Congressional Hearings, Part II

The players (why the heck didn't they call Barry?) have been sworn in and have given their opening statements. The Bash Brothers have taken the fifth. Mark McGwire nearly broke down while saying that he wouldn't dignify Jose Canseco's recent book with a response of any kind. Rafael Palmeiro, on the other hand, dignified Canseco's blatherings with the words, "Fuck you, Jose, you lying douchebag. I'll shove my Viagra-inflated bat down your lying throat if you don't shut your fucking face where I'm concerned, you money-grubbing, attention-seeking has-been motherfucker." I'm paraphrasing, but Curt Schilling pretty much seconded that emotion. Sammy Sosa spoke through a lawyer, and when he didn't, I missed what he said. To you, Mr. Enormous, Frank Thomas, I say this: if you've never taken steroids, you must be eating a shitload of mac and cheese. J'accuse!