly original.

Simply saying "Boniface" is fun, and there hasn't been one since 1404. He could've been Boniface X, which also would've been a nice shout-out to the Nation of Islam.

He could've been II for any of the following badass names: Hyginus, Formosus, Donus, Evaristus, Sisinnius, Hormisdas, Symmachus, Deusdedit, Eleutherius, Zosimus, or Telesphorus.

A nod to Charles Schultz might've been nice with Linus. Same for George Lucas with Lando.

Simplicius might not acknowledge the shades of gray in life, and Hilarus might strike the wrong chord, but Pius would indicate a strong moral leader, and Celestine would be a prophetic choice.

To reach out to the entertainment industry, he might've considered Callistus (Flockhart), Conon (O'Brien), or Christopher (Guest, Reeves, Walken). To embrace the gays, he might've tried Gaius, and if there's going to be an attempt to stop the decline of Catholicism in our cities, Urban would've been a strategic option.

So to those of you who are awaiting and/or expecting great things from Benedict XVI, if his first holy act is any indication, I wouldn't hold your breath.